When we last saw Missouri Valley Wrestling on television back in late November of 2017, MVW Champion Ray McAvay and challenger Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment wrapped up an intense series of matches with a slam bang affair main eventing MVWA 79.
(11/25/2017 – MVWA 79 – Men’s Title Match: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell)
(Courtesy of Bro-Slam: Johnny Suave and ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…He is’ Justin Sufferable commentating)
[McAvay has his Deplorables at ringside with him including: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, both rocking the MVW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys, General DeBauchery, resembling a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds and sports a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, Al Cahall- sporting his six pack abs…oh wait…that’s a six pack in front of his abs, Nic Koteen- who’s smoking which surely is violating some public ordinance somewhere, and finally, Bert the Janitor- who stares ‘funny’ at the camera holding up his mop.]
[Blackwell has the full complement from the Sports Entertainment Corporation with him with the exception of the Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Tag Team Champions P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver with ‘Young Hollywood’s’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt are there as well as ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter.]
Johnny Suave: Both men have given everything they have and here we are. Energy drained. I’ve witnessed a lot of matches over the past twelve years. I’ve seen matches with out of this world…crazy atmosphere. The animosity between McAvay and Blackwell is driving this match.
[Blackwell is on all fours and dead tired. McAvay leans against the top rope. He’s exhausted.]
Justin Sufferable: Johnny, this has been Charlie Blackwell’s best match of the trilogy. But Ray McAvay has matched him every step of the way. Blackwell knows to win the MVW Men’s title, he has to stop at nothing to earn the right to call himself the MVW Men’s champion.
Johnny Suave: But to do so, he’s got to figure out a way to get past a wrestler who is in the best form of his career.
[At that moment, ‘Divalicious’ Dawn McGill…who’s been quiet and watching the proceedings as they’ve unfolded…makes her move. Without saying a word to Mr. McMann or Mark Splitter, she first hops up on the ring apron and then slides through the ropes into the ring.]
Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! Dawn McGill-
Justin Sufferable: ‘Divalicious’ Dawn McGill.
Johnny Suave: Whatever. She’s in the ring!
[Dawn slinks across the ring in a red, lacey one piece outfit that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh level, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips over to her ex-husband Ray McAvay. McAvay’s not sure what’s going on.]
Justin Sufferable: Well? We wondered if this moment would come.
[She registers no real expression. McAvay tries to talk with her but she’s not responding.]
Johnny Suave: There’s been so much that’s happened to these two over the past couple years. I’m sure there’s a lot of raw emotion still simmering between the-…HOLY CRAP!
[While Suave talks, McGill swings her right foot back and kicks McAvay as hard as she can…with her stilettos…right square in the balls. McAvay immediately drops to his knees as pain courses through his body.]
[CLOSE UP: Mr. McMann at ringside with a smug, self-satisfied look on his face. Then the camera pans over to Mark Splitter. He too looks on with enjoyment at the sight McGill’s swift kick to the balls of her ex-husband.]
Johnny Suave: McAVAY’S DOWN! McAVAY’S DOWN!
[Realizing the golden opportunity that lies before him, Blackwell crawls over to make the cover. He rolls McAvay over and hooks the legs.]
Johnny Suave: WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!
Justin Sufferable: Nope!
[Nope. The crowd roars because McGill has referee Davey Keels in the corner and she is kissing him.]
Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? SHE BOOTS McAVAY’S TESTICLES INTO KANSAS AND NOW SHE’S MAKING OUT WITH DAVEY KEELS WHEN THE SEC COULD WIN THE MEN’S TITLE!
[A point not lost on Mr. McMann who’s screams at Dawn from the floor…and also Blackwell when he realizes the reason why Keels isn’t making the three count to make him the Men’s champion.]
Justin Sufferable: I have no idea what she’s doing, Johnny. None.
Johnny Suave: Charlie Blackwell gets up and he is not a happy man.
[Blackwell stomps over to Dawn…clasps her shoulder…and spins her around to face him. He demands to know what she’s doing. Dawn shrugs. That only makes Blackwell angrier. He gets right in her face and starts shouting at her. McGill stands there cool as all can be. Then knees Blackwell in the groin.]
Johnny Suave: WHAT?
[Dawn steps back…takes her leg back and then whips it forward, driving her stiletto crashing into Blackwell’s testicles. Charlie turns pale.]
Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!
[Blackwell bends over at a ninety degree angle. Dawn takes a side headlock. She slaps Blackwell on the back and drives him head first to the mat.]
Johnny Suave: DDT! DDT! McGILL JUST DDT’D CHARLIE BLACKWELL!
[Dawn steps over the fallen Blackwell. She pulls him by the arm over to McAvay. Then Dawn throws Ray over Blackwell and points to Keels.]
[CLOSE UP: Mr. McMann yelling ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’]
Johnny Suave: COVER!
Johnny Suave: I DON’T BELIEVE IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! McAVAY RETAINS THE TITLE AND DAWN McGILL DOUBLE-CROSSED THE SEC!
