Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann’s Office
[McMann, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, and Regina McGill all sit around a table. There is an empty seat next to McMann.]
Mr. McMann: Now that Missouri Valley Wrestling is back up and running…and now that we have the four premier wrestlers of MVW in the Sports Entertainment Corporation…it’s time to get down to business. There are three main agendas on the docket.
Regina McGill: So it’ll just be us four then?
Mr. McMann: Corporations run lean and mean these days. Corporate expectations state we do more with less. Strength in numbers worked in the past. But now, in the new era, it’s a luxury we can’t afford. So you’re right. The SEC will consist of four wrestlers and everyone with a seat at this table.
[McMann briefly glances at the empty seat and then continues.]
Mr. McMann: However, it also means there’s opportunity as well. Corporate objective number one- bringing the MVW Women’s belt to the SEC. Yes, there is only one women’s title in MVW which means Tess and Regina are going to have to work together to bring the belt to SEC…and someone is going to have to do the right thing. One of you will have to sacrifice their personal ambitions to move the needle for the greater good of the SEC.
[McGill and Tess each exchange glances. Blackwell and Banks listen intently.]
P.M.C. Banks: You said all of us and the empty seat. Who’s seat is-
Mr. McMann: I’ll get to that in a moment. Do you ladies understand what’s expected?
[Both Tess and Regina nod in the affirmative.
Mr. McMann: Good. Corporate objective number two.
[McMann turns to Blackwell and Banks.]
Mr. McMann: There’s two top titles on the table…tag belts and the Men’s title. I don’t care which one you get. But I expect you two to hit the ground running from the get-go and push our corporate agenda forward.
Charlie Blackwell: So you don’t care about the Television belts.
Mr. McMann: No. Leave that belt for the low hanging fruit. Throw the rest under the bus and drill down hard…bring the big gold to the SEC. And like with the women, if that means one of you has to put the other over in order to reach our corporate objective, then so be it. You’ll do it for the greater good of the SEC. Got it?
P.M.C. Banks: I’m drinking the corporate Kool-Aid, Mr. McMann.
Charlie Blackwell: I’m in.
Mr. McMann: Good. That brings us to corporate objective number three. The empty chair. You’ll notice that, with the exception of Mr. Banks, each and every one of you have one thing in common…you all had or have a relationship with one Dawn McGill.
[McMann rises from his chair.]
Mr. McMann: Why did you three join the SEC?
Tessa Martin: I wanted one more run at the top and aligning myself with Dawn wasn’t getting me any closer to it. So I put all of our previous issues aside and joined the SEC.
Regina McGill: I wanted to get out from under Dawn’s shadow and establish myself as a legitimate contender on my own. The only way to do it was to make a clear break from her.
Charlie Blackwell: I’ll be honest with you. I joined the SEC for the money. I already have Dawn in my orbit. She’s a client of mine…I manage her money. I don’t plan on being in pro wrestling five years from now. I’m using pro wrestling as a vehicle to build name recognition. Being in the premier wrestling group in MVW is one way for me to get my foot in the door with future perspective clients.
Mr. McMann: Dawn McGill is and continues to be the sole reason why neither PCW nor MVW has ever accepted my vision of sports entertainment. For the past two years, I have tried to influence and manipulate events to unsettle and push her towards the sports entertainment world. I orchestrated the incident at the Rolla hotel last April and blackmailed her at Arch Wrestling Madness into going along with me. I did everything in my power to undercut and destabilize PCW.
[McMann points at Tess, Regina, and Blackwell.]
Mr. McMann: I’ve turned all three of you against her- her best friend…
[Close up on ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin.]
Mr. McMann: Her cousin.
[Close up on Charlie Blackwell.]
Mr. McMann: Her sister.
[Close up on Regina McGill. Mr. McMann then continues.]
Mr. McMann: I forced her to return to MVW and honor her contract knowing full well that Jill Berg has given the booking to me. And yet, she still stands resolutely against me. Now she’s doing this ‘Sports Entertainment Barbie’ shtick just to spite me and unfortunately, it’s working. I have to admit…Dawn has proven to be a far more formidable foe than I originally anticipated.
Regina McGill: I’ll tell you one reason my sister will never join the SEC. Dawn blames you for the divorce.
Mr. McMann: Ah yes. The split from Ray McAvay. Apparently, Ray couldn’t get past the Rolla incident last year as we presented it to MVW fans. Irregardless of the fact that your sister withheld certain information from Ray like…not renewing the lease on the house in Dallas and moving to St. Louis behind his back.
Regina McGill: I may have issues with my sister…but she did own up to the mistakes she made. Unfortunately, it was too much for Ray to deal with and that’s when their marriage collapsed.
Charlie Blackwell: Regina’s right. With all due respect Mr. McMann, you have no idea how angry she is at you over what happened last year. Dawn holds you responsible for the breakdown of her marriage to Ray. She’ll never willingly join the SEC or have anything to do with you.
Tessa Martin: Yeah. I agree.
Mr. McMann: You said for ten years that you’d never joined forces with me, Tess. Yet, here you are.
Tessa Martin: That’s different.
[McMann shakes his head and paces back and forth.]
Mr. McMann: Well, all I have to say is this.
[McMann leans forward and puts his hands on the table.]
Mr. McMann: I could care less what Miss McGill’s feelings are…or anyone else’s for that matter. I want her in the SEC. This is a corporate objective. You’re all being paid good money to achieve results and that comes with the explicit expectation that ALL the corporate objectives to be reached.
[The camera pans the faces of Blackwell, Tess, and Regina. Fade to black.]
MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday September 3rd, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall
[The camera pans to show the one hundred people on hand inside the MVW television studio clapping their hands. Then to the ring where Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall stand.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Welcome to tonight’s edition of MVW Sunday Night Wrestling. I am Thunderbolt Smith here along with ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall. Hope you and yours are having a great Labor Day weekend.
Thunderbolt Smith: On tonight’s show, we have a big three way dance to determine Missouri Valley Wrestling’s first Television champion.
Rick Hall: That’s right Thunderbolt. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and Redneck Bill Dickinson, two rough and tumble wrestlers, and SNAFU, a big fan of the ECW style, will face off in tonight’s main event. The winner takes home the MVW Television belt.
