Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson (standing) and SNAFU take it to the floor in their TV title match.
Last Week on Missouri Valley Wrestling’s MVWA 78 on Bro-Slam:
***Highlights courtesy of Bro-Slam***
Announcers: Johnny Suave and “Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…He is’ Justin Sufferable
Thunderbolt Smith (voiceover): Big shows are full of big moments.
(MVWA 78 SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH: ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill vs. Khris Kardoucheian)
[McGill stands over Khris Kardoucheian as he writhes on the mat. His face is a crimson mask and his plain white shirt is stained with his blood.]
Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill has simply obliterated Khris Kardoucheian.
[Sons Ken, Koley, and Khourtney look on in horror.]
Justin Sufferable: Johnny, the Kardoucheians are staring down the end of their world famous, highly rated reality show. All Dawn has to do is hit this next move and it’s all over.
[McGill is perched on the corner turnbuckle staring down at Kardoucheian.]
Johnny Suave: It’s been all over for a while. Dawn’s merely prolonging the execution.
[Ken Kardoucheian steps through the ropes and plants a foot in the ring. That gets referee Davey Keels full attention and he immediately goes over and stops him. Koley and Khourtney then get into a verbal debate with Keels.]
Johnny Suave: And now, the Kardoucheian boys have Keels distracted and…
[The crowd roars when someone dressed in a very expensive suit makes his way to the ring.]
Johnny Suave: …wait a minute! That’s…that’s…
Justin Sufferable: Scott Stevens?
[The former High Octane Wrestling and Four Corners Wrestling star now with Defiance Wrestling calmly walks around the ring to where Dawn is standing on the top turnbuckle.]
Johnny Suave: What the hell is Scott Stevens doing here?
Justin Sufferable: Last month at MVWA 77, Dawn McGill cost Stevens a share of the MVW Tag Team title with P.M.C. Banks when she deliberately got her team disqualified.
[McGill notices Stevens below. She turns and gestures to him as if to say ‘what the hell are you doing here?’ Stevens grins and stares at her.]
Johnny Suave: She’s got this match won. McGill needs to finish the job instead of getting into a war of words with Scott-
Justin Sufferable: JOHNNY!
[With Dawn’s attention turned towards Stevens, Charlie Blackwell runs in with a steel folding chair in hand and leaps onto the ring apron behind her.
Johnny Suave: IT’S CHARLIE BLACKWELL!
[Stevens points at Blackwell. Dawn swivels her head around and catches a brief glimpse of him just as he raises the chair over his head.]
Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!
[Blackwell potatoes McGill in the face with the chair. Dawn’s arms go limp. Her eyes glazes over. She tips and falls from the top turnbuckle down to the mat.]
Justin Sufferable: Payback, Johnny! Charlie’s payback for Dawn firing him earlier.
[Khris somehow has enough awareness to realize Dawn on her back next to him and throws an arm over her. The three Kardoucheians notice and immediately direct Davey Keels’s eyes back to the ring.]
Johnny Suave: NO!
[Keels slides in.]
Justin Sufferable: Oh yes.
(Minutes later outside the convention center…)
[McGill and Khris, Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian, and the ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew all wait on a brick sidewalk under the main America’s Center sign that flashes ‘Missouri Valley Wrestling tonight!’ McGill is still dressed in her wrestling gear and carries a black duffel bag in her hand. She still seems a little dazed from the chair shot. There’s a camera trained on her at all times.]
[Two black stretch limousines pull up. Khris opens the door up for her and Dawn climbs into the back of the limo along with Ken Kardoucheian and half of the film crew. Then Khris closes the door and he and the rest of the film crew join the others in the other limo. After the door closes, both limos take off down Washington Street past the light at 8th Street into the St. Louis night.]
Thunderbolt Smith (v/o): So with Dawn McGill out of the picture and on a ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian, could the MVW Tag Team champions the Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis find a way to hold on to their belts against the Sports Entertainment Corporation?
(MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis © vs. The Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver)
[An exhausted Rah pops Banks with a right hand and desperately stumbles to his corner to tag Halitosis back in.]
Johnny Suave: Halitosis tags in.
Justin Sufferable: But does he have anything left, Johnny? Banks and Beaver wore him out earlier in the match.
[Banks wastes no time. He scoops Halitosis up and slams him back down. Halitosis tries to reach the ropes but Banks lays the boots on him.]
[At ringside, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, and Charlie Blackwell cheer the SEC on.]
Johnny Suave: Halitosis is hanging on.
Justin Sufferable: Without Dawn McGill, Rah and Halitosis just don’t work well.
[Banks lets Halitosis get back to his feet. But he sweeps right in. Arms around Halitosis’s neck. Banks jumps and plants both knees on his opponent’s back and pulls Halitosis down onto his knees. Halitosis’s legs flip up and over and he lands face first behind Banks.]
Johnny Suave: DOUBLE KNEE BACKBREAKER!
[Banks does not release the hold around the neck and immediately wrenches Halitosis back.]
Johnny Suave: BANK STATEMENT!
Justin Sufferable: I think that’s it, Johnny.
Johnny Suave: And we’ve got new tag team champions! The end of the road for the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.
Justin Sufferable: ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver picks up a title in his first MVW match!
Johnny Suave: The S-E-C are your new Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions!
Thunderbolt Smith (v/o): No. Without McGill, Rah and Halitosis didn’t stand a chance and Banks and Beaver are your new MVW Tag Team Champions. The SEC picks up another title belt. Now, would the SEC hold on to the women’s title in a match that pitted Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens against the woman she replaced in the SEC- ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin.
(MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens © of the SEC vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin)
[Barbosa-Stevens has Tess’s right leg in her hands. She drops and twists causing Tess to also twist landing hard on her back.]
Johnny Suave: Lisa takes the challenger down with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip.
Justin Sufferable: She’s not letting go either.
[Lisa pulls Tess back up…she drops and twists again sending Tess back down. And again, she does not release the leg. Tess tries to kick her way free but Lisa again stands up forcing her to do the same. Lisa drops and turns…Tess twists in the air and lands on her back a third time. Before she can react, Lisa rolls her over towards the ropes and snatches her right ankle and twists it inwards.]
Johnny Suave: ANKLE LOCK!
[Tess screams out and grabs the bottom rope. Referee Ron Martin starts the five count but Lisa does not release.]
Justin Sufferable: Lisa’s not letting go.
Johnny Suave: She’s trying to snap that ankle.
[Martin hits four and starts to say five when Lisa finally let’s Tess’s foot go.]
Justin Sufferable: I don’t think she could have waited any longer.
Johnny Suave: Yeah. But how much damage did Lisa do to Tess’s foot?
[…Tess, limping badly on her injured foot, somehow climbs up to the top turnbuckle with Lisa on the mat below.]
Johnny Suave: She’s going high risk.
Justin Sufferable: I don’t think Tess has a choice. She’s got to do it now or Lisa’s going to finish her off.
[Tess jumps from the top just as Lisa gets back up. The champion takes two steps back and Tess misses the Missile Dropkick landing awkwardly on her already dinged up ankle.]
Johnny Suave: Missed! And Lisa’s not wasting any time.
[Lisa takes the right ankle again and slaps on the Ankle Lock. This time, they’re in the middle of the ring and Tess is too far to grasp the ropes. She slams her hand on the mat over and over.]
Johnny Suave: That’s it! Tessa Martin taps out and Lisa Barbosa-Stevens will retain the women’s title!
Thunderbolt Smith: Yes. The SEC held and now with two title belts in hand, could Charlie Blackwell defeat Men’s champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and make it a clean sweep on the night?
