MVW Sunday Night Wrestling – October 15th

Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson slams ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler to the mat during their TV title match.  Will Dickinson retain the belt?  Stay tuned.

Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg’s Office

[On the video screen in Jill’s office, it’s the latest edition of the reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’…]

(Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians- Courtesy of the Reality Show Network)

[The film crew pans the crowd and in turn the MVW fans exhibit an abject distaste for the Kardoucheians.]

Ken Kardoucheian (voiceover): We were in the ring having a serious discussion with CEO Jill Berg about the state of our career in Missouri Valley Wrestling. She was telling us this story how no one gets a free ride in MVW. Except, we’re not just any one. We’re the *BLEEP*-ing Kardoucheian Empire.

[Khris Kardoucheian gets in Berg’s face.]

Khris Kardoucheian: It’s not easy to become a Hollywood star. But our show…’Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’…is the number one reality show on cable. Why is that? Because they’re stars. The fact that MVW does not treat my sons as stars is a real problem. The fact that two inferior teams got over on my sons at MVWA 77…is a real problem. The fact that you chose the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to wrestle in the 4CW tag team tournament instead of the Kardoucheians…the fact that you allow Dawn McGill to continually harass my sons at every turn…is completely unacceptable.

Jill Berg: I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve been given opportunity after opportunity and-

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care how many opportunities you’ve ‘given’ my sons. It’s obviously not enough. I want to know what you are going to do to address my concerns and treat my sons like the big stars that they are with the upmost respect they deserve?

Ken Kardoucheian (v/o): And instead of doing something about it, she lets this happen…

[McGill screams past Berg with a Singapore cane in hand and before any of the Kardoucheians can react…]


Thunderbolt Smith: Wow! She just fileted Khris Kardoucheians forehead with a Singapore cane shot.

[Khris falls to the floor. McGill continues right down the line…]



[Ken crumples to the floor. McGill goes on.]


Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KOLEY!

[Koley is felled. McGill moves on.]


Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KHOURTNEY!

[Khourtney goes down. McGill flips them all off.]

[The camera pulls back to show all four Kardoucheians lying on the floor as McGill stops in front of the camera.

Dawn McGill: Since these guys like to put everything on tape, did you get all that?  You did? Good!

[McGill then exits and the camera crew pans in closer to get a better shot of the fallen Kardoucheians.]

[The camera pulls back. Jill Berg is banging her head on the desk.]

[Khris Kardoucheian is in front of the desk looking indignant and pissed. The ‘Krampin Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew is filming Khris in Jill’s office looking indignant and pissed. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian also appear to be indignant and pissed with the ‘disrespectful treatment’ of them by MVW…and especially Dawn McGill.]

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

Khris Kardoucheian: So. I’ll ask you again Jill…what are you going to do to address my concerns and ensure that my sons are treated with the respect and reverence that they are as the superstars that they are.

[Ken, Koley, and Khourtney all fold their arms behind Khris as they await Jill’s response. The camera focuses on Jill.]

Jill Berg: What exactly do you want me to do?

[Khris leans forward and tries to be intimidating.]

Khris Kardoucheian: We want to make clear to her that the Kardoucheian Empire will not tolerate the insolent way that she has treated us with contempt.

[Jill blinks her eyes and stares right back at Khris.]

Jill Berg: You do realize this is professional wrestling, right? And get that camera out of my face.

[Jill shoots a cross-eyed glare at the crew who take the hint and take a couple steps back.]

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care what this is. We’re *BLEEP*-ing tired of it, Jill. *BLEEP*-ing tired of my sons not being treated like the stars they are.  The Kardoucheians are superstars. The Kardoucheians are well known all over the world for their work. The Kardoucheians deserve a lot better treatment in this third rate, tinpot federation. We are not going to stand by and continue to take this blatant disrespect. The Kardoucheian Empire deserves star treatment and Missouri Valley Wrestling had better focus on this issue and fix it really quick.

Jill Berg: Which brings us back to…what exactly do you want me to do?

Khris Kardoucheian: I want Dawn McGill put in her place. I want her out of Missouri Valley Wrestling and out of our business. I want her to go back home so she can marry the white trash jerk of her dreams and be the barefoot and pregnant white trash queen housewife she’s preordained to be. I demand action…NOW!

[Jill goes back to work. She takes a pen and starts signing her name to a piece of paper in front of her. This sends Khris even more into a feverish state of rage.]

Khris Kardoucheian: WELL? I’M WAITING!

[Berg looks up and points to the door.]

Jill Berg: This is a booking issue.

Khris Kardoucheian (overly dramatic for cinematic effect): WHAT?

Jill Berg: I said, this is a booking issue. Go talk to Mr. McMann. He can take care of your problem.

[The Kardoucheians turn bright red.]

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday October 15th, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]

[Crowd applause]

[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!

[More applause.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall.

[Hall gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: MVWA 78 is less than two weeks away. We know the main event is going to be a rematch of the MVWA 77 between MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and Charlie Blackwell in match where no one else is allowed at ringside. We know that newcomer Bo Stevens is going to get a rematch of his own against ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido. The rest of the card will take shape in the next two weeks.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, there is so much going on. You saw the opening of the show. The Kardoucheians have ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill on their radar but they aren’t the only ones. We all know that ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann wants her for the SEC. But now she may have earned the enmity of CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter after this…

(Last Week…)

[Blair Moise is in the middle of doing a backstage report.]

Blair Moise: …a couple of minutes ago, CSPN Executive Mark Splitter walked in to offer McGill a big money move to the SEC. Seconds later, there was a huge crash inside the dressing room and then the sound of something hitting the dressing room door.

[The door whips open and Splitter, bloodied and half conscious, flops onto the floor. Then McGill, dressed in a black halter top, black mini-skirt, and black knee-high boots follows. She grabs Splitter by the lapel and yanks him back to his feet.]

Blair Moise: Well, it looks like McGill has turned down Mr. Splitter’s proposal.

[The camera follows McGill as she drags him all the way out to ringside.]


[…the table is set up. McGill pulls Splitter back up and drags him to the ring apron. She puts his head between her legs.]

[There’s a commotion. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the SEC: Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens come out. McMann steps forward with his arms stretched to each side…]

[…McGill tilts her head down and smirks. She then lifts Splitter in the air…propels forward with her legs…and McGill Bombs Splitter through the table…]

Rick Hall: I believe her answer is no to joining the SEC.

[Enraged, McMann motions to the SEC to ‘get her.’ Blackwell, Banks, and Barbosa-Stevens rush forward. McGill runs and jumps the steel barricade into the crowd. She makes her way to the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mr. McMann announced earlier in the week that he would be revealing who the new member of the Sports Entertainment Corporation will be tonight. The SEC is being extremely tight-lipped over who’s coming in.

Rick Hall: What I have heard, Thunderbolt, is that CSPN CEO Mark Splitter is so angry over the way Dawn McGill turned down his offer for her to join the SEC that CSPN is bankrolling the SEC’s new recruit with an eye on taking her out of commission.

Thunderbolt Smith: And of course, an eye on winning the MVW Tag Team title.  Our big match tonight…the TV title showdown between Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, these two men have laid waste wherever they’ve met whether it’s here in the MVW television studio or on the road. Tonight, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler wants to regain the Television title. But you know damn well ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson is going to do everything in his power to hold on to that belt.