Thunderbolt Smith: Also on the card, we have the Kardoucheian Empire taking on Average Joe and Brad Company in tag team action.
Rick Hall: The Kardoucheians are still bent out of shape over being snubbed by Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg when she chose the Island of Misfit Wrestlers…Rah…Halitosis…and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill over them to be MVW’s representatives at 4CW’s Bad Company tag team tournament. They’ll want to make a statement tonight.
Thunderbolt Smith: And speaking of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, they did compete last Wednesday in Tokyo, Japan at 4CW’s Bad Company pay per view and we’ll also touch on that.
Rick Hall: Rah and Halitosis ran up against some very good competition overseas and we’ll show you some of the highlights from their match.
Thunderbolt Smith: Our own Blair Moise also made the trip across the Pacific and she will have a report later on in the show.
Rick Hall: Can’t wait, Thunderbolt.
Thunderbolt Smith: Kimber Marshall is stepping into the ring to kick off the first match of the show.
[MVW Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall stands in the middle of the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: Our first match is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first…
[Drumfill. Then the opening riff to Donnie Iris’s ‘Ah Leah]
*’Ah Leah’- Donnie Iris*
Thunderbolt Smith: Ohhhh yeah! Here she comes.
[Leah Iris appears in the back holding her fist in the air. Wearing a white t-shirt with the cover of Donnie Iris’s ‘King Cool’ album on the front and sporting a pair of black horn-rimmed glass not unlike the ones Donnie Iris wears on the cover, the brunette bobs her head to the beat of the song.]
Yeah, it’s been a long, long time.
Such a sight, you’re lookin’ better than a body has a right to.
Don’t you know we’re playin’ with the fire?
But we can stop this burnin’ desire, Leah!
[Leah starts down the aisle and slaps everyone’s hands on the way.]
Here we go again!
Is it ever gonna end?
Here we go again!
[At ringside, Leah takes the glasses off and tosses them into the crowd for someone to take home as a lucky souvenir.]
Kimber Marshall: She is from the rocking Steel City of Pittsburgh, Penn-syl-vania! QUEEN COOL! LEEE-AHHH IIII-RISSSSSSS!
[The crowd roars as Leah bounds into the ring, turns, and acknowledges them.]
Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…
[The red-head bursts out from the back and sprints down to the ring. She’s dressed in western cowgirl apparel, complete with a holster and toy guns at her side.]
Kimber Marshall: She is the roughest, toughest, rootinest, shootinest cowgirl who’s ever crossed the Rio Grande…YOSEMITE SAMANTHA!
[Samantha hurls herself into the ring and climbs up the corner turnbuckle. She thrusts her fist in the air and then turns and shoots an intense glare towards her opponent.]
Kimber Marshall: Your referee is Davey Keels.
Thunderbolt Smith: Davey may have his hands full here with the combustible Yosemite Samantha.
Rick Hall: Leah is going to have to do a lot of counterpunching here. Yosemite Samantha has one speed- high…and one direction- forward. Leah will be the matador. Samantha will be the raging bull. Can Leah keep her opponent off balance enough to get her offense off?
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: And we’re off.
[Samantha rushes forward and snaps off a kick that sends Leah to the mat. Queen Cool slowly rolls under the bottom rope and takes a time out. Samantha flings herself off the ropes and launches herself at Iris on the outside.]
Rick Hall: Sliding forearm by Yosemite Samantha and Queen Cool Leah Iris just had a truck run over her!
[Samantha then drags Leah over to an empty seat at ringside and sets her down. The she takes off and circles the ring before charging at Leah and barreling into her. The chair and Leah go flying.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Whoa!
[Samantha keeps up the attack. But when she again races towards Iris, Queen Cool keeps her cool. She sidesteps and lets Samantha crash into a wall. Leah takes her back to the ring and starts throwing mounted punches. Samantha kicks her off but Leah again gains the upper hand and throws more punches. Finally, Samantha flips Iris off her and retreats to a corner. Leah charges- this time Samantha gets out of the way…spins around…and snaps off a knee strike right behind the ear that sends Queen Cool to a seated position in the corner. Samantha runs the ropes and goes for a kick…Leah blocks the kick and then trips her red-headed opponent up.]
Rick Hall: Leah Iris is doing a good job of not letting Yosemite Samantha’s high pressure attack take her out of her game plan.
[Iris on the offense. With Samantha in the corner, she comes forward and lands a leaping elbow…then a forearm shot. She backs up to the opposite corner…runs across…hits the splash. Leah pulls Samantha to the middle of the ring and covers for two. Leah with kicks and tries to keep Samantha on the mat. Samantha gets back to her feet. Leah slaps her. Samantha nails Queen Cool with a right hand and sends her down. Cover by Samantha…Leah kicks out at two. Leah to the corner to get a breather. Samantha again wades in…Leah fends her off with a boot. Undaunted, Samantha comes again…Leah again tries the boot…Samantha catches boot and fires off a right hand to the face. She lifts Leah up but Queen Cool counters and drops Samantha on her head. Cover…kick out at two.
Thunderbolt Smith: What a reversal by Leah.
Rick Hall: Incredible reversal by ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris. She almost got Yosemite Samantha.
[Leah drags Samantha towards the corner and climbs the turnbuckle. She dawdles and allows Samantha to leap back to her feet and slip in underneath. Samantha goes to slam her back first to the mat…Leah flips over and kicks her in the mid-section. Leah lifts Samantha up and clasps both hands together cinching up the redheads leg in the process. She drops driving Samantha’s back to the mat and holds on for the cover.
Thunderbolt Smith: PITTSBURGH PLUNGE! ONE! TWO! THREE!
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Kimber Marshall: Your winner…’QUEEN COOL’ LEEEE-AH IIIIIIIIII-RIS!
[Keels raises Leah’s arm up in victory.]
Thunderbolt Smith: A hard hitting opening match. ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris with a great counter move and she is your winner here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.
[Yosemite Samantha stomps up from behind and shoves her.]
Rick Hall: And an equally hard hitting post-match.
[An angry Yosemite Samantha has to be kept away from the victor in the match by Keels.]
[‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler stands next to a wall in his black wrestling tights with a matching black vest over his red shirt and cowboy hat. He’s got a bottle of Shiner Bock beer in his right hand.]