(MVW MEN’S TITLE MATCH: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation)
[Montage where McAvay hits Blackwell with three consecutive clothesline early in the match.]
Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay is just brutalizing Charlie Blackwell.
Justin Sufferable: There’s a lot of bad blood between McAvay and Blackwell at the moment and combined with what happened earlier in the night with Dawn McGill it’s all spilling out now.
[McAvay deliberately…blatantly low bridges Charlie and Blackwell folds up like a cheap lawn chair on the mat.]
[A second montage: McAvay hits Blackwell with three McGill Bomb in succession.]
Justin Sufferable: This is just ugly, Johnny.
Johnny Suave: I have never seen Ray act like this in the ring.
[McAvay drills Blackwell with a right hand and then shouts at him. Blackwell staggers back into the corner but McAvay doesn’t let him rest. He drags him back out and hits him again. McAvay shouts at Blackwell as he sags back into the corner again. McAvay then yells ‘you send this back to McMann’ and pounded Blackwell with another right hand. This time, referee Davey Keels jumps in between and admonishes McAvay for the closed fist.]
Johnny Suave: Yeah, I don’t think Ray cares at this point.
[McAvay puts Blackwell’s head between his legs…lifts…falls back and slams him to the mat.]
Johnny Suave: ANOTHER McGILL BOMB!
Justin Sufferable: That’s four of them, Johnny. How much more-
[On the stage, Mr. McMann comes out with the new tag team champions P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver with ‘Young Hollywood’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt and her guitar that’s leaking white powder from inside.]
Johnny Suave: There’s Mr. McMann. I think he’s seriously considering sending the SEC to the ring to stop the match.
Justin Sufferable: Again, no one is allowed at ringside which means if they come on down Blackwell is disqualified.
[After McAvay turns Blackwell over…crosses his left leg across his right at the knee…and wrenches back on it, that’s exactly what McMann does. He motions to his charges to go to the ring.]
Johnny Suave: TEXAS CLOVERLEAF BY McAVAY AND HERE COMES THE SEC!
[Keels sees the SEC on the way down and calls for the bell.]
Johnny Suave: And that’ll DQ Blackwell.
[Banks and Beaver reach the ring apron. McAvay releases the hold and rolls right out of the ring. He grabs the title and just leaves. The SEC arrive in force and check on Blackwell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: No. Charlie Blackwell ran into a buzzsaw as ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay punished him for fifteen long minutes before Mr. McMann sent in the calvary. Tonight, we will see what the aftermath of MVWA 78 brings and begin the road towards Missouri Valley Wrestling’s next big show- MVWA 79.
MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday November 5th, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall
[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]
[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!
Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall. Despite Charlie Blackwell’s loss to Ray McAvay, the SEC are riding high after MVWA 78.
Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, Charlie Blackwell may not have brought home the Men’s title last Saturday, he did make a major contribution to the SEC winning the tag belts when he took out Dawn McGill during her match with Khris Kardoucheian. Without McGill in Rah and Halitosis’s corner, they were lost and P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver took full advantage to win the Tag Team title.
Thunderbolt Smith: We will hear from the SEC a little bit later on the evening. We will also hear from the Kardoucheian Empire and see film clips from the latest episode of ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ featuring Dawn McGill’s ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson puts his Television title on the line tonight against SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack.
Rick Hall: SNAFU defeated ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler at MVWA 78 to earn the title shot tonight.
Thunderbolt Smith: Also a winner last weekend at MVWA 78 was Bo Stevens. Bo defeated ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido in their rematch of their MVWA 77 match and then this happened.
(REPLAY from MVWA 78: Following the Bo Stevens-Chris Escondido Match)
[Referee Brent Payson holds Stevens arm in the air following his win. Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother no one ever knew existed- joins him and ‘Tebows’ in celebration.]
Johnny Suave: Bo Stevens picks up his biggest win here in Missouri Valley Wrestling over ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.
Justin Sufferable: Now that he’s passed that hurdle, Bo will be turning his attention and looking hard at going after the Television Title-
Johnny Suave: It’s ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler!
[Butler rolls into the ring and tackles Stevens from behind.]
Justin Sufferable: Butler has a long memory, Johnny.
Johnny Suave: Butler remembers Stevens attacking him last week and he’s out here to collect some payback.
[Butler has both hands around Bo’s throat and he’s choking him out. Tebow comes up from behind and forearms the Cowboy in the back. Butler stops what he’s doing as he’s acquired a new target- Tebow.]
Johnny Suave: Tebow may be in trouble!
Justin Sufferable: Tebow may have made a grave tactical error.
[Butler fires a right hand that connects and spins Tebow around. Then he takes Tebow and throws him through the ropes to the floor.]
Johnny Suave: And that’s all for Ted Tebow.
[Butler goes back to pounding on Stevens…]
[…Coach E.J. Flack leads SNAFU down to the ring.]
Johnny Suave: HOLD ON! HERE COMES SNAFU!
[SNAFU has a chair in hand and slides into the ring as Butler continues to wail away on Stevens. SNAFU takes the chair and…]
Johnny Suave: CHAIR SHOT BY SNAFU!
Thunderbolt Smith: MVW CEO Jill Berg came down right after that and booked an impromptu match between SNAFU and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler with the winner getting a title shot tonight. Later on in the show, Berg also booked Bo Stevens to take on Butler after he lost to SNAFU in an elimination match tonight. The winner gets the next Television title shot against the victor of Dickinson and SNAFU later on in the show. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the match.
[Cut to Kimber in the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Our first match of the night is a ONE fall…
Audience: ONE FALL!
Kimber Marshall: …and a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first…
*’Country Boy Can Survive’- Hank Williams Jr.*
Kimber Marshall: …from Beaumont, Texas, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler!
[Butler walks out. Cowboy hat. Wrestling tights with the Texas flag on the right thigh. Black vest.]
The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged
If you go downtown
[Butler raises his arms in the air and starts his way down to the ring.]
I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive
[He rolls into the ring and starts warming up.]
Because you can’t starve us out
And you can’t makes us run
Cuz we’re them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn
Kimber Marshall: His opponent…
*”Outlaw” – Texas Hippie Coalition*
Well…I’m like a hurricane, I’m coming baby
I’m where the sun don’t shine
But damn hard on the bullet baby
It’s gonna hurt this time
No, you won’t ever see it coming baby
I get you from the blind side
So hold on tight to me baby
It’s a hell of a ride
Kimber Marshall: …accompanied to the ring by Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother no one ever knew existed…
Cause I’ve been known to break the law
And yes, it’s true, I own a gun
And I think it’s best that you
Don’t try to tell me what
Kimber Marshall: …from the great state of Texas…please welcome…BOOOOOO…STEEEEE-VANS!
[Stevens and Tebow walk out. Stevens raises his fist in the air. Tebow drops to one knee and bows his head while placing his balled left fist against his forehead aka…‘Tebows’.]
That I’m an outlaw
And I’ve got my pride
The law man he wants to hang me high
Yes I’m an outlaw
On a long hard ride
Until the day I die
Until the day I die baby
Thunderbolt Smith: Winner gets a Television title shot. You know ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler would anything to get another chance at the belt.
Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, Bo Stevens has his sights set on the TV belt and I’m pretty sure he’s going to do everything in his power to get that title shot.
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler
Referee: Brent Payson
[Payson signals the timekeeper to ring the bell.]
[Butler walks slowly to the middle of the ring. Stevens remains on the ring apron in his corner with Tebow where the two exchange fist bumps.]
Bo Stevens: Gotta have belief…
[Bo looks at Tebow as if he’s waiting for him to do something. Tebow stares back at Bo and blinks. Finally…]
Ted Tebow: What!
Bo Stevens: You didn’t Tebow.
