The Wrestling Guys’s MVWA 79 on Bro-Slam Show Recap
Sunday November 26th, 2017
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall
Thunderbolt Smith: Last night, in front of 5,500 people at the Municipal Auditorium in Kansas City, Missouri, this happened…
(MVWA 79 – Men’s Title Match: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell)
(Courtesy of Bro-Slam: Johnny Suave and ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…He is’ Justin Sufferable commentating)
[McAvay has his Deplorables at ringside with him including: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, both rocking the MVW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys, General DeBauchery, resembling a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds and sports a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, Al Cahall- sporting his six pack abs…oh wait…that’s a six pack in front of his abs, Nic Koteen- who’s smoking which surely is violating some public ordinance somewhere, and finally, Bert the Janitor- who stares ‘funny’ at the camera holding up his mop.]
[Blackwell has the full complement from the Sports Entertainment Corporation with him with the exception of the Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Tag Team Champions P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver with ‘Young Hollywood’s’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt are there as well as ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter.]
Johnny Suave: Both men have given everything they have and here we are. Energy drained. I’ve witnessed a lot of matches over the past twelve years. I’ve seen matches with out of this world…crazy atmosphere. The animosity between McAvay and Blackwell is driving this match.
[Blackwell is on all fours and dead tired. McAvay leans against the top rope. He’s exhausted.]
Justin Sufferable: Johnny, this has been Charlie Blackwell’s best match of the trilogy. But Ray McAvay has matched him every step of the way. Blackwell knows to win the MVW Men’s title, he has to stop at nothing to earn the right to call himself the MVW Men’s champion.
Johnny Suave: But to do so, he’s got to figure out a way to get past a wrestler who is in the best form of his career.
[At that moment, ‘Divalicious’ Dawn McGill…who’s been quiet and watching the proceedings as they’ve unfolded…makes her move. Without saying a word to Mr. McMann or Mark Splitter, she first hops up on the ring apron and then slides through the ropes into the ring.]
Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! Dawn McGill-
Justin Sufferable: ‘Divalicious’ Dawn McGill.
Johnny Suave: Whatever. She’s in the ring!
[Dawn slinks across the ring in a red, lacey one piece outfit that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh level, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips over to her ex-husband Ray McAvay. McAvay’s not sure what’s going on.]
Justin Sufferable: Well? We wondered if this moment would come.
[She registers no real expression. McAvay tries to talk with her but she’s not responding.]
Johnny Suave: There’s been so much that’s happened to these two over the past couple years. I’m sure there’s a lot of raw emotion still simmering between the-…HOLY CRAP!
[While Suave talks, McGill swings her right foot back and kicks McAvay as hard as she can…with her stilettos…right square in the balls. McAvay immediately drops to his knees as pain courses through his body.]
[CLOSE UP: Mr. McMann at ringside with a smug, self-satisfied look on his face. Then the camera pans over to Mark Splitter. He too looks on with enjoyment at the sight McGill’s swift kick to the balls of her ex-husband.]
Johnny Suave: McAVAY’S DOWN! McAVAY’S DOWN!
[Realizing the golden opportunity that lies before him, Blackwell crawls over to make the cover. He rolls McAvay over and hooks the legs.]
Johnny Suave: WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!
Justin Sufferable: Nope!
[Nope. The crowd roars because McGill has referee Davey Keels in the corner and she is kissing him.]
Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? SHE BOOTS McAVAY’S TESTICLES INTO KANSAS AND NOW SHE’S MAKING OUT WITH DAVEY KEELS WHEN THE SEC COULD WIN THE MEN’S TITLE!
[A point not lost on Mr. McMann who’s screams at Dawn from the floor…and also Blackwell when he realizes the reason why Keels isn’t making the three count to make him the Men’s champion.]
Justin Sufferable: I have no idea what she’s doing, Johnny. None.
Johnny Suave: Charlie Blackwell gets up and he is not a happy man.
