MVW Sunday Night Wrestling – October 22nd

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot drives her knee into the back of  ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin.  The winner of the match will face Lisa Barbosa-Stevens for the MVW Women’s Title at MVWA 78

Last Week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling:

(The Kardoucheians vs. Dawn McGill finally blows up)

[…McGill looks up. All four Kardoucheians stand a few feet away from her along with their ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew. Thankfully for her, Rah, Halitosis and Rah’s followers are close by.]

Khris Kardoucheian: You know, when the reality sets in a few years from now…when you’re sitting in your doublewide trailer…wearing your worn out pink fuzzy slippers and taking care of your fourteenth child…you’ll turn on the television and see my sons…Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian starring in whatever television ventures they may be starring in…and I hope you remember this moment…I hope EVERYONE remembers this moment.

–cut—

[The film crew switches over to Ken for his comments.]

Ken Kardoucheian: That’s right Dad. It’s time we settle our differences in the ring. You, Dawn McGill…versus me…Ken Kardoucheian. MVWA 78. The loser leaves Missouri Valley Wrestling for good.

[That wakes Dawn up. She’s gets serious and calls for a microphone of her own.]

–cut—

Dawn McGill: You want me to wrestle you at MVWA 78? You want a loser leaves MVW match? You got it! I warned you guys about making this personal. Now, it’s time for you to pay. Bring your damn film crew with you because when I’m done, you and your family can go back to what you do best- being no-talent, reality show hacks.

[‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann walks out.]

–cut—

[McMann paces back and forth with his right hand ‘talking’ and gesturing as he speaks.]

Mr. McMann: No. Why don’t we do this right. Let’s make this really…really memorable. Let’s make the stipulation really mean something…something that’ll really hurt the loser of this match.

[McMann stops and points at Khris Kardoucheian.]

Mr. McMann: How about we make the stipulation if Dawn McGill defeats Ken Kardoucheian at MVWA 78, the Kardoucheians have to QUIT their world famous and highly rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’

[Khris’s eyes bug out. This was not what he was expecting.]

–cut—

[McMann then turns to McGill.]

Mr. McMann: As for you. Since you’ve been whacking the Kardoucheians, and especially Ken, over the head time and time again about Ken’s sex tape and the Kardoucheian’s reality show, why don’t we do this. If Ken Kardoucheian defeats you at MVWA 78…oh…I’m going to love it if this actually happens…

[It’s McMann’s turn to grin…and he does so with the most impish and naughty way.]

Mr. McMann: …if you lose the match, you have to go on a special dream date…with Ken Kardoucheian…

[McGill’s jaw drops.]

Mr. McMann: …that will be taped and aired on ‘Krampin Up with the Kardoucheians.’

–cut—

(Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank, Tiny, Stan, April O’Neale blows up.)

[At a MVW Omaha, Nebraska house show…A-Bomb and H-Bomb are brawling with Average Joe and Brad Company. A redhead (April O’Neale) darts into the shot outside the ring and then disappears. The camera pans over. April stands over a downed Daisy Cutter-Bomb with one of Hank’s miniature baseball bat shaped nunchucks in her hand. Hank, Stan, and Tiny arrive and they pull Daisy up- April again uses the nunchucks on her sending Daisy back to the floor.]

[Both A-Bomb and H-Bomb see what’s going on and go to the ropes. H-Bomb actually climbs out of the ring and attacks the BBSPN.]

[Average Joe sneaks up behind A-Bomb. He slips his head under A-Bomb’s left arm and his hand around the left leg. Average Joe lifts and twists as he slams A-Bomb to the mat with an Average Slam. He then hooks the leg. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. One. Two. Three.]

–cut—

(‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann introduces the new member of the SEC…)

[Cut back to the ring where the SEC holds court. Mr. McMann has a microphone and gets ready to talk. Behind him are SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, P.M.C. Banks, Charlie Blackwell, and Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Also in the ring, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter.]

Mr. McMann: Ladies and gentlemen. It’s now time to introduce the new member of the SEC and future one half of the MVW Tag Team champions. I have scoured the wrestling landscape all over the country and all over the world for the perfect fit to join the SEC. I am now pleased to introduce to you…the new member of the SEC…

[Drumroll.]

Mr. McMann: …the Canadian Bad Boy…JUSTIN BEAVER!

[Beaver strolls out for the first time to the MVW faithful. He has trademark boy-band good looks and a pair of ever present and protruding two front teeth.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Oh. No.

Rick Hall: Justin Beaver?

[Walking out with Beaver is his good friends Young Hollywood’s Miley Vyrus and Country…er…Pop Songstress Taylor Switt (and her guitar which seems to be leaking white powder).

Mr. McMann: Let’s just say that Justin’s friends Miley Vyrus and Taylor Switt are a definite upgrade on the last two women who couldn’t cut it in the SEC.

[Miley steps to the middle of the ring and begins to ‘twerk.’]

–cut—

(…and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin- unceremoniously kicked out of the SEC by Mr. McMann- gets blown up.)

[While Vyrus twerks to her heart’s content, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin slides into the ring with her oversized Pizza Box of Doom.]

Thunderbolt Smith: IT’S TESS! IT’S TESS AND-

[*WHACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA JUST NAILED VYRUS IN THE BUTT WITH THE OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX WHILE SHE WAS TWERKING!

[Vyrus covers her ass and falls to the mat. McMann and the others scramble out of the ring save Switt who comes up on Tess from behind. Tess stares out McMann not realizing who’s behind her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess might want to turn around-

[*EL KABONG*}

Thunderbolt Smith: …eh…never mind.

[White powder showers the ring after Taylor Switt’s guitar explodes upon impact on Tessa’s head. The ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ is knocked out cold and tips down to the mat.]

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday October 22nd, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]

[Crowd applause]

[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!

[More applause.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall.

[Hall holds up an ‘I Kissed Dawn McGill’ t-shirt.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well? This is the final show before MVWA 78. Tonight we’ve got two contract signings, the MVW Men’s and Women’s champions in action, and we’re going to find out who the opponents are going to be for the Tag Team and Women’s champions at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: That’s right Thunderbolt. Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and former friend Charlie Blackwell will sign off on their match in just a few minutes. Blackwell and McAvay have clashed repeatedly over the past few weeks concerning Dawn McGill- Blackwell’s cousin and McAvay’s ex-wife.

Thunderbolt Smith: The newly formed Sports Entertainment Corporation tag team of P.M.C. Banks and Canadian Bad Boy Justin Beaver face Average Joe and Brad Company for a shot at the tag team belts in a match that was taped last night in Terre Haute, Indiana.