Ted Tebow: You didn’t say it right.
Bo Stevens: Huh?
Ted Tebow: You didn’t say BO-lief. You said be-lief…
[It takes Bo a second to register.]
Bo Stevens: Oh. Gotta have BO-
[Meanwhile, in the interim Butler finally tired of waiting and rushes forward. He slams into Stevens…he’s slammed into Tebow who’s in the process of trying to ‘Tebow’…and both go flying off the ring to the floor.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Patience is not one of Dan Butler’s virtues.
[Butler then climbs up to the top turnbuckle as Stevens and Tebow wonder what truck just ran into them.]
Rick Hall: Neither is high risk moves but it looks like Butler’s making an exception here.
[Butler lines up his target and flies off the corner. He lands square on Stevens and uses the momentum to roll over Tebow.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Two for the price of one and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is off to a flying start.
Rick Hall: Flying…gotcha.
[Butler reacts first. He takes Stevens by the hair and drags him back to his feet. He launches Stevens, still trying to catch his breath after being crushed by the two hundred and fifty-five pound Butler, into the edge of the ring. Butler then rolls him back into the ring and immediately takes an arm bar on Stevens. Bo tries to roll out but Butler won’t let him. Butler throws in a couple boots to the midsection while wrenching the hell out of Stevens’s arm.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler wrestling with a purpose.
Rick Hall: Bo Stevens isn’t the only one with TV title designs. Butler had the belt first. He lost it in his first defense and he really, really wants it back.
[Stevens swings his legs up and kips back to his feet. Bo then swings his leg and boots Butler in the groin. Butler breaks the hold on his arm and doubles over.]
Thunderbolt Smith: And Bo really, really wants that belt too.
[Stevens pushes Butler into the corner. The Cowboy loops his arm around the ropes and Payson calls for a break. Stevens obliges…but slips in a slap to Butler’s face as he backs off.]
[Butler is not amused.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Well. Bo Stevens showing a little brass here.
[Butler methodically makes his way towards the middle of the ring while Stevens hops up and down. He stalks Stevens who extends his arms outward as if to say ‘what?’]
Rick Hall: I’m not sure if Stevens should be doing that?
[Butler paces slowly back and forth and glares at Stevens.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Like a tiger waiting for his prey.
[Stevens locks up with Butler…Butler shoves him back into the corner. He throws a wild right hand that Stevens ducks under. Stevens trades places and nails Butler with an open handed right. Again, Butler shoots a nasty look back at his opponent.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Stevens showing no fear.
Rick Hall: Stevens showing no brains. He’s poking the proverbial Texas bear and when the bear gets his claws on him it’s not going to be pretty.
[Butler circles. Stevens gets on his bicycle and starts talking to the Texan. He high steps it back and forth while Butler eyes him. Finally, Butler and Stevens lock up in a collar and elbow…Stevens backs Butler into the corner. Payson steps in and calls for a break. Stevens releases and goes for another slap. Butler ducks under and throws his own open handed right hand slap…then a left hand slap…and a right…and a left. Stevens to a seated position. Butler lays the boots in. Finally Stevens takes a powder and slips outside the ring.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Well, Bo’s game plan doesn’t seem to be working.
Rick Hall: I get what he’s trying to do. But I’m not sure it’s going to work with ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler. Stevens wisely bails and confers with Ted Tebow to reassess his strategy.
[Stevens and Tebow discuss trying a different approach with Butler. Tebow whispers something in his ear. Stevens nods and climbs back into the ring. He goes with the ‘nicer’ approach and offers his hand to shake. Butler doesn’t buy it and continues to advance on Stevens. Stevens skips to the side and around Butler forcing the bigger man to chase again. Finally, Stevens stops and raises his left arm up.]
Thunderbolt Smith: A test of strength?
Rick Hall: Gotta give him credit, Stevens is ballsy.
[Butler is more than happy to raise his right arm up. They hook up. Nothing of note happens until Butler snaps a left off Stevens’s chest and follows with a kick to the midsection…and another kick. A third kick sends Stevens down. Butler’s not satisfied with that. He brings Stevens back to his feet and starts peppering him with right hands driving him right back down in the corner. Stevens again bails under the bottom rope to the floor. But this time, he latches on to Butler’s leg and pulls…Butler loses his footing and falls. Stevens drags him out of the ring and runs him into the ring post.]
Rick Hall: Now, that make sense. Stevens needs to find a way to slow Butler down.
[Stevens runs Butler into the ringpost a second time. Payson starts to count. Stevens steps back into the ring and starts a conversation with the referee. As he distracts Payson, Ted Tebow swoops in with the intention of ramming Butler into the ringpost a third time. Except…]
Audience: BO-lief! BO-lief! BO-lief!
[…he’s forced to ‘Tebow’ everytime the crowd chants ‘BO-lief’.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Well, the plan was sound. But Stevens didn’t take into consideration the MVW fans.
[Tebow tries to get at Butler but again has to ‘Tebow. Stevens throws up his hands and runs towards the ropes…he baseball slides out and catches Butler flush in the jaw.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Stevens with the baseball slide and Butler did not see it coming.
[Stevens takes Butler and rams his head against the ringpost.]
Thunderbolt Smith: His head hit hard against the ringpost. Butler looks dazed.
[Stevens rolls Butler back into the ring and follows. After pushing Butler to the center, Stevens wraps his arm around the neck, presses his biceps against one side of Butler’s neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.]
Thunderbolt Smith: SLEEPER HOLD!
Rick Hall: Stevens has him in the middle of the ring.
Thunderbolt Smith: Stevens is bringing out all the stops here tonight.
[Stevens leans back and squeezes Butler’s neck inside the arm.]
Rick Hall: That’s one way to negate Butler’s power, Thunderbolt. Stevens has wrestled an extremely tactical match tonight. He set out to keep Butler completely off balance and I think it’s paying off.
[Referee Payson checks for a choke.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler might be fading.
[Again, Stevens cinches in the sleeper. Finally Payson lifts Butler’s arm. It falls back to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s one.
[Payson lifts the arm again…it returns to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s two.
[Payson lifts the arm a third time…it starts to fall to the mat but stops. Suddenly, Butler comes back to life.]
Rick Hall: He’s not done yet.
[Butler powers up to a sitting position. Stevens tries to keep the sleeper hold on. Butler tries to get back to his feet…he elbows Stevens…he elbows him again…Stevens releases the sleeper.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler out but does he have anything left?
[Stevens tries to take a step back and walks into a looping right hand by Butler that spins him into the corner. Butler bends over and rams his shoulder into Stevens’s midsection. And again…and again…a fourth time.]
Rick Hall: I’d say he’s found his second wind.
[Butler whips Stevens across the ring to the opposite corner. Stevens hits hard back first and stumbles forward. Butler takes off…winds up with his arm outstretched…and tries to decapitate Stevens.
Thunderbolt Smith: BIG Texas Lariat by ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.
[Landing on his back with a ‘THUD’, Stevens tries to scramble back to his feet but Butler hooks a leg and covers.]
[Kick out by Stevens.]
[Butler lays the boots on Stevens who can’t get out of the way.]
Thunderbolt Smith: He’s fighting with a sense of desperation!
Rick Hall: Butler lost a tough one at MVWA 78. He lost a couple tough matches to Bill Dickinson. The last thing he wants to do is lose another here.
[Stevens grabs and twists Butler’s foot and sends the Texan to the mat. Both men then jump back to their feet. Stevens with a right. Butler returns the favor. Stevens with another right. Then Butler. Stevens. Butler. Stevens. Butler.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Back and forth they go! This has become a real fight in here.
Rick Hall: They’re both fighting as if they’re fighting for their lives here.