[Blackwell stomps over to Dawn…clasps her shoulder…and spins her around to face him. He demands to know what she’s doing. Dawn shrugs. That only makes Blackwell angrier. He gets right in her face and starts shouting at her. McGill stands there cool as all can be. Then knees Blackwell in the groin.]
Johnny Suave: WHAT?
[Dawn steps back…takes her leg back and then whips it forward, driving her stiletto crashing into Blackwell’s testicles. Charlie turns pale.]
Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!
[Blackwell bends over at a ninety degree angle. Dawn takes a side headlock. She slaps Blackwell on the back and drives him head first to the mat.]
Johnny Suave: DDT! DDT! McGILL JUST DDT’D CHARLIE BLACKWELL!
[Dawn steps over the fallen Blackwell. She pulls him by the arm over to McAvay. Then Dawn throws Ray over Blackwell and points to Keels.]
[CLOSE UP: Mr. McMann yelling ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’]
Johnny Suave: COVER!
Johnny Suave: I DON’T BELIEVE IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! McAVAY RETAINS THE TITLE AND DAWN McGILL DOUBLE-CROSSED THE SEC!
[Mark Splitter confronts McGill in the ring. She stomps his foot…steps back…and thrusts her stiletto at Splitter’s head…catching him on the forehead and starting a gusher of a cut to bleed. Splitter collapses to the mat covering his forehead.]
[Mr. McMann hops on the ring apron and starts screeching at Dawn. She brings him into the ring the hard way up and over the top rope. Then she plunges her hand towards McMann’s testicles, grabs them, and squeezes the hell out of them.]
Johnny Suave: TESTICULAR CLAW! TESTICULAR CLAW!
Justin Sufferable: Jesus! McMann’s face is turning blue!
[With McMann’s testicles firmly in her hand and McMann himself close to passing out, MVW CEO Jill Berg comes to ringside.]
Jill Berg: Dawn. What do you want?
[McGill looks up at Jill and mouths ‘you know what I want.’.]
Jill Berg: Are you sure?
[Dawn pauses. Her eyes well up. She nods her head yes.]
Jill Berg: Okay. On one condition.
[Dawn nods again.]
Jill Berg: You know what you need to do, don’t you.
[Dawn mouths ‘yes.’]
Jill Berg: You need to go deal with your problems.
[Dawn mouths ‘I know.’]
Jill Berg: Then after tonight’s show, you are released from your MVW contract.
[Dawn mouths ‘thank you.’]
Jill Berg: Now, would you please let him go already. I’m not going to hear the end of this as it is.
[Jill motions to the back. The video screen fires up.]
Jill Berg: Before you say a word, McMann. Let’s all see the video that you made CSPN pay two million dollars for…without looking at the damn thing!
[VIDEO: The limousine containing Ken Kardoucheian and Dawn McGill on their ‘dream date’ pulls up to Ken’s hotel. Several men come out and open up the back doors. Then they pulls Ken and Dawn out. Both are passed out.]
[VIDEO: The hotel room. Dawn is in bed sound asleep. Ken is in the bathroom…
Ken Kardoucheian (voice): WRRRRRRRAHHAHHHHHHHHH!
…throwing up his guts in the toilet.]
[CUT TO: CLOSE UP- Mr. McMann. Jaw dropped. Incredulous.]
[CLOSE UP- CSPN’s Mark Splitter. Pain. Blood. And anger when he realizes that he’s spent two million dollars on a video of Ken Kardoucheian puking his guts out.]
MVWA 79 Results:
Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb defeated Farmer John and the New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine Ultratron-Five
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin defeated Kathryn Randall Collins
TELEVISION TITLE #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH
Bo Stevens defeated ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack
SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH:
The Hanson Sisters: Andrea and Melissa Hanson with Charissa Hanson vs. ‘Young Hollywood’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt goes to a double count-out
HEADLINER / MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
The Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver © defeated Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with Regina McGill to retain the Tag Team title.