Thunderbolt Smith: And speaking of the MVW Tag Team champions, Rah and ‘the Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis aka the Island of Misfit Wrestlers will be wrestling tonight and we know the Kardoucheian Empire is in the building.

Rick Hall: Yeah, looking for some more fireworks tonight between the Kardoucheians and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll also have an update on the tag team and women’s contenders as the MVWA 78 card comes together. But first, it’s time for a little wrestling. Let’s go to the ring and the always lovely Kimber Marshall.

[Cut to Kimber Marshall in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall

Kimber Marshall: Our first match of the night is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, already in the ring…from St. Louis, Missouri…Cheryl Parkman!

[The five foot seven inch, one hundred and ten pound Parkman, brown haired with freckles with a standard women’s wrestling one piece outfit on, bounces up and down in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent.

*’Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer’- Sammy Kershaw*

Kimber Marshall: From Magnolia, Arkansas. Accompanied by Shayne and Jaxon aka…the White Trash Posse.

Well I met her out at Murphy’s restaurant
She said she was fresh from the farm
And I remember thinkin’ for a country girl
That she went pretty well armed
We sat there talkin’ by the lobster tank
I ordered her a sloe gin fizz
And when them chicken fried steaks arrived
She said I like living like this

Kimber Marshall: She is the Queen of the Trailer Park! LAAAAAA-NIEEE…HARRRRR-LOT!

[Harlot walks out with the White Trash Posse.]

So I made her the queen of my double wide trailer
With the polyester curtains and the redwood deck
NOW she’s run off and I’ve got to trail her
Dang her black heart and her pretty red neck

[Lani climbs into the ring and eyes her opponent while outside, the White Trash Posse clap their hands to get Harlot fired up for the match.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lani’s in the mix for a possible title shot in two weeks. She picked up a big win last night in Omaha, Nebraska over the always fun and combustible Yosemite Samantha.

(MVW House Show- Omaha, NE: Lani Harlot vs. Yosemite Samantha)

[As the four thousand people on hand at the Baxter Arena in Omaha cheer…Yosemite Samantha has Harlot tied up in the Tree of Woe in the corner. The red head goes to the opposite corner across the ring. She sprints across and hits a missile drop kick. Harlot falls off the ring post and lands in a semi-seated position in the corner.]

Thunderbolt Smith: It looked like Yosemite Samantha was about to pick up her biggest win in MVW.

[Samantha runs around the ring gathering speed and then charges at Harlot. She throws herself at Harlot…does a tuck and flip.]

Thunderbolt Smith: But then…

[Harlot’s White Trash Posse: Shayne and Jaxon pull Harlot out of the way at the last second and Samantha slams into the corner turnbuckle.]

Thunderbolt Smith: She hit the turnbuckle at full speed. Harlot would drag her to the middle of the ring and lock her in the White Trash Compactor for the win.   Next Saturday night at MVW’s house show at the Hulman Center in Terre Haute, Indiana, Lani will face the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin for a shot at the MVW Women’s Title at MVWA 78.



‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot
Cheryl Parkman

Referee: Davey Keels


[Keels gets the match started by calling for the bell.]


[Both women come out and circle. Collar and elbow tie up. Headlock by Parkman. She tries to cinch it in but Harlot lifts her off the ground and throws her into the corner.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Great show of strength by the Queen of the Trailer Park.

[Sitting back up, Parkman shakes off the throw and gets back to her feet. Again, both women circle in the ring. Lock up in the middle of the ring. Parkman tries for a wristlock. Harlot nearly laughs and tosses her back into the corner.]

Rick Hall: Lani’s showing great strength here.   She’s throwing Parkman around like a rag doll.

[More circling. Parkman slides behind Harlot for a waistlock. But Harlot separates Parkman’s hands and breaks away. Parkman runs the ropes and charges forward. Harlot braces herself and shoulder blocks her to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Parkman tries to use the ropes but she’s not having any effect on Harlot.

[Parkman to the ropes again. She races forward right into a second shoulder block by Harlot. Parkman feigns going to the corner. She again confronts Harlot who simply scoops Parkman up and slams her to the mat. Harlot then, for some unforeseen reason, decides to get in referee Davey Keels’s grill. That allows the White Trash Posse to slip in and do a little double team damage to poor Parkman.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lani Harlot’s in total control of this match.

[Harlot peels away from Keels and finds Parkman face down on the mat. She slips in and bends Parkman’s legs at the knees. Harlot then reaches around and grabs her chin with both hands. She leans back and pulls as hard as she can, wrenching Parkman’s back as if she’s pulling back on a bow…Parkman’s head nearly touches her feet.]


[Keels asks Parkman if she wants to give up.]

Rick Hall: I don’t think she can hold out much longer, Thunderbolt.

Thunderbolt Smith: Nope.

[Finally, Parkman taps out frantically.]


Thunderbolt Smith: Quick and easy tonight.

[Harlot releases the hold and Keels raises her hand in victory.]

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…’The Queen of the Trailer Park’…LANI HARRRR-LOTTTT!

[Then Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Nice win for Lani Harlot and she has a few words for us.

[Harlot catches her breath and then begins.]

Lani Harlot: Tessa Martin. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl. It’s going to be you and me next Saturday night. Winner gets a title shot at MVWA 78. This is going to be battle between the present…and future of Missouri Valley Wrestling…me. Versus the past…you. As I drive up to the front of the trailer park in my 1979 Dodge Charger, my friends as me…what’s going on? You’ve been in MVW for years and you’ve never had a title shot. Well, next week after I get through with Tess, I sure as hell am gonna get my title shot. I know Tess is going to try to put my lights out and honey, that ain’t happening. Tessa Martin is gonna find out that Lani Harlot…the undisputed Queen of the Trailer Park…is going climb into that ring in Terre Haute next week all mean and evil and take care of business.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Rick Hall: She has some momentum but will it be enough to earn her a title shot against the new Women’s champion?

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll find out next week in Terre Haute, Indiana as the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ takes on the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin…winner faces Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens for the title at MVWA 78. Now…three weeks ago, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler was the Television Champion and ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson the challenger.

(9/24- MVW Sunday Night Wrestling / TV Title Match: ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler © vs. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson)

[Butler falls to a knee and tries to catch his breath. Dickinson goes for a walk around the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Who wants it more?

[Dickinson crawls up to the ring apron. Butler slides his head under his arm and grabs the tights. He lifts him up and back in the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler suplexes Dickinson back into the ring!

[Butler immediately covers.]

Thunderbolt Smith: For the win!



[Dickinson rolls him over into a small package.]




[Keels calls for the bell.]


Thunderbolt Smith: HE DID IT!

Thunderbolt Smith: Tonight, the roles are switched. Dickinson defends against Butler and Blair Moise has the challenger backstage. Blair?


[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]

Blair Moise

Blair Moise: Blair Moise here with the challenger ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler…who’ll face Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson later on tonight.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler

[Butler joins Blair in the shot.]