Rick Hall: We will see just how well Beaver incorporates himself into the corporation.

Thunderbolt Smith: And our main event tonight is going to be former SEC member ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin taking on the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot to get a title opportunity against champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens at MVWA 78…also taped in Terre Haute.

Rick Hall: You know that Tess wants this opportunity real bad.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll also find out if Dawn McGill and the Kardoucheians accept Mr. McMann’s stipulations for their grudge match. But let’s get the show on the road with our first match. Kimber Marshall is ready to kick things off.

[Cut to Kimber in the ring.]


Kimber Marshall

Kimber Marshall: Our first match is a non-title match. One fall…

Audience: ONE FALL!

Kimber Marshall: …fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first…already in the ring. He’s accompanied by the Millennial Girl.   Weighing in tonight at two hundred pounds…from Beachwood, Ohio- The Millennial Man!

[The Millennial Man, wearing earbuds and a blue tooth microphone along with what appears to be a printed pajama pants, talks with the Millennial Girl.]

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent…

*’Turn Around’- Aaron Watson*

Dark, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Bert the Janitor, Stormy

[The crowd cheers.]

Kimber Marshall: He is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s champion…

Young man on the side of the road.
Lost and beat up with nowhere to go.
Smells like a hangover from days ago,
but he does what he can to survive.

[McAvay, with the MVW Men’s title belt around his waist, rises from the Deplorables section along with West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, both rocking the MVW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys, and the rest of his group which includes General DeBauchery, resembling a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds. He’s sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II.]

Single mom with a dead end job.
90 hour week just to keep what she’s got.
But the bills add up and now she’s caught.
She does what she can to survive.

Well, let me say that love won’t take away the pain.
But don’t be afraid cause it will never walk away.

[Also in the section: Al Cahall- sporting his six pack abs…oh wait…that’s a six pack in front of his abs, Nic Koteen- who’s smoking which surely is violating some public ordinance somewhere, and finally, Bert the Janitor- who stares ‘funny’ at the camera holding up his mop in front of a black curtain drawn closed behind them.]

Kimber Marshall: …accompanied to the ring by the Deplorables. He is from Fort Stockton, Texas…TIN CUP…RAY MAC-A-VAYYYYYYYYY!

If you’re scared that you don’t matter.
If you’re lost and need to be found.
If you’re lookin’ for a savior.
All you gotta do is turn around.

{McAvay climbs into the ring.]

No one listens to you anymore.
Any your heart has broken down.
You don’t need to move.
Love has come to you.
All you gotta do is turn around.

[The music fades down.]

=======================

MATCH ONE / NON-TITLE MATCH:

MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay
vs.
The Millennial Man

Referee: Brent Payson

=======================

[Payson asks McAvay if he’s ready. McAvay is. Payson turns to the Millennial Man. He’s not ready. The Millennial Girl snatches the microphone away from Kimber Marshall and walks to the middle of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: What the hell does she want to talk about?

[The audience boos. The Millennial Girl is not pleased.]

Millennial Girl: Shut up…SHUT UP! You people are pathetic. A bunch of male patriarchists.

[More boos.]

Millennial Girl: Okay. So, the Millennial Man finally gets the Men’s champion in the ring but it’s not for the Men’s title? Really? The Millennial Man has been in wrestling several months now. He deserves a title shot. He is being denied his rightful shot at the Men’s title and we…

Thunderbolt Smith: Hold on! I just got word from Blair Moise that there’s something going on backstage!

Rick Hall: Thank God.

Millennial Girl: …demand-

[She looks at the camera as if she knows what’s about to happen.]

Millennial Girl: Wait a minute!

Thunderbolt Smith: All right, let’s go to Blair Moise.

Millennial Girl: Don’t you dare turn that cam-

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]


Backstage Interviewer Blair Moise

Blair Moise: Blair Moise here.

[Blair points the camera towards the conflict. The camera pans over and it’s Dawn McGill and Charlie Blackwell having a heated conversation.]


‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill and ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell

Dawn McGill: …I’m not going to ask you again. Where…is…my…money?

[There’s fire in her eyes. She’s not happy in the least. Charlie’s on the defensive.]

Charlie Blackwell: Dawn, I’ve told you over and over. You had staggering debt from PCW failing. The creditors are demanding their money now. I’m doing the best I can-

Dawn McGill: Dammit Charlie. I haven’t seen one penny of my paychecks in three weeks. I’m having to borrow from Ray just to keep myself afloat.

Charlie Blackwell: That son of a bitch! He’s loaning you money and making you pay it back-

Dawn McGill: He’s giving me the money. I’m the one who’s telling him I’m paying him back. He’s not the problem, Charlie. You’re the one who won’t give an account of where my money is going.

Charlie Blackwell: But going back to your ex-husband for help? There’s an easier way.

Dawn McGill: What’s the easier way, Charlie? Joining the SEC? Is that what you’re angling for?

Charlie Blackwell: It would solve you money problems in a second.

Dawn McGill: No. Absolutely NOT!

Charlie Blackwell: Dawn, be reasonable.

Dawn McGill: I will not willingly join any group led by Mr. McMann…NEVER.

Charlie Blackwell: But-

Dawn McGill: Charlie. We’re family. But…if you do not give me a reasonable explanation for what’s going on with my money by the start of MVWA 78 next Saturday…I am going to fire you as my financial advisor. Do you understand me?

[Charlie’s mouth is tightly closed.]

Dawn McGill: DO YOU?

Charlie Blackwell (petulantly): Yes.

[Blackwell turns to leave. He stops and glances back.]

Charlie Blackwell: You’re making a mistake. A BIG mistake.

[Blackwell turns and exits. The camera pans back to Blair.]

Blair Moise: Back to you Thunderbolt!

[Cut back to the ring where the Millennial Girl continues to rant.]

Millennial Girl: …he is being denied his rightful shot at the Men’s title and it’s not fair. He’s entitled to that title shot and I’m just going to stand here and wait until we get the justice we deserve…until we get what we…

[McAvay finally tires of her and races across the ring. He brushes the Millennial Girl aside and tees up the Millennial Man.]

*DING-DING*

Thunderbolt Smith: Brent Payson calls for the bell!

[The Millennial Man sees the freight train coming and can do nothing to get out of the way. McAvay launches himself at him and splashes the Millennial Man in the corner- much to the dismay of the Millennial Girl.]

Millennial Girl: NOOOOO!

Rick Hall: She really shouldn’t be in the ring.