[Stevens connects with another right. Butler doubles up on his rights…steps forward…but Stevens slips the right foot behind Butler and trips him to the mat. Butler’s head hits the mat hard. Stevens covers right away.]
[Butler kicks out and Payson holds up two fingers.]
[Stevens takes a side headlock and walks Butler to the ropes. He jumps and plants his feet on the top rope…swings his legs around and plants Butler face first on the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: BO-dog!
[Stevens hooks the leg. Payson slides in.]
[Butler kicks out again. Payson holds up two fingers.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That was close!
Rick Hall: Beautiful BO-dog by Stevens sets up the near fall.
[Stevens hits a knee drop on Butler. And another. And another. Then he stands up and shouts…]
Bo Stevens: BO-LIEF!
[Tebow ‘Tebows’. Stevens drives the knees into the midsection of Butler. He runs the ropes. Butler tries to get back to a sitting position but Stevens drives the boot into the face and the Cowboy is driven to his back. Stevens jumps up on the second rope and then flies off to splash Butler. He covers.]
[Butler grabs the ropes.]
[Stevens backs up and allows Butler to get back on his feet. He takes Butler’s arm and goes to whip him across the ring. But Butler reverses and sends Stevens into the corner. Butler charges in…Stevens jumps up on the second rope…then the top rope and flips behind Butler. Stevens takes a side headlock and goes for a DDT…Butler throws him off…steps back…and whistles a right hand that nails Stevens.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Big right hand by ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and that stuns Bo Stevens.
[Bo staggers into the ropes. Butler whips him into the ropes. He bends over on Stevens’s return but Bo swings his foot and connects with Butler flush on the jaw. Butler drops to a knee. Stevens pulls Butler’s arms behind his back but then slips his arm around the neck and pulls his head off to the side.]
Thunderbolt Smith: BO-FLEX!
Rick Hall: It’s a variation of a crossface chickenwing and Dan Butler is in big trouble!
Thunderbolt Smith: This could be it!
[Stevens has the hold in nice and snug. Butler starts to fade.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Can Bo hang on and earn a Television title shot?
Rick Hall: it’s right there, Thunderbolt. He’s almost there.
[Finally, Butler taps out.
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s it!
[Payson calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler taps out to the BO-flex and Bo Stevens has put himself in line for a Television title shot!
Kimber Marshall: Your winner…BOOOOOOOOOOOOO…STEEEEEE-VANS!
[Stevens raises his arms in victory. Tebow…’Tebows’ of course. Butler is back up to a sitting position and wondering what he has to do to get a win.]
Rick Hall: Another tough loss for ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler. But he has nothing to be ashamed of. He looked dead in the water and somehow found another gear to get back in the match.
Thunderbolt Smith: Bo Stevens with the win. We will be back after these messages.
Regressive Insurance Commercial
[Shot in black and white, the commercial starts out in an old fashioned kitchen right out of the 1950’s. Dawn McGill, wearing an arch-typical 1950’s red dress with white ruffles and sporting a 1950’s bouffant hair style, sits at the kitchen table with an antique adding machine to her right. She looks the part of the stereotypical happy suburban housewife, complete with big, pearly smile, as she sifts through the monthly bills.]
Announcer: The secret to a happy home in these modern times is a housewife who’s in control of the finances.
[McGill glances up and looks straight at the camera.]
Dawn McGill (in an extremely pleasant voice): Actually, any wife, husband, or human person could use Regressive Insurance’s ‘Set Your Own Price’ magic marker…
[Dawn holds up the giant, prop-like magic marker aka the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool.]
Dawn McGill: …to take control of their budget.
[Dawn slightly tilts her face and smiles.]
Announcer: And while the men do the hard work of making money…
[Close up on McGill as her facial expression changes. She looks slightly annoyed now.]
Announcer: …she can get all the car insurance options her little heart desires.
[No check that. She looks a little pissed off.]
Dawn McGill: Men do the hard work of making money? Really?
[Cut to the announcer guy- a walking, talking relic from the 1950’s.]
Announcer (smiling and scoffing): Women don’t have jobs making money.
[Cut back to Dawn. She looks at the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool. Then she looks at the announcer guy like a tiger eyeing its prey.
[Cut to the announcer guy.]
Announcer: Modernizing car insurance the-*WHACK*
[McGill cracks the announcer guy with the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool.]
Announcer: Owww. You hit me.
[Then Dawn takes a headlock and gauges the announcer’s forehead with the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool. Blood begins to flow from over his right eye.]
Announcer: Where’s your husband?”
Dawn McGill: Where’s my husband? I’ll show you where my husband is.
[Dawn takes announcer guy by the arm and flings him into the kitchen table. Then she goes to the cupboard and pulls out a skillet. No, not the newfangled skillets but the old fashioned iron skillet. McGill lifts the skillet and…]
[…brains the hell out of announcer guy with it.]
[The director of the commercial runs out.]
Director: Hey! You can’t-
[Fade to black.]
Fred’s Sr. Commercial
Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.
[The spot starts as Dark and Stormy, valets for Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion Ray McAvay and wearing McAvay’s official ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ T-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, exit a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow restaurant. The ladies walk in slow motion towards a pick-up truck hauling a trailer with a hot tub on it…each carrying a bag full of Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow food.]
[They climb up onto the trailer and sit on the edge. Feet dangling from the trailer, Dark and Stormy each pull out a Carl’s Jr’s half pound Western Bacon Thickburger and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]
[Cut to inside the store, a mother and her two teenage sons are dining. One of the son’s turns and stares at Dark and Stormy. Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind thanks to a huge off screen fan, sees the boy and waves.]
[Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the breeze, takes a huge bite from the sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce that’s slathered onto the sandwich falls and stains her pearly white t-shirt. Of course, she’s horrified at the development. She slips off her pumps and climbs into the hot tub. While keeping the Thickburger high and dry, Dark then dunks herself into the water and rises back up. Her hair now wet…and the t-shirt too but thanks to strategic camera placing and shots, we don’t see any more of her than we really need to for mainstream television purposes.]
[The patrons in the restaurant?]
[Cut to the store. A crowd of people flood to the window.]
[Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Thickburger and, shocking, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt. So she kicks off her shoes too and climbs in.]
[More people crowd up against the window.]
[Stormy drops into the water and comes back up. Again, strategic camera position protects America’s prying eyes from seeing more than they should.]
[The mother inside the store with the two teenage boys notices that they are missing. Where did they go?]
[The boys have their faces pressed up against the window and watch.]
[Back to the trailer, a strange man wearing a janitor’s uniform climbs up onto the trailer and hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then all over herself. Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the sauce off Dark’s shirt…and then her neck…and then her arms.]
[At that point, the crowd that used to be inside the store suddenly stream outside.]
Announcer Guy: Two for the price of one.
[Stormy pours some of the barbeque sauce on herself and Dark begins to lick it off her.]
Announcer Guy: Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow’s Half Pound Western Thickburger
[Dark then begins to raise up Stormy’s shirt as the commercial ends.]
[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]
Thunderbolt Smith: It’s Missouri Valley Wrestling coming to the William L. White Auditorium in Emporia, Kansas this Wednesday night with the MVW Men’s champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Regina McGill, Weapons of Mass Destruction and others. Eight o’clock bell time in Emporia, Kansas.
Rick Hall: Friday night, MVW returns to Jefferson City, Missouri for a big show at the Jefferson City High School Gymnasium. Eight-fifteen bell time…Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens and the SEC headline…’Redneck’ Bill Dickinson will also be at the big show this Friday night in Jefferson City, Missouri.
