MVW Sunday Night Wrestling – October 8th

April O’Neale watches A-Bomb maul Hank on the floor during tonight’s main event tag team match between Weapons of Mass Destruction and The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja

==

Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann’s Office

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[McMann- impeccably dressed in an expensive black suit, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum- bald…prominent ears…moustache…and glasses, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and new MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- her new title belt sitting on the table in front of her, all sit while the CEO of CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) Mark Splitter speaks.  Splitter also looks resplendent in his suit with a CSPN blazer.  McMann glances down occasionally at a binder containing his notes and talking points.]

[Splitter is not happy.]

Mark Splitter (full indignation): What the hell happened? CSPN spent a fortune…a FORTUNE…to bring Scott Stevens in for MVWA 77 and bring the tag team belts to the Sports Entertainment Corporation. I brought in someone who’s wrestles for and just won his first match at a company perched at the very top of pro wrestling food chain. Someone who should mopped up the floor with the level of competition here at MVW.   Why aren’t the SEC the tag team champions? How did this happen?

[A replay of the match comes on the video screen behind them.]

(MVWA 77 – Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis © vs. The Sports Entertainment Corporation: ‘The Scorpion’ Scott Stevens and P.M.C. Banks – MVW Tag Team Title Match)

(Announcers: Johnny Suave and ‘Not Just Unbearable…Not Just Intolerable…He is’ Justin Sufferable)

[…Stevens spins Halitosis around. Boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING! STEVENS COVERS!

[Stevens hooks the legs and waits for the count…]

Justin Sufferable: No referee, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill’s kissing the referee…again!

[McGill has referee Ron Martin in a full-fledged lip lock.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL MAKES THE SAVE!

[Stevens sees what’s going on and breaks the pin. He goes over to Martin and spins him around.]

Johnny Suave: STEVENS IS PISSED AND HE’S LETTING THE REFEREE KNOW IT!

Mark Splitter: I’ll ask again. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

[P.M.C. Banks raises his hand.]

P.M.C. Banks: Um…Dawn McGill kissed the referee-

Mark Splitter: I know she’s kissing the *BLEEP*-ing referee.   Why isn’t the *BLEEP* damn referee making the count on Scott’s pin?

P.M.C. Banks: Dawn kisses the referee as a distraction.

Mark Splitter: You mean to tell me that the referee goes along with it?

[Everyone looks at each other, agrees, and nod ‘Yes.’]

Mark Splitter: Hold on. She’s really that good of a kisser that in the middle of a match the referee would kiss her than make the count?

[Everyone looks at each other…discusses the subject among themselves…]

All: Yeah…pretty much…probably…

Mark Splitter: Really? You’re telling me that Dawn McGill somehow has this strange hypnotic power to divert the referee from his job at the most critical part of a match just by kissing them?

[Everyone looks at each other…again, they all agree…again, and nod ‘Yes’…again.]

Mark Splitter: Unbelievable.

[Splitter throws up his hands.]

[…Stevens boots Halitosis in the gut again…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: STEVENS GOT IT AGAIN! HALITOSIS IS DOWN! STEVENS FOR THE TITLE!

[Stevens hooks the leg. Referee Ron Martin makes the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

*WHAP*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Justin Sufferable: McGill again!

[McGill made the save by running in and nailing Stevens with a steel folding chair. Martin immediately calls for the bell.]

Johnny Suave: Oh, she just got the Island of Misfit Wrestles disqualified.

Justin Sufferable: But they’re going to hold on to the tag belts, Johnny.

*DING-DING-DING*

[Mr. McMann goes berserk. He climbs into the ring and berates Martin. Stevens can’t believe what happened. Banks can’t believe what happened.]

[Splitter can’t believe what happened either.]

Mark Splitter: Again, this McGill. She uses her gift of enthralling weak minded referees to influence him to disqualify her team?

Charlie Blackwell: She interfered in the match by hitting Stevens with a chair. That’s a disqualification.

Mark Splitter: But yet, you…(points at Banks)…you interfered during the match too.

P.M.C. Banks: I did it more discreetly. Dawn just came out and whapped Stevens with the referee in full view of everyone.

Mark Splitter: GAH!

[Again, Splitter throws up his hands in disgust.]

[…Stevens grabs Martin and heaves him out of the ring. Then he goes for Halitosis. He pulls him off the mat. Boot to the gut…turn…]

[*WHAP*]

Johnny Suave: McGILL JUST HIT STEVENS WITH A CHAIR!

[Stunned but not slowed, Stevens zeroes in on McGill. He takes a step forward. McGill raises the chair again…Stevens kicks the chair right into her face.]

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

[Dazed, McGill drops the chair and staggers back. Stevens boots her in the gut…spins…grabs the back of the neck…drops to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL GETS A TOXIC STING FOR GOOD MEASURE!

[Behind Stevens, Rah slips in and drags Halitosis to safety.]

[Splitter points to the screen.]

Mark Splitter: Why couldn’t we do that before?

[Splitter waits for a response…there’s none coming.]

Mark Splitter: If she’s that damn good, why isn’t she in the SEC?

[That gets Mr. McMann’s attention. Following an uncomfortable period of silence, McMann stands up from his chair.]

Mr. McMann: We are working on that, Mark. One of our prime corporate objectives is to bring Dawn McGill into the SEC family.

Mark Splitter: What is it going to take? Money? How much?

[Splitter pulls out his checkbook.]

Mark Splitter: I’ll go make this happen right now.

[Splitter turns and heads towards the exit.]

Mr. McMann (calls out to Mark): Why don’t we look at the other matches first.

[The CSPN CEO stops as the next match comes on the video screen.]

(MVWA 77 – Main Event: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell – MVW Men’s Title Match)

[…McAvay runs the ropes but P.M.C. Banks grabs his leg.]

Johnny Suave: Banks grabs the leg!

Justin Sufferable: That’s the second time Banks and the SEC has interjected themselves into the match, Johnny.

[McAvay manages to shake his leg loose from Banks’s grasp. He boots Banks in the face and sends him to the floor. Then he turns around and…]

[*SMACK*]

Johnny Suave: BIG BOOT BY CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

[Blackwell connects on the button and McAvay crumples to the mat.]

Justin Sufferable: Johnny, he walked right into that one.

Johnny Suave: McAvay decked P.M.C. Banks after Banks grabbed on to his leg. But then he turned and ran right to Charlie’s size fourteen boot.

Justin Sufferable: KATAHAJIME!

[Blackwell encircles McAvay’s neck…grabs his own biceps on the other arm…places one of his legs across the stomach and the other leg over his own shin, creating a figure-four with his legs.]

Johnny Suave: He’s got him!

Justin Sufferable: We could have a new champion!

[Blackwell squeezes as hard as he can. McAvay desperately tries to get loose.]

Johnny Suave: We may, Justin. I don’t think Ray can get out of…HE’S TAPPING!

[McAvay taps. But there’s no referee. Why?]

Johnny Suave: IT’S DARK AND STORMY!

Justin Sufferable: Oh boy.

[West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy have climbed up to the ring apron and begun to unbutton their official MVW/Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys. They have referee Davey Keels undivided attention.]