[Millennial Man staggers back from the corner turnbuckle. McAvay wastes zero time. He puts MM’s head between his legs…lifts him into the air…leans back and slams him to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s the McGIll Bomb!

Rick Hall: That’s going to do it.

[As a shocked Millennial Girl watches, Payson slides in and makes the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion…’TIN CUP…RAYYYYYYYY…MAC-A-VAYYYYYYYYYY!

[Payson raises McAvay’s arm in victory.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Quick and easy. Ray McAvay gets the win here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

[The Millennial Girl has thrown herself onto the mat and is now screaming and kicking.]

Rick Hall: I’m guessing that Charlie Blackwell will give Ray a much sterner test at MVWA 78.

==

BLACKWELL VS. McAVAY CONTRACT SIGNING

[Blackwell walks out. He stops. Spins. And shows off his robe with ‘Charlie Wrestling’ spelled out in back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And speaking of Charlie Blackwell. Here he comes for the contract signing.

[Blackwell walks to the ring with his eye trained on McAvay.]

Rick Hall: This is going to be interesting. There’s a lot of bad blood between Ray and Charlie at the moment.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And here comes the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling for the contract signing.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The group continues towards the ring.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone. Jill’s assistant Jerry stands behind her with a briefcase. He opens the briefcase and pulls out the contract.]

Jill Berg: All right you two. You are main eventing MVWA 78 in a match where no one else can be at ringside. Ray…no Deplorables. Charlie…no SEC. If anyone from the Deplorables or SEC comes to ringside, that wrestler will be immediately disqualified and Ray…that means you would lose the title.

[Jerry closes the briefcase and places the contract on top. He pulls out a pen from his lapel.]

Jill Berg: Make sure you double check the contract and make sure everything is in order. Let’s do this nice and neat and save the histrionics for next Saturday night.

[Jerry hands the pen to Charlie and holds the briefcase with the contract on top of it up so he can sign it. Blackwell does. Then Jerry turns to McAvay. Ray scans through the document and he signs as well.]

Jill Berg: Very good.

[Then the obligatory staredown. Ray and Charlie go nose to nose.]

Charlie Blackwell: You can’t help her, Ray. The SEC can.

Ray McAvay We’ll see about that.

Charlie Blackwell: Her destiny is with the SEC.

Ray McAvay: As I said, we’ll see about that.

Charlie Blackwell: By the way, have you ever told her…the truth? The real truth.

[Ray seems caught off guard.]

Charlie Blackwell: You haven’t, have you.

[Charlie shakes his head.]

Charlie Blackwell: You know Ray, it’s bad enough that Dawn relives what happened in Rolla last April every day and blames herself for your marriage falling apart. It’s bad enough that she kicks herself for getting drunk and allowing Mr. McMann to put her in a compromising situation…and now she blames Mr. McMann for your marriage breaking down with every fiber of her being. But you’ve never told her the real reason why you left her…

[Ray’s not the least comfortable having this conversation in front of Jill Berg…hell in front of everyone.]

Charlie Blackwell: …because…when you were separated from Dawn…when things were at its darkest between you and her…you had a one night stand with Dark…

[The crowd gasps.]

[Close up on Dark…who mouths ‘oh shit.’]

Charlie Blackwell: …and she got pregnant. And you both fell in love.

[Awkward silence. Charlie knows he’s got Ray over a barrel.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow.

Charlie Blackwell: Nope. You never did tell her that, did you. Well. My guess is after tonight…she won’t take another cent from you. Her future is with the SEC, Ray. Stay out of her affairs from now on. You should start worrying about yours…

[Blackwell points to the MVW Men’s title belt.]

Charlie Blackwell: …if you know what I mean.

Thunderbolt Smith: Okay, for our viewers unaware of the ‘Rolla incident.’ Dawn McGill had just taken over the reigns of MVW. There was a get together after the April 1st, 2016 Rolla, Missouri house show, the night before the Missouri Valley Wrestling Madness pay per view show, and Mr. McMann kept feeding Dawn drinks all night long…she became extremely drunk and…there were some pictures that came to light of her in awkward and compromising situations. Nothing really happened but the incident caused a lot of damage to their marriage…probably fatally damaged their marriage.

Rick Hall: Dark was pregnant last year but told everyone it was someone else’s baby.

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s right. A lot of people went to a lot of trouble to cover this up.

Rick Hall: Oh…boy. Dark was engaged at one point.   She never did get married.

Thunderbolt Smith: Hey…let’s go back to Blair Moise…Blair?

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]

Blair Moise: Thunderbolt.

Thunderbolt Smith: Was Dawn aware of this?

Blair Moise: She is now, Thunderbolt. As soon as Blackwell spilled the news, I tried to get a word with her. But she went back to her dressing room and slammed the door behind her. So in short, yeah, she knows.

Thunderbolt Smith: Thanks Blair.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well…on that note, let’s take a commercial break and we’ll be back in a few moments.

==

COMMERCIAL BREAK

JETFUEL EXTREME DO IT YOURSELF TAX COMMERCIAL
[SCENE: the back yard.

A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]

Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.

[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and Ray McAvay’s manager, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestler manager)]

Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.

[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]

Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?

[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]

Tim: It says…did you buy a home?

Escondido: Did you buy a home?

Tim: Ummm…

[Out of nowhere, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]

Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Escondido: Then I’d press there.

Tim: There?

*WHACK*

Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!

[Tim, in immense pain and anguish, presses the button. The display turns to a green check mark to indicate that he was successful and a message appears that reads: ‘Congrats, you get a big tax break…and a trip to the emergency room.]

Tim: Huh?

*THWACK*

Tim: AAARGHHHHH!

[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]

Escondido: Okay then.

[He then turns and walks away.]

Tim: Thanks.

[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]

Announcer: JetFuel Extreme Do It Yourself Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.

*THWACK*

Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!

==

COMMERCIAL BREAK

*BLEEP*-ing with McGill

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a supermarket checkout line.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Dawn McGill is pushing a shopping cart towards the express register for 10 items and under. Her four year old daughter Eva is riding inside the cart. Just as she’s about to reach the cashier, some guy barges through with a full shopping cart and literally pushes the other customers out of his way. He bangs into Dawn’s cart and cuts in front of her.

Eva McGill: Ow, Mommy! That man ran into us!

Dawn McGill: It’s okay, dear.   I’m sure it was just an accident-

The guy then turns to Dawn and sneers.

Jerk Man: Hey, do you mind keeping your kid quiet. I’m in a hurry here.

Dawn begins to fume as the man turns back around and starts loading up the express lane with his groceries. Of course, the express lane register isn’t built for people with an overabundance of groceries so he quickly runs out of space to put his stuff.