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: Y’all, a lot of people throughout Missouri Valley Wrestling or wherever you may be watching are wondering just who has the edge going into tonight’s big match for the Television title. It is the 330 pound Southern brawler ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson? Could it be SNAFU with the Coach E.J. Flack in his corner? Well, if you’ve got an IQ in your head, y’all should thinking that ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is going leave the ring tonight with that nice, shiny belt around my waist. If there’s any question about that, tonight right here in St. Louis will give y’all the answer.
[Butler raises the bottle and takes a sip of his beer.]
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler ain’t messing around tonight. Dickinson? I know you’re going to bring the fight tonight. SNAFU? Don’t know much about you. You’ve got Flack in your corner but once that bell rings, son, Flack ain’t going to be in the ring wrasslin’- you are. There ain’t enough ECW DVD’s out there to prepare you for what I’m about to bring your way tonight. When that bells rings…when I pull trigger, son, it’s going to be me versus world…me versus Dickinson and SNAFU…and it’s going to be a gunfight. And there’s only one man in that match who’s going to win a gunfight.
[Butler points to himself, guzzles down the rest of the Shiner Bock, and exits.]
Thunderbolt Smith: We are less than three weeks away from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s first big show in several months…MVWA 77…to be held at Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois. Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion Ray McAvay will be putting his title on the line. MVW Women’s Champion Christa Carmondy will be defending her belt as well. Missouri Valley Wrestling also hits the road this weekend. September 8th, MVW will roll into Sioux City, Iowa for a Friday night show at the Tyson Event Center. Ray McAvay, Christa Carmondy, The Karoucheian Empire, and many of the top MVW stars will be on hand. Seven thirty bell time.
Rick Hall: Then on Saturday September 9th, MVW returns to the Knapp Arena in Des Moines, Iowa for a big Saturday night show. Ray McAvay, Charlie Blackwell, PMC Banks, Christa Carmondy, Tessa Martin and Regina McGill are all scheduled to be on hand for a fun night of wrestling.
Thunderbolt Smith: Finally, MVW travels west down I-80 for a Sunday night September 10th show in Lincoln, Nebraska. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers…Rah and Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill will be there along with Ray McAvay, Christa Carmondy, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, and Charlie Blackwell. Here are some other upcoming MVW shows…
September 13th – Effingham, IL
September 15th – Fort Wayne, IN
September 16th – Valparaiso, IN
September 17th – Kokomo, IN
September 22nd – Mt. Vernon, IL
September 23rd – Evansville, IN
September 24th – Richmond, IN
September 27th – Mason City, IA
September 30th – MVWA 77
-Allstate Arena / Chicago, IL
JILL BERG’S OFFICE
[Close up on Jill Berg sitting behind her desk. Her personal assistant Jerry is standing in front of her.]
Jill Berg: Jerry, I don’t think Mr. McMann gets it.
[Jerry shakes his head.]
Jill Berg: I brought him in because I need someone who can handle the book. I didn’t bring him in to continue his personal vendettas. Especially the one he’s got against Dawn McGill. He’s putting the SEC back together with the intention of monopolizing the top belts. That’s fine…for now. But if he thinks for a moment that he’s going to get McGill to do something she clearly does not want to do…he’s insane. And I’m speaking from experience. Remember two and a half years ago when I tried to do the same thing to get Dawn to work for me?
[Jerry nods and jots down some notes.]
Jill Berg: How did that work? That’s right. It didn’t work out well for me. McMann has become Captain Ahab and McGill is his obsession. He’s developed such a fixatation on her that he’s forgetting the reason I wanted him to come in. I can smooth over McMann’s booking excesses. But if McMann’s booking starts to circle in on his pursuit of Dawn McGill, I may have to put my foot down and remind Mr. McMann who’s really in charge here.
[‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson stands in front of a wall backstage. He’s dressed in plain black wrestling tights. He’s mostly bald with a little bit of hair over the ears. And he’s big. Three hundred and thirty pounds of…well, a lot of it is fat…but Dickinson is strong as an ox.]
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: I wanna say this right now. For years, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson has roamed the independent wrestling companies in territories near and far. I ain’t never backed down from a fight. I’ve taken on anyone and everyone. But I still don’t get the respect I deserve. I’ve been in the ring with some great wrestlers. Won a few matches…lost a bunch. But I still can’t get any respect. So, here’s how it’s going to go down tonight. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson will get respect tonight. SNAFU? Don’t know you from a vanilla midget. You may have watched a bunch of ECW tapes from twenty years ago but I can promise you- you ain’t seen hardcore yet. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson is about as hardcore as it gets. And I want to address this to ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler, who I’ve tagged with on occasion. I know you’re good. I know you’re damn good. Thing is…you know I’m damn good too. You know damn well that I am the three hundred and thirty pound Southern brawler and once that ol’ bell goes off, you and I are going to dance.
[Dickinson does the ‘belt around the waist’ gesture.]
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: Tonight, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson gets a little respect…when he becomes the Television champion.
RAH AND HALITOSIS’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
Thunderbolt Smith: Speaking of Rah and Halitosis, they did indeed compete in a tag team tournament halfway across the world in Japan this past Wednesday at 4CW’s Bad Company Pay Per View show.
Rick Hall: Rah and Halitosis qualified for the tournament over two weeks in Sydney, Australia when they defeated Kenni Killswitch and Yazzmin Vila at 4CW’s Adrenaline 71 show.
(Courtesy of 4CW- Adrenaline 71)
[…Rah lifts Vila up by the throat and plants her back down.]
Steve Johnson: Solstice slam by Rah!
Vinny Vassa: RAAHHHHHHHHH! Wait! Here comes Killswitch!
[Killswitch runs in but Halitosis also jumps into the ring. He spins Killswitch around and breathes on him. Killswitch stops and staggers.]
Steve Johnson: What just happened?
Vinny Vassa: Bad breath. Happens all the time.
Steve Johnson: The referee is trying to get Halitosis out of the ring…what’s McGill doing now?
[What Dawn McGill is doing is distacting the referee…again…by merely adjusting her strapless dress a little lower. [While the referee watches and waits, Halitosis climbs up to the middle rope facing out as Killswitch lays prone on the mat. He leaps…forward flips…and hits Killswitch.