Johnny Suave: Mr. McMann is livid!

[McMann slams his hands on the ring apron over and over.]

[Splitter exhales loudly.]

Mark Splitter: Okay. For the love of God, can someone explain this?

[He scans the room. No one offers an explanation.]

Mark Splitter: Are all the referees in MVW this totally incompetent?

Charlie Blackwell: No. But it’s the only way Ray McAvay can win matches.

Mark Splitter: Go on.

Charlie Blackwell: McAvay does this every time. He falls behind. He’s getting his ass kicked. And then the strippers do their thing. Bert the Janitor throws in the Big Bertha driver. He cracks someone over the head with it and wins.

Mark Splitter: And it works?

[The attention is directed back to the match.]

[Mr. McMann jumps up on the ring apron and shouts at Keels.]

Johnny Suave: He’s trying to get Davey Keel’s attention but he’s not succeeding.

[Now, after Dark finishes unbuttoning her shirt and opening it up to reveal a black bikini top underneath, Stormy pours official Ol’ Hoss BBQ sauce all over her chest. Then Stormy starts licking it off.

[Everyone looks at each other…shrugs…and collectively nod yes again.]

P.M.C. Banks: Yeah, pretty much.

Mark Splitter: GAH!

[Mark again throws his hands in the air.]

Justin Sufferable: Yeah, forget about that Johnny.

Johnny Suave: McMann is beside himself.

[Blackwell finally releases the hold and rolls over. He sees Dark and Stormy doing their routine and his face turns red. Blackwell doesn’t see Bert the Janitor slipping McAvay the Big Bertha Driver behind him.]

Johnny Suave: McAVAY’S GOT THE BIG BERTHA!

[Blackwell goes to stand up. McAvay takes the driver and whaps him in the back with it.]

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

[Blackwell’s knees buckle. McAvay jumps up…puts Blackwell’s head between his legs…lifts…falls back…and slams Charlie to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL BOMB!

[Dark covers back up. She and Stormy point Keels back to the action. Keels sees the pinfall.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

–cut—

[…McAvay holds up the MVW Men’s title belt.]

Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay somehow holds on to the MVW Men’s title and Mr. McMann is just beside himself.

[An angry Mr. McMann waves to the back.]

Johnny Suave: I wonder who he’s calling for?

Justin Sufferable: Is Scott Stevens still in the house?

[Then Stevens, dressed in his street clothes, runs down to the ring.]

Johnny Suave: THAT WOULD BE YES! HERE COMES STEVENS!

[Stevens rolls into the ring…shoves Bert the Janitor aside and pushes Dark and Stormy out of the way…spins McAvay around…boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING!

[Splitter shakes his head.]

Mark Splitter: Well. At least the money we spent on Stevens didn’t totally go to waste.

[He turns to Stevens’s wife…and the new MVW Women’s champion.]

Mark Splitter: Well done on your win, Mrs. Barbosa-Stevens.

[Lisa beams as the replay of her match comes on.]

(MVWA 77 – Christa Carmondy © vs. Lisa Barbosa-Stevens – MVW Women’s Title Match)

[…Carmondy has Lisa in a side headlock.]

Johnny Suave: Christa with a side headlock on Barbosa-Stevens. She’s setting her up for the finisher.

Justin Sufferable: Mean Girl Crush on the way!

[Carmondy drops stomach first to the mat. Lisa tucks and rolls out.]

Johnny Suave: SHE ROLLED THROUGH!

[Lisa whips around. Boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING! TOXIC STING!

[Lisa hooks her leg and rolls Christa up. Referee Ron Martin slides in for the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

Johnny Suave: NEW CHAMPION!

Justin Sufferable: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens has done it!

[Lisa rolls off of Christa and just lies on her back in the ring…arms outstretched.]

Johnny Suave: LISA BARBOSA-STEVENS IS THE NEW MVW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

[Outside the ring, Mr. McMann pumps his fist. He high fives the SEC’s Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum as Martin hands Lisa the MVW Women’s title belt. Lisa bends her knees towards her and rocks up to a sitting position.]

 [Mr. McMann walks to the front.]

Mr. McMann: All right. The bottom line is MVWA 77 was chock full of wasted opportunities. There’s no excuse…NO EXCUSE…that we didn’t walk out of MVWA 77 with all three belts. But at least the night wasn’t a total disaster.   We did achieve one of our corporate objectives. Congratulations again, Lisa.

[McMann smiles at Barbosa-Stevens. Everyone at the table claps. McMann then turns his gazes towards Charlie Blackwell.]

Mr. McMann: Charlie, where are we on the indirect personal pressure on Dawn McGill?

Charlie Blackwell: I told Dawn that she’s got major debts from the end of PCW that have to be paid and I’ve all but cut her money off, Mr. McMann.   She’s hasn’t come to me…actually she hasn’t said a word to me about the money.

Mr. McMann: Then how the hell is she surviving?

Charlie Blackwell: I think she’s getting help somewhere.

[McMann shakes his head.]

Mr. McMann: Okay Charlie, you got a tough break last week but the bottom line is that you did not succeed in carrying out our corporate objectives. The SEC expects results. If you do not win the MVW Men’s title at MVWA 78 or show me concrete progress in bringing Dawn McGill to the SEC, we will need to have a sit down talk and come up with a performance plan for you.

[Charlie shakes his head and mutters something under his breath.]

Mr. McMann: That goes for everyone else. We are the SEC. (he glances over at Phil Finebaum) Phil?

Phil Finebaum: OUR FACTION IS BETTER THAN YOUR FACTION!

Mr. McMann: That’s right. We are a results based enterprise. I want to see progress on our other two corporate objectives…or else.

[Splitter again heads for the door.]

Mr. McMann: Mark?

Mark Splitter (slight turn of head back towards McMann): I’m going to have a chat with this Dawn McGill about joining the SEC.

[McMann watches Splitter exit from the room.]

[Banks turns to Charlie.]

P.M.C. Banks: That’s not going to end well, is it?

[Charlie shakes his head.]

Charlie Blackwell: Probably not.

 

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday October 8th, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]

[Crowd applause]

[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling…brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!

[More applause.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall.

[Hall gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: MVWA 77 is in the books. You just saw some highlights from all three title matches and Rick…what are your thoughts?

‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall: As we saw earlier, the SEC must be bitterly disappointed that they did not come away with the Men’s, the Women’s, and the Tag Team belts. It was there for the taking. Ray McAvay did not have one of his better nights in the ring but his Deplorables came to the rescue and he retained the MVW Men’s title.

Thunderbolt Smith: I’m thinking Ol’ Hoss’s BBQ sauce sold a few units after what Dark and Stormy did with it.

Rick Hall: Dawn McGill is singularly the only reason the Island of Misfit Wrestlers still hold the Tag belts. She instigated the DQ by nailing Scott Stevens with a chair. Then she pretty much sacrificed herself in order to save Rah and Halitosis from Stevens’s rampage.

Thunderbolt Smith: And we did have the one title change.