The guy then turns on the poor girl running the register.

Jerk Man: Come on, let’s go! I don’t have all day.

Finally, Dawn taps the man on the back of his shoulder.  

He whips around.

Jerk Man (nearly shouting): WHAT-oooooooooof…

Dawn knees him in the groin. Then she takes a side headlock and DDT’s the jerk on the hard grocery store floor.

The surrounding customers waiting in line break out in applause.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the man unconscious on the ground with blood coming out of his forehead.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

==

UPCOMING SHOWS:

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Missouri Valley Wrestling hits the road Wednesday night for one last house show before MVWA 78 at the Mabee Sports Complex in Hannibal, Missouri. Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay. Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Special appearance by the one and only Dr. Annabel ‘From Hannibal (Missouri)’ Leckler. And much, much more.

Rick Hall: Other upcoming Missouri Valley Wrestling shows…

October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO

==

‘COWBOY’ DAN BUTLER PROMO

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: The MVW fans are still buzzing over what just happened. Major revelations.

Rick Hall: I feel bad for Dawn because you hate to see something that should be a private matter play out in the public realm.

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, moving along…playing out in the public realm last week was the latest battle between MVW Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson and challenger ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

(Last Week: Dickinson © vs. Butler for the TV Title)

[…Butler up…Dickinson drills him with a right hand and the challenger goes flailing to the mat. Dickinson grabs a leg and twists it around as if he’s trying to rip a small branch off a tree. Finally, Dickinson drops an elbow to the groin area.]

Rick Hall: Every time Butler tries to get some offense going, Dickinson has the answer to put a stop to it.

[In intense pain, Butler rolls back and forth. Dickinson over. He pulls Butler up to his feet. The Cowboy sneaks in a right to the midsection. Knee lift. Forearm shot to the back of the neck. Side headlock with an eye for a vertical suplex…but Dickinson blocks and tries to scoop Butler up. Butler slips out the back and pushes Dickinson into the ropes. Butler runs the ropes. Dickinson misses a clothesline as Butler ducks under and hits the other ropes. Both try side body blocks and crash into each other in midair.]

–cut—

[…Dickinson drags Butler to a corner and climbs the corner turnbuckle while pulling his opponent up with him.]

Thunderbolt Smith: What is he going to do now?

[Setting up for a top rope powerbomb, that’s what. But Butler again reacts in desperation. He low bridges Dickinson and then throws him off the top rope to the mat.]

Rick Hall: That’s what. Butler with his final throw of the dice. He’s going up top now.

[Butler goes to the top of the turnbuckle. He leaps and goes for a top rope elbow drop. But Dickinson moves slightly…sticks his boot up…and connects flush with Butler’s face. The Cowboy is out and falls to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Oooh. That should do it.

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it! Dickinson rolls him over.

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…and STILL MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TELEVISION CHAMPION…’REDNECK.’ BILL. DICKINSON!

[The audience cheers the match.]

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is with her.]


‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler

Blair Moise: I’m with ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler. Dan…thanks for coming out to talk.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: Thank you Blair.

Blair Moise: Tough loss last week. You and Bill Dickinson had another war.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: Yes. Bill’s a tough guy but let me say this…never let it be said that ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler didn’t go after what he wanted. I had the TV belt. I lost the TV belt. And I tried to get it back. But I didn’t get the job done. Dickinson still has the belt. But that doesn’t mean ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler gives up. Never let it be said that I didn’t go after what I wanted and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler wants that Television title belt back. Bill…I ain’t giving up yet.

[Bo Stevens walks out and joins them.]


Bo Stevens

Bo Stevens: Hi Blair!

Blair Moise: Bo? I’m…I’m talking with Dan Butler right now.

Bo Stevens: I know. I heard Dan talking about not giving up and having another go against Bill Dickinson. The problem is he’s had two chances at it. And it’s time for someone else to get a shot. It’s time for…

[Bo points to himself.]

Bo Stevens: …me.

[Butler looks mildly annoyed.]

Bo Stevens: You see, once I take care of old man Escondido at MVWA 78, I want a Television title shot against Dickinson. So Dan. Congratulations. Great matches. But you can just step aside and get out of my way.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: Well, I have to say this much. I’m impressed.

[Bo seems impressed with himself.]

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: I’m impressed you’ve managed to run your mouth for a minute and not say ‘BO-lief’ once.

[Butler derisively claps his hands.]

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: Congratulations. Now run along any find your friend while the big boys OOOFFF-

[Blair lets out a squeal as Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother no one ever knew existed waffles Butler from behind with a steel chair. Stevens wraps his arms around Butler’s waist and lifts him up and over.]

Thunderbolt Smith: BO-plex on the floor!

[Stevens and Tebow lay the boots on the stunned Cowboy.]

Bo Stevens: BO-lief…

[Tebow stops stomping on Butler…drops to one knee and bows his head while placing his balled left fist against his forehead (aka…‘Tebows’) when Bo says BO-lief. Then he continues.]

Bo Stevens (as he’s repeatedly kicking Butler): BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…

[Every time Tebow goes to kick out at Butler, Bo says BO-lief so Tebow ‘Tebow’s’ instead…over and over and over]

Bo Stevens: …BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…

[Tebow ‘Tebows’…’Tebows’…’Tebows’…’Tebows’…]

Blair Moise: Okay Thunderbolt. I’m going to throw it back to you

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, if Bo Stevens can get past Chris Escondido at MVWA 78, he may be the next one in line to get a TV title shot.

Rick Hall: And if nothing else, Ted Tebow is getting quite the workout.

[Cut back to backstage. Stevens is still stomping away at Butler.]

Bo Stevens: …BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…BO-lief…

{Tebow throws up his hands and keeps going. ‘Tebows’…’Tebows’…’Tebows’…’Tebows’…]

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Um…yeah. Last night. The new issue Sports Entertainment Corporation with Canadian Bad Boy Justin Beaver in the fold teaming up with P.M.C. Banks faced Perfectly Average Company…Average Joe and Brad Company with the winner going on to MVWA 78 to meet the Island of Misfit Wrestlers for the tag title.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, Average Joe and Brad Company had the advantage of experience. They’ve tagged together and know how to work with each other. Beaver and Banks do not and that could open the door for Perfectly Average Company.

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s go to it right now. The SEC versus the PAC last night from Terre Haute, Indiana.

=====================

MATCH TWO – Taped last night at MVW House Show in Terre Haute, Indiana

The Sports Entertainment Corporation: ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver and P.M.C. Banks
vs.