Steve Johnson: Halitosis hits the Imploding Senton Bomb on Killswitch!
Vinny Vassa: But neither of them are the legal man in the ring.
[Halitosis pushes Killswitch out of the ring and disappears. McGill ‘fixes’ her dress and turns uninterested towards the ref. She jumps off the apron. The ref, feeling depressed, actually, turns back around to see Rah.]
Steve Johnson: Rah’s got Vila set up for his finisher.
[Rah raises his hand in the air and signals it time to sacrifice Beam to the Temple of the Sunshine God. He checks with his faithful worshipers- ten former Arizona State sorority sisters turned followers of Rah.]
[Unfortunately, they’re too busy making obnoxious faces, duck face expressions, and taking selfies of themselves to notice what’s going on in the ring.]
[No matter, Rah lifts Vila into the air and flips her over to where her back is parallel to the mat. Then the Sunshine God unleashes his wrath and tries to drive Vila through the canvas with a jackknife powerbomb.]
Steve Johnson: EYE of RAH!
Vinny Vassa: RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
[The referee slides in…one…two…three.]
Thunderbolt Smith: MVW Backstage Reporter Blair Moise traveled to Tokyo with Rah, Halitosis, and Dawn McGill. She filed this report from the Tokyo Dome.
Taped at 4CW Bad Company / Adrian Tanner, Jr. Memorial
Wednesday August 30th, 2017
[Cut to Blair Moise. She’s positioned outside the Tokyo Dome. Behind her, people are filing out of the building following the 4CW Bad Company show.]
Blair Moise: Blair Moise here in Tokyo, Japan at the 4CW Bad Company. The show just wrapped up a few minutes ago and the winner of the tag team tournament was unfortunately not Rah and Halitosis. World$tar aka Jason Cashe and Jair Hopkins defeated The Hostile Takeover…Brody Lee Prince and Magnus Brutus with manager Christopher Wrigley in the main event to become the new 4CW tag team champions. As for Rah and Halitosis, their first round opponents were Cosmo Cooper and Max Cavanaugh. 4CW’s backstage interviewer Gabriel Hartman went back to talk with Rah and then a surprise took place.
(Footage courtesy of 4CW)
[Backstage, 4CW’s backstage interviewer Gabriel Hartman walks over to Rah as he prepares for his upcoming match with Halitosis against Cosmo Cooper and Max Cavanaugh.]
Gabriel Hartman: Rah, can I-
[Rah holds a hand up to quiet Hartman as he looks at himself in a mirror. He makes sure the black scarf wrapped around his neck is positioned exactly where it should be. Rah also straightens out his robe and preens one last time in the mirror before turning to the homeless reporter.]
Rah: Now, you must be Gabriel Hartman.
Gabriel Hartman: Yes. I was hoping to get a couple comments before your match tonight-
[Rah picks up a duffel bag laying in front of him. He reaches into the bag and pulls out a manila envelope. Then Rah hands it to Hartman.]
[Hartman looks inside the envelope. His eyes light up.]
Gabriel Hartman: Gift cards?
[The reporter pulls out one of the gift cards. It’s all yellow with the Subway logo on the front.]
Rah: Rah has heard about your plight. Since Rah is dedicated to bringing the light to combat darkness and bringing good stuff to the people to get rid of the bad stuff, Rah gives you Subway gift cards. Rah would also like you to have this.
[Rah hands Hartman a fresh footlong sub covered up in a Subway wrapper.]
Gabriel Hartman: I…I don’t know what to say.
[Hartman pulls out another gift card.]
Gabriel Hartman: A five hundred dollar Men’s Wearhouse gift card?
Rah: Rah hopes you can use them to…
[The door opens. A middle aged folkie strumming a guitar enters first. Rah recognizes the man.]
Rah: Happy Mango?
[Mango is followed by a pseudo-creepy looking guy with a harsh five o’clock shadow and a tacky 70’s leisure suit.]
Rah: Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy?
[Mango and Nye’s sudden appearance in the dressing room makes Rah very happy while in the background, Hartman is scarfing down the footlong sub and has totally forgotten about the interview.]
Rah: What are you doing here?
Happy Mango: We heard that you were wrestling at 4CW’s Bad Company show so we pooled our money to fly to Tokyo to be here.
Rah: This makes Rah very pleased. And Bob? I see you finally got out of jail.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy: Yes. That’s one more state I’m not allowed to set foot in. Some jurisdictions have completely no sense of humor about admiring other people’s feet.
Happy Mango: We’ve also brought you a surprise, Rah.
[Mango points to the door. Filing in two by two are the extremely tanned, extremely beautiful BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls, aka Rah’s original ‘followers’ when he began in pro wrestling seven years ago.]
[Rah is very, very happy to see them.]
Happy Mango: For one night, we’re getting the band back together.
Rah: Rah is very happy at this.
[Two large, hulking men bring out Rah’s golden sedan chair. The chair is lowered so Rah can fit his six foot eight, two hundred and eighty pound frame into the sedan.]
Rah: Let’s do it.
[Mango and the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls get in position.]
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy: Hey. Where’s Dawn McGill. Rumor has it she just got a bitchin’ pedicure a couple weeks back.
Rah: She’s with Halitosis. Already headed towards the ring.
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy: Oh.
[Bob turns and races out of the dressing room.]
Blair Moise: So, Rah had his original followers return for one night. Would that make a difference? Would Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy’s insatiable need to look at other women’s feet prove to be a distraction?
[The camera pans down. Nye is kneeling down and admiring Blair’s feet.]
Blair Moise: What do you think?
(Footage courtesy of 4CW)
Mike Powers: Introducing first…
“I’m sinfully delicious!”
[Dawn McGill’s high-pitched, squeaky tone (done in annoyingly brainless blonde bombshell sing-song tone to the tune of the tag from the Lucky Charm’s cereal commercial) heralds the arrival of the once Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt now turned sports entertainment eye candy.]
[Slinking out onto the stage in a gold one piece strapless dress that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh, gold high heel shoes, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips, McGill rolls her eyes at the sound of her high pitched voice over the loudspeaker and then snaps back into her sports entertainment Barbie character.]