Rick Hall: Yes. MVWA 76 saw Christa Carmondy…who’d been inches away from winning the MVW title since Missouri Valley Wrestling opened…finally break through and win a big title.   MVWA 77 saw Lisa Barbosa-Stevens…who’d been so close on several occasions in the past year…get her own breakthrough moment and leave Chicago as the MVW Women’s champion in what I thought was clearly the match of the night.

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah, there were no extracurricular stuff going on outside the ring.

Rick Hall: It was woman versus woman. No funny business. No outside interference. It looked like Christa was about to put Barbosa-Stevens away but then Lisa with that incredible escape right into a Toxic Sting gets the win and the title.

Thunderbolt Smith: And now that we’re putting MVWA 77 in the rear view mirror…just like that…we are less than three weeks away from MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: The road to MVWA 78 will be a sprint. I think you can make a strong case that Charlie Blackwell deserves a rematch with MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay after what happened during their MVWA 77 match.

Thunderbolt Smith: Blackwell had McAvay in the Katahajime and McAvay was tapping out.

Rick Hall: And if not for West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, Blackwell is the champion. And then there’s the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. I think you’ll see other tag teams try to get into the title mix but I believe Mr. McMann will splash the cash to bring in a partner for P.M.C. Banks and make a hard run for the title at MVWA 78.

===

*’Turn Around’- Aaron Watson*

[The crowd cheers.]

Dark, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Bert the Janitor, Stormy

Thunderbolt Smith: And that heralds the entrance of the Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s champion…’Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Young man on the side of the road.
Lost and beat up with nowhere to go.
Smells like a hangover from days ago,
but he does what he can to survive.

[McAvay, with the MVW Men’s title belt around his waist, rises from the Deplorables section along with his group which includes West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy along with General DeBauchery, resembling a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds. He’s sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II.]

Single mom with a dead end job.
90 hour week just to keep what she’s got.
But the bills add up and now she’s caught.
She does what she can to survive.

Well, let me say that love won’t take away the pain.
But don’t be afraid cause it will never walk away.

[Also in the section: Al Cahall- sporting his six pack abs…oh wait…that’s a six pack in front of his abs, Nic Koteen- who’s smoking which surely is violating some public ordinance somewhere, and finally, Bert the Janitor- who stares ‘funny’ at the camera holding up his mop in front of a black curtain drawn closed behind them.]

If you’re scared that you don’t matter.
If you’re lost and need to be found.
If you’re lookin’ for a savior.
All you gotta do is turn around.

{McAvay climbs into the ring to talk to the audience.]

No one listens to you anymore.
Any your heart has broken down.
You don’t need to move.
Love has come to you.
All you gotta do is turn around.

[The music fades down.]

Ray McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen. Once upon a time, Charlie Blackwell and I were brothers in arms. We were related by marriage…when I was married to his cousin Dawn McGill. Once upon a time, we went to war together against what Mr. McMann and others like him stood for. Once upon a time, we had each other’s back. We agreed on just about everything. Unfortunately, somewhere along the road…we went in separate directions. I stayed the course. I stayed true to my convictions. Charlie lost his way and sold his soul to the church of Sports Entertainment. Charlie…who’s forte was much like my own…hard work…no shortcuts…decided to take the money that ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann put in his face and go the easy route.

[McAvay pauses.]

Ray McAvay: But now…the only thing we’re going to agree on is the fact that Charlie wrestled a hell of a match last Saturday at MVWA 77 and I did not. And I’ll admit that I’m damn lucky to be still holding on to this belt. So congratulations on a good match Charlie.

[The crowd boos.]

Ray McAvay: No, no. Charlie fought like hell. That’s not the issue I have with him. The real issue I have with Charlie that in the SEC’s never ending quest to force my ex-wife…Dawn McGill…to join their group…

[McAvay pauses and then continues.]

Ray McAvay: I’m really shocked to announce that Charlie has stooped to a new low.   As you all know, Charlie is Dawn’s financial advisor. What you don’t know is that he’s cut off her money.

[More boos.]

Ray McAvay: Yep. Charlie cut off Dawn from the hard earned money that she’s earned. And since she is the mother of my twins R.K. and Gracie, is not acceptable proposition to me. So, let’s just say I’ve been kicking in a few dollars.

[The audience now cheers.]

Ray McAvay: That’s right. I’ve been helping Dawn out with paying her bills because she’s not getting the money that she’s earned. All I can say is…shame on you Charlie. Shame on you.


Charlie Blackwell

[Blackwell walks out with a major scowl on his face and is greeted with even more boos.]

Charlie Blackwell: McAVAY!

[The boos become deafening. Charlie covers his ears and then explodes on the crowd.]

Charlie Blackwell: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

[Blackwell faces McAvay and points at him.]

Charlie Blackwell: And YOU! You…have no right…NO RIGHT!…to do what you’ve done. You walked out on Dawn. You left her.   You have no-

Ray McAvay: Oh shut up! Everyone knows what you’re doing, Charlie. And it’s not going to work.

[The audience cheers.]

Charlie Blackwell: Well, I’m glad to see that at least you’re owning up to the fact that I beat you at MVWA 77.

[Blackwell pauses to let that sink in.]

Charlie Blackwell: That’s right. I beat you at MVWA 77. You tapped out, Ray. You tapped out and that belt belongs to me. The only reason that belt isn’t around my waist is because of your West Texas skanks.

Ray McAvay: Except that’s not what happened. Unluckily for you, Davey didn’t see me tap out so technically, it didn’t happen. Luckily for me, Davey did see me pin you…one…two…three…and that happened and I won.

Charlie Blackwell: You can’t hide behind your stripper friends forever. That belt belongs to the SEC and I aim to bring it to its rightful place at MVWA 78. Let’s just cut to the chase. There’s no one else in the title picture at the moment. You and I need to finish this.

[McAvay shrugs.]

Ray McAvay: Fine, Charlie. That we agree on. Let’s settle this. MVWA 78. MVW Men’s title on the line. Just you and me. The Deplorables won’t be at ringside with me.   And you can tell your SEC friends to stay away too.

Charlie Blackwell: You’re on. I don’t need parlor tricks and a three ring circus to beat you.

Ray McAvay: Oh, one more thing Charlie. Just make sure you okay all of that with your corporate master, Mr. McMann first.

[McAvay drops the mic and has a staredown with Blackwell. Blackwell points at the belt and then does the ‘belt around my waist’ gesture.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hold on. I’m getting word from the back from MVW CEO Jill Berg…

[Rick Hall leans in to hear the official word.]

Thunderbolt Smith: …YES! It’s a done deal. McAvay versus Blackwell. One on one. No outside interference. MVWA 78. Mark it down.

Rick Hall: No surprise there, Thunderbolt. That was a no-brainer.

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s take our first commercial break and then we actually have some wrestling action after the break. We’ve got our first match of the night coming right up after our commercial break as the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin will be in action. Also later on tonight, we’ve got a big tag team match between the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja- making their MVW Sunday Night Wrestling debut- taking on Weapons of Mass Destruction with potential tag team title implications. We’ll be right back after this.

===

COMMERCIAL BREAK – Fred’s Sr. Commercial

Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.