Perfectly Average Company: Average Joe and Brad Company with Tequila Sheila

Referee: Davey Keels

=====================

[In the SEC corner: ‘Young Hollywood’ Miley Vyrus…she’s twerking, ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt and her guitar- that’s leaking white powder because someone overfilled the inside of it, ‘SEC Mouthpiece’ Phil Finebaum, ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell, and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens.]

[In P.A.C.’s corner: Tequila Sheila.]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: With a title match on the line, the match got underway.

[Average Joe and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver start out. Collar and elbow tie up. Beaver with a knee lift and sends Average Joe back a couple steps. Beaver whips him into the ropes and slams Average Joe to the mat. But instead of making the cover, the Canadian Bad Boy takes a moment to strut a little bit. He walks back over to Banks and high fives him not realizing that Average Joe popped right back up. Average Joe spins Beaver around and head butts him. Banks and Blackwell pull Beaver out of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: An auspicious start for Justin Beaver.

Rick Hall: I think Beaver found out real quick that Average Joe and Brad Company wouldn’t be pushovers.

[We move ahead in the match. Again, both Beaver and Banks are on the outside of the ring and conferring with Blackwell and Phil Finebaum. Banks climbs back in to face Company. Banks grabs Company’s left arm and bends it back. Beaver jumps into the ring and takes the right arm and does the same. Company flings both of them down and they simultaneously roll forward. Both SEC teammates get back up…Company rushes forward and hits a double clothesline taking Beaver and Banks back down. Banks rolls outside the ring and eats an elbow from Average Joe. Beaver slides out of the ring and talks with Blackwell and Finebaum again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: We wondered if Banks and Beaver would mesh well together. Up to this point in this match, they hadn’t.

[Finebaum and Beaver go check on Banks who’s holding his neck in pain.]

Rick Hall: It was still early on, Thunderbolt. They were still trying to figure themselves out.

[Moving forward again in the match, Beaver has the advantage on Average Joe and walks him over towards Banks. He slams Average Joe’s face into Banks’s knee and tags Banks in. Banks rips a right hand on Average Joe’s shoulder and then drapes his neck over the top rope. Keels steps him and pushes Banks back. Beaver sneaks in a cheap shot from the outside while Keels is admonishing Banks.   Banks goes to whip Average Joe into the ropes…Average Joe reverses and pops him right between the eyes. Down goes Banks. An exhausted Average Joe falls back into the ropes and then makes a desperate dash across the ring to tag in Company. Company in and standing drop kicks Banks to the mat. In comes Beaver, standing drop kick for him. Company Irish whip Banks into the ropes…catches him on the return…and slams him to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Banks and Beaver working better there but the SEC was finding out the hard way that Average Joe and Brad Company are a pretty tough tag team.

[Company again sends Banks to the ropes. This time, Company launches himself at Banks and shoulder blocks him. Banks down. Company rolls him over and covers.]

[One.]

[Tw- Beaver boots Company in the head to make the save.]

Crowd: TWOOOOOOOOOO!

[Average Joe in the ring and he goes right for Beaver. He crunches him in the corner…Beaver pitches forward and falls face first to the mat. Average Joe pulls him back up and delivers a forearm smash. Then a right hand. Keels goes over and tries to get them out of the ring.]

Rick Hall: Keels kind of lost the handle on this match at this point. He’s trying to play traffic cop and there’s too much stuff going on.

[While Keels is trying to clear the ring, Company lifts Banks in the air…Blackwell runs right in and clips the leg causing Company to collapse with Banks on top of him. Finebaum directs Keels’s attention back to the ring. Banks hooks the leg.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And the SEC take advantage of the chaos. Charlie Blackwell takes out Brad Company’s leg. Banks falls and makes the cover. Finebaum makes sure the referee sees what’s happening and counts to three.

Rick Hall: But we weren’t done yet.

[With Miley Vyrus in the ring twerking and Taylor Switt strumming her guitar and leaving a trail of white powder…

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis, Rah, and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

…Dawn McGill races to the ring- with a Singapore cane in hand – followed by tag team champions Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Rah runs through Beaver on the floor. Halitosis breathes all over Banks and causes him to wilt like a dying flower. McGill canes Blackwell not once, not twice, but three times. Tequila Sheila chases Finebaum around the ring and he runs right into McGill. McGill spins…raises the Singapore cane…and whacks Finebaum over the head with it.]

[Tequila Sheila rolls into the ring and pushes Vyrus down. Switt then takes the guitar and blasts her over the head…the guitar exploding in a cloud of white powder.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So Dawn McGill and the tag team champions opting for a pre-emptive strike on their opponents at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: I think Dawn knows that Rah and Halitosis have a steep mountain to climb this Saturday night and wanted to send a message to the SEC that they are not going to go quietly.

Thunderbolt Smith: So, it will be the SEC…’Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver and P.M.C. Banks challenging the Island of Misfit Wrestlers Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis for the MVW Tag Team Title at MVWA 78. After the match, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum had this to say…


‘SEC Mouthpiece’ Phil Finebaum

(Phil Finebaum’s Comments at Last Night’s House Show)

[Finebaum, bloodied after taking a Singapore cane shot from Dawn McGill a few minutes ago, talks with Blair Moise a few minutes later.]

Blair Moise: Okay, Phil. You got what you wanted…another shot at the Misfits.

Phil Finebaum: The Misfits don’t concern me, Blair. P.M.C. Banks and the Canadian Bad Boy Justin Beaver will be the MVW Tag Team champions after MVWA 78. The SEC will reign supreme and there’s nothing anyone…and that includes you, Dawn McGill, can do about it.

Blair Moise: Do you have a specific game plan in mind when it comes to dealing with Dawn McGill?

Phil Finebaum: Blair, we are the SEC. We are the elite. Do we have a game plan? You bet we have a game plan. I can promise you this…Dawn McGill will NOT be a factor in the match and the SEC will bring home the tag belts.

[And with that, Finebaum exits.]

==

SNAFU/E.J. FLACK PROMO


Coach E.J. Flack

[Cut to the ring. Coach E.J. Flack and his wrestler, SNAFU- who’s learned everything he knows about pro wrestling from watching Sabu DVD’s, stand ready to cut a promo.]

E.J. Flack: Ladies and gentlemen, forget about ‘rowing the boat’ because sometimes in life, you have to face the big monster thingy. Sometimes in life, you have to take on something that’s bigger than you even if its huge tusks can shred you to bits in mere seconds…even if its jagged teeth can tear through you like a hot knife through warm butter. Sometimes when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you have to…

[Both SNAFU and Flack point to the Garthok insignia on Flack’s jacket.

