Cedar Rapids, IA
Saturday April 6th, 2019
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall
Thunderbolt Smith: Five thousand people packed the McLeod Center for last night’s Missouri Valley Wrestling’s MVWA 89. MVW Champion Charlie Blackwell and MVW Women’s Champion Christa Carmondy hoped to continue their long run at the top of their respective divisions. Rah and ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay hoped to consolidate their hold on the tag team belts. But the big story last night was- you guessed it- the Sports Entertainment Coalition.
Rick Hall: After a downturn that saw defections from the SEC and finally a mass firing by ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, the Sports Entertainment Coalition came into the show with high hopes of leaving with all three big MVW title belts. Would they do that? Let’s see.
Miley Vyrus defeated Ninja Kitty
Thunderbolt Smith: For ten minutes, Miley Vyrus chased Ninja Kitty all over the ring. Ninja Kitty used her speed and agility to steer clear of the always charging forward Vyrus. Then Pop Songstress Taylor Switt nailed Ninja Kitty with her guitar, overloaded as usual with white powder to produce the big white explosion when the guitar struck Ninja Kitty, Vyrus then hit her version of the Hollywood Blockbuster to get a much needed win.
Rick Hall: It was your typical Ninja Kitty match. She’s so quick that it just completely frustrates her opponents to the point where they’re usually driven to distraction and make major mistakes. But when you’ve got ‘Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt in your corner and her guitar, Miley Vyrus had the trump card that slowed Ninja Kitty down.
Ashton Flowers with Dawn McGill defeated ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-Five with Todd- The Production Assistant
Thunderbolt Smith: The ongoing battle between Ultratron-Five and Dawn McGill restarted again. McGill chastised Flowers throughout the match for not being one hundred percent focused. McGill whapped Ultratron-Five when he inched too close to her. Ultratron-Five lost via count-out when he exited the ring and went after McGill. McGill and Ultratron-Five ran around the ring until the ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ was counted out.
Rick Hall: Well, I think we’ve finally found someone who’s more unhealthily obsessed with Dawn McGill than Mr. McMann. It was worth for the dancing by Flowers and McGill after the match.
Corporate World Inc.: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit defeated The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson and Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb
Thunderbolt Smith: Corporate World Inc. Banks and Walstreit outlasted two former MVW Tag Team champions to pick up a much needed victory. The Dorks, who are winding down their time in MVW, put up a good fight before bowing out. Then Weapons of Mass Destruction threw everything they could at CWI but Walstreit hit the Stock Market Plunge on A-Bomb to pick up the pinfall and the win.
Rick Hall: Banks and Walstreit were on such a bad roll with the SEC. They needed change in a big way and a new voice to guide them. Under the tutelage of the ‘King of Greed’ Gordon Guyko, they seem to be regaining their bearings. Big win should get them back into the title mix.
‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan with Coach E.J. Flack defeated Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with Ted Tebow
Thunderbolt Smith: First big match of the night. Barbosa-Stevens and Carrigan have been battling back and forth all month, jockeying for position and trying to secure the next Women’s title shot. Barbosa-Stevens hit the Toxic Sting on Carrigan late in the match and went for the pin. But in what would end up being the storyline the rest of the night, referee Ron Martin was distracted by Carrigan’s manager E.J. Flack. Ted Tebow was too busy Tebowing to notice. A furious Barbosa-Stevens confronted Martin. Carrigan recovered and delivered a low blow to Barbosa-Stevens, spun her around, and hit the Canadian Destroyer for the win.
Rick Hall: Barbosa-Stevens was livid after the match and had to be restrained from going after the referee. Lisa’s been a little frustrated since she returned. She hasn’t been able to get a title opportunity she wants. She can’t get ahead of Yosemite Samantha or Sheline Carrigan in the title pecking order. And it finally spilled out last night. Carrigan joined up with Flack to counteract what the Hanson Sisters do for Yosemite Samantha. Carmondy joined the SEC for the same reason. So the question is, what will Barbosa-Stevens do now?
William Daniels Bryan defeated ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott
Thunderbolt Smith: William Daniels Bryan played possum. He was content to let Chism and Scott battle it out for most of the match until Chism finally eliminated Scott after hitting the Hollywood Blockbuster. Bryan, still fresh, then slapped on the Cattle Mutilation and Chism was forced to tap out.
Rick Hall: Bryan now sets his sights on a possible title shot. He wants to get his hands on Charlie Blackwell for breaking his leg last year. He wants revenge against the SEC as well. Something tells me Bryan will get his chance soon enough.