[The spot starts as Dark and Stormy, valets for Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion Ray McAvay and wearing McAvay’s official ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ T-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, exit a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow restaurant.  The ladies walk in slow motion towards a pick-up truck hauling a trailer with a hot tub on it…each carrying a bag full of Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow food.]

[They climb up onto the trailer and sit on the edge. Feet dangling from the trailer, Dark and Stormy each pull out a Carl’s Jr’s half pound Western Bacon Thickburger and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]

[Cut to inside the store, a mother and her two teenage sons are dining. One of the son’s turns and stares at Dark and Stormy. Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind thanks to a huge off screen fan, sees the boy and waves.]

[Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the breeze, takes a huge bite from the sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce that’s slathered onto the sandwich falls and stains her pearly white t-shirt. Of course, she’s horrified at the development. She slips off her pumps and climbs into the hot tub. While keeping the Thickburger high and dry, Dark then dunks herself into the water and rises back up. Her hair now wet…and the t-shirt too but thanks to strategic camera placing and shots, we don’t see any more of her than we really need to for mainstream television purposes.]

[The patrons in the restaurant?]

[Cut to the store. A crowd of people flood to the window.]

[Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Thickburger and, shocking, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt. So she kicks off her shoes too and climbs in.]

[More people crowd up against the window.]

[Stormy drops into the water and comes back up. Again, strategic camera position protects America’s prying eyes from seeing more than they should.]

[The mother inside the store with the two teenage boys notices that they are missing. Where did they go?]

[The boys have their faces pressed up against the window and watch.]

[Back to the trailer, a strange man wearing a janitor’s uniform climbs up onto the trailer and hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then all over herself. Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the sauce off Dark’s shirt…and then her neck…and then her arms.]

[At that point, the crowd that used to be inside the store suddenly stream outside.]

Announcer Guy: Two for the price of one.

[Stormy pours some of the barbeque sauce on herself and Dark begins to lick it off her.]

Announcer Guy: Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow’s Half Pound Western Thickburger

[Dark then begins to raise up Stormy’s shirt as the commercial ends.]

===

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

*The opening notes of Whitney Houston’s version of ‘The Greatest Love of All’ starts to play*

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier…

[Jill Berg, CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling, appears with two children flanking her.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg and I believe the children are our future. Communities all over the country are recognizing that healthy childhood experiences are not just good for children, but good for their communities as well. It’s simple really. The actions we take, like parent-child interaction, reading and constructive play, go a long way to promote healthy child development.

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be So I learned to depend on me…

[The scene shifts to Jill sitting on a couch with children playing in front of her. She leans forward with her chin resting on her hand.]

Jill Berg: Unfortunately, children are sometimes exposed to intensive stress. Too much stress is bad for anyone but it can be devastating to child development.

Child: BANZAI!

[Behind Jill, one boy leaps across the couch and tackles another boy. Jill leans back and fake laughs.]

Jill Berg: At a time when we all care about the economy and its effect on the family, it just makes sense to spend more time learning how stable, nurturing relationships influence a child’s developing brain and provide a foundation for all future development.

[Another boy stands on the arm of the couch, preparing to jump.]

Child: “TO THE EXTREME!”

[He leaps and lands a flying elbow on Jill’s head.]

Jill Berg: OW! SON OF A BIT-

*AWKWARD QUICK CUT*

[Jill, now looking irritated, rubs the bump on the side of her face.]

Jill Berg: So, promote healthy child development. Take the time to play with your child. And your child will be the better for it. Missouri Valley Wrestling will do our part as well because we’re not just wrestling for me- we’re wrestling for the children!

[Fade to black.]

Jill Berg’s voice: Ow. That hurt.

===

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Missouri Valley Wrestling hits the road again with a big mid-week show at the Darby Arena in Grinnell, Iowa. MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables will be there along with Bo Stevens, the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.

Rick Hall: Friday night, we are in Fort Dodge, Iowa at the Fort Dodge High School Gymnasium. MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler, Tag Team Champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers, and Charlie Blackwell with the SEC among others in Fort Dodge this Friday night.

Thunderbolt Smith: MVW is at the Baxter Arena in Omaha, Nebraska for a big Saturday night show. Ray McAvay and the Deplorables, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell and the SEC, the Kardoucheian Empire, Bill Dickinson, Bo Stevens, and much, much more…this Saturday night in Omaha, Nebraska.

Rick Hall: And finally, our Sunday matinee show right down Interstate 80 in Kearney, Nebraska. Ray McAvay, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, and so much more.

UPCOMING MVW SHOWS:

October 11th – Grinnell, IA
October 13th – Fort Dodge, IA
October 14th – Omaha, NE
October 15th – Kearney, NE
October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO

===

[Cut right to MVW ring announcer Kimber Marshall in the ring.]


Kimber Marshall

Kimber Marshall: Our first match is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit.   Introducing first…already in the ring. MRS. WRESTLING THIRTY-FOUR!

[The audience politely claps for the masked female wrestler. She wears a standard gold-ish wrestling mask and a gold track-suit like get up.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…

[A driving drum beat plays over the loudspeaker.]

*’Dig In’- Lenny Kravitz*

Kimber Marshall: Hailing from Bowling Green, Ohio…

It’s time to face it come on in and join the party
Life has been waiting for you to care
Don’t try to fake it jump on in and get it started
There’s so much lovin for you to share

Kimber Marshall: She is the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl…TESSSSSS-A. MARRRRRR-TIN!

There is nowhere to run
There is no way to hide
Don’t let it beat you
Say “nice to meet you” and “bye


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

[Tess walks out with one hand raised high in the air and the other holding a sixteen inch pizza box.]

And once you dig in
You’ll find it coming out the other side
And once you dig in
You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s go back a couple weeks ago…

(9/24 – MVW Sunday Night Wrestling: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- winner becomes the #1 contender for the Women’s title.)

[…Tess lets out a scream as Lisa has her arm trapped in the Fujiwara Armbar.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lisa’s got it cinched in but Tess is clawing for every inch she can to get to the ropes.

[With every ounce of strength she has, Tess maneuvers herself around to where she can reach out for the bottom rope.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess almost there.

[She grabs the rope and slips under. Tess rolls out of the ring and drags Lisa with her.]

–cut—

[Finally, Lisa pulls herself up from the floor. She staggers over to Tess. The SEC wanders close by. Blackwell, Banks, Mr. McMann, and Finebaum. Tess gets up to all fours. Lisa extends her hand to…help her up?]

Thunderbolt Smith: Is she doing what I think she’s doing?

Rick Hall: It looks like Lisa is offering Tess a hand.

[Tessa hesitates…then reluctantly accepts her assistance. Lisa pulls Tess back to her feet.]

Thunderbolt Smith: An odd time for sportsmanship.

[Tess and Lisa lock eyes. Mutual respect. Well, at least for a couple seconds. Lisa suddenly kicks Tess in the gut…turn…grabs the back of her neck…drops.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TOXIC STING ON THE FLOOR!

Rick Hall: She double-crossed her, Thunderbolt!

Thunderbolt Smith: And the SEC are right there.