E.J. Flack: …‘Narfle the Garthok!’

Audience: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

E.J. Flack: There you go. You have to Narfle the Garthok!   Why? Because a garthok eats an oar for a snack. He uses an oar as a frickin’ toothpick. A garthok runs into a fight, not away. A garthok eats difficult conversations, and people, like fat people chew through a breakfast burrito at the local McDonald’s. I can promise you this, folks, I am here in Missouri Valley Wrestling to bring this message- we will to find a way to out-care everyone else, out-give everybody else, and out-how everybody else. We will somehow find a way to- Narfle the Garthok!

Audience: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

E.J. Flack: So, let’s get to the reason we’re out here. It seems a certain new wrestler…*koff-koff* Bo Stevens…*koff-koff* has designs on a certain title…*koff-koff* Television title…*koff-koff*. However, what Bo forgets is that my guy…SNAFU…

[Flack points at SNAFU.]

E.J. Flack: …has bided his time while ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and the champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson beat the crap out of each other. SNAFU patiently waited for his opportunity because when you can Narfle the Garthok!…

Audience: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

E.J. Flack: …you have all the time in the world. Now, the time has come for SNAFU to get his chance to use his extreme abilities to…

Audience: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

E.J. Flack: Very good. So, Bo? You may have BO-lief. But you haven’t Narfled a Garthok! SNAFU has and I fully expect him to get the next shot at Bill Dickinson for the TV title.

[Flack turns to SNAFU.]

E.J. Flack: Do you have anything else to add?

[SNAFU shrugs.]

SNAFU: No.

E.J. Flack: All right. Remember, when life gets hard…when times get tough…when you’re faced with what seems to be insurmountable odds…don’t give up…you-

Audience: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

==

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right, Coach E.J. Flack and SNAFU…laying their claim for a Television title shot against the champion…’Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.

Rick Hall: I have to say I agree with Coach Flack. SNAFU was one of the wrestlers in the original three way match to determine the TV champion. He probably should get the next title shot.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll see how that turns out. Speaking of getting title shots, let’s go back to last night’s Terre Haute, Indiana house show for another big match with major implications for MVWA 78. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin…cast off from the SEC by Mr. McMann and looking for revenge and redemption. ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot…backed as always by the White Trash Posse Shayne and Jaxson. They battled last night with a MVW Women’s title shot as the prize. Who would come out on top?

======================

MATCH THREE – Taped last night at MVW House Show in Terre Haute, Indiana


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
vs.

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot

Referee: Ron Martin

======================

[The bell rings. Tessa and Lani meet in the middle. Lani whiffs on a wild right hand. Tess with a short chopping right to the mid-section. Lani catches her with a left. Tess with a right. She drops and flips Lani over to the mat. Tess covers.]

[One. Lani kicks right out.]

Crowd: ONEEEEEEE!

[Tess with control of Lani’s arm. She wrings the arm and then wraps it behind Lani’s back. Then into a side headlock. Lani grabs Tess’s hair and pulls back. She tries to power out but Tess reestablishes the side headlock. She sticks her left leg out and trips Lani over it. Lani tries to rake the eyes but Tess evades her. But she reaches for the ropes and touches it with her finger. Ron Martin calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That set the stage early on. Tess did not want to get in an all-out brawl with Lani so she played the ground game early on.

Rick Hall: Tess’s experience showing here. She frustrated Lani early on.

[Lani again charges with wild right and left hand. Tess easily parries and again latches on and wrings Lani’s arm. Lani uncorks a right hand that connects sending Tess stumbling back and falling to a knee. Harlot pulls her back up and unloads another right and then a left. Tess falls back to the ropes and has to hang on to the top rope to keep from falling. Lani stays on her. She sends her across the ring to the opposite ropes…Tess slides in between her legs when Lani tries to grab her. Tess steps towards her and takes her down with snap mare. Tess runs the ropes and hits a seated Lani with a basement drop kick. She rolls on top. Martin with the count.]

[One.]

[Two. Lani gets the shoulder up.]

Crowd: TWOOOOOOO!

[Tess tries to slow things down again with a side headlock. Lani drives a right hand to the midsection but Tess holds on. Lani with a second right hand that stands Tess up. Lani whips her into the ropes but loses her balance as Tess comes back and eats a shoulder block. Lani jumps right back up…Tess leaps up and hits a standing drop kick. Lani rolls and keeps rolling until she reaches the ring apron. She jumps down to the floor to think about things.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess was terrific so far. She negated Lani’s penchant for brawling and has wrestled the match she needs to wrestle against the Queen of the Trailer Park.

Rick Hall: Ever since the breakup with the SEC, Tess seems more focused on what she wants to do in the ring. And right up to this point, she’s controlled the pace. But, a Lani Harlot of two years ago would have just self-destructed. The new issue Lani has grown by leaps and bounds into a more polished performer. We’ll see how she copes and responds.

[Moving forward in the match, Lani has seized the initiative and stands on Tess’s throat in the corner of the ring. Ron Martin is making the five count to force her to break the hold. Lani steps down and then decides it’s time to have a chat with the referee. While she does that, Jaxson and Shayne sneak around and choke Tess over the bottom rope. Ron just turns his head and catches them. He immediately points to them and the White Trash Posse scurry back to their corner. Martin glares at Lani…Lani shrugs and continues. She drags Tess to the middle of the ring and covers.]

[One.]

[Two- Tess kicks out.]

Crowd: TWOOOOOOOOO!

[Tess gets back to her knees and chops Lani in the gut.   A right hand doubles her over. Then another and Lani retreats towards the ropes. Harlot back with a clubbing right forearm to the back of Tess’s neck…Tess drops to a knee. Lani pulls her up and sends her across the ring. She sets for a back body drop but Tess swings her left leg over and passes by.   Tess drops to her back and flips Lani on her back.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Lani kicks and flips out.]

Crowd: TWOOOOOOOOO!

[Lani back up. She rushes forward and clotheslines Tess to the mat. Momentarily stunned, Tess rocks back and forth and pulls herself to the ropes while Lani wastes time posing in the ring. Lani finally rushes forward and drives a knee into Tess’s midsection. Tess is a bit groggy and tries to crawl under the bottom rope. But Lani pulls her back and walks her to the middle of the ring. She lifts Tess up…spins her around…and then drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl back first to her knee. Lani rolls her up.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Th- Tess just kicks out.]

Crowd: TWOOOOOOOOOOO!

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, we saw how Lani would respond. With the exception of the few seconds she wasted time posing when she could have been pressing the attack, Harlot roared right back into the match and had Tess in big trouble here.