MATCH SIX-MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
The SEC: ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller and ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams defeated Rah and ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay © with the Les Miserables
Thunderbolt Smith: First, Rah and McAvay’s entrance went about ten minutes. Second, between Rah’s entourage, McAvay’s Les Miserables, and the SEC, there was about nine million people at ringside for the match. Miller and Williams started fast. They isolated McAvay and used quick tags to keep him in check. McAvay finally made the hot tag to Rah and the place exploded when the Sunshine God cleared the ring. Rah and McAvay came on late and had Miller and Williams on the ropes. But Miller whipped McAvay into the ropes and ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson drilled him with a steel folding chair. Miller then hit the Southern Cross on McAvay and we had new champions.
Rick Hall: It was ‘Redneck Bill Dickinson’s timely interference that propelled the SEC past the Dork Dynasty. It was Dickinson who cemented the SEC’s ascendance to the MVW Tag Team title by taking McAvay out with a steel chair and setting him up on a tee for ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller. The SEC now holds two out of the top three title belts.
MATCH SEVEN-MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Christa Carmondy © with the SEC defeated Yosemite Samantha
Thunderbolt Smith: 5 Time MVW Tag Team champions Angels of Death were in Carmondy’s corner-trying to earn SEC contract. Wild start to match. Back and forth. Yosemite Samantha came out aggressively and kept Carmondy on the defensive. Carmondy barely escaped a cannonball attempt and seized the momentum. Carmondy took control of the middle part. She used her polished wrestling skills to hold Yosemite Samantha at bay. But she couldn’t sustain the attack and Yosemite Samantha came on strong late. It looked bad for the champion when the Hanson Sisters popped up to the ring apron looking to get involved in the match. Carmondy found herself trapped in a corner with both Andrea Hanson holding her in place. With Angels of Death trying to get over there in time, Yosemite Samantha took off running across the ring for a cannonball in the corner. But at the last second, Charissa and Melissa Hanson popped up and knocked Yosemite Samantha out with simultaneous hockey stick shots. Carmondy retained.
Rick Hall: That’s right. The Hanson Sisters turned on Yosemite Samantha and helped Christa Carmondy retain the belt. The crowd were stunned and threw debris into the ring when Mr. McMann and SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum came out to offer contracts to the Hanson Sisters. That pissed off Angels of Death and they demanded to know the hell is going on. Finebaum told the AoD they’re ‘too old’ and ‘past their prime.’ The Hansons attacked and laid out the AoD in a heap. So the Hanson Sisters are now with the SEC. Christa Carmondy has her protection. Yosemite Samantha is left to fend for herself. And if she’s was pissed off before, I can’t imagine what her reaction is going to be now.
MAIN EVENT/MVW TITLE MATCH:
Charlie Blackwell © with the Texas Strangers defeated ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson with the SEC
Thunderbolt Smith: No surprise. Dickinson used the same style that helped propel him to the Heartland title for sixteen months and aggressively pursued Blackwell early on. The champion was content to counterattack and wait for his chance. Midway through the match, Blackwell began to impose his will and more importantly, tire out Dickinson.
Rick Hall: Blackwell strategized that the longer the match went, the better his chances would be because he didn’t think Dickinson could keep up the intensity in a match that went over fifteen minutes. And he looked to be correct in that assessment. That is until-
Thunderbolt Smith: Yep. SEC interference. Once again, the SEC interjects themselves. Miller cold-cocked Blackwell in the corner while Dickinson was ‘chatting’ with referee Davey Keels. Dickinson then went for the win and had Blackwell pinned. But no Davey Keels to make the count. Why? Dawn McGill ran down to the ring and had distracted Keels by making out with him on the ring apron.
Rick Hall: Oh, McMann went crazy. He couldn’t believe that McGill had possibly cost Dickinson the match.
Thunderbolt Smith: Then the next shoe dropped, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay slid into the ring and broke his Big Bertha driver over Dickinson’s head. Dickinson was out. Blackwell rolled him up. McGill directed Keels to the pinfall and he made the count.
Rick Hall: McMann had to be feeling déjà vu all over again. And you could say that paybacks are a bitch as Dickinson had cost Ray McAvay the tag team title earlier in the night.
MVWA 89 RESULTS:
MATCH ONE: Miley Vyrus defeated Ninja Kitty
MATCH TWO: Ashton Flowers with Dawn McGill defeated ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-Five with Todd- The Production Assistant
MATCH THREE: Corporate World Inc.: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit defeated The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson and Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb
MATCH FOUR: ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan with Coach E.J. Flack defeated Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with Ted Tebow
MATCH FIVE: William Daniels Bryan defeated ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott
MATCH SIX-MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The SEC: ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller and ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams defeated Rah and ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay © with the Les Miserables
MATCH SEVEN-MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Christa Carmondy © with the SEC defeated Yosemite Samantha
MAIN EVENT/MVW TITLE MATCH: Charlie Blackwell © with the Texas Strangers defeated ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson with the SEC