Blair Moise: Dan, tonight it’s another round with Bill Dickinson.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: That’s right Blair, I’ve been Bill Dickinson before and I sure as hell can beat Bill Dickinson again. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is going to be the next Missouri Valley Wrestling Television champion. I know that ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson came out on top the last time we met with the Television title on the line. Y’all just watched it on tape. But the only way to get back what’s rightfully mine is to fight Dickinson tooth and nail with everything I’ve got…just like Dickinson fights me. I ain’t going to back down from a fight and Bill Dickinson knows where to find me. Tonight, Bill Dickinson…it’s me and you for that Television title belt. And I guar-ran-damn-tee you it’s going to be the Cowboy…’Cowboy’ Dan Butler…who walks away with the title.

[Butler walks off.]

Blair Moise: An intense ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler with some thoughts about his match tonight. Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Thank you Blair. We’ll be back with more wrestling action right after these messages.



Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow Commercial

Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.

[The spot starts as the valets of Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Ray McAvay, Dark and Stormy, wearing the official MVW/Ray McAvay ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ t-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, stand in his corner during a match.]

[High Octane Wrestling Hall of Fame announcers Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell sit at the broadcast table and are commentating on the match as both ladies pull out a Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger loaded with every condiment you could imagine and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]

Joe Hoffman: McAvay with the sidewalk slam.  What a move…right Benny?  Benny?

[Hoffman notices that Benny is otherwise occupied at the moment.]

Joe Hoffman: Benny?

[Why? Because Benny’s not watching the action inside the ring.  He’s watching the action outside the ring.  The house lights inside the Best Arena turn low and a spotlight shines on Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind- thanks to a huge off screen fan.  Stormy sees Benny staring at her and waves as she slowly, tantalizingly takes a huge bite from the Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger sandwich.]

Benny Newell: It’s only a matter of time, Hoffhole.

Joe Hoffman: What?

Benny Newell: It’s only a matter of time until one of them spills barbeque sauce on their shirt and then we’ll have a real strip show here.

[As if on cue, Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the artificially created breeze, takes a huge bite of her sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce slathered in between the buns slithers out and stains her pearly white t-shirt.]

Benny Newell: See?  I told you.

[Of course, Dark’s horrified at the development so she slips off her barbeque sauce stained t-shirt and reveals that she’s wearing a barbeque colored bikini top.]

Joe Hoffman: Well, the action seems to have shifted away from the ring.

[Ray McAvay and his unknown opponent have stopped wrestling and lean against the top rope to watch as Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Baconburger.  In a shocking development, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt.]

Benny Newell: YES!  Thank you God!  Thank you!

[So Stormy also pulls off her barbeque stained white t-shirt off and- surprise, she too has a barbeque colored bikini top on.]

Benny Newell: Could this get any better?

[Bert the Janitor walks into the scene.  He picks up the two soiled white t-shirts and tosses them into his mop bucket.  He hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce and then moves on. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then ‘accidently’ spills it all over herself.]

Joe Hoffman: I don’t know Benny.  It sure looks like she did that on purpose-

Benny Newell: Shut up Hoffhole!  Accidents happen.  Now, what just happened in my pants, that was not an accident.

[Joe slowly turns his gaze towards Benny and shakes his head.]

[Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the barbeque sauce off Dark’s chest- of which you can’t tell now if she’s wearing a bikini top or not.  In the process, the barbeque sauce ends up spilled all over her chest…and neck…and then her arms.]

Announcer Guy (v/o): Two for the price of one.

[Watching from the ring, McAvay’s eyes widen and he leans on the top rope to get a closer view.  Former HOW backstage announcer Blair Moise appears behind him.  She ‘Gibbs-slaps’ Ray in the back of the head.]

Ray McAvay (holding the back of his head): Ow!

Announcer Guy (v/o): Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger …

[Dark begins to undo Stormy’s bikini top.]

Announcer Guy (v/o): Only at Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow


[Fade to black.]

Benny Newell’s voice: AW, *BLEEP*-ING HELL!



Announcer Guy: And now, a public service announcement from Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg.

[Jill Berg stands in front of an animal shelter.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg for the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ Foundation. One of the goals of ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ to facilitate positive interactions between neighbors by creating a safe neighborhood for everyone. ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor goes to local pet shelters and find dogs to train into guard dogs.

[Scene shifts to inside a dog training facility.]

Jill Berg: Thousands of “child-friendly” dogs are trained every month to be matched up with a poor family and help provide a safe, comforting presence. The dogs go through specialized training before they are released to the family…

[A handler works with a dog.]

Jill Berg: Here, the dog is trained to immediately identify an intruder inside the house and the appropriate way to respond.

[A life-size cardboard cut-out of Michael Vick is wheeled into view. The dog growls and immediately takes off. He leaps and bites the cardboard cut-out in the balls and tears it in half.]

Jill Berg: Now, the dog is taught how to appropriately interact with children.

[Scene changes to a split second of a dog humping the handler’s leg, followed by a quick scene shift to the same dog, obviously sedated, laying in a child’s lap being petted.]

[Scene changes to Jill walking down the hallway of a house.]

Jill Berg: There are some important rules to follow if you take in one of these animals. The big one is to take responsibility for your pet and never paw it off…ha…ha…on someone else. These dogs will literally give their lives to protect yours. Treat them with the respect they-

[The hostile growl of a dog interrupts her.]

[Jill looks into a room. One of the guard dogs has spotted her and seems to have unpleasant intentions.]

Jill Berg: Oh…snap.

[Scene changes to Jill and several children. Jill has a large bloodied bandage on her right arm.]

Jill Berg: So, support the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ foundation. I’m Jill Berg, reminding you that…I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!




[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Missouri Valley Wrestling hits the road once again this weekend…kicking off with a big Friday night show in Columbus, Indiana at the Hamilton Center. Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens will be on hand. Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson, Charlie Blackwell and P.M.C. Banks of the SEC will in Columbus, Indiana this Friday October 20th.

Rick Hall: This Saturday night, October 21st, MVW roars into the Indiana State College Arena in Terre Haute, Indiana. Two huge matches with major implications towards MVWA 78. First, Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb face off against the Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and the SEC’s new member for a title shot at MVWA 78 against the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Also on the card, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin faces the “Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot with the winner getting a shot at MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens at MVWA 78. Also on the card: Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables, Bo Stevens, and the Kardoucheians. Bell time is eight PM in Terre Haute, Indiana.

Thunderbolt Smith: Then, Missouri Valley Wrestling travels north to Lake Michigan for a Sunday matinee show in Michigan City, Indiana on October 22nd at the Michigan City High School Gymnasium. ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin will all be in Michigan City, Indiana this Sunday.

Rick Hall: Other upcoming Missouri Valley Wrestling shows…

October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO


[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Big matches coming up this weekend at the house shows.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, we heard ‘Queen of the Trailer Court’ Lani Harlot earlier frame her match this Saturday night in Terre Haute, Indiana against ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin as the present and future versus the past. I’m not going to say that Tess needs to turn back the clock to defeat Lani…because I don’t think she does. But Lani’s made major strides in the past year and she’s got her eye set on the women’s belt.

Thunderbolt Smith: We will have Tess versus Lani for you next Sunday night on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.   Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for our next match.

[Cut to Kimber in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: Our next match is a tag team match with a fifteen minute time limit. It is a non-title match. First…already in the ring. The team of Farmer John and the new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient robot wrestling machine…Ultratron-Five!