Thunderbolt Smith: MVW visits the SIU Arena on the campus of Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Illinois with an eight o’clock bell time for a huge Saturday night show. Ray McAvay, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, The Kardoucheians and many others will all be in Carbondale this Saturday.
Rick Hall: Finally, Sunday afternoon it’s Missouri Valley Wrestling action south of the Ohio River at the Racer Arena in Murray, Kentucky. Your favorite MVW stars will all be in Murray, Kentucky this Sunday.
Thunderbolt Smith: Other shows coming up include…
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO
December 1st – Pittsburg, KS
December 2nd – Wichita, KS
December 3rd – Dodge City, KS
December 6th – Miami, OK
December 8th – Joplin, MO
December 9th – Springfield, MO
December 10th – Bentonville, AR
December 16th – MVWA 80
– Hinkle Fieldhouse / Indianapolis, IN
JOHN PARIAH TRIBUTE SHOW ‘IN HIS NAME’
[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]
Thunderbolt Smith: As you may have heard, earlier this week PWX and Redefine wrestler John Pariah passed away. MVW Men’s champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Tag Team Champions P.M.C. Banks and Justin Beaver and TV Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson helped lead MVW wrestlers in a ten bell tribute to Pariah that aired Wednesday night. A tribute show to Pariah called ‘In His Name’ has been announced and I can let everyone know that Ray McAvay will be participating in the show against a yet unnamed opponent.
Rick Hall: So far…wrestlers who have announced their intention to participate in the show include: Noah Hanson, Adam Stryker, ‘The Wrestling Machine’ Nighthawk, ‘The Rooster’ Jan van der Roost, Johnny Ajax, Kirsta Lewis, Elijah Black, Allister Black, ‘Godly’ Ken Davison, Valerie Lamb, ‘The Neck Breaking Beast’ Michael Norcia, Brian Hollywood, Darin Zion, John ‘Wrath’ Ojeda, Anton Chase, Tweeder, Kolic, Chris Kostoff, Julliet Brooks, Pat Gordon, Jr., Jordan Ciserano, Tyler Graves, Scott Stevens with more to come.
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s a pretty darn good mix of PWX, Redefine Pro Wrestling, and wrestlers from other companies in one big show. The ‘In His Name’ card will be announced in the next couple days and we will have more on this as details come in. Now, let’s go to the lovely Blair Moise who’s backstage with the challenger in tonight’s main event. Blair?
SNAFU/E.J. FLACK INTERVIEW
[Cut to backstage where Blair Moise stands in the hallway.]
Blair Moise: Blair Moise here with SNAFU and his manager Coach E.J. Flack.
[SNAFU and Flack join the shot.]
Blair Moise: E.J., at MVWA 78 SNAFU defeated ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.
E.J. Flack: That’s right. SNAFU has embraced the concept of ‘Narfle the Garthok’ and used that to overcome a size advantage and beat Dan Butler. Again, anyone can row a boat. But it takes something special to be able to…NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
[Flack points at his jacket where it says ‘Narfle the Garthok!’
Blair Moise: Gotcha. Now. Tonight. TV Title. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson. The three hundred and thirty pound Southern Brawler. How do you deal with him?
E.J. Flack: Doesn’t matter how big they are. I eat challenges for breakfast. SNAFU eats challenges for breakfast. A garthok eats an oar for a snack. SNAFU eats an oar for a snack.
[SNAFU seems surprised to hear that. He mouths ‘eats an oar?’]
E.J. Flack: A garthok runs into a fight, not away. SNAFU runs into a fight. A garthok eats difficult conversations, and people, like fat people chew through a breakfast burrito at the local McDonald’s and so does SNAFU. I can promise you this, folks, SNAFU will out-care everyone else, out-give everybody else, and out-how everybody else. He will somehow find a way to- NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
E.J. Flack: …and beat ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson tonight.
[Blair moves the microphone over to SNAFU.]
Blair Moise: SNAFU, do you have anything else to add?
[SNAFU shrugs and shakes his head no.]
Blair Moise: Okay then. SNAFU faces ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson later on tonight for the MVW Television title. I’m Blair Moise. Back to you Thunderbolt.
THE KARDOUCHEIANS COME CALLING
[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast desk.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s coming up in a little bit. In the meantime, the Kardoucheian Empire have come to the ring…
[The audience boos.]
Thunderbolt Smith: …and as you know, Dawn McGill lost her match with Khris Kardoucheian and went on a ‘dream date’ with his son Ken last Saturday night.
(FILM CLIP: This week’s episode of ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’)
[Ken waits outside Dawn’s hotel room. She’s inside getting dressed and freshened up for their big night out. Ken appears a little nervous and fidgety as he taps his foot on the floor and can’t figure out if he wants to put his hands in his pockets or keep them to his side.]
Ken Kardoucheian (voiceover): I waited there not knowing what to expect. Given the circumstances, I had no clue how she would react.
[The door opens and Dawn comes out. Ken’s jaw drops because she’s actually dressed up for the night in a black knee length dress with a pair of killer black heels. She looks at Kardoucheian and rolls her eyes.]
Dawn McGill: Let’s go. We need to stop at the liquor store on the way to wherever you’re taking me.
Ken Kardoucheian (confused): Huh?
Dawn McGill: We’re picking up some Elijah Craig Barrel Proof Whiskey.
[Ken exhibits the ‘deer in the headlights’ look.]
Dawn McGill: Trust me kid. It’s going to be a long night and you’re going to need it.
[She grabs his hand and yanks him down the hallway.]
[Cut to the ring and the Kardoucheians who are extremely pleased with what transpired at MVWA 78.]
Khris Kardoucheian: Well. In case you folks are one of the few people who did not see this week’s episode of ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’-
[Again, the audience boos which mildly irritates the Kardoucheians.]
Khris Kardoucheian: …whatever…you know you love our show. The top ratings say so. So, you saw a certain Dawn McGill on her dream date with Ken on what had to be a special night for her. And let me tell you, I wasn’t quite sure how this would go. I thought this was going to be an off-the-charts episode. But I was wrong.
Khris Kardoucheian: It was completely *BLEEP*-ING off the charts.
[Khris slaps Ken on the back.]
Khris Kardoucheian: Ken?
[Ken Kardoucheian…the beneficiary of said ‘dream date’…steps up.]
Ken Kardoucheian: Well, after we left the St. Louis Convention Center and stopped by Dawn’s hotel room so she could change into something suitable, I escorted her to the Three Sixty…an indoor/outdoor bar and eatery with three hundred and sixty degree views of downtown St. Louis from four hundred feet up. Glass walls from floor to the ceiling made it look like we were sitting in the clouds. It was spectacular.
(FILM CLIP: Ken and Dawn’s Dream Date at the Three Sixty)
[Ken gawks out the window at the view.]
Ken Kardoucheian (excited): Isn’t this spectacular?
[McGill doesn’t answer. She has five shot glasses lined up in front of her and she’s systematically downing each one.]
Dawn McGill: You’re falling behind Ken…let’s go.
[Ken also has five shot glasses in front of him.]
Ken Kardoucheian: Oh.
Ken Kardoucheian: After dinner, I took Dawn to Rue 13…a club that caters to upwardly mobile young people like myself. I thought after a nice dinner…a little music and dancing would lighten Dawn’s spirits up.
(FLIM CLIP: Ken and Dawn sitting at a table at Rue 13)
[Dawn downs the third of five shots parked in front of her. On the other side, Ken seems to be struggling a bit with his first shot.]
Ken Kardoucheian: Are you sure you don’t want to go out and dance?
[Dawn shakes her head no as she lifts the fourth shot glass up and drinks it down.]
Dawn McGill: You’re falling behind again, Ken. Let’s go.