Mike Powers: …led to the ring by his valet- ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill…
[McGill struts her way down the ramp and stops intermittently to pose for the fans. Three quarters of the way down, something behind her catches McGill’s attention. She turns back to the entrance and much to her horror sees Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, a pseudo-creepy looking guy with a harsh five o’clock shadow and a tacky 70’s leisure suit, running towards her.]
Dawn McGill: Oh my God!
[She takes off running towards the ring.]
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy: WAIT! WAIT UP!
Dawn McGill: You stay away from my feet, Bob!
[Next, a lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp. He is dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt. He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.]
Mike Powers: …hailing from the Island of Misfit Wrestlers and weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds. He is the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you- HALITOSIS!
[Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring. He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.]
[Halitosis then moves on to the next one. He says hello. The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.]
[He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.]
[Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row. Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter. He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.]
[He goes to shake Power’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away. Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.]
Mike Powers: And his partner, from-
[He’s interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring. He elbows Powers out of the way and gestures for him to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.]
Announcer Guy: Hit it!
[Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.]
Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.
[He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off. A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls are standing.]
[The bikini girls pose on the ramp. Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.]
Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…
[Rah’s friend and middle-aged folk singer Happy Mango follows strumming a guitar.]
Announcer Guy: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[The procession stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and prepares to climb into the ring. But then he sees Dawn McGill tearing around the corner with Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy hot on her heels.]
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy: AW COME ON! LET ME JUST LOOK AT THEM!
Dawn McGill: NO!
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy: PLEASE! JUST ONE LOOK!
Dawn McGill: I SAID NO!
[After watching them speed by, Rah sighs, shakes his head, and climbs into the ring.]
Blair Moise: And then there was the match, McGill was not a factor because she spent most of the time running away from Bob Nye. Cooper and Cavanaugh were a definite step up in competition. In the end, they simply outclassed Rah and Halitosis.
[Blair looks down. Bob Nye is still gawking at her feet.]
Blair Moise: Okay. You can stop now.
(Footage courtesy of 4CW)
…Cosmo Cooper grabs Rah and pulls him down from the apron. He sends him into the guardrail and then jumps back up on the apron. Max quickly tags Cosmo back in. Cosmo kicks Halitosis in the gut and then places one arm between Halitosis’s legs and other on the opposite shoulder. Cooper lifts him onto his stronger shoulder and turns Halitosis upside-down. He lowers Halitosis and jumps/spins to his knees.
Steve Johnson: CRATER MAKER!
Max jumps down from the apron and blocks Rah from breaking up the pin. The referee counts…one…two…three.
Blair Moise: Cooper and Cavanaugh advance on in the tournament and that puts an end to Rah and Halitosis’s excellent 4CW adventure. Reporting from the Tokyo Dome in Tokyo, Japan. Blair Moise for Missouri Valley Wrestling.
[The camera pans back. Bob Nye has latched on to Blair’s leg and he’s not letting go.]
Blair Moise: For God’s sake, Bob. Really?
[Cut to Khris Kardoucheian, Ken Kardoucheian, Koley Kardoucheian, and Khourtney Kardoucheian in the ring.]
[Khris mock claps.]
Khris Kardoucheian: Oh, well done…well done. Talk about going out with a whimper. Jill Berg…what did I tell you? I tell you what I told you. I told you that you royally screwed up by sending those two clowns to Japan. You could have sent real, bonafide stars to represent MVW. But no, you chose a pair of misfits led by a washed up manager. Great job…no, really Jill…great job.
[More mock clapping.]
Khris Kardoucheian: What a joke. My sons…the Kardoucheian Empire…would have gone over to Tokyo, Japan and gave Cosmo Cooper and Max Cavanaugh an actual match. You see Jill, here’s the difference between the two teams. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney are stars. Rah and Halitosis are a comedy team pretending to be pro wrestlers. I mean, did you see Dawn McGill running around the ring like a headless chicken trying to get away from that psychopath Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy? Again…NOT stars. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian? Stars. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney actually star in a world famous reality television show- ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians. Rah and Halitosis took place in a glorified squash match on national television. And you wonder why I’m so upset that my sons continue to be disrespected here in Missouri Valley Wrestling instead of getting the special treatment they deserve…my sons should be treated like the stars they are.
[The crowd responds with boos.]
Khris Kardoucheian: Whatever. So go ahead…send out the perfectly average tag team my sons are supposed to face so we can treat MVW to what they could have saw at 4CW’s Bad Company show Wednesday night.
[Kimber Marshall hits the ring for the introductions.]
Kimber Marshall: Our next match is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Already in the ring, accompanied by the Patriarch of the Kardoucheian Empire, Khris Kardoucheian and Khourtney Kardoucheian, representing Hollywood from Hollywood, California! Ken and Koley- the Kardoucheian Empire!
[More boos for the Kardoucheians. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney all cover their ears. Khris gets offended and goes to the ropes to point out one particular detractor.]
Khris Kardoucheian: You’re nothing but a bottom feeder…you don’t appreciate a real star!
Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…
*‘Tequila Sheila’- Bobby Bare*
Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by their valet…
[Tequila Sheila sashays out in a red dress and twirls around.]
Pour me another Tequila…
Kimber Marshall: …Tequila Sheila!
[A piano plays over the loudspeakers- it’s the opening of Bad Company by Bad Company.]
*Bad Company’s ‘Bad Company’*
Company, always on the run
Destiny is the rising sun
Oh, I was born a shotgun in my hands
Behind the gun I’ll make my final stand
Kimber Marshall: …from Stone Mountain, Georgia. Brad Company!
[Brad Company comes out to applause from the audience. He’s dressed in a plain black t-shirt and black pants. His black hair and goatee is peppered with gray. During the chorus, instead of ‘bad,’ Brad’s voice talks over Paul Rodgers’s vocal and says ‘BRAD’]
That’s why they call me
And I can’t deny
Till the day I die
Oh, till the day I die
Till the day I die
*’Ordinary, Average Guy’- Joe Walsh*
[Average Joe saunters out and fist bumps Company. He’s wearing a bright yellow shirt with ‘Average Joe’ stenciled on the front and matching shorts.]
Kimber Marshall: And his partner, Average JOOOOOOOOOOE!