AFTERMATH FOLLOWING MVWA 80
Behind the scenes, only a select few people knew that Bro-Slam was going belly up and Missouri Valley Wrestling would soon need to find a new television home. Privately, the hope expressed by those in the know centered around a wish and a prayer Bro-Slam somehow managed to stay in business long enough to allow MVW to identify and sign on to another broadcast outlet.
The uncertainty posed a problem with making sure talent would remain available to MVW. It was no secret that Bo Stevens had an eye on joining up with his cousin Scott Stevens at Defiance Wrestling. And if Bo left, would Scott Stevens’s wife Lisa- who just happened to be the MVW Women’s champion- follow? Everyone knew that Dawn McGill needed desperately to take time off from wrestling to pull herself together after an embarrassing DUI arrest weeks before. The Independent Western Wrestling World (I3W) had their eye on all three Hanson Sisters and quite possibly Yosemite Samantha as well.
McGill left after MVWA 79. What no one realized, Ray McAvay’s neck, injured in a High Octane Wrestling match by Scott Stevens, continued to act up and the MVW Champion was going to need to take time off to resolve the issue.
With everything in doubt and rumors swirling backstage, Jill Berg hastily put together a MVWA 80 show that would also feature wrestlers from other small, independent wrestling companies- including I3W. Berg hoped moving forward in the interim would convince the talent who were on the bubble of leaving MVW to stick around plus buy valuable time for MVW to find a new network. McAvay would headline with I3W’s Rod Hall and his Emo- the I3W Champion. The hope was the show would attract another network. But Berg didn’t bargain for Bro-Slam suddenly collapsing in a heap of debt and going off the air. The collateral damage sucked in the live broadcast of MVWA 80 and put an end to Missouri Valley Wrestling’s weekly programming in one fell swoop.
The Hanson Sisters signed a deal with I3W- with Berg’s blessing- the following week after MVWA 80 and bid their farewell. Bo Stevens made the move to Defiance. McAvay put off surgery on the off-chance Berg would produce a deal. Berg also cemented a working relationship with I3W owner Clayton Ridgeway which allowed I3W to inked short term deals with other MVW wrestlers to keep them busy in the short term while she sorted the business out. Berg finally set a deadline for the company to find a new network for their programming or MVW would go dark for good- December 31st.
Enter a familiar name in Missouri Valley Wrestling folklore- Jason Carmondy. Carmondy, now armed with the inheritance from his late mother Dame Judith Carmondy, made an offer to purchase the company from the MVW Trust. The deal came together fast and both sides put their signature on the dotted line on January 25th.
Carmondy, with Berg handling the day to day affairs, began to plan for 2018. Actually, the planning started while Carmondy and Berg hammered out the deal. Ray McAvay’s neck issues flared up and he needed surgery soon. Working with I3W’s Clayton Ridgeway, McAvay gutted out his final match as champion against fellow Les Miserable William Daniels Bryan and dropped the belt to the Prairie Populist on January 15th. McAvay went under the knife the week after and sat out the entire year recuperating.
Once the MVW Title had been settled, Jason Carmondy went to work putting together the MVWA 81 show schedule for the Joseph J. Gentile Arena in Chicago on February 17th, 2018. A nine match card came together very quickly including three title matches.
MVWA 81 Recap
Joseph J. Gentile Arena
February 17th, 2018
Carmondy walked out and officially welcomed everyone to the show.
MATCH 1- Ninja Kitty vs. ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris vs. Yosemite Samantha
Perennial MVW favorite Ninja Kitty came out and did what she always does. Iris and Samantha spent half the match chasing after the cat-quick wrestler. But of course, once Ninja Kitty slows down she ends up becoming easy prey. Yosemite Samantha pinned Ninja Kitty at the six minute mark and then finished off Iris to pick up the win.
NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
E.J. Flack walks down to the ring with a microphone in his hand.
E.J. Flack: …sometimes in life, you have to face the big monster thingy. Sometimes in life, you have to take on something that’s bigger than you even if its huge tusks can shred you to bits in seconds…even if its jagged teeth can tear through you like a hot knife through warm butter. Sometimes when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you have to…
Flack pauses for dramatic effect.
NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
Flack leads his charge, SNAFU, to the ring for their match.
MATCH 2- SNAFU w/E.J Flack vs. Connor Justice of Rough Justice
Even with Connor Justice’s tag partner D.B. Ruff at ringside, SNAFU came out to make a statement. Five minutes later- moonsault, fisherman buster, elbow, missile dropkick, Arabian Facebuster and more. SNAFU with the roll up and the win.
Flack pulled SNAFU out of harms way after Ruff climbed into the ring brandishing a taser.
MATCH 3- ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler vs. ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller
Former Heartland champion Butler looked to re-establish himself as the main contender for ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson’s Heartland title. Following the match, there were two main contenders. Miller and Butler went to a fifteen minute time limit draw in a slam bang, hard hitting affair where both men held nothing back.