HEADLINER / MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens © of the SEC defeated Yosemite Samantha to retain the Women’s title.
MAIN EVENT / MEN’S TITLE MATCH:
‘‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © defeated Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation to retain the Men’s title.
Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. Farmer John and the New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine Ultratron-Five
Thunderbolt Smith: A-Bomb and H-Bomb destroyed Farmer John and the New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine Ultratron-Five in just over two minutes. Everything was going fine with Ultratron-Five until a malfunction froze him in the middle of the ring. Apparently as Ultratron-Five had leaned back and then began to move forward (like the Fire Pro Wrestling wrestlers do) to lock up with H-Bomb, a technical glitch popped up and he became stuck in the middle of the ring. H-Bomb then Hydrogen Powerbombed Ultratron-Five into many pieces and made the cover for the win.
Rick Hall: Um…not much more to add. The WMD picks up an easy win as they begin to prepare for their title shot against whomever the Tag Team champions are at MVWA 80.
Kathryn Randall Collins vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
Thunderbolt Smith: Tess and KRC have a long history. Tess and KRC also want to remain relevant in the Women’s title scene. So both ladies came out and let it all out during a twenty-one minute technical master class that saw both women turn back the clock back to 2008 when both women warred with each other in Political Championship Wrestling. KRC had Tess nearly locked up in the Gogoplata late in the match. Tess made a last ditch, desperate dive to the ropes and grabbed the bottom rope to force a break. From there, Tess caught KRC coming in with a boot to the gut and then turned it right into the Pizza Cutter to pull out the win.
Rick Hall: This one did not disappoint. Both women wrestled as if they had everything to lose. KRC nearly had Tess late but the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ dug deep…forced her way to the ropes…and then nailed the Pizza Cutter to put the match away. Tess still harbors hopes towards one last title run and she lives to fight another day.
MATCH THREE / TELEVISION TITLE #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH:
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler vs. Bo Stevens vs. SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler attacks at the bell and tosses Stevens out of the ring and takes SNAFU to the corner. Butler laid in strikes. Stevens back in and battles back, picking up the pace of the match. SNAFU with big time strikes to both men and dropkicks Butler through the ropes. SNAFU locks in a Muta lock on Stevens- Bo makes the ropes. Stevens crotches SNAFU and hits the springboard kick and sends him out to the floor. SNAFU avoids the dive. But Butler shows up on the ring apron and hits a suicide dive taking down SNAFU. Stevens and Butler end up back in the ring. Stevens avoids a corner attack and rolls up Butler for 2. They trade strikes and Stevens rolls to the floor. SNAFU grabs Stevens and lays in uppercuts. Butler waits and watches while Stevens tries to fights off SNAFU and nearly gets killed with an apron brainbuster. Everyone back in. Butler hits a suplex on SNAFU and covers for 2. Stevens wades back in. He hits a spin kick to SNAFU and hits a BO-plex. Stevens rolled him and eliminated SNAFU. Butler hit a pair of suplexes. Stevens came back with a DDT. Then Stevens’s manager Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother no one ever knew existed- distracts the ref, Stevens rolls up Butler for 2. Then Stevens slaps on the BO-flex and Butler has to tap out at the 16:20 mark.
Rick Hall: Good three way battle between the top contenders for the Television title which sees Bo Stevens survive and advance on to a rematch with TV Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.
The Hanson Sisters: Andrea and Melissa Hanson with Charissa Hanson vs. ‘Young Hollywood’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt of the Sports Entertainment Corporation
Thunderbolt Smith: This is a match borne of the ongoing battle between the Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens…who Vyrus and Switt support as part of the Sports Entertainment Corporation…and Yosemite Samantha…who the Hanson Sisters have backed. Last week, the SEC attacked the Hanson and duct taped them to the benches inside their dressing room. The Hansons came to the ring looking for revenge and this match broke down from the opening bell. Referee Brent Payson tried valiantly to restore some semblance of order. But the Hansons and Vyrus and Switt spent a grand total of thirty seconds in the ring and the rest of the time outside. Payson finally counted both teams at right before the eight minute mark.