[Farmer John…wearing a flannel shirt under a pair of bib overalls with a pair of work boots…raises his arms in the air. Ultratron-Five…who’s dressed as if he’s a cheap b-movie knock off of a robot…tries to look menacing.]

Rick Hall: What…the hell…is that?

Thunderbolt Smith: The new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine…

[The sleeve of Ultratron-Five’s costume slides off. Ultratron-Five bends over…picks it up…and slides it back on.]

Thunderbolt Smith: …albeit it a pretty crappy one.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…they are the Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions. First…

“I’m sinfully delicious!”

[Dawn McGill’s high-pitched, squeaky tone (done in annoyingly brainless blonde bombshell sing-song tone to the tune of the tag from the Lucky Charm’s cereal commercial) heralds the arrival of the once Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt now turned sports entertainment eye candy.]

[Slinking out onto the stage in a gold one piece strapless dress that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh, gold high heel shoes, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips, McGill rolls her eyes at the sound of her high pitched voice over the loudspeaker and then snaps back into her sports entertainment character.]

Kimber Marshall: …led to the ring by his valet- ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill…

[McGill struts her way down the ramp and stops intermittently to pose for selfies with the fans in the front row. Three quarters of the way down, someone tries to get a little grope in. McGill snaps out of sports entertainment eye candy mode…whirls around…]


[…and slaps the offending man in the face. Rolling her eyes at the man, Dawn ‘resets’ back into sports entertainment mode, giggles in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, and makes her way down to the ring. She walks by the broadcast desk. Thunderbolt waves at her. Dawn smiles at him and then at Rick Hall.   She stops by Hall and stands him up…grabs the side of his face with both hands, and plants a full mouth, no holds barred kiss on the surprised broadcaster.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well!

[Once the kiss ends, McGill- lipstick slightly smeared on her face, giggles as she backs away from Hall- his face also smeared with red lipstick, and climbs into the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Okay. Where’s my kiss?

Rick Hall: Whoa.

Thunderbolt Smith: Try not to miss the-

[*The sound of Hall missing the chair and hitting the floor*]

Thunderbolt Smith: …chair.

[Next, a lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp.  He is dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt.  He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.]

Kimber Marshall: …hailing from the Island of Misfit Wrestlers and weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds.  He is the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene.’  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you- HALITOSIS!

[Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring.  He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.]

[Halitosis then moves on to the next one.  He says hello.  The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.]

[He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.]

[Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row.  Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter.  He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.]

[He goes to shake Kimber’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away.  Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.]

Kimber Marshall: And his partner, from-

[He’s interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring.  He elbows Powers out of the way and gestures for him to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.]

Announcer Guy: Hit it!

[Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.]

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

[He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off.  A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls are standing.]

[The bikini girls pose on the ramp.  Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.]

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…

[Rah’s friend and middle-aged folk singer Happy Mango follows strumming a guitar along with the omnipresent Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy.]


[The procession stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and prepares to climb into the ring.]

[Kimber rips the microphone back from Rah’s announcer guy. She starts to head for the ropes but her right leg doesn’t move. Looking down, Kimber is dismayed to see Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy hanging on to her leg.]

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis, Rah, and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ve got the tag team champions in action tonight on MVW Sunday Night. Rick, are you all right?

Rick Hall: Never better, Thunderbolt. Never better.



The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill ©
Farmer John and Ultratron-Five

Referee: Ron Martin


Rick Hall: I have no idea what to expect.

Thunderbolt Smith: Um…yeah.


Thunderbolt Smith: It will be Farmer John and Halitosis who’ll start off.

[Halitosis dances around. Farmer John stares at him from the middle of the ring. Collar and elbow tie up. Farmer John with a takedown. He tries to cinch in a hold but Halitosis won’t stay still long enough for him to do so. The two end up hung up in the ropes and Ron Martin calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, I suppose you’re part of the club now.

Rick Hall: The club.

Thunderbolt Smith: The ‘I kissed Dawn McGill club.’ You. Ron Martin. Davey Keels.

Rick Hall: Ray McAvay.

Thunderbolt Smith: Well he was married to her.

Rick Hall: Do I at least get a t-shirt?

[Halitosis has a side headlock. Farmer John uses his strength to throw Halitosis into the ropes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Farmer John fires him into the ropes.

Rick Hall: He’s got to watch out. Halitosis will use his foul breath at any time in the match.

[Farmer John decks Halitosis with a shoulder block. Now Farmer John runs the ropes. Halitosis drops to the mat and trips him up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Drop Toehold by Halitosis and down goes Farmer John.

[Halitosis tries to get close to use his breath. Farmer John rolls away. Halitosis tags Rah in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And we’ll get our first look at the Sunshine God himself…RAH!

[Rah locks up with Farmer John. He scoops up Farmer John and slams him to the mat. Farmer John back up and gets tangled up with Rah. Both end up in the ropes and Ron Martin again calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Dawn McGill tries to fire up her charges.

[Actually, Dawn’s not paying much attention to the match. Instead, she raises her cell phone and snaps a quick selfie with another fan at ringside.]

Rick Hall: Okay. I really hope this Ultratron-Five fellow gets into the match. I can’t wait to see this.

[Farmer John tries a headlock. Rah uses his raw power to push him off. Right hand by Rah. He drags Farmer John by the arm over to their corner and tags Halitosis back in.   Rah with a big boot to the gut. Halitosis takes the arm and whips Farmer John to the ropes. Farmer John comes off the ropes with the intention of throwing a heavy right hand. Halitosis ducks and Farmer John whizzes right by into the ropes. He comes back off. Halitosis is right there and he breathes on Farmer John…catching him flush.]

Thunderbolt Smith: BREATH OF DEATH! Halitosis and his lethal lack of proper oral hygiene have struck again.

Rick Hall: Farmer John got careless.

[Farmer John drops to his knees and holds his throat. Halitosis hits the ropes and comes back. He goes for a basement dropkick. Farmer John crawls aside just as Halitosis arrives.]

Thunderbolt Smith: HE MISSED?

Rick Hall: He’s got to tag him in now.

[On cue, Farmer John manages to stagger across the ring and tag Ultratron-Five in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right Rick, here we go. You’ve just got your wish…even though I think you got your wish earlier when Dawn laid that big kiss on you.

Rick Hall: Um…yeah.

[Ultratron-Five climbs into the ring. The robot costume he’s wearing proves to be bulky and cumbersome. But he lands a right hand on Halitosis. Halitosis leaps up and over and tries to Sunset Flip Ultratron-Five. That doesn’t work and Halitosis gets hung up on the pseudo robot’s back. Ultratron-Five steps backwards and slams Halitosis against the corner turnbuckle.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ouch.

Rick Hall: Nice counter move though.

[Ultratron-Five throws Halitosis across the ring. He clanks and clunks his way step by step over to him. Halitosis instinctively kicks him in the balls…except he kicks metal instead.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ouch.

[Knife edged chop by Ultratron-Five sends Halitosis to the mat. But it takes too long for the new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine to follow up. Halitosis rolls, leaps up and tags Rah back in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Rah back in and…wait…is there a problem with Ultratron-Five?

[Why yes there is. He’s stuck. The pieces of metal where the metal legs connect with the body part of the suit have somehow become stuck leaving Ultratron-Five a standing sitting duck in the middle of the ring.]