[Ken takes the shot glass and drinks it down. His eyes widen as the warm vapors of the high proof whiskey bourbon exhales through his nose.]
Ken Kardoucheian: And then we decided to go back to my hotel room. That’s when things got interesting if you know what I mean.
(FLIM CLIP: Ken and Dawn in the back seat of the limo)
[Ken is leaning back against the seat with a bottle of Elijah Craig Barrel Proof Whiskey with a quarter of its contents left in his hand. He’s blitzed. McGill sits next to him. She, too, has a bottle of Elijah Craig Barrel Proof Whiskey that’s about half gone in her hand.]
Ken Kardoucheian: I…I can’t drink any more.
[Dawn guzzles down a massive drink from her whiskey bottle. Then she grabs Ken by the lapel…pulls him towards her…and starts making out with him. This lasts for thirty seconds. Then they come up for air. Dawn takes another swig of whiskey. Ken does the same…]
Ken Kardoucheian: We reached the hotel and the rest was magic…what I remembered of it…which isn’t a whole lot…
Khris Kordoucheian: The good thing is that we’ve got it all down on video. Now, I know that everyone’s asking why the video stops while they were still in the limousine. Because…it seems that Miss McGill is a little embarrassed by what transpired after that point. So much that she called me the next day and all but begged me to make a deal to keep the rest of that video from ever seeing the light of day. Something about her being a mother and not wanting her kids to ever see that. So…she offered me a deal. Dawn stated if I would keep the video out of the public domain, she would leave Missouri Valley Wrestling for good.
[Boos from the audience.]
Khris Kardoucheian: No, no. I know. She’s taking the easy way out.
[No, that’s not what the audience is booing.]
Khris Kardoucheian: But, I felt sorry for her. And I was willing to take her up on her most enticing offer. That is…until…
Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, Justin Beaver, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann
[A spotlight illuminates the entrance area. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter, a heavily bandaged up Charlie Blackwell, the new MVW Tag Team Champions P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver with his valets ‘Young Hollywood’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt with her guitar that leaks out white powder leaving a trail behind her, and MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens come out. Splitter also carries a briefcase with him.]
Khris Kardoucheian: …well…I got a call from my good friend Mr. McMann. He’d heard about what happened last Saturday night and offered me a business deal that I couldn’t refuse.
Mr. McMann: That’s right. Mark?
[Splitter walks forward and joins McMann. Then the two head to the ring.]
Khris Kardoucheian: At the end of the day, it’s all about making money. The video from what went down last Saturday would be worth millions on the open market.
Mr. McMann: And thanks to the generosity of Mr. Splitter, we’ve come up with a number that’s acceptable to all parties involved…well, with the exception of Miss McGill of course.
[McMann and Splitter climb into the ring. Splitter opens up the case and pulls out a check.]
Mr. McMann: I believe two million dollars will settle this.
[Khris’s eyes light up.]
Khris Kardoucheian: Yes. Oh yes it will.
[Splitter hands the check to him. Khris hands the sole copy of the video to Mr. McMann. They all shakes hands and the Kardoucheians take their leave…significantly richer than when the evening began.]
Mr. McMann: So now…
[Mr. McMann holds up the video.]
Mr. McMann: …what to do…what to do. The first thing we did was to make sure Dawn McGill was here. Um…Dawn? You might want to come on out.
[Again, the spotlight shines on the entrance area. Dawn McGill, dressed in her everyday clothes as if she was not expected to be at the show ie…white button down blouse, blue jeans, slip on flats, reluctantly makes her way down to the ring. She does get an ovation from the MVW fans.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Just wondering. Does this mean that Ken Kardoucheian gets one of those ‘I kissed Dawn McGill T-shirts?’
Rick Hall: Shhhh.
[McGill climbs into the ring. She stops well short of McMann and glares at him.]
Mr. McMann: You know, Dawn. I remember a month and a half ago coming up with a plan that would bring you into the SEC.
(REPLAY: September 17th, 2017 MVW Sunday Night Wrestling)
[McMann, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, and Regina McGill all sit around a table. McMann glances down occasionally at a binder containing his notes and talking points.]
Mr. McMann: …I have come to the conclusion that we need to adjuster our plan to entice Dawn McGill to join the SEC. In order to achieve our corporate objective, I believe we should now let the Kardoucheians do the heavy lifting from the wrestling side. It’s clear that the Kardoucheians will be useful in that endeavor…
Mr. McMann: Very useful.
[Dawn looks over McMann towards the back as if she’s expecting help to arrive. McMann notices.]
Mr. McMann: There’s no one coming to your rescue, Dawn.
Dawn McGill (defiantly): No? Really?
Mr. McMann: Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard but the big reason your ex-husband Ray McAvay isn’t here tonight is because…well…
[The video screen comes alive. It shows a photo taken last night at Mullet John’s Strip Club and Beer, Bait, and Ammo store in Fort Stockton, Texas of McAvay, Dark (aka…Stacee Perry), and a Justice of the Peace. It’s obviously a wedding ceremony.]
Mr. McMann: …just look there.
[McGill spins and looks. Her eyes widen and then her face sags when she sees the picture. Surprised and stunned by the photo, she lets loose an audible sigh and looks away.]
Mr. McMann: And I know for a fact that your Island of Misfit Wrestlers are still licking their wounds after they lost the tag team title belts to the SEC last weekend so I wouldn’t expect them to come running out here. So, it’s just you.
Dawn McGill: All right, McMann. What do you want?
Mr. McMann: Dawn, here’s the deal. I don’t know what’s on this video that the Kardoucheians shot but it intrigues me that you don’t want it to become public. So much that you’re willing to go home and stay there. I personally think that’s a waste of your talent and one of our corporate objectives was to bring you into the SEC so-
Dawn McGill: I got it. You want me, the Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt, to be part of the SEC. Whatever. Fine. Since I don’t have any other options here.
[McMann nods and smiles. He winks at CSPN’s Splitter.]
Mr. McMann: Well, yes…and no. Yes. You will become part of the SEC. But not as the Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt Dawn McGill.
[Dawn tilts her head and looks quizzically back at McMann.]
Mr. McMann: For the past three months Dawn, you’ve played this brainless blonde bimbo airhead character, who by the way oh so conveniently broke out of character whenever your tag team got in trouble, when I wanted the Six Foot Demolition Machine for MVW. You did it just to piss me off. I think you termed it ‘Sports Entertainment Barbie,’ yes?
[McGill musters up a smile back at McMann.]
Dawn McGill: Why yes…yes I did.
Mr. McMann: So, since I am the undisputed ‘Sports Entertainment Genius,’ I’ve decided that you will keep your ‘Sports Entertainment Barbie’ character in the SEC…and just tweak it a little. Now since we have Miley Vyrus and Taylor Switt in the SEC, I don’t need another female enforcer. So you, Miss McGill, will continue to play the role that you’ve perfected over the past few weeks…a brainless blonde bimbo airhead ’Sports Entertainment Barbie.’
Dawn McGill (surprised): What?
Mr. McMann: You won’t slip out of character to get involved in matches. You’re only job is to be the SEC’s eye candy character…and that’s all! Now, let’s go celebrate our success!
[McMann points to Charlie Blackwell who’s still standing with the main group outside the ring.]
Mr. McMann: Charlie Blackwell! Charlie, take a bow. You put personal ambition and the well-being of the SEC over family and as a result, you played a major part in the SEC reaching all three of our corporate objectives. You have taken a huge leap up the ladder and shown me that you are learning the ways of the corporate world. Way to go Charlie!