Rick Hall: Lani’s grown up a lot in the ring over the past year. And now, she sees a title shot within her grasp. Now the question is…can she seal the deal?

[Moving forward again…Tess is writhing on the mat after taking another backbreaker. And again, Lani is posing for the White Trash Posse instead of moving in for the kill. Lani finally goes over to her…Tess jumps up and fires a right hand to the midsection. Lani collects herself and responds with a right of her own. Tess reaches back and nails her again with the right…Lani’s head snaps back and she tries to keep her balance. But again, Lani returns the favor and rocks Tess with a right hand that sends her into the ropes. Tess comes off the ropes with her right hand cocked and drills Lani again. Tess again with another right. And another. And another. Lani lurches forward and connects with a desperate knee lift that puts Tess on all fours. Lani to the ropes but Tess leaps up to her feet and catches her with a clothesline. Lani back up and charging…Tess with another clothesline.   Lani up…Tess sends her back down with a third clothesline. Lani up again…she bends down and drives her shoulder into Tess’s stomach right back into the corner. Lani throws a right hand…Tess ducks and wraps her arms around her torso. Lift…and over sending Lani face first into the turnbuckle. Lani bounces back out…Tess spins her around…kick to the gut…Tess turns…reaches behind Lani’s neck and drops for the Pizza Cutter. Lani hits the mat and rolls over. Tess covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

[Martin calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Experience wins out in the end. Lani blew a big time chance by not finishing Tess off when she had the chance and paid dearly in the end.

Rick Hall: Good match. Lani showed that she’s capable of wrestling with the top women wrestlers but Tessa’s been in these type of matches before and it showed last night. Tess took Lani’s best shots and waited for her opening…got it…and finished Lani off.

Thunderbolt Smith: So ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin will face Lisa Barbosa-Stevens for the MVW Women’s title next week at MVWA 78. Tess…the former SEC wrestler…versus Barbosa-Stevens…the new women’s SEC standard bearer.

Rick Hall: You know Mr. McMann and SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum are going to want to win this match in a bad way.

Thunderbolt Smith: And Tess, too. She feels she was slighted by Mr. McMann…again…and absolutely wants one last run at the top. Main event coming up right after these messages.

==

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Fred’s Sr. Commercial

Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.

[The spot starts as Dark and Stormy, valets for Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion Ray McAvay and wearing McAvay’s official ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ T-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, exit a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow restaurant.  The ladies walk in slow motion towards a pick-up truck hauling a trailer with a hot tub on it…each carrying a bag full of Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow food.]

[They climb up onto the trailer and sit on the edge. Feet dangling from the trailer, Dark and Stormy each pull out a Carl’s Jr’s half pound Western Bacon Thickburger and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]

[Cut to inside the store, a mother and her two teenage sons are dining. One of the son’s turns and stares at Dark and Stormy. Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind thanks to a huge off screen fan, sees the boy and waves.]

[Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the breeze, takes a huge bite from the sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce that’s slathered onto the sandwich falls and stains her pearly white t-shirt. Of course, she’s horrified at the development. She slips off her pumps and climbs into the hot tub. While keeping the Thickburger high and dry, Dark then dunks herself into the water and rises back up. Her hair now wet…and the t-shirt too but thanks to strategic camera placing and shots, we don’t see any more of her than we really need to for mainstream television purposes.]

[The patrons in the restaurant?]

[Cut to the store. A crowd of people flood to the window.]

[Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Thickburger and, shocking, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt. So she kicks off her shoes too and climbs in.]

[More people crowd up against the window.]

[Stormy drops into the water and comes back up. Again, strategic camera position protects America’s prying eyes from seeing more than they should.]

[The mother inside the store with the two teenage boys notices that they are missing. Where did they go?]

[The boys have their faces pressed up against the window and watch.]

[Back to the trailer, a strange man wearing a janitor’s uniform climbs up onto the trailer and hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then all over herself. Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the sauce off Dark’s shirt…and then her neck…and then her arms.]

[At that point, the crowd that used to be inside the store suddenly stream outside.]

Announcer Guy: Two for the price of one.

[Stormy pours some of the barbeque sauce on herself and Dark begins to lick it off her.]

Announcer Guy: Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow’s Half Pound Western Thickburger

[Dark then begins to raise up Stormy’s shirt as the commercial ends.]

==

UPCOMING EVENTS

October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO

==

JILL BERG’S OFFICE

[The CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling, the phenomenon known as Jill Berg, looks less than thrilled when Khris Kardoucheian leads his sons Ken, Koley, and Khourtney into her office.]

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

Jill Berg: Um…the contract signing isn’t for a few more minutes-

Khris Kardoucheian: Jill, I don’t think the Kardoucheians should have to put up our world-famous, top rated ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ in this match.

Jill Berg: Why?

Khris Kardoucheian: We shouldn’t have to. We’re the Kardoucheians.

Jill Berg: Why?

Khris Kardoucheian: Why should we have to put up anything? Once again, the Kardoucheians are being treated like second class citizens-

[Jill’s not in the mood for this.]

Jill Berg: Shut up. Just. Shut. Up. You don’t think Dawn McGill is putting up something in this match?

Khris Kardoucheian: What? To be on our show? Everyone loves our show. It’s world-famous and top rated-

Jill Berg: No…Dawn hates your show and, worse, she may be forced to not only be on your show but go out on a date with your son.

[Jill shakes her head.]

Jill Berg: No. It’s all or nothing. Period.

Khris Kardoucheian: You’re not being reasonable.

Jill Berg: It’s all or nothing. If you don’t agree to the stipulations, then Dawn doesn’t have to either.

Khris Kardoucheian: But-

Jill Berg: No buts. Now get out.

Khris Kardoucheian: …but…

[Jill stands up.]

Jill Berg: GET OUT!

[All four Kardoucheians turn around in a huff and leave.]

==

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t think the Kardoucheians are going to get their way.

Rick Hall: And they shouldn’t. Either the stipulation cuts both ways or it doesn’t.

Thunderbolt Smith: It is time for our main event on what has been quite an eventful night. Kimber Marshall is in the ring. Kimber?

[Cut to Kimber.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s main event is a one fall…

Audience: ONE FALL!

Kimber Marshall: …and will be a non-title match. Introducing first already in the ring. She is Shea Ghackerman!

[The audience claps. Ghackerman, a tall, thin blonde weighing about 100 pounds and wearing a t-shirt and wrestling pants, raises her arms.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…

*What Have You Done Now?- Within Temptation featuring Keith Caputo*

Kimber Marshall: …she is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Women’s champion…

What have you done now?


MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens

[Lisa Barbosa-Stevens walks out holding up her MVW Women’s title belt.]

I know I’d better stop trying
You know that there’s no denying
I won’t show mercy on you now

I know I should stop believing
I know there’s no retrieving
It’s over now, what have you done?

Kimber Marshall: LISA BAR-BOEEEEE-SAH…STEVENS!

What have you done now?

[The champion walks to the ring. Surprisingly, there’s no one from the Sports Entertainment Corporation with her.]

I, I’ve been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away
What have you done now?
Why, why does fate make us suffer?
There’s a curse between us, between me and you

Thunderbolt Smith: All right, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens versus Shea Ghackerman…our main event here tonight on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Rick Hall: Now that Lisa knows she’s wrestling ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin at MVWA 78, we’ll see if she tries to send a message to her.

=======================

MAIN EVENT / NON-TITLE MATCH

MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens
vs.
Shea Ghackerman

REFEREE: Davey Keels

=======================

[Keels calls for the bell to start the match.]

*DING-DING*

[Lisa goes right for the kill. Eschewing the collar and elbow tie up, she delivers a stiff front kick to the gut that doubles Ghackerman over. The champion walks over…takes Ghackerman by the back of the head…and slams her face first to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Damn.

[Lisa takes Shea’s left leg…bends it up…takes her ankle and turns it inward. Ghackerman immediately screams out in pain.]

Rick Hall: THAT’S THE KEN SHAMROCK FINISHER! THE ANKLE LOCK!

[Ghackerman pounds on the mat. Keels calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow!

[Lisa releases the hold and raises her arm.]

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…MVW Women’s Champion LISA BARBOSA-STEVENS!

Rick Hall: Now THAT’S sending a message.

[Lisa puts the women’s title belt over her shoulder and calls for a microphone.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And now Lisa is going a say a few words.

Lisa Barbosa-Stevens: Okay…Tessa Martin…the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’…you’ve got the Sports Entertainment Corporation’s attention…you’ve got my attention. I know you’re still upset about how it went down last month when I took you out with a Toxic Sting on the floor. I know you want payback for the way we kicked you out of the SEC. I know you want this title belt more than anything else…so much that you destroyed your friendship with your former best friend Dawn McGill…that after years of fighting with Mr. McMann you joined the SEC in the hope of winning the big title only to wash out because…well…quite frankly, you just weren’t good enough. Saturday night at MVWA 78…we’re going to finish this. Saturday night at MVWA 78 will be the end of the line for the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’. This Saturday night at MVWA 78…I’m not just going to beat you…I’m not just going to pin you…I’m going to break your freakin’ ankle.

[Lisa drops the microphone.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Rick?

Rick Hall: Lisa means business. And if she slaps that Ankle Lock on Tess, she may very well break her ankle.

Thunderbolt Smith: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with the win and-

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: …and here comes the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling for the second contract signing of the night.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The group continues towards the ring.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone. Jill’s assistant Jerry stands behind her with a briefcase. He opens the briefcase and pulls out the contract.]

*”Here Comes the Boom”- POD*

[The Kardoucheian Empire marches out one by one: Khris, Ken, Koley, and Khourtney.]

I never knew that a kid like me
Could take his mic around the world and flash the big S.D.
And rock the masses, from Madrid to Calabassas
Tijuana, Mexico, bootleg demos in Tokyo
They know me though, ’cause I be puttin’ in work
Commit my life to rebirth, well respected, ’cause that’s my word
I’m sure you heard, about a new sound going around
She might have left my hood, but she was born in my town

[The four Kardoucheians climb into the ring and each climbs up to the top turnbuckle to preen for the audience…they boo in response.]

You didn’t know, thought we was new on the scene
Well, it’s alright! It’s alright!
I know you know, I see you smiling at me
Well, it’s alright! It’s alright!

[They taunt the MVW fans booing them.]

Boom! Here comes the Boom!
Ready or not, here comes the boys from the Lasal
Boom! Here comes the Boom!
How you like me now?

[Then the Kardoucheians gather in the center of the ring around Jill Berg and Jerry. Jerry opens up the briefcase and pulls out the contract. He closes the case places the contact on top of the briefcase.]

Jill Berg: All right Khris, here’s the drill-

Khris Kardoucheian: Wait a minute. Where’s Dawn McGill? Why isn’t she out here?

Jill Berg: Dawn isn’t out here because-

Khris Kardoucheian: Because what? She’s afraid to face the might of the Kardoucheian Empire? That’s because she’s a nobody. She’s nothing. She’s-

[Jerry takes the contract and holds it up in Khris’s face.]

Jill Berg: Already signed the damn contract.

[Khris’s eyes widen.]

Jill Berg: After the night she had, I told her she could just sign it in my office and head out. Oh…and she did not cross out the stipulation.

[Jill makes sure Khris can see Dawn’s signature.]

Jill Berg: So Khris? Dawn’s put all her chips in the middle of the table. What’s it going to be? It’s all or nothing. Are you all in?

[Khris really doesn’t want to do this. But…he also knows the upside. Dawn McGill being forced to appear on the very show that she’s run down repeatedly over the past two months would be quite the coup.]

Jill Berg: Khris. We’re running out of time here. Are you all in?

[Khris takes one last look at his sons. Then he takes the pen from Jerry and scribbles his signature on the dotted line. But he does not hand the pen back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Is he going to cross out the stipulation?

[Khris mulls it one last time…then he hands the pen back to Jerry. Jill takes the contract and holds it up to the camera.]

Jill Berg: We have a card for MVWA 78! And here it is:

FINAL MVWA 78 CARD

MAIN EVENT / MVW MEN’S TITLE MATCH:
‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation
if any of McAvay’s Deplorables or Blackwell’s SEC teammates come to ringside during the match, that wrestler will be immediately disqualified and in McAvay’s case- he will lose the title. 

HEADLINER / MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens © of the SEC vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

HEADLINER / MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis © vs. The Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver

SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH:
‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill vs. Khris Kardoucheian
if Dawn McGill wins, the Kardoucheians have to QUIT their world famous and highly rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’
if Khris Kardoucheian wins, Dawn McGill must go out on a ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian to be filmed to air on ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’

RETURN MATCH FROM MVWA 77:
Bo Stevens vs. ‘No Frill’s Chris Escondido

EXTREME DEATHMATCH:
The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny vs. Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb

OPENING MATCH:
Ninja Kitty vs. Yosemite Samantha vs. Regina McGill

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About Art Nouveaux

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