Rick Hall: That’s unfortunate.

[Rah simply walks up to Ultratron-Five…lifts him up in the air by the neck…and slams him hard to the mat causing a couple pieces of the b-movie robot suit to fly off.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Solstice Slam by the big guy and Ultratron-Five is falling apart.

Rick Hall: Literally.

[Rah looks over at his followers. The BronzeBeach Suntan Bikini Team all jump up and down in anticipation. Rah then gazes at Dawn McGill. She’s busy filing her fingernails. Finally, Rah looks out to all his faithful fans at ringside and signals it time to sacrifice the ‘new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine’ to the Temple of the Sunshine God.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Rah is ready to put an end to this.

[He places Ultratron-Five between his legs and looks towards the heavens with arms stretched out soaking in the praise and worship of the fans.]

Rick Hall: And this isn’t going to be pretty.

[Rah picks Ultratron-Five up…and power bombs him to the mat causing the metal pieces of the b-movie robot suit to explode off of him.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Not pretty at all…oh…EYE OF RAHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Rah sticks his big boot on Ultratron-Five. Martin makes the count.]





Kimber Marshall: Your winner…The ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS!

[Kimber looks down. Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy continues to hang on to her leg.]

Kimber Marshall: Seriously? Bob! Let go of my leg!

Thunderbolt Smith: So, the MVW Tag Team champions get back on the winning track with a win over the team of Farmer John and the ‘new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine’ Ultratron-Five here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Rick Hall: You just like saying that.

Thunderbolt Smith: Saying what?

Rick Hall: New age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine.

Thunderbolt Smith: Wouldn’t you?


Rick Hall: Good point.



[Dawn McGill exits the ring. She starts to head towards the back but she stops. Then she turns around and strides towards the broadcast desk.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Don’t forget, we’ve got the Television Title match coming up shortly between the champion, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson, and former champion ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler…hello!

‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

[McGill bends over and lays a big kiss on Thunderbolt Smith.]

Rick Hall: We-lllll…it seems ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill is gracing us with her presence once again.

[As McGill continues her liplock with Thunderbolt, Hall’s eyes light up when he sees the Kardoucheians appear marching towards the ring.]

Rick Hall: Um…it looks like we’ve got company.



Khris Kardoucheian: Well…well…well.

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

[McGill looks up. All four Kardoucheians stand a few feet away from her along with their ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew. Thankfully for her, Rah, Halitosis and Rah’s followers are close by.]

Khris Kardoucheian: You know, when the reality sets in a few years from now…when you’re sitting in your doublewide trailer…wearing your worn out pink fuzzy slippers and taking care of your fourteenth child…you’ll turn on the television and see my sons…Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian starring in whatever television ventures they may be starring in…and I hope you remember this moment…I hope EVERYONE remembers this moment.

[Khris points an angry finger at McGill for dramatic effect. McGill’s in sports entertainment bimbo mode and not particularly paying attention to anything he’s saying.]

Khris Kardoucheian: It’s become clear that Missouri Valley Wrestling isn’t big enough for both of us. So we’re going to put an end to this once and for all. You are going to find out that you do not mess with the Kardoucheian Empire. You are going to find out that you don’t *BLEEP* with a major star’s livelihood. Right, Ken?

[The film crew switches over to Ken for his comments.]

Ken Kardoucheian: That’s right Dad. It’s time we settle our differences in the ring. You, Dawn McGill…versus me…Ken Kardoucheian. MVWA 78. The loser leaves Missouri Valley Wrestling for good.

[That wakes Dawn up. She’s gets serious and calls for a microphone of her own.]

Dawn McGill: Okay. All right. You want reality? I’ll give you reality. You (points at Ken) have done absolutely nothing to prove that you can wrestle at any level. The only reason you’re here is because of crappy reality show and a sex tape that your father paid major bucks to a ring rat just to appear in the film with you. You haven’t put in the work. You haven’t put in the blood. You haven’t put in the sweat. And you sure as hell haven’t put in the tears. So for you to come out here week after week after week and bitch and moan about the respect you feel you’re entitled to is an *BLEEP*-ing insult to the men and women in this company and every company across the world who’ve paid their dues…learned their craft…and everything in their power to become the best wrestler he or she could be.

[McGill confronts Ken.]

Dawn McGill: You want me to wrestle you at MVWA 78? You want a loser leaves MVW match? You got it! I warned you guys about making this personal. Now, it’s time for you to pay. Bring your damn film crew with you because when I’m done, you and your family can go back to what you do best- being no-talent, reality show hacks.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann walks out.]

Mr. McMann: Okay…hold on a second. I suppose I should weigh on this seeing as I am the booker of Missouri Valley Wrestling.

[McMann stifles a snicker. McGill rolls her eyes. The Kardoucheians are curious to see what McMann has to say.]

Mr. McMann: Look, Khris. I understand your frustrations with Miss McGill. I share them too. One of the most fearsome female wrestlers ever to roam the minor leagues of professional wrestling portraying a ditzy blonde bimbo with a penchant for kissing just about anyone just to piss me off…and succeeding.

[McGill grins mischievously.]

Mr. McMann: So with that in mind…we will book Ken Kardoucheian versus Dawn McGill at MVWA 78.

[The audience cheers.]

Mr. McMann: However. Loser leaves MVW? Loser leaves town? That’s so…old-school. So the loser or losers have to ‘leave’ MVW for an unspecified amount of time until everyone forgets the stipulation and they return.

[McMann paces back and forth with his right hand ‘talking’ and gesturing as he speaks.]

Mr. McMann: No. Why don’t we do this right. Let’s make this really…really memorable. Let’s make the stipulation really mean something…something that’ll really hurt the loser of this match.

[McMann stops and points at Khris Kardoucheian.]

Mr. McMann: How about we make the stipulation if Dawn McGill defeats Ken Kardoucheian at MVWA 78, the Kardoucheians have to QUIT their world famous and highly rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’

[Khris’s eyes bug out. This was not what he was expecting.]

Mr. McMann: That’s right. You’ll have to quit the show and focus ONLY on pro wrestling.

[McMann then turns to McGill.]

Mr. McMann: As for you. Since you’ve been whacking the Kardoucheians, and especially Ken, over the head time and time again about Ken’s sex tape and the Kardoucheian’s reality show, why don’t we do this. If Ken Kardoucheian defeats you at MVWA 78…oh…I’m going to love it if this actually happens…

[It’s McMann’s turn to grin…and he does so with the most impish and naughty way.]

Mr. McMann: …if you lose the match, you have to go on a special dream date…with Ken Kardoucheian…

[McGill’s jaw drops.]

Mr. McMann: …that will be taped and aired on ‘Krampin Up with the Kardoucheians.’

Rick Hall: Well. I don’t think she was expecting that.

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t think anyone was expecting that.

[Dawn raises her hand to make a point.]

Dawn McGill: Okay…please define ‘dream date.’

Mr. McMann: Jesus, McGill. You’re thirty-seven years old. I’d like to think you know what constitutes a dream date by now…I mean, we are all grownups, right?

[McMann scans the crowd looking for a response.]

Mr. McMann: It’s really this simple. If Ken wins, it’s you and him on a date and whatever that might entail for one night from…let’s say…the time the match ends until…hell, let’s say…ten o’clock the next morning.