[Indeed, Blackwell, Banks et…al… watch with interest. But they do not take any action towards Lisa. In fact, Lisa nods at them when she passes right through them to go back to the ring.]

[Tess puts the pizza box down in the corner and rolls into the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: This will be Tessa’s first match since she was double-crossed by Mr. McMann and the SEC. How will she react?

Rick Hall: She will probably react the way she always does. She’ll put her head down and get back to it.

======================

MATCH ONE:

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
vs.
Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV

Referee: Brent Payson

======================

[Payson calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Here we go.

[Tess meets Mrs. Wrestling in the middle of the ring and…offers her a handshake?]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well…this is different.

Rick Hall: It could be a trap. Or she’s trying to exhibit excellent sportsmanship.

[Mrs. Wrestling swats the hand away.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Either way, Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four isn’t buying it.

[Collar and elbow tie up.   Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pushes Tess off.   A second collar and elbow tie up. A second push off. The third collar and elbow lock up sees Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV driving Tess into the ropes. Brent Payson steps in to call for a break. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV delivers a kneelift before she takes a few steps back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: An aggressive start by Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four.

Rick Hall: Tess is a better technical wrestler but she’s not afraid to mix it up either.

[Tess is Irish whipped across the ring. Mrs. Wrestling bends down for a back body drop. Tess grabs her by the neck and twists.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Swinging neckbreaker by Tessa Martin.

Rick Hall: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four telegraphed that one…badly.

[Tess leaps in the air and drives her feet into her opponent’s chest.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Standing drop kick and Mrs. Wrestling is on the mat.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pops right back and walks into an armdrag takedown. She bounces right back up again…armdrag takedown. Undeterred, Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV is back up a third time. She rushes forward and…armdrag takedown. This time, she keeps rolling under the rope and out of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess making it look easy with those armdrag takedowns.

Rick Hall: Good move by Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four. Momentum was against her and it’s not a bad idea to call time out and take a walk outside the ring.

[Except Tess is impatient and doesn’t want to wait. She bounces off the far ropes and sprints across the ring…]

Thunderbolt Smith: There she goes…

[Tess leaps over the top rope and takes Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV down on the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA TAKES IT TO THE OUTSIDE!

[Both women take a few seconds to gather themselves. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pulls herself up with the aid of the steel barricade. Tessa gets back up to a kneeling position and then back to her feet. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV charges forward. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down.]

Thunderbolt Smith: SLINGBLADE ON THE FLOOR!

[Mrs. Wrestling back up. She charges. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down

Thunderbolt Smith: And another one!

[Mrs. Wrestling up again…red faced…huffing and puffing. She charges. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And another one.

Tessa Martin: WOO!

Audience: WOO!

[Tess pulls Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV back up and takes her back to the ring. She rolls her in and then follows.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess looks like she’s having fun again.

Rick Hall: I never thought she was a good fit in the Sports Entertainment Corporation. I’ve always thought of her as Ray McAvay before Ray McAvay became Ray McAvay. Limited talent-wise but willing to work hard and do what she has to do to make herself the best wrestler she can be.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV wanders over to Tess’s corner and sees the pizza box sitting there. She picks up the box and turns to Tess.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four has Tess’s oversized pizza box of doom.

Rick Hall: Which is an oversized pizza box of doom because Tessa has a street sign inside the box.

[Referee Brent Payson goes over and starts the count on her.]

[One.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Payson’s started the count.

[Two.]

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV lowers the box to face level.]

[Three.]

[*SPLAT*]

[The audience roars.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA JUST KICKED THE OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM INTO MRS. WRESTLING THIRTY-FOUR’S FACE.   Man, that’s a mouthful to say.

[Out of the blue, Tessa leaped and hit a perfect standing drop kick that sent the pizza box flush into Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV’s face. She dropped the box and staggered back into the corner.]

Rick Hall: Tess timed that perfectly, Thunderbolt.

[Tess runs in and grabs her by the back of the neck…turns…and drops to the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: PIZZA CUTTER!

Rick Hall: GOT HER!

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV bounces up off the mat and settles back down on her back. Tess swoops in and hooks her leg. Payson counts.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: You’re winner…’EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ TESSSSS-AAAAH…MARTINNNNNN!

Thunderbolt Smith: The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl delivers herself a win right here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Rick Hall: We’re not done yet!

[As Payson raises Tess’s hand in victory, Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV gets back to her feet. She slips in behind Tess and shoves her to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, that’s not called for.

Rick Hall: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-Four is upset about something.

[Tess rolls back to seated position and gets berated by Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t know what her problem is but-

[Tess uses a two hand press to push Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV away from her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess shoves her back. This is starting to escalate.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV marches forward again. Tess locates her oversized Pizza Box of Doom and crawls over…grabs the box…jumps back to her feet…and…]

[*WHAP*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess just potatoed Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV in the face with the box!

[The pizza box shot sends Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV toppling backwards to the mat.]

Rick Hall: Great move by Tess to defuse the situation.

Thunderbolt Smith: Defuse the situation? She just knocked her silly with the pizza box.

Rick Hall: Hey. Whatever works.

[Tess climbs out of the ring and heads over to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

===

TESSA MARTIN PROMO

Thunderbolt Smith: And we are joined by the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Tess? Good match today.

Tessa Martin: Thanks Thunderbolt. I just want to say a couple things here.

Thunderbolt Smith: Go right ahead.

Tessa Martin: I’ve learned a lot of things in the past few months. That’s right, I’ve been in this business for over eleven years and I’m still learning. Earlier this year, I did something I never thought I’d ever do. I went into business with someone I’ve despised since 2006…’Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann. I did it for two reasons…I wanted one more big run at the top and at the time thought the only way to get there is to join up with McMann’s Sports Entertainment Corporation. And I wanted to separate myself from Dawn McGill and prove I could forge my own path professionally.

Rick Hall: The grass isn’t always greener though.

Tessa Martin: No, it’s not Rick. Not by a long stretch. Yes, I had a run with the Heartland title. But I was no closer to the top title than I was before. I’m not surprised the SEC and Mr. McMann turned on me. I’m not surprised that Mr. McMann…who has the attention span and patience of a gnat…got rid of me and went on to the ‘next best thing.’ I half expected it to happen a couple weeks back when I wrestled Regina McGill. That’s fine. Mr. McMann proved who is really is and it confirms what I thought all along. For all the drama he’s caused in my career since 2006, he really wasn’t interested in me. This was all a ruse to bring Dawn McGill into the SEC. Well, newsflash. I don’t need Mr. McMann to get back to the top. I don’t need Dawn McGill to get back to the top. I just need to rededicate myself to the sport of professional wrestling…let me say that again…the SPORT OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING…I need to work hard…I need to dedicate myself to my craft and then we’ll let the chips fall from there.

[Tess turns to the camera.]

Tessa Martin: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. The footsteps you’re hearing behind you is me coming for your belt.

[Tess exits.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right, Tessa Martin setting her sights on the MVW Women’s title.

Rick Hall: If Tess gets her mind back in the right frame of mind, Lisa had better be watching her back.

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s go to the back and Blair Moise. Blair?