I’m just an ordinary average guy
My friends all are boring
And so am I
We’re just ordinary average guys
[Average Joe and Brad Company start down to the ring.]
We all lead ordinary average lives
With average kids
And average wives
We all go bowling at the bowling lanes
Drink a few beers
Bowl a few frames
We’re just ordinary average guys
Ordinary average guys
Thunderbolt Smith: Average Joe and Brad Company facing off against the Kardoucheian Empire next.
Rick Hall: The Kardoucheians are here to make a statement tonight but don’t you dare sleep on Average Joe and Brad Company. They’re not spectacular. They’re not remarkable. But they always come to the ring and give a hundred percent every night.
STRENGTH-6 SPEED-6 INTELLIGENCE-5 CHARISMA-9 ENDURANCE-6 EXECUTION-7
STRENGTH-7 SPEED-5 INTELLIGENCE-6 CHARISMA-7 ENDURANCE-6 EXECUTION-7
STRENGTH-7 SPEED-6 INTELLIGENCE-7 CHARISMA-5 ENDURANCE-7 EXECUTION-7
STRENGTH-7 SPEED-7 INTELLIGENCE-6 CHARISMA-6 ENDURANCE-6 EXECUTION-6
Thunderbolt Smith: Davey Keels is your referee. He’s trying to clear the ring so we can get the match underway.
[Keels directs Khris and Kourtney Kardoucheian to the outside. Khris points a finger at him but finally exits as ordered.]
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: And here we go. The Kardoucheians versus Average Joe and Brad Company.
[Ken Kardoucheian and Average Joe start off. Both men jockey for position and finally end up in a collar and elbow tie up. Ken drops to the mat and hits an armdrag takedown. Both men circle…collar and tie…Average Joe returns the favor with his own armdrag takedown. Another tie up. Ken takes a side headlock. He slowly spins Average Joe around the middle of the ring. Average Joe pushes out and sends Ken into the ropes. Shoulder block on the return by Ken. Now Ken runs the ropes and right into an armdrag takedown. This time, Average Joe holds the arm. Ken gets back to his feet and reaches out to tag Koley in.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Koley Kardoucheian tags in what has been an even match so far.
Rick Hall: Good presence of mind by Ken Kardoucheian to reach out his hand to get the tag. Average Joe has to break the hold and now has to start all over with Koley Kardoucheian.
[Average Joe and Koley circle. Lock up into a side headlock by Koley. Again, Average Joe escapes and he whips Koley across the ring into the ropes. Shoulder block on the return by Koley. Koley hits the ropes. Average Joe drops to the mat. Koley leaps over and hits the ropes on the other side. Average Joe is waiting and hits a back body drop. Side headlock by Average Joe by his corner…he tags in Brad Company. Company takes a side headlock of his own. He tries to wrench in the headlock as Koley tries to get away. Koley tries to throw him off. That doesn’t work and Company works a quick tag back to Average Joe. Company leaves Koley wide open for a big boot to the midsection by Average Joe.]
Rick Hall: Average Joe and Brad Company are working well together. Again, they’re not spectacular but they are an effective tag team.
[Standing side headlock by Average Joe. Koley forces him to the other side of the ring. Ken tags himself back in and referee Davey Keels calls for a break. Now it’s Ken with a headlock…then a sneaky little thumb to the throat that Keels doesn’t see sends Average Joe to the mat.]
[Tequila Sheila sees it from ringside and shouts at Keels to watch out.]
[Ken stomps away…pulls him back up to his feet…Irish whip into the ropes. Ken hits an elbow to the sternum.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Big elbow by Ken and Average Joe is down.
[More stomps. Ken tags Koley back in. Ken holds Average Joe up and Koley nails him with a boot to the midsection. Koley drills a right hand that topples Average Joe.]
[Tequila Sheila jumps up on the ring apron and yells again at Keels.]
[Koley lifts Average Joe up and scoop slams him back to the mat. Koley off the ropes and lands a big elbow drop. Ken tags back in and both send Average Joe across the ring. Double elbow by the Kardoucheians drops Average Joe. Ken drops another elbow. Koley follows with one of his own. Keels tries to get Koley out of the ring. While he’s doing that, Ken drops two more elbows and then sticks his boot across Average Joe’s throat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Deliberate choke by Ken Kardoucheian and Tequila Sheila is going ballistic.
[Sheila gets Keels attention which has the unfortunate byproduct of allowing Ken, Koley, AND Kourtney Kardoucheian to triple team Average Joe.]
Rick Hall: Not a smart move by Tequila Sheila. She’s trying to help her man but it allows the Kardoucheians to maul Average Joe.
[Brad Company jumps in and tries to help. He tosses Kourtney out of the ring just as Keels turns around and notices the extra people in the ring. Keels orders Koley and Company out. Ken rears back and hits Average Joe with a right hand to the mush, staggering Average Joe into the corner. Ken follows up with another right hand. He brings Average Joe back out to the center of the ring and body slams him to the mat. He tags Koley back in and then runs across Average Joe and stomps him as he passes. Keels is on top of it though and orders Ken out. Stomp by Koley. He pulls Average Joe up but eats a punch to the gut. Quick kick to the midsection by Koley snuffs out the change in momentum and he whips Average Joe across the ring. Average Joe hits a knee lift on the return. Right hand by Average Joe sends Koley on his back. Ken tries to sneak back in. Average Joe goes over and lands a right hand to Ken. A boot to the gut and a right hand to Koley before Average Joe finally tags Company back in. Company with a right hand. Ken comes across and is met by Average Joe.
Thunderbolt Smith: All four in the ring!
[Average Joe and Ken have a brief exchange before Keels separates the two and sends them out. Koley rakes Company’s eyes which again has Tequila Sheila up on the ring apron. Keels goes over to talk with her and doesn’t see Koley setting Company up in the middle of the ring. Ken goes top rope and drops the leg across Company’s throat.]
Rick Hall: Again, Tequila Sheila’s not helping there when she distracts referee Davey Keels like that.
[Koley pulls Company back up to his feet and drives him face first to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: STAR-CROSSED STUNNER!
Rick Hall: That may do it, Thunderbolt.
[Koley hooks the legs but Davey Keels is nowhere to be found.]