Thunderbolt Smith: HOLD ON!


[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Rick Hall: It looks like the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling is coming out to add her two cents.


[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]



[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]



[The group continues towards the ring.]



[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Jill Berg: What the hell? Are you really serious about this?

[Mr. McMann shrugs and nods yes.]

Jill Berg: While I generally agree with you about doing something different than the usual ‘loser leaves town’ type of blowoff match, isn’t this taking things too far? First off, Ken Kardoucheian is an active wrestler. Dawn McGill is not anymore. She hasn’t wrestled competitively in two years. She’s a manager. So, the first thing I’m going to do is change it from Ken Kardoucheian wrestling Dawn McGill to KHRIS Kardoucheian.

[Khris points to himself. His sons pump him up as he huffs and puffs towards McGill.]

Jill Berg: Yes. Since he’s been the most vocal about Dawn, it will be Khris Kardoucheian who will face Dawn McGill at MVWA 78. So. I will bring the contract to the show next week and it will contain the language Mr. McMann proposes. If you want the match but…Kardoucheians, you don’t want to risk your reality show…or Dawn, you don’t want to be forced into a dream date to be aired on their reality show if you lose…I will ‘X’ out Mr. McMann’s provisions and we can either redo the stipulations or just have the match without one. However, if both sides despise the other so much that they want the stipulation left in to try to cause the most possible hurt and embarrassment to the other, then I will go along with it.

[Both the Kardoucheians and McGill nod in agreement.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right. So to summarize, a definite yes to a grudge match between Khris Kardoucheian and Dawn McGill. A definite ‘maybe’ to the stipulation proposed by Mr. McMann. We will find out next week whether or not both sides agree.

Rick Hall: I think Jill hit it right on the head. If both parties hate the other so much…and I think they do…they may go along with the stip just for the chance to cause the most pain possible to the other.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ve got more coming up…including the Television Title match…

Rick Hall: And Mr. McMann’s big SEC announcement!

Thunderbolt Smith: …right after this.


*BLEEP*-ing with McGill

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of the front door of Dawn McGill’s house in the background.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

A goofy, nerdy boy walks up to Dawn’s front door and rings the doorbell.

The door opens up and Dawn appears munching on a bag of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Her hair is in rollers and she’s wearing a robe with pink fuzzy slippers.

She walks out to the porch to greet the visitor.

Dawn McGill (in between chewing on the beef jerky): Can I help you?

Goofy, Nerdy Guy (speaks very fast): Ken Kardoucheian is the greatest wrestler ever in the whole wide world and he can kick your butt in less than five seconds. You’ll never, ever compare to him and I love the ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ show.

The boy takes a huge deep breath. Then he turns and races towards the street. The boy nearly trips over the sidewalk and slips in between two cars before reaching the street where he’s hit by a passing vehicle and thrown several feet into the air, landing on the top of a parked vehicle down the street.

Dawn shrugs and goes back inside.

Dawn McGill (muttering): Idiot.

Then the door shuts behind her.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the boy whimpering on the top of a parked vehicle.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side



October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO



[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow. I am still stunned over what just took place a few minutes ago.

Rick Hall: Would that be Dawn McGill kissing you or the match that Mr. McMann, with an assist from MVW CEO Jill Berg, just booked for MVWA 78?

Thunderbolt Smith: Yes.

[Thunderbolt glances up at the ring.]

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

Thunderbolt Smith: The SEC is now in the ring with Mr. McMann and he is about to tell us who the new member of the Sports Entertainment Corporation is.

[Cut back to the ring where the SEC holds court. Mr. McMann has a microphone and gets ready to talk. Behind him are SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, P.M.C. Banks, Charlie Blackwell, and Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Also in the ring, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter.]

Mr. McMann: Ladies and gentlemen. It’s now time to introduce the new member of the SEC and future one half of the MVW Tag Team champions. I have scoured the wrestling landscape all over the country and all over the world for the perfect fit to join the SEC. I am now pleased to introduce to you…the new member of the SEC…


Mr. McMann: …the Canadian Bad Boy…JUSTIN BEAVER!

[Beaver strolls out for the first time to the MVW faithful. He has trademark boy-band good looks and a pair of ever present and protruding two front teeth.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Oh. No.

Rick Hall: Justin Beaver?

[Walking out with Beaver is his good friends Young Hollywood’s Miley Vyrus and Country…er…Pop Songstress Taylor Switt (and her guitar which seems to be leaking white powder).

Mr. McMann: Let’s just that Justin’s friends Miley Vyrus and Taylor Switt are a definite upgrade on the last two women who couldn’t cut it in the SEC.

[Miley steps to the middle of the ring and begins to ‘twerk.’]

Twerk- a style of dancing where an individual, usually female, dances to popular music by provocatively thrusting her hips in a low, squatting stance.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ew!

[Taylor Switt strums her guitar which causes more white powder to come out. She also sings…but she’s not mic’d up so no one hears what she’s singing or playing.]

Rick Hall: Thank goodness for that. And she may need to cut back on the white powder for the guitar shot spot.

Mr. McMann: May I present, the future Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions! The Sports Entertainment Corporation! P.M.C. Banks and Justin Beaver!

[Banks and Beaver shake hands. Then they face the audience and raise their arms simultaneously. The audience boos in return.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, this Saturday night in Terre Haute, Indiana, it’ll be the SEC taking on Perfectly Average Company with the winner getting the tag team champions the Island of Misfit Wrestlers at MVWA 78 for the title.

[There’s a commotion in the crowd.]

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, something seems to be happening-

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

[While Vyrus twerks to her heart’s content, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin slides into the ring with her oversized Pizza Box of Doom.]

Thunderbolt Smith: IT’S TESS! IT’S TESS AND-



[Vyrus covers her ass and falls to the mat. McMann and the others scramble out of the ring save Switt who comes up on Tess from behind. Tess stares out McMann not realizing who’s behind her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess might want to turn around-


Thunderbolt Smith: …eh…never mind.

[White powder showers the ring after Taylor Switt’s guitar explodes upon impact on Tessa’s head. The ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ is knocked out cold and tips down to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah Rick. You were right about the excess white powder. It looks like a freakin’ snowstorm in the ring.

[Switt throws the neck of what’s left of her guitar down on Tess’s back. She helps Vyrus back to her feet. Both women then exit the ring and join their new SEC brethren.]

Rick Hall: Tessa kinda walked right into that.

Thunderbolt Smith: The SEC looking strong headed into MVWA 78. Now, the reason Beaver and Banks are taking on Perfectly Average Company aka…Average Joe and Brad Company…this Saturday night is because the P.A.C. defeated Weapons of Mass Destruction last night in Omaha, Nebraska. If you remember this going down last week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

(Last Week: Weapons of Mass Destruction vs. the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja)

Hy Drogen Bomb, A. Tom Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Stan, Tiny, Hank, and April O’Neale

[Daisy races around the ring and tackles April O’Neale.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wait a minute! Daisy Cutter-Bomb is attacking April O’Neale. Daisy’s tackled April and here comes Tiny and Stan.

[Stan pulls Daisy off. Daisy lands a right hand to Stan and Tiny runs right through her.]

Rick Hall: A-Bomb and H-Bomb are doubleteaming Hank.