===

DAWN McGILL ANSWERS CSPN CEO MARK SPLITTER

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]


Blair Moise

Blair Moise: Thanks Thunderbolt. I am right in front of Dawn McGill and the Island of Misfit Wrestlers’ dressing room where a couple of minutes ago, CSPN Executive Mark Splitter walked in to offer McGill a big money move to the SEC. Seconds later, there was a huge crash inside the dressing room and then the sound of something hitting the dressing room door.


‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

[The door whips open and Splitter, bloodied and half conscious, flops onto the floor. Then McGill, dressed in a black halter top, black mini-skirt, and black knee-high boots follows. She grabs Splitter by the lapel and yanks him back to his feet.]

Blair Moise: Well, it looks like McGill has turned down Mr. Splitter’s proposal.

[The camera follows McGill as she drags him all the way out to ringside.]

Blair Moise: Hold on…I’m going to follow them…at a safe distance, of course.

[She passes by Thunderbolt and Hall’s vantage point and then flings Splitter into the steel ringpost.]

[*CLANG*]

[Splitter crumples to the floor. McGill pulls up the skirting around the ring and pulls out a table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well Blair, I suspect some of this is a little payback for what happened last weekend at MVWA 77.

Blair Moise: And don’t forget two weeks ago.

Rick Hall: That’s right. When Scott Stevens Scorpion Death Dropped her and then…at the behest of Mr. McMann…put McGill through a table.

[The table is set up. McGill pulls Splitter back up and drags him to the ring apron. She puts his head between her legs.]

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[There’s a commotion. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the SEC: Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens come out. McMann steps forward with his arms stretched to each side.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mr. McMann is pleading with McGill to stop.

[McGill tilts her head down and smirks. She then lifts Splitter in the air…propels forward with her legs…and McGill Bombs Splitter through the table.]

Rick Hall: Wow!

Thunderbolt Smith: DAWN McGILL JUST McGILL-BOMBED CSPN CEO MARK SPLITTER THROUGH A TABLE!

Rick Hall: I believe her answer is no to joining the SEC.

[Enraged, McMann motions to the SEC to ‘get her.’ Blackwell, Banks, and Barbosa-Stevens rush forward. McGill runs and jumps the steel barricade into the crowd. She makes her way to the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well?

Rick Hall: Mr. McMann hated the ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill character and wanted the Six Foot Demolition Machine. Well, the good news is that he’s managed to bring out the Six Foot Demolition Machine again. The bad news is…

[McMann attends to Splitter who’s interspersed in the ruins of the table.]

Rick Hall: …well…that pretty much speaks for itself.

[McMann looks to the back.]

Mr. McMann: THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!

[Medical personnel run out to check on Splitter.]

Thunderbolt Smith: While they clean up at ringside, we’ll be back with more MVW Sunday Night Wrestling after this.

===

COMMERCIAL BREAK – “*BLEEP*-ing with McGill”

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a campground. There’s a truck with a camper in the bed parked in a forest area with plenty of trees.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Three men sit around a campfire. The one on the left is crouched down on the ground munching on a piece of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. The other two are drinking coffee from a mug.  

There’s a rustling by an old barn where four trash cans are located. All four are overflowing over the top. All three look over and see Dawn McGill with an empty water bottle in her hand. She’s wearing shorts and a tank top as she’s out for a run.

Dawn McGill: Hey guys. Do you know if there’s any other trash receptacles nearby?

The crouching guy snacking on the beef jerky gets an idea. He reaches into his rucksack and pulls out one of those trick cans that sprays out plastic snakes when you open it up.

Guy #1: Hey guys.

He shows the can to the others.

Dawn McGill: Um. You do know that I can hear you, right?

The other two snicker at the idea. The man on the far right who’s wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket points to a rock in front of Dawn and the other guy ‘sneaks’ over there with the can.

Dawn McGill: Okay. You do know that I can see you sneaking up here.

The other two watch as the guy places the can on the rock, with Dawn observing him, and then ‘sneaks’ back to the campfire.

Dawn looks down at the can.

Dawn McGill: All right. I know what’s inside the can. I’m going to open it up. These plastic thingys are going to come flying out. And then I’m going to have to do something really bad to you guys.

The three campers simply stare at her.

Dawn sighs.

Dawn McGill: Okay…fine.

She opens the can. Two plastic snakes fly out and the campers begin to laugh. Dawn gives out a ‘look’ that said ‘seriously?’ She exhales, turns, and runs into the woods.

The three campers scurry towards their camper just as Dawn comes back out with a rather ominous looking weapon in hand.

Guy #2 (panicked shout): OH *BLEEP*, SHE’S GOT AN RPG!

Guy #3 (even more panicked): RUN!

As the campers veer off into the woods, Dawn smiles…aims…and fires the Rocket Propelled Grenade into the camper and blows it up.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the burning truck and the debris field around it.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

===

UPCOMING MVW SHOWS:

October 11th – Grinnell, IA
October 13th – Fort Dodge, IA
October 14th – Omaha, NE
October 15th – Kearney, NE
October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO

===

JILL BERG TALKS

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast desk.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Welcome back to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.   If you’re just joining us, you’ve missed a recap of the three title matches at MVWA 77, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter’s unsuccessful attempt to convince Dawn McGill to join the SEC, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin’s successful return to action, and Charlie Blackwell challenging and MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay’s acceptance of Blackwell’s challenge for a match at MVWA 78.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

Thunderbolt Smith: HOLD ON!

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Rick Hall: It looks like the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling is coming out to address the fans.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The group continues towards the ring.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

Kimber Marshall: From the financial district of New York City. She is the corporate predator, the CEO of MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING! She is the phenomenon known as JIIIIIIILLLL- BERRRRRRRG!

[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Jill Berg: Thank you! Thank you very much!

[Berg waits out the audience’s applause.]

Jill Berg: First off, I want to thank all of you. I am pleased to report that we had a pretty good turnout for MVWA 77. Forty-one hundred people went to the show at the Gentile Arena in Chicago. I believe that downsizing our venues will save the company money in the short term…improve the arena atmosphere…and most importantly, allow us to rebuild the base. The addition of Scott Stevens…an extremely well-known…marketable personality who now wrestles for the top wrestling company in the world…not only helped us out at the gate but I believe brought our rating for MVWA 77 on Bro-Slam up as well. So, well done on everyone’s part. And now, we look towards MVWA 78 in less than three weeks.

[The audience claps.]

Jill Berg: Okay. We’ve already announced the main event for MVWA 78. It will be for the MVW Men’s title and a rematch from MVWA 77- Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay versus Charlie Blackwell. I also want to announce that there will be another rematch on the MVWA 78 card…Bo Stevens- who you will hear from again later on tonight- will face ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido again.

[More applause.]

Jill Berg: Last…but not least…I want to announce our main event next week. These two have torn the house down repeatedly since MVW reopened our doors at our house shows and on TV. These two had an epic match two weeks ago and featured prominently in the three way tag match last week at MVWA 77. Next week, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson puts his Television title on the line against ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

Man’s Voice (offscreen): Okay…okay…enough of that.

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

Thunderbolt Smith: I was wondering if we were going to hear from them tonight? It’s the Kardoucheian Empire.