Thunderbolt Smith: WAIT A MINUTE!
[Dawn McGill, wearing a black long coat, has Davey Keels in a liplock.]
Thunderbolt Smith: THAT’S DAWN McGILL!
Rick Hall: And she’s ‘Sinfully Delicious!
[Khris Kardoucheian jumps onto the ring apron and shouts at Keels- who doesn’t pay attention to him because…well…he’s busy making out with Dawn McGill. This allows Average Joe to slip into the ring. He pulls Koley off Company and hooks his left arm and then the left leg. Lift. Fall back. Koley is slammed to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: AVERAGE SLAM! Average Joe just snuck in and gave Koley Kardoucheian an Average Slam!
[Average Joe rolls Company on top of Koley. Dawn breaks off the kiss and points Keels back to the ring. He sees the cover.]
[Ken and Khourtney Kardoucheian jump into the ring. Average Joe barrels over and hits a double clothesline, taking both of them down.]
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s it. Average Joe and Brad Company get the win with a little assist from ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill.
Rick Hall: Even though, that looked more like that six foot demolition machine edition of Dawn…
[McGill throws off the black overcoat. She’s wearing a black strapless dress / mini-skirt. She ‘resets’ back into sports entertainment mode and giggles in a high-pitched, squeaky voice.]
Rick Hall: Nope. I stand corrected. There’s the ‘Sinfully Delicious’ edition.
[Khris Kardoucheian is livid and confronts Keels in the ring. Khris pushes Keels. Keels pushes him back.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Khris Kardoucheian has lost it. Now he’s going over to pick a fight with McGill.
[Khris gets in McGill’s face and shouts at her. McGill turns her head and giggles. Khris isn’t amused and shoves her to the mat. McGill’s expression immediately changes from ‘Sports Entertainment Barbie’ mode. She swings her foot up and catches Khris in the family jewels.]
Rick Hall: There’s the six foot demolition machine in a short skirt again.
[Khris covers his balls and drops to his knees. McGill stands. She hits a front kick that knocks him out cold. Khris collapses to the mat.]
[Dawn looks down at the Kardoucheian. She again ‘resets’ back into Sports Entertainment Barbie persona and giggles in the irritating high-pitched, squeaky voice.]
Rick Hall: And she’s back to bring ‘Sinfully Delicious.’
[Tequila Sheila holds up the arms of Average Joe and Brad Company in the middle of the ring.
Thunderbolt Smith: The main event…the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Title match…is coming up right after this.
[It’s E.J. Flack right outside the dressing room door.]
E.J. Flack: Ladies and gentlemen of Missouri Valley Wrestling. My name is E.J. Flack and I am not here to change traditions. I am not here to pursue an agenda. I am here in MVW because it is a challenge. And I eat challenges for breakfast. That’s why I’m here. And that’s why I will be managing the young man who’s about to wrestle for the MVW Television title tonight.
[SNAFU joins the shot and shakes hands with E.J. Flack.]
E.J. Flack: Now, SNAFU. Tonight, we go for gold. Tonight, you will…Narfle the Garthok!
Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
E.J. Flack: You have learned how to eat difficult situations. You have learned not to back down from a task that seems to be impossible. You have learned how to find a way to out-care, out-give, and out-how everyone else here in Missouri Valley Wrestling. What are you going to do tonight?
[Quick close up on SNAFU.]
SNAFU: We sure as hell ain’t rowing no damn boat!
E.J. Flack: Noooo. An oar is nothing more than a mere snack for a Garthok. A Garthok uses an oar as frickin’ toothpick. And a boat becomes dilapidated in time.
SNAFU: And Western Michigan owns the trademark for ‘Row the Boat.’
E.J. Flack: No, not any more. We reached a settlement with them.
E.J. Flack: So, when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you don’t row something, you…
Flack raises his arm and the MVW fans respond.
Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
E.J. Flack: That’s right.
MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING UPCOMING EVENTS:
September 8th – Sioux City, IA
September 9th – Des Moines, IA
September 10th – Lincoln, NE
September 13th – Effingham, IL
September 15th – Fort Wayne, IN
September 16th – Valparaiso, IN
September 17th – Kokomo, IN
September 22nd – Mt. Vernon, IL
September 23rd – Evansville, IN
September 24th – Richmond, IN
September 27th – Mason City, IA
September 30th – MVWA 77
-Allstate Arena / Chicago, IL
[Cut back live to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast desk.]
Thunderbolt Smith: All right. It’s time for the big three way dance to determine the MVW Television Champion. Let’s go right to the ring and Kimber Marshall.
[Cut to the ring where Kimber Marshall awaits.]
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This is our main event. One fall…thirty minute time limit…for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television title!
Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…
*’Country Boy Can Survive’- Hank Williams Jr.*
Kimber Marshall: from Beaumont, Texas, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler!
[Butler walks out. Cowboy hat. Wrestling tights with the Texas flag on the right thigh. Black vest.]
The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged
If you go downtown
I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive
[Butler raises his arms in the air and starts his way down to the ring.]
Because you can’t starve us out
And you can’t makes us run
Cuz we’re them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace
and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that
we don’t give a damn
Kimber Marshall: His opponent…
*’Buy Me a Boat’- Chris Janson*
[‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson comes out.]
I ain’t rich, but I damn sure wanna be
Working like a dog all day, ain’t working for me
I wish I had a rich uncle that’d kick the bucket
And that I was sitting on a pile like Warren Buffett
I know everybody says
Money can’t buy happiness
Kimber Marshall: …from Gallatin, Tennessee. He is ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson!
[Dickinson stares down Butler in the ring as he starts forward.]
But it could buy me a boat, it could buy me a truck to pull it
It could buy me a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets
Yeah, and I know what they say
Money can’t buy everything
Well, maybe so,
But it could buy me a boat
[Dickinson rolls into the ring and immediately eyes Butler.]
Kimber Marshall: And finally…
*NARFLE THE GARTHOK!*
[Coach E.J. Flack walks out first. Then SNAFU follows.]
Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by Coach E.J. Flack. From parts unknown…SNAA-FUUUUUUU!
Thunderbolt Smith: So, SNAFU and Flack make their way to the ring for this three way dance for the Television title.