Rick Hall: No surprise that the Hansons would turn this match into an ECW-style brawl all over the Municipal Auditorium. Vyrus and Switt acquitted themselves well though. Switt blasted Charissa Hanson with a guitar shot after Charissa shoved Andrea out of the way. Vyrus twerked a lot. The Hansons used hockey tactics and Melissa broke a hockey stick over Vyrus’s head.
MATCH FIVE / TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
The Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver © vs. Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with Regina McGill
Thunderbolt Smith: Could a revitalized Rah and Halitosis…with Regina McGill taking the place of her older sister Dawn as the manager of the team…regain the tag title four weeks after losing them to Banks and Beaver? Speaking of Dawn McGill, she was NOT at ringside with the SEC for the match. Banks and Halitosis to begin. Back and forth until Banks hits a back elbow and tags in Beaver. Beaver tosses Halitosis and tags in Rah. They work back and forth, Rah sends Beaver to the floor and follows. Banks, Charlie Blackwell, and Mr. McMann of the SEC jump Rah on the outside. Halitosis and Regina McGill come screaming around the ring with a chair. Banks and Blackwell back away. McMann doesn’t get away quick enough and McGill clobbers him with the chair. McMann staggers back to his feet and tries to run but the ass kicking by McGill continues. Halitosis pulls Regina back when Blackwell and Banks turn their sights on him. Rah has control on Beaver and has him trapped in the corner and stomps away on him. Rah and Halitosis hit double team suplexes and Rah covers for 2. Halitosis and Banks both tag back in. Beaver distracts Halitosis. Halitosis eats a superkick from Banks. Beaver and Banks work quick tags and Halitosis takes the heat. The SEC picks up near falls. McMann back on the ring apron mocking the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Halitosis goes after him and gets Pearl Harbored by Beaver, Banks, and Blackwell. Beaver tosses Halitosis around the ring. The running splash connects for 2. Banks tags back in and hits a high cross, covering for 2 as Rah makes the save. Rah takes out Blackwell and sends him out of the ring. Beaver blasts Rah from behind and sends him to the floor. In the chaos, Banks rolls up Halitosis and picks up the win at 12:35.
Rick Hall: Great match. This match confirms that there is life for the Island of Misfit Wrestlers after Dawn McGill. Regina was brilliant. She almost pushed Rah and Halitosis over the top. But kudos to the SEC. They took the best that the Island of Misfit Wrestlers brought and still managed to come away with the win. Now, they need to turn their attention to Weapons of Mass Destruction who they will face on December 16th at MVWA 80. A-Bomb and H-Bomb are on a tear and they will come into that match locked and loaded.
MATCH SIX / WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens © of the SEC vs. Yosemite Samantha
Thunderbolt Smith: Emotions were running high on this one. The SEC had Charlie Blackwell, Miley Vyrus, and Taylor Switt at ringside. Again, no Dawn McGill at ringside for the SEC. Yosemite Samantha had the Hanson Sisters backing her up. There was a ton of verbal interaction throughout the match between both sides and referee Ron Martin had his hands full trying to keep order. Could Yosemite Samantha’s ankle…injured by Barbosa-Stevens a couple weeks ago…hold up through the match. It didn’t stop her from attacking at the bell. Barbosa-Stevens cuts her off and lays in chops. Yosemite Samantha fights off an early attempt for the Ankle Lock and slams Barbosa-Stevens to the buckles. Samantha takes it to the floor, slams Barbosa-Stevens to the buckles and the Hanson Sisters and the SEC engaged in a heated confrontation. Both back in and Yosemite Samantha hits the snap suplex, covering for 2. Barbosa-Stevens battles back, hits a neck breaker and then a suplex. Yosemite Samantha cuts her off, lays in rights and she slams Barbosa-Stevens’s head into the turnbuckle several times. She takes off around the ring for her Cannonball finisher but Blackwell trips her up. Then Barbosa-Stevens takes control. She lays in strikes and mounted rights. Yosemite Samantha tries to counter out but Barbosa-Stevens hits a sitout powerbomb and covers for 2. Barbosa-Stevens locks in the Ankle Lock, but Samantha makes the ropes. Barbosa-Stevens hits a back breaker and slams Yosemite Samantha to the ropes. Yosemite Samantha staggers to the mat and Barbosa-Stevens slaps on the Ankle Lock again for the win at the 8:06 mark. Post-match, Barbosa-Steven refuses to release the hold and the Hanson Sisters hit the ring, Regina McGill hits the ring, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin hits the ring to make the save.