[While the scrum continues outside the ring, the WMD use the opportunity to gang up on Hank. A-Bomb and H-Bomb drag Hank over near the ring steps and throw him face first into the steel post.

Thunderbolt Smith: OH THEY JUST POSTED HANK!

Rick Hall: He’s busted open Thunderbolt.

[H-Bomb takes Hank by the hair and heaves him into the post a second time.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Into the steel ring post a second time!

[Meanwhile, Daisy is getting mugged by Tiny and Stan- who are unaware of what the WMD are doing to Hank.]

[Hank, bleeding profusely from the forehead, lies face down on the floor while A-Bomb and H-Bomb stomp away at him.]

Rick Hall: You talk about getting mugged. Hank is in real trouble over there and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja have no clue what’s going on.

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja got a little payback last night in Omaha.

(MVW’s Omaha, NE House Show: Weapons of Mass Destruction vs. Perfectly Average Company)

[…A-Bomb and H-Bomb are brawling with Average Joe and Brad Company. A redhead (April O’Neale) darts into the shot outside the ring and then disappears. The camera pans over. April stands over a downed Daisy Cutter-Bomb with one of Hank’s miniature baseball bat shaped nunchucks in her hand. Hank, Stan, and Tiny arrive and they pull Daisy up- April again uses the nunchucks on her sending Daisy back to the floor.]

[Both A-Bomb and H-Bomb see what’s going on and go to the ropes. H-Bomb actually climbs out of the ring and attacks the BBSPN.]

[Average Joe sneaks up behind A-Bomb. He slips his head under A-Bomb’s left arm and his hand around the left leg. Average Joe lifts and twists as he slams A-Bomb to the mat with an Average Slam. He then hooks the leg. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. One. Two. Three.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, that’s how Average Joe and Brad Company advanced. The WMD were furious after the match and as a result, Mr. McMann…under Jill Berg’s direction…has booked Weapons of Mass Destruction versus the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja in an extreme death match at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: And speaking of death matches…let’s go backstage to Blair Moise who has the MVW Television champion with her.


[Cut to Blair Moise backstage with ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson right next to her. Dickinson is antsy to get to the ring.]

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson

Blair Moise: Bill, this is the third time around for you two. Are you looking for anything different from ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler tonight?

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: The only thing I’m looking for is to put his shoulders on the mat and have the referee count one, two, three. Thanks Blair.

[And with that, Dickinson exits.]

Blair Moise: Well, the TV champion isn’t in a talking mood tonight Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: We are about ready to go for our main event tonight for the MVW Television Title. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

[Cut to Kimber.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This is our main event. One fall…thirty minute time limit…for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television title!

[Crowd applause.]

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

*’Country Boy Can Survive’- Hank Williams Jr.*

Kimber Marshall: …the challenger from Beaumont, Texas, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler!

[Butler walks out. Cowboy hat. Wrestling tights with the Texas flag on the right thigh. Black vest.]

The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged If you go downtown

[Butler raises his arms in the air and starts his way down to the ring.]

I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

[He rolls into the ring and starts warming up.]

Because you can’t starve us out
And you can’t makes us run
Cuz we’re them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

Kimber Marshall: His opponent…

*’Buy Me a Boat’- Chris Janson*

[‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson comes out holding up the MVW Television title.]

I ain’t rich, but I damn sure wanna be
Working like a dog all day, ain’t working for me I
wish I had a rich uncle that’d kick the bucket
And that I was sitting on a pile like Warren Buffett
I know everybody says Money can’t buy happiness

Kimber Marshall: …is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion. He is the three hundred and thirty pound Southern Brawler from Gallatin, Tennessee…‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson!

[Dickinson stares down Butler in the ring as he starts forward.]

But it could buy me a boat,
It could buy me a truck to pull it
It could buy me a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets
Yeah, and I know what they say
Money can’t buy everything
Well, maybe so,
But it could buy me a boat

[Dickinson rolls into the ring and immediately eyes Butler.]



‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson ©
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler

REFEREE: Davey Keels


Thunderbolt Smith: Well? Here we go again.

Rick Hall: The MVW TV title up for grabs and these two men will do anything and everything to walk out that ring in the next few minutes as the champion.


Thunderbolt Smith: And there’s your bell.

[Both Dickinson and Butler warily eye each other. They take a few steps to the side.]

Rick Hall: They’ve had two epic battles in the past few weeks. Now, it comes down to this.

[A few more seconds go by before both men finally lock up in the middle of the ring. Both jockey for position. Butler tries drive Dickinson back but the champion holds firm. Dickinson steps back and Butler lands face first to the mat. He jumps right back up and wags a finger in Dickinson’s face.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler didn’t like that.

[Butler lunges forward. Dickinson grabs the arm and drops to a knee, slinging the Cowboy down to the mat.]

Rick Hall: He didn’t like that either.

Thunderbolt Smith: Armdrag takedown by the champion.

[Butler starts forward again. Dickinson’s ready for him. The Cowboy decides to retreat to his corner and then rolls out of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler taking a moment to rethink things over.

Rick Hall: The match isn’t even a minute old. Why is he thinking things over?

[Butler climbs back in. Again, both men circle slowly around the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: A slower start than the last time these two men met.

[Lock up…no…Butler with a knee lift. Left to the gut. Right to the gut. Irish whip by Butler…Dickinson reverses…he sends Butler into the corner…Butler on the return, Dickinson slides his arm under Butler’s and tosses him to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hip toss by Dickinson and Butler lands hard.

[Butler holds his back with one hand. He goes to get back up and sees Dickinson just waiting. Wisely, Butler exits the ring again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler taking another time out…but this time Dickinson follows.

[Dickinson slides out after Butler. Butler steps back. Referee Davey Keels also follows them to the floor and orders the champion back in the ring.]

Rick Hall: I think Davey remembers how things spiraled out of control last time when both men left the ring and he’s trying to keep a closer hold on this match.

[Dickinson turns his back briefly and Butler tries to sneak up on him. The champion whirls around and Butler takes a couple steps back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I think you’re right. Dickinson back in the ring now. And here comes ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler. A slow, methodical start. We’ll see how this builds.

[Again, both men eye each other and take their time. Butler extends his right hand. Dickinson’s left hand meets it. A brief test of strength follows…Butler dives to the ground and tries to sweep Dickinson’s legs out. The champion avoids and drops an elbow. Right hand by Dickinson sends Butler to the deck. Butler up…right hand sends him right back down.   Butler back up…Dickinson rears back and flattens the challenger with a right hand. Butler rolls and scampers out of the ring.]

Rick Hall: A flurry there. Butler tried to trick the champion but Dickinson wasn’t having any of it delivering punishing right hands that caused the Cowboy to take refuge again outside the ring.

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler may be overthinking this. He’s trying to change up things but he may be getting away from what he does best.

[This time, Keels starts an immediate count on Butler. The Cowboy climbs right back in and charges at Dickinson. In the corner, Butler lands a couple rights to the midsection. Dickinson spins him around and pins him in the corner. Knife edged chop to the face. A second knife edged chop. Three knife edged chops. Butler staggers forward. Left hand by Dickinson sends Butler down. Butler up…Dickinson holds him with his left hand…loads up the right hand…and sends a whistling right hand that floors Butler again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All Dickinson in the early going.