[McMann claps. The audience boos. McGill turns and shoots Charlie a nasty scowl. McMann comes up to her and takes her by the arm. She initially appears as if she’s going to haul off and deck McMann…and the audience rises up believing she’s about to do it…but in the end, Dawn thinks better of it and exits the ring with McMann.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Wow. What a turn of events there.
[McMann and Splitter escort McGill to the back.]
Rick Hall: So let me get this straight. McMann and Splitter purchased a video of this alleged encounter between McGill and Ken Kardoucheian last weekend without looking at the tape first?
Thunderbolt Smith: I believe so.
Rick Hall: Boy, it would suck big time if the video wasn’t what was advertised.
Thunderbolt Smith: Yes it would.
Rick Hall: Big time. Just sayin’.
Thunderbolt Smith: Yep. And the other story that came of this is that Ray McAvay has married West Texas Adult Entertainment Legend Dark.
Rick Hall: Congratulations Ray and Stacee. And we will see McAvay back here next Sunday night.
Thunderbolt Smith: Now we’ve got Blair Moise backstage with the TV champion, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson. Blair?
‘REDNECK’ BILL DICKINSON INTERVIEW
[Cut to Blair backstage.]
Blair Moise: Thunderbolt, with me now is the MVW Television champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.
[Bill steps into the frame.]
Blair Moise: You heard what Coach E.J. Flack said earlier. Any thoughts?
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: Blair, Bill Dickinson doesn’t give a rat’s ass what SNAFU eats. Trees. Plants. Oars. Who the *BLEEP* cares. What Bill Dickinson cares about is what goes on in that ring where I’m going to out-fight…out-whip….and out-beat the ever-livin *BLEEP* out of SNAFU. SNAFU ain’t stepped in the ring against someone like me one on one and he’s gonna find out the hard way that all that flippy-flappy, chair throwing bull-*BLEEP* ain’t gonna work against me.
Blair Moise: Are you the least bit concerned about E.J. Flack being at ringside-
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: Oh hell no! I ain’t worried about him. Is he gonna stick his head in the ring? I don’t think so. He can’t wrassle. I can wrassle. I can fight. And if Flack makes the mistake of stepping in the ring, he’s gonna find all that out. I am the three hundred and thirty pound Southern brawler. I am the Television champion. I will leave that ring as the Television champion. SNAFU can bring all the folks he wants, that ain’t gonna change that fact.
[And with that, Dickinson exits.]
Blair Moise: Back to you Thunderbolt.
[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That is the MVW Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson. We’ll be back with the match right after these messages.
*BLEEP*-ing with McGill
[A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a campground. There’s a truck with a camper in the bed parked in a forest area with plenty of trees.]
Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.
[Three men sit around a campfire. The one on the left is crouched down on the ground munching on a piece of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. The other two are drinking coffee from a mug.]
[There’s a rustling by an old barn where four trash cans are located. All four are overflowing over the top. All three look over and see Dawn McGill with an empty water bottle in her hand. She’s wearing shorts and a tank top as she’s out for a run.]
Dawn McGill: Hey guys. Do you know if there’s any other trash receptacles nearby?
[The crouching guy snacking on the beef jerky gets an idea. He reaches into his rucksack and pulls out one of those trick cans that sprays out plastic snakes when you open it up.]
Guy #1: Hey guys.
[He shows the can to the others.]
Dawn McGill: Um. You do know that I can hear you, right?
[The other two snicker at the idea. The man on the far right who’s wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket points to a rock in front of Dawn and the other guy ‘sneaks’ over there with the can.]
Dawn McGill: Okay. You do know that I can see you sneaking up here.
[The other two watch as the guy places the can on the rock, with Dawn observing him, and then ‘sneaks’ back to the campfire.]
[Dawn looks down at the can.]
Dawn McGill: All right. I know what’s inside the can. I’m going to open it up. These plastic thingys are going to come flying out. And then I’m going to have to do something really bad to you guys.
[The three campers simply stare at her.]
Dawn McGill: Okay…fine.
[She opens the can. Two plastic snakes fly out and the campers begin to laugh. Dawn gives out a ‘look’ that said ‘seriously?’ She exhales, turns, and runs into the woods.]
[The three campers scurry towards their camper just as Dawn comes back out with a rather ominous looking weapon in hand.]
Guy #2 (panicked shout): OH *BLEEP*, SHE’S GOT AN RPG!
Guy #3 (even more panicked): RUN!
[As the campers veer off into the woods, Dawn smiles…aims…and fires the Rocket Propelled Gernade into the camper and blows it up.]
[Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the burning truck and the debris field around it.]
Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO
December 1st – Pittsburg, KS
December 2nd – Wichita, KS
December 3rd – Dodge City, KS
December 6th – Miami, OK
December 8th – Joplin, MO
December 9th – Springfield, MO
December 10th – Bentonville, AR
December 16th – MVWA 80
– Hinkle Fieldhouse / Indianapolis, IN
[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]
Thunderbolt Smith: So recapping tonight’s show. Bo Stevens got a huge win tonight over ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and he will be facing the winner of the upcoming TV title match for a shot at the belt.
Rick Hall: Bo came through with a big time performance tonight but give credit to the Cowboy as well. He’s lost some very close and hard fought matches over the past few weeks.
Thunderbolt Smith: The Kardoucheians came out and showed excerpts from the recent episode of ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ featuring Dawn McGill…whom Khris Kardoucheian defeated at MVWA 78 and as a result forcing her to have a dream date with Ken Kardoucheian that was aired on the show. But to make matter worse for Dawn, there’s a video of what supposedly occurred back at Ken’s hotel room that Mr. McMann purchased for two million dollars of CSPN’s money to blackmail McGill into being a part of the SEC.
Rick Hall: Yeah, it sounds convoluted as all hell. And Mr. McMann bought a video that he hasn’t watched which means he doesn’t know if what’s supposed to be on the video is actually on the video.
Thunderbolt Smith: That sounds pretty convoluted too.
Rick Hall: True.
Thunderbolt Smith: And we found out that MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay got married last night to West Texas Adult Entertainment Legend Dark. All right. It’s main event time and Kimber Marshall is in the ring. Kimber, take it away.
[Cut to Kimber.]
Kimber Marshall: Tonight’s main event is a one fall…
Audience: ONE FALLLLLL!
Kimber Marshall: …twenty minute time limit for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Title. Introducing first.
*NARFLE THE GARTHOK!*
[Coach E.J. Flack walks out first.]
Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by Coach E.J. Flack.
*”Feel Invincible”- Skillet*
[Then SNAFU walks out.]
Kimber Marshall: From parts unknown…SNAA-FUUUUUUU!
Target on my back
Lone survivor lasts
They got me in their sights
No surrender no
Trigger fingers go
Living the dangerous life
[SNAFU and Flack make their way to the ring.]
Hey, hey, hey
Everyday when I wake
I’m trying to get up, they’re knocking me down
Chewing me up, spitting me out
Hey, hey, hey
When I need to be saved
You’re making me strong,
You’re making me stand
Never will fall, never will end
Shot like a rocket up into the sky
Nothing can stop me tonight
[SNAFU climbs into the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: And introducing the champion…
*’Buy Me a Boat’- Chris Janson*
[‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson comes out.]
I ain’t rich, but I damn sure wanna be
Working like a dog all day, ain’t working for me
I wish I had a rich uncle that’d kick the bucket
And that I was sitting on a pile like Warren Buffett
I know everybody says
Money can’t buy happiness
Kimber Marshall: …from Gallatin, Tennessee. He is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion… ‘REDNECK’ BILL DICKINSON!
[Dickinson stares down SNAFU as he starts forward.]
But it could buy me a boat, it could buy me a truck to pull it
It could buy me a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets
Yeah, and I know what they say
Money can’t buy everything
Well, maybe so,
But it could buy me a boat
[Dickinson rolls into the ring and immediately eyes his opponent.]