[The family matriarch Khris Kardoucheian leads his sons Ken, Koley, and Khourtney out to ringside. They accompanied- of course – by the film crew of the Kardoucheian’s world famous reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’]

Khris Kardoucheian: Yeah. That’s right. It’s us. Your superstars. Your money makers. Ms. Berg, you’re no dummy. You’re business smart. How do you explain the blatant disrespect exhibited towards the Kardoucheians? Is it a smart business practice to continually treat your stars with abject contempt? Last week at MVWA 77 during the three way tag elimination match was a clear example. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja and Weapons of Mass Destruction deliberately teamed up against my sons to get them eliminated from the match as soon as possible. My sons didn’t have a chance. This company’s biggest and most visible talent…Hollywood reality show mega-stars…taken out of the match early. Why is this happening?

[Kardoucheian receives a healthy round of boos from the audience. The film crew pans the crowd and in turn the MVW fans exhibit an abject distaste for the Kardoucheians.]

Jill Berg: Khris, I’ve told you over and over. No one gets a free ride here in MVW. You have to-

Khris Kardoucheian: Right, right, right. You have to earn your way. Yeah. Except my sons have already done that. It’s not easy to become a Hollywood star. But our show…’Krampin’ with the Kardoucheians’…is the number one reality show on cable. Why is that? Because they’re stars. The fact that MVW does not treat my sons as stars is a real problem. The fact that two inferior teams got over on my sons at MVWA 77…is a real problem. The fact that you chose the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to wrestle in the 4CW tag team tournament instead of the Kardoucheians…the fact that you allow Dawn McGill to continually harass my sons at every turn…is completely unacceptable.

Jill Berg: I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve been given opportunity after opportunity and-

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care how many opportunities you’ve ‘given’ my sons. It’s obviously not enough. I want to know what you are going to do to address my concerns and treat my sons like the big stars that they are with the upmost respect they deserve?

[Jill is about to respond but there’s noise coming from the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: There’s something going on…

Rick Hall: Here comes Dawn McGill!

[McGill screams past Berg with a Singapore cane in hand and before any of the Kardoucheians can react…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow! She just fileted Khris Kardoucheians forehead with a Singapore cane shot.

[Khris falls to the floor. McGill continues right down the line…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KEN KARDOUCHEIAN!

[Ken crumples to the floor. McGill goes on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KOLEY!

[Koley is felled. McGill moves on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KHOURTNEY!

[Khourtney goes down. McGill flips them all off.]

[The camera pulls back to show all four Kardoucheians lying on the floor as McGill stops in front of the cameraman of the ‘Krampin’ with the Kardoucheians’ film crew.

Dawn McGill: Since these guys like to put everything on tape, did you get all that?  You did? Good!

[McGill then exits and the camera crew pans in closer to get a better shot of the fallen Kardoucheians.]

Rick Hall: Well, I guess you can say that Dawn’s settled all accounts from last week’s show.

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah, but you know it’s not going to end there. All right. Let’s go to the back where Blair Moise has Bo Stevens with her.

===

BO STEVENS PROMO

[Blair Moise brings Bo Stevens and Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Brother No One Ever Knew He had, into the frame.]

Blair Moise: Blair Moise here with Bo Stevens.


Bo Stevens

[She turns to Bo.]

Blair Moise: Congratulations on your match at MVWA 77. What did you get out the match with a wrestler with a treasure trove of experience in Chris Escondido?

Bo Stevens: BO-lief.

[Tebow drops to one knee and bows his head while placing his balled left fist against his forehead (aka…‘Tebows’) when Bo says BO-lief.]

Blair Moise: BO-mmmph.

[She covers her mouth before she finishes saying the word. But it’s too late. Tebow has already ‘Tebowed.’]

Blair Moise: You went to a twenty minute draw with Escondido. Does that give you confidence going into a rematch with him at MVWA 78 knowing that you more than held your own with him before?

Bo Stevens: No, it doesn’t give me confidence, Blair.

Blair Moise: It doesn’t?

Bo Stevens: No. Hanging with someone like Chris Escondido for twenty minutes…a wrestler who’s seen it all…done it all…with his years of experience doesn’t give me confidence. No, it gives me something even better than that.

Blair Moise: And what’s that?

Bo Stevens: BO-lief.

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again. And Blair kicks herself for walking into that one.]

Blair Moise: Okay, that aside. Besides…that word. Did you come away with anything else from the match?

Bo Stevens: What word?

Blair Moise (dancing her way around not saying BO-lief): You know…that word.

Bo Stevens: BO-lief?

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Blair Moise: Yeah. That one.

Bo Stevens: Seriously Blair. I’m just trying to take this one step at a time. As I told you before, Missouri Valley Wrestling has given me an opportunity to make my mark in pro wrestling. Being in the ring with Escondido for twenty minutes as the same as going to class to learn your vocation. I did learn a lot and when I meet Escondido again at MVWA 78, I hope to apply the lessons learned from the first match. But…again…one part of the equation is the physical part.   The other part…and in my opinion just as important…is BO-lief.

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Bo Stevens: Without BO-lief…

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Bo Stevens: …there is no confidence to do the things inside that ring you have to do in order to win matches.

Blair Moise: Okay. Makes sense to me. Thanks Bo.

[Blair faces the camera.]

Bo Stevens showing some…

[She rolls her eyes and just says it.]

Blair Moise: BO-lief.

[…]

[…]

[Blair looks down at Tebow who seems to have drifted off into a daydream and forgotten to ‘Tebow.’ So she whaps him in the back.]

Ted Tebow: Oh.

[He ‘Tebows.’]

Blair Moise: Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Earlier in the night, former MVW Women’s Champion and Missouri Valley Wrestling Original Christa Carmondy said goodbye to MVW and was greeted by a slew of former MVW wrestlers.


Christa Carmondy

(Christa Carmondy Farewell)

[Christa waves to the fans. She surrounded by a slew of current and former MVW stars including ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, Dawn McGill, and MVW Originals Carrieanne McDermott, Corrina Romanov, Shanna Barrett, Angel Scott and Angel Casey.]

[Christa’s brother Jason Carmondy and mother Dame Judith Carmondy stand next to her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Christa is getting married next month and moving on in the next stage of her life.   Farewell and thank you for everything Christa. And now, it’s time for our main event. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

[Cut to Kimber.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s main event is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s main event is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

*’Hit Me Like a Bomb’ – Third Day*

Kimber Marshall: Weighing in a combined weight of six hundred and thirty-five pounds.

You hit me like a bomb
And everything I’m used to
Is suddenly gone
Sorry to accuse you
Do you know what you’ve done
When you hit me like a bomb

Kimber Marshall: From Alamogordo, New Mexico. They are accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Advocates of the American Military Complex. A. Tom Bomb. Hy Drogen Bomb. They are WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Hy Drogen Bomb, A. Tom Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Hear the sound of the sirens ringing
See the world of a life that’s changing
Well you hit me like a bomb
I was scared and I started running
Can’t say I never saw it coming
When you hit me like a bomb

[Daisy Cutter-Bomb leads A-Bomb and H-Bomb out. Daisy is dressed in all camouflage. A-Bomb and H-Bomb came out with matching bright wrestling tights.]