MAIN EVENT / MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TELEVISION TITLE MATCH:
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler
STRENGTH-7 SPEED-6 INTELLIGENCE-5 CHARISMA-6 ENDURANCE-6 EXECUTION-7
‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson
STRENGTH-8 SPEED-5 INTELLIGENCE-6 CHARISMA-5 ENDURANCE-6 EXECUTION-7
STRENGTH-6 SPEED-7 INTELLIGENCE-6 CHARISMA-5 ENDURANCE-7 EXECUTION-6
Rick Hall: Butler and Dickinson are your classic bruisers. SNAFU’s style is a bit more hardcore as he’s learned everything about pro wrestling from watch old ECW DVD’s. It’ll be interesting to see how those styles mesh in this three way elimination match for the TV title.
Thunderbolt Smith: Ron Martin will be the referee for this title match.
[Martin in the ring and calls for the bell.]
[Dickinson anticipates the bell and drops a clubbing right forearm across Butler’s back. SNAFU gets a kick in. A second right hand by Dickinson. Second boot by SNAFU. Now it’s SNAFU and Dickinson both with the boots, stomping away at Butler in the corner. Dickinson pulls Butler up and drives him head first into the corner turnbuckle. SNAFU hangs back. Dickinson whips Butler across the ring to the opposite corner and follows with a clothesline. Right hand by Dickinson. SNAFU walks in and he throws right hands at Butler. Flack tosses a chair in. Dickinson sets it up. SNAFU runs across…jumps on the chair…and propels himself at Butler in the corner.]
Thunderbolt Smith: AIR SNAFU CONNECTS!
[Butler rolls out of the ring. SNAFU turns right into a big boot from Dickinson. Dickinson rains down blow after blow driving SNAFU to one knee. Dickinson tries to use the chair but Martin takes it away from him and slides it to the outside. SNAFU in the corner. Dickinson goes to whip SNAFU across the ring…SNAFU reverses and sends Dickinson into the corner. Dickinson backs out of the corner. SNAFU clotheslines him to the mat. SNAFU to the ring apron. He flips over the top rope and lands on Dickinson. SNAFU drives Dickinson into the corner with a right hand. He sends Dickinson back across the ring into the opposite corner. Dickinson ducks another clothesline. Then he decks SNAFU with a clothesline of his own. Again, Flack sends a chair into the ring. SNAFU takes it and blasts Dickinson in the back with it. Martin starts the count. SNAFU throws the chair at Dickinson and catches him flush in the face. SNAFU covers. One…Two…Dickinson powers out.]
Thunderbolt Smith: SNAFU is getting quite a talking to from Ron Martin about the use of the chair.
Rick Hall: It’s part of his ‘style’ Thunderbolt. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is also taking his sweet time getting back into the ring.
[Dickinson backs into and sits in the corner. SNAFU sets up a bent chair and backs up a few steps. Ron Martin again warns him but SNAFU takes off and uses the chair to propel him into Dickinson. SNAFU tries to use the chair to jab Dickinson in the gut but Martin wrestles the chair away and tosses it out. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler sneaks back and nails SNAFU with a forearm to the back. Right hand by Butler. Butler whips SNAFU into the ropes…he catches SNAFU on the return…spins him…and slams him to the mat.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Backbreaker by Butler. Cover.
Rick Hall: Butler was playing possum. He let Dickinson and SNAFU beat up on each other and waited for the opportune time to rejoin the match.
[Butler hooks the legs. One…two…SNAFU gets the shoulder up. Butler immediately pulls SNAFU up and whips him into the ropes. He winds up and Texas Lariats SNAFU to the mat. Butler covers him right away. One…Two…THREE.]
Kimber Marshall: SNAFU has been eliminated from the match.
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler eliminates SNAFU and it’s now Butler versus Dickinson for the TV title.
[Butler and Dickinson eye each other and circle. They exchange punches. Dickinson breaks the pattern with a boot to the gut. He breaks for the ropes…Butler clotheslines Dickinson on the return. Butler then sits Dickinson on the corner turnbuckle. Butler delivers a knife edged chop across Dickinson’s chest. Butler climbs up onto the turnbuckle and wraps his arms around Dickinson. He falls back and suplexes Dickinson to the mat. Both men are slow to get up.]
Rick Hall: That’s a pretty mean feat of strength, Thunderbolt. Dickinson is three hundred and thirty pounds and to get him up and then suplex him off the top rope is pretty impressive work by ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler and Dickinson are still down though. Who will make it to their feet first?
[Butler finally crawls over and drapes his arm over Dickinson. Martin with the count. One…Two…Dickinson kicks out. Butler pulls Dickinson back to a standing position. He slaps him across the face and Dickinson spins and lands across the top rope. Butler turns him back around…side headlock into a suplex position.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Butler’s holding Dickinson upside down!
[After letting all the blood cycle to Dickinson’s head, Butler finally finishes the suplex and plants the big man to the mat. Butler covers…One…Two…NO!]
Thunderbolt Smith: That was close!
Rick Hall: Dickinson barely kicked out there, Thunderbolt.
[Butler again ‘helps’ Dickinson to his feet. But Dickinson catches him off guard with a right hand to the midsection. Dickinson lifts Butler up for a scoop slam but Butler escapes out the back door. Dickinson turns and Butler lands a boot to the midsection. Side headlock…DDT by Butler. Cover…One…Two…NO! Dickinson gets the shoulder up at the last possible second.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Wow!
Rick Hall: Bill Dickinson is just hanging on.
[Butler can’t believe he didn’t pin him. He again drags Dickinson back up and turns him upside-down. Butler then drops to a kneeling position.]
Thunderbolt Smith: TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Butler hit it.
Rick Hall: I think that’s going to do it.
[Dickinson flops to the mat. Butler hooks the leg. Martin makes the count and the crowd joins in…One…Two…]
[Martin calls for the bell.]
Thunderbolt Smith: HE DID IT! ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler pinned ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson and he is your MVW Television Champion!
[Martin hands Butler the title belt and raises his arm.]
Rick Hall: Great match. All three men had their moments. But ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler took control of the match late and he found a way to put Bill Dickinson away.
Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it for this week. For ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall, I’m Thunderbolt Smith. We’ll see you next week for another edition of MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.