Thunderbolt Smith: All right. The power of Bill Dickinson versus the extreme ability of SNAFU.
Rick Hall: SNAFU learned everything he knows about pro wrestling from watching ECW Sabu DVD’s. Tonight, he’s going to have to use everything he’s learned because Bill Dickinson is a zero *BLEEP*’s kind of guy.
[Referee Davey Keels checks out both wrestlers before he calls for the bell.]
MAIN EVENT / MVW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson ©
Referee: Davey Keels
Thunderbolt Smith: And we’re off.
[Dickinson comes right out and tries to catch SNAFU sleeping with a right hand. SNAFU sees it and ducks back. Flack barks at Keels about the closed fist.]
Rick Hall: Let the drama begin.
[SNAFU feigns left and wades in getting a collar and elbow tie up. He tries to back Dickinson up. The TV Champ simply swings him around and slams SNAFU into the corner turnbuckle.]
Thunderbolt Smith: SNAFU is not going to win any strength challenges against big Bill.
[SNAFU sneaks in a right hand. Dickinson fires right back with a right that lands SNAFU on the seat of his pants. SNAFU ducks under the middle rope. Keels calls for the break. Dickinson simply grabs both legs and pulls SNAFU back into the ring. Dickinson with a boot flattens SNAFU. Flack up on the ring apron shouting at Keels to back Dickinson up. Dickinson veers off and delivers a forearm shot to Flack that sends him flying off the ring apron.]
Thunderbolt Smith: WHOA!
Rick Hall: Dickinson warned Flack earlier not to stick his nose in the match. He did. And that’s what happens.
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson cleaned his clock.
[Dickinson pulls SNAFU up and slams him into the corner turnbuckle. SNAFU bounces off and lands face first on the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: And he’s cleaning SNAFU’s clock too.
[SNAFU rolls under the bottom rope and tries to get a time out. Dickinson follows him out. He takes SNAFU’s arm and goes to whip him into the steel barricade. But SNAFU reverses and slams Dickinson into the ring steps. SNAFU grabs a nearby chair and folds it up.]
Thunderbolt Smith: SNAFU reverses and now he’s got a chair.
Thunderbolt Smith: He drives that chair into Dickinson’s back.
[Dickinson’s splayed out over the steps.]
Rick Hall: And just like that, the momentum changes.
[SNAFU rams Dickinson’s head into the ring steps. The champions drops to his knees with his head resting on the steps. SNAFU lays in a couple boots and jumps back up on the ring apron. He hops up to the middle rope and then propels himself off and lands on Dickinson on the steps.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Springboard corkscrew senton on the ring steps.
Rick Hall: And Dickinson’s in la-la land.
[SNAFU rolls back into the ring to stop Keels’s count. Dickinson somehow gets back up on the ring apron and crawls under the bottom rope. SNAFU calls for a chair but Flack is still dazed and on the ring floor. He steps back a couple steps and hits a basement dropkick. SNAFU covers.]
[Tw- …Dickinson powers out and SNAFU lands a couple feet away. Keels shows a one count.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson kicks out. He may be hurt but he’s not close to being done.
[SNAFU drops a double knee. He walks around Dickinson…grabs both legs and flips over him while still holding the legs. Keels right there.]
[With both hands, Dickinson pushes SNAFU off to the side to break the count. Keels holds two fingers up.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson shakes him off but he’s still in a world of hurt.
Rick Hall: What’s helping Dickinson out is Flack is still recovering from the forearm and not supplying SNAFU with chairs.
[And speaking of, SNAFU slips to the floor and grabs a steel folding chair. He tosses it over the top rope into the ring and returns.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Well, speaking of that.
[SNAFU sets the chair up. He throws himself into the ropes…hops over Dickinson (no mean feat by the way)…steps on the chair and jumps to the top rope…and moonsaults onto the TV champion.
Thunderbolt Smith: TRIPLE JUMP MOONSAULT BY SNAFU!
[SNAFU somehow snags a leg after impacting and rolls Dickinson up. Keels right there again.]
Thunderbolt Smith: NEW CHAMPION!
[Dickinson kicks out at the absolute last millisecond.]
Rick Hall: NOT YET!
[Keels holds up two fingers.]
[SNAFU glares at Keels incredulously.]
Thunderbolt Smith: And SNAFU can’t believe it. He thought he had a three count there. I thought he had a three count there.
[SNAFU drops another double knee and again hooks the leg.]
[Dickinson kicks out again…this time with enough force to send SNAFU airborne. He lands on Keels who’s focused on Dickinson’s shoulders and making the count.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Another close call for the champion and SNAFU has to wonder just what he has to do to get him out of there.
[Dickinson drags SNAFU back and rolls him into a small package. But Keels is not there.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson has the pinfall but Keels is down and not available to make the count because he’s shaking off the effects of SNAFU falling on top of him.
[Dickinson sees Keels down. He releases the hold and goes over to wake Keels up. Meanwhile, SNAFU gets back to the ropes. He jumps onto the second rope and propels himself back with his elbow leading and connects. Dickinson staggers towards the ropes. SNAFU back on the middle rope. This time he leaps and head scissors Dickinson…he stretches to the floor and somehow flips Dickinson over him.]
Thunderbolt Smith: SPRINGBOARD BACK ELBOW AND THEN A SLINGSHOT HURRICANRANA!
Rick Hall: SNAFU has definitely been studying the Sabu moveset. Two beautiful moves there.
[SNAFU covers again. This time, Keels is there.]
[Foot on the rope. Keels shows two fingers.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson got his foot on the rope!
Rick Hall: Another close call.
Thunderbolt Smith: Say what you will, SNAFU is wrestling his guts out tonight.
Rick Hall: You almost wonder if Dickinson may not have taken him seriously enough.
[Dickinson gets back up to his knees. SNAFU throws a right hand. Dickinson shakes it off. SNAFU throws another right…same result. SNAFU again…same result. Dickinson back to his feet. He points to his chin tells SNAFU where to hit him.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Unbelievable! Dickinson says ‘come on!’
[SNAFU obliges. Dickinson pops him right back. SNAFU tells Dickinson to hit him again.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Now SNAFU says ‘you come on.’
Rick Hall: I’m not sure that’s the best idea.
Thunderbolt Smith: He’s ‘narfling the garthok’ Rick.
[Dickinson rocks him with a right. But SNAFU comes right back with one of his own. Dickinson. SNAFU. Dickinson. SNAFU.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Wow!
Rick Hall: SNAFU’s holding his own but-
[Dickinson kicks SNAFU square in the balls.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Oof.
Rick Hall: …then there’s that.
[Immobilized and bent over, SNAFU starts to topple over but Dickinson grabs him and places his head between his legs…lifts SNAFU to a sitting position on his shoulders…and drives him to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Powerbomb by Dickinson!
[Dickinson dives down to cover.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson for the win!
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: DICKINSON HOLDS ON AND GETS THE WIN!
Kimber Marshall: Your winner and STILL Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion…’REDNECK’…BILL…DICKINSONNNNNN!
[Keels hands the TV belt to Dickinson. SNAFU is still trying to catch his breath.]
Rick Hall: You gotta give props to SNAFU. I didn’t think he had a chance in hell…and I didn’t think he could bring the type of match he brought tonight to the three hundred and thirty pound Southern brawler. He did. He nearly pulled it off but in the end, Dickinson did what he had to do and he remains the Television champion.
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it for tonight’s show. Next week, we will hear from the new MVW Tag Team champions and see Dawn McGill as part of the SEC. MVW Men Champion and newlywed ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay. And a whole lot more. We’ll see you next week.