La la la la la la la la…

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

*Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja Theme (sung to the
tune of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song)*

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Kimber Marshall: Weighing in at two hundred and sixteen pounds. From Urbana, Ohio…HANK!

[Hank, wearing a number ninety-nine Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja shirt, walks out on stage with the BBSPN’s red headed valet April O’Neale.]

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Kimber Marshall: And weighing in at three hundred and forty-five pounds. From Middletown, Ohio…TINY!

[Tiny, with a number thirty-three BBSPN shirt on, walks out as well. The third member of the BBSPN…Stan- number twenty-four…joins the others.]

Kimber Marshall: They are…THE BEER BELLIED SOFTBALL PLAYING NINJA!

Stan, Tiny, Hank, and April O’Neale

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Thunderbolt Smith: A big match. The winner can put themselves into position to earn themselves a tag team title shot in three weeks at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: These are a couple of power teams. The WMD can throw around with the best of them. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja add a little martial arts into the mix.

====================

MAIN EVENT:

Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb)
vs.
Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank and Tiny with April O’Neale and Stan)

Referee: Davey Keels

======================

Thunderbolt Smith: The WMD and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja and it starts now.

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING*

[Daisy races around the ring and tackles April O’Neale.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wait a minute! Daisy Cutter-Bomb is attacking April O’Neale. Daisy’s tackled April and here comes Tiny and Stan.

[Stan pulls Daisy off. Daisy lands a right hand to Stan and Tiny runs right through her.]

Rick Hall: A-Bomb and H-Bomb are doubleteaming Hank.

[While the scrum continues outside the ring, the WMD use the opportunity to gang up on Hank. A-Bomb and H-Bomb drag Hank over near the ring steps and throw him face first into the steel post.

Thunderbolt Smith: OH THEY JUST POSTED HANK!

Rick Hall: He’s busted open Thunderbolt.

[H-Bomb takes Hank by the hair and heaves him into the post a second time.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Into the steel ring post a second time!

[Meanwhile, Daisy is getting mugged by Tiny and Stan- who are unaware of what the WMD are doing to Hank.]

[Hank, bleeding profusely from the forehead, lies face down on the floor while A-Bomb and H-Bomb stomp away at him.]

Rick Hall: You talk about getting mugged. Hank is in real trouble over there and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja have no clue what’s going on.

[Hank staggers back to his feet. A-Bomb puts him right back down with a vicious right hand. More stomps by A-Bomb and then H-Bomb joins in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: April O’Neale finally sees what’s happening and help for Hank may be on the way.

[April frantically points over to where Hank is getting doubleteamed. Tiny lumbers over to assist. H-Bomb peels off the double team and intercepts him. Tiny sends H-Bomb reeling into the barricade with a right hand.]

Rick Hall: I thought this had all the makings of a pier-six brawl. But by sending Daisy Cutter-Bomb over on a kamikaze mission, the WMD may have neutralized one half of the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja before the match is really underway.

[Another overhand right hand bomb from Tiny. H-Bomb has to grab the top rope to keep from falling to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: They need to get someone over there and help Hank. A. Tom Bomb is just destroying him on the outside.

[On the floor, A-Bomb just wails on Hank. April screams at Stan to get over there and help. Stan starts over but Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on his back and tries to choke him out.]

Rick Hall: Here comes help!

[Tiny slips through the ropes to the floor and squares up with A-Bomb. He throws a looping right hand that connects and sends A-Bomb tumbling backwards. Then Tiny crawls back into the ring and is met by a boot from H-Bomb.]

[Stan spins around but can’t get Daisy off of him. He finally lines up with the ring post and backs up hard, smashing Daisy against the steel post. That dislodges her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, we’ll see how long Tiny can stay in there. The BBSPN usually rely on quick tags.

Rick Hall: Again, strategy.   The WMD knew their tendencies and they came out with a game plan to deal with it.

[A-Bomb goes over and pulls Hank back up. He puts his head between his legs and goes for an Atomic Power Bomb on the floor. Stan gets over and delivers a forearm shot to the back. A-Bomb lets Hank go and he falls hard back to the floor. Stan starts pelting A-Bomb with left and right hands.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tiny has H-Bomb up!

[Tiny military presses H-Bomb high in the air. He drops him and H-Bomb hits the mat hard bouncing up in the air before settling back down. Tiny rolls him over and covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[H-Bomb gets the shoulder up. Keels holds up two fingers in signify a two count.]

Audience: TWOOOOOOOO!

[Tiny stands back up and drops the leg across H-Bomb’s throat. Again he covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[H-Bomb gets the shoulder up again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Two close pinfalls.

Rick Hall: But Tiny’s running out of gas. He needs to tag out but there’s no one to tag out to.

[Outside, Daisy’s back on her feet and has a steel chair. She walks up behind Stan who’s still brawling with A-Bomb on the floor. April O’Neale has also come around and attends to Hank- who’s face is a bloody mess.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Stan’s keeping A-Bomb busy but he doesn’t see what’s sneaking up behind him.

[Nope, he doesn’t.]

[*CRRACCK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: STEEL CHAIRSHOT TO STAN!

[The chair to the back drops Stan to his knees. A-Bomb steps back and shoots out his boot and snaps Stan’s head back. He collapses to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Both Hank and Stan down. And now April’s in trouble now.

[Daisy advances towards April with the steel chair raised menacingly.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Not good.

[*CRRACKKK*]

Rick Hall: Not good at all.

[Daisy with a chair shot to April’s back and she drops to the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: The WMD have a clear number’s advantage now.

Rick Hall: But Tiny has H-Bomb in a sleeper, Thunderbolt!

[Tiny wraps his arm around H-Bomb’s neck and presses the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.]

Thunderbolt Smith: SLEEPER HOLD! But is it enough?

[A-Bomb rolls in and boots Tiny in the back. Tiny hangs on so A-Bomb rakes his eyes from behind and then clips the knee. Tiny let’s go and falls to a knee. Keels steps in and tells A-Bomb in no uncertain terms to go to his corner. While he’s doing that, Daisy slips in with the chair and…]

[*CRRACCKK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Daisy Cutter-Bomb got Tiny with a chairshot while Davey Keels was trying to get A-Bomb out of the ring.

Rick Hall: I think Tiny’s out.

[Tiny lies face down on the mat. Daisy scoots under the ropes as Keels finally gets A-Bomb out of the ring. H-Bomb has enough awareness to realize Tiny is knocked out and crawls over to him. H-Bomb rolls Tiny over and drapes his arm over him. Keels is right there.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Thunderbolt Smith: A-Bomb and H-Bomb took every shortcut and broke every rule but they get the win here tonight.

Rick Hall: Yes. But. They came out with a strategy and they executed it to perfection. The WMD took out Hank and he was never a factor in the match.

[A-Bomb and H-Bomb have their hands raised in victory by Davey Keels.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it for this week. Next Sunday night, we will have ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson defending his Television Title against ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler right here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling. For Rick Hall, I’m Thunderbolt Smith. We’ll see you next week.

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About Art Nouveaux

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