[Butler gets back to his feet but Dickinson’s waiting. Again, the wind-up…the pitch…the right hand that sends Butler pinwheeling to the mat. Butler lands under the bottom rope and he pushes himself backwards to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Whatever ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler’s strategy was coming into tonight…he needs to rethink it and rethink it fast. It ain’t working.

Thunderbolt Smith: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson is in complete command of this match.

[Keels again with the count. Butler takes a walk around the corner and slides back in. He takes a knee in his corner and keeps an arm draped around the middle rope. Finally Butler stands up and circles Dickinson.]

Rick Hall: This has been a case where Butler keeps throwing stuff up to see what’s going to work and Dickinson keeps swatting it away.

[Butler stays on the outside and walks back and forth. Dickinson gradually edges closer to cut off the ring. Collar and elbow tie up. Dickinson pushes Butler into the corner. Keels slaps the champion on the shoulder twice and calls for the break. Dickinson hooks the rope with his arms and drives forward crushing Butler against the turnbuckle. Keels starts to count. Butler grabs Dickinson by the back of the neck and hits a kneelift. That slows Dickinson. Butler with a second knee lift.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That backs Dickinson up a little.

[And a third knee lift. Butler with a right hand of his own and now Dickinson goes down. Butler rolls Dickinson over and pulls him up. He sends the champion across the ring into the ropes. Butler goes hiptoss…but Dickinson reverses at the last moment and hits a hiptoss of his own on Butler.]

Thunderbolt Smith: But not for long.

[Butler up…Dickinson drills him with a right hand and the challenger goes flailing to the mat. Dickinson grabs a leg and twists it around as if he’s trying to rip a small branch off a tree. Finally, Dickinson drops an elbow to the groin area.]

Rick Hall: Every time Butler tries to get some offense going, Dickinson has the answer to put a stop to it.

[In intense pain, Butler rolls back and forth. Dickinson over. He pulls Butler up to his feet. The Cowboy sneaks in a right to the midsection. Knee lift. Forearm shot to the back of the neck. Side headlock with an eye for a vertical suplex…but Dickinson blocks and tries to scoop Butler up. Butler slips out the back and pushes Dickinson into the ropes. Butler runs the ropes. Dickinson misses a clothesline as Butler ducks under and hits the other ropes. Both try side body blocks and crash into each other in midair.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Now that was a collision.

Rick Hall: Two Mack trucks going sixty miles an hour hitting each other head on.

[Both wrestlers down. Keels starts to count.]







Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson back up.

[Dickinson waits for Butler to get back to his feet and greets him with a right hand.]

Rick Hall: And Butler right back down.

[Again, the challenger makes it back to his feet. And again, Dickinson decks him with a right hand. Butler pops back up and charges forward for a knee lift. Dickinson sidesteps and Butler gets tangled up in the corner eventually falling backwards to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: It’s getting to be gutcheck time. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler has struggled to mount any sort of effective offense against the Television champion.

[Dickinson swoops in with Butler’s legs in the air. He takes each leg and rocks backwards sending Butler slingshotting face first towards the corner turnbuckle. Butler hits and staggers backwards. Dickinson is right there and straddles one of Butler’s legs, then reaches over his near arm and locks it. Squats and twists to the side, flexing Butler’s back and stretches his abdomen.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Abdominal stretch!

Rick Hall: Now it’s Bill Dickinson’s turn to pull out a new trick!

[Butler goes last ditch desperation move and pokes Dickinson in the eye with his free hand. Dickinson releases the hold and covers the eye with his hand. Butler brushes off the earful he gets from the referee and shoves Dickinson into the corner. Right hand by Butler. He brings Dickinson to the center and tries to snap mare him over. But Dickinson blocks and slips his arms underneath Butler’s. He drops to his knees and takes Butler over. Keels slides in.]



[Butler kicks his legs and flips over.]


Thunderbolt Smith: That was close!

Rick Hall: Butler somehow was able to use his legs to power out at the last second.

[Butler up and misses with a wild right hand. Dickinson puts his head under Butler’s shoulder…lifts him up…and drops Butler tailbone-first on his knee.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler whiffs and Dickinson counters with an Atomic Drop. Butler is in trouble again.

[The challenger lies face down on the mat. Dickinson takes his sweet time walking over to Butler and pulling him up. He takes the arm…whips Butler into the ropes…and wraps his arms around his neck on the return.]

Rick Hall: He’s in BIG trouble, Thunderbolt. That’s a sleeper hold!

Thunderbolt Smith: SLEEPER!

Rick Hall: And Butler’s got a problem now. He’s way too far away from the ropes.

[Dickinson cinches the hold in. Butler tries to fight out of it but eventually drops to a knee. Then Dickinson takes him to the mat but that allows the challenger to maneuver closer to the ropes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: They were in the center of the ring. But now Butler is trying to reach the ropes…

Rick Hall: He may get it.

[Butler stretches his arm as far as he can while the champion tries to hold his position. Finally, Butler grabs the bottom rope and Keels calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: He does! Butler reaches the ropes.

Rick Hall: I thought he was a dead duck. Kudos to the Cowboy for sticking with it.

[Now on the ring apron, Butler back to his feet. Dickinson decides to help him back in. He grabs Butler’s tight with the right hand. Puts his left arm around Butler’s neck. Lifts Butler to an upside down vertical position…then falls back and slams Butler to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson brings Butler back in with a vertical suplex!

[Dickinson covers…Keels slides in.]



[Thr- no. Butler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Keels holds up two fingers.]


Thunderbolt Smith: WHOA!

Rick Hall: Dan Butler couldn’t have waited a millisecond more to put his foot on the rope. Wow!

[Dickinson slams his hand on the mat in frustration. He yanks Butler back up again…Dickinson rifles a couple right hands that bend Butler over. Thumb to the throat sends Butler right on his back and Dickinson covers.



[But again, they’re too close to the ring apron and Butler puts his boot on the bottom rope.]


[Dickinson drags Butler to the middle of the ring. He puts the challengers head between his legs. Lift up to where Butler’s literally sitting on his shoulders and then slammed back-first down to the mat. Dickinson rolls on top and hooks the leg.]



[Thr- Butler shoots the shoulder up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: NOOOOOOO!


Rick Hall: How the hell did Butler escape that? Wow! I don’t believe it!

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t believe it.

[Dickinson can’t believe it either. He drags Butler to a corner and climbs the corner turnbuckle while pulling his opponent up with him.]

Thunderbolt Smith: What is he going to do now?

[Setting up for a top rope powerbomb, that’s what. But Butler again reacts in desperation. He low bridges Dickinson and then throws him off the top rope to the mat.]

Rick Hall: That’s what. Butler with his final throw of the dice. He’s going up top now.

[Butler goes to the top of the turnbuckle. He leaps and goes for a top rope elbow drop. But Dickinson moves slightly…sticks his boot up…and connects flush with Butler’s face. The Cowboy is out and falls to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Oooh. That should do it.

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it! Dickinson rolls him over.






[The audience cheers the match.]

Thunderbolt Smith: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson holds on to the TV title. That’s going to do it for us. We will be back next week for the go-home show heading towards MVWA 78. I’m Thunderbolt Smith. He’s ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall. Good night everyone.


About Art Nouveaux

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