Mouthpiece of the SEC (Sports Entertainment Corporation) Phil Finebaum strolls out to troll the crowd about the SEC’s (Southeastern Conference) triumph at the college football title game. Two SEC teams fought it out for the national title and Alabama came away with the win. Finebaum was joined by P.M.C. Banks and both men put out a challenge to any wrestler backstage who dared to step into the ring with Banks.
‘Eastbound and Down’ by Jerry Reed blares over the loudspeaker and ‘American Trucker’ Ken Worth answers the challenge.
MATCH 4- P.M.C. Banks w/Phil Finebaum vs. ‘American Trucker’ Ken Worth
Worth gave it a run. Banks seized control of the match midway and hit the Bank Statement to pick up the win.
Pop. Big…big pop.
The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”
The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone. The man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.
A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.
The crowd is rocking and a chant of “JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!” fills the bar.
Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.
It’s CEO of Jill Berg Enterprises, and Corporate Predator Extraordinaire, Jill Berg.
Jill thanks everyone for coming out to the show. She then expresses her gratitude to Jason Carmondy coming in and saving the company. Jill adds that they are wheels in motion to hopefully get back on TV but for now, MVW is going to stay afloat by going on the road.
After Berg heads to the back…
A man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie walks to the ring and climbs in. he motions for the ring announcer to take a temporary powder while he’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity. The announcer guy then hushes the crowd.
Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 32 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.
The lights turn off and a small spotlight illuminates the stage. First out, a group of Arizona State sorority sisters walk out taking selfies of themselves on their cell phones and then texting them onto their twitter accounts. Next, two men follow carrying a golden sedan chair holding a six foot seven inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes to the ring. Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, former children’s show host Happy Mango, former pro wrestler Baron Von Munchke- master of the claw hold, and some guy dressed as Captain Obvious follow.
Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!
The procession winds its way to the ring. The camera pans over to the sorority sisters. They continue to make obnoxious faces, like the duck face expression among others, and take multiple selfies. The procession stops at the ring steps and Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair. He takes in the acclamation from the crowd and climbs into the ring.
It’s 1946 in the Scottish Highlands.
On the hill of Craigh na Dun, British nurse Blaire Rendell hears the tell-tale buzzing sound as she approaches the standing stones. This makes her very happy.
Blaire Rendell (Scottish accent): Soon, I’ll be back with my true love Jamie and I will be truly happy once again in eighteen century Scotland.
Blaire goes to the standing stones where the buzzing sound gets louder and louder. Soon she faints and falls to the ground. When she wakes up…
Blaire Rendell: JAMIE! JAMIE? JAM-AHHGH!
Voice (Canadian dialect): It’s about time you got here, eh?
…Blaire becomes aware that she’s on stage with Jack Fraiser…Canadian Jack Fraiser
Blaire Rendell: Aw, son of a bitch!
Blaire sighs and looks generally disgusted by the whole situation.
Blaire Rendell: Oh…whatever. I need something to drink.
Fraiser reaches into his bag and hands her a Molson. Blaire rips the can out of his hand, opens it up, and chugs it.
Fraiser and Blaire walk to the ring. Jack seems happy. Blaire’s arms are folded and she appears a little grumpy.
Then…Dickinson comes to the ring holding up the Heartland belt.
MATCH 5 / HEARTLAND TITLE MATCH- ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson © vs. Rah vs. Jack Fraiser w/his Oootlander
You know what you’re going to get in a Bill Dickinson match. Rah and Jack Fraiser would more than play their part as well. All three men brawled in and out of the ring. Rah did all his stuff. Fraiser’s interaction with Rendell was awkward. And Dickinson retained the title.
MATCH 6 / MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH- Dork Dynasty (Sheldon and Leonard Robertson) © vs. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank and Tiny)
Leonard takes control as Sheldon boasts that his plan is working to perfection…whatever it is. The BBSPN do their thing. But the Dorks retain the belts when Sheldon outsmarts Hank and rolls him up.
Jason Carmondy comes out again. He introduces the MVW Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens and thanks her for being there. Jason says that the crowd who came to the show deserved the best match possible so he brings out his sister Christa. The crowd pops.
MATCH 7 / MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH- Lisa Barbosa-Stevens © vs. Christa Carmondy
Barbosa-Stevens and Carmondy tore the house down for twenty minutes much to the crowd’s delight. Carmondy made just one mistake and Barbosa-Stevens was there to capitalize. One ankle lock later and Christa tapped out.
Out comes SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum leading the challenger Charlie Blackwell out. Blackwell failed to win the title in four tries against Ray McAvay. Could Blackwell do the job against William Daniels Bryan?
MAIN EVENT / MVW MEN’S TITLE MATCH- William Daniels Bryan © vs. Charlie Blackwell of the SEC
Bryan and Blackwell battled back and forth for a good fifteen minutes until late in the match, Blackwell goes for broke and flies off the ropes but Bryan got a foot up to block. Bryan turned right around and nailed Blackwell with a DDT. Cover follows for 2. Bryan hits another DDT for 2. Blackwell low blows him, slams him into corner turnbuckle. Roll up…1…2…reversal by Bryan…1…2…3.