Rick Hall: Yosemite Samantha was not 100% and it showed but Lisa Barbosa-Stevens did what she had to do to walk away still the champion. Lisa is getting more and more formidable as time goes by as the Women’s champion and growing in confidence. Yosemite Samantha will have some time to heal her ankle and I won’t be surprised if she’s right back in Barbosa-Stevens’s grill come January.
MATCH SEVEN / MEN’S TITLE MATCH:
‘‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell of the SEC
Thunderbolt Smith: McAvay and Blackwell slugged it out in a fourteen minute free-for-all and the champion…with a little help from ex-wife Dawn McGill who did come out with the SEC contingent for the match…outlasted Blackwell in the end to retain the Men’s title. After the match and McGill’s ‘announcement’ that she was leaving Missouri Valley Wrestling for good, Dawn’s sister Regina came out and embraced her. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin also came to the ring and shared a long hug with Dawn. And finally, Dawn’s ex-husband…who was still smarting from her kicking him in the balls a few minutes before…Ray McAvay stood up and embraced her for a couple minutes.
Rick Hall: It was a really emotional scene. There’s no other way to sum this up.
Thunderbolt Smith: So to summarize. ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay retains the Men’s title after Dawn McGill double crosses the SEC. Mr. McMann and Mark Splitter see the video for the first time and realizes the Kardoucheians have double crossed the SEC. And Splitter thinks McMann has double crossed him by inducing him to spend two million dollars on a non-salacious video that could double as a public service announcement for not drinking in excess.
Rick Hall: The other fall out from this is I believe we have seen the last of Dawn McGill in Missouri Valley Wrestling…and wrestling in general period. I spoke with her earlier today…and she gave me the okay to say this… Dawn is checking into a hospital in Dallas tomorrow to deal with her drinking issues and get herself straightened out. Then she’s going home for good to take care of her three children. As a friend of hers…and you are too, Thunderbolt…I think we both are immensely proud of her for facing up to a problem that I believe has really escalated over the past year and a half and dealing with it.
Thunderbolt Smith: Yes. I am in one hundred percent agreement. Once the lights came up following the main event, Dawn received a tremendous ovation from the fans in Kansas City and support from the MVW roster as well. We’re all behind her and I know that with a little time and patience she’s going to come through this a stronger person. Let’s take a quick look at the upcoming shows.
December 1st – Pittsburg, KS
December 2nd – Wichita, KS
December 3rd – Dodge City, KS
December 6th – Miami, OK
December 8th – Joplin, MO
December 9th – Springfield, MO
December 10th – Bentonville, AR
December 16th – MVWA 80 @ The Hinkle Fieldhouse / Indianapolis, IN
January 15th – Shenandoah, IA
January 16th – Des Moines, IA
January 17th – Oskaloosa, IA
January 20th – Sioux Falls, SD
January 22nd – Kankakee, IL
January 23rd – Valparaiso, IN
January 24th – Goshen, IN
January 27th – Salina, KS
January 30th – MVWA 81 @ Joseph J. Gentile Arena / Chicago, IL
Thunderbolt Smith: And with that, we will see you next week for another edition of MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.