MVWA 76 Recap Featuring Rah and Halitosis

Island of Misfit Wrestlers
The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Dawn McGill, Halitosis, and Rah

The Wrestling Guys MVWA 76 Recap
Taped July 10th, 2017
MVW Television Studios
St. Louis, Missouri
Hosts: Fred ‘Thunderbolt’ Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

Thunderbolt Smith: After a delay of over a month, the first show of the latest reboot of Missouri Valley Wrestling, MVWA 76, finally aired last night on Bro-Slam. The show kicked off with ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann in the ring, crowing about how he finally shut down Dawn McGill and PCW once and for all.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, everyone knows how bad the first six months of the year was for the former owner of PCW, Dawn McGill. First, the divorce from former husband Ray McAvay in the middle of trying to get PCW back up off the ground. Then Mr. McMann poached PCW’s best wrestlers and effectively shut down her company.   To make matters worse, McMann also purchased the PCW assets and a sizeable stake in Missouri Valley Wrestling.

Thunderbolt Smith: So, still under contract to MVW, McGill returned to face her arch enemy and longtime nemesis- Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann for the first time since the end of PCW.

[Mr. McMann in the middle of the ring. He holds a thick book in one hand- presumably the ‘script’ for the show.]

Mr. McMann: …finally. After all these years…after all this time, I, the undisputed Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann…have finally vanquished PCW. Ladies and gentlemen…PCW is dead.

[The crowd boos.]

Mr. McMann: Now, that brings us to the now. The new CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling Jill Berg had the foresight to offer me the booking of MVW and I can announce right here in this very ring that I’ve signed on.

[More boos. Mr. McMann grins and holds up what appears to be a contract.]

Mr. McMann: In my hand is a contract. However, it’s not a contract for me. No, it’s a contract for one Dawn Marie McGill. You know, the former owner of PCW. Dawn McGill is also a contracted wrestler-slash-personality here in MVW and you’ll be surprised to hear that I actually want her to stay on. MVW could use someone with her skill set…the bad ass female manager type. Of course, we’ll have to water her character down just a bit to make it compatible with sports entertainment best practices.

[McMann nods as tries to elicit some sort of a positive reaction from the crowd. It doesn’t work.]

Mr. McMann: So, without any further ado, I think we should bring out Miss McGill to welcome her and to talk about her role in the new Missouri Valley Wrestling. Dawn? Come on out!

Rick Hall: But McGill would throw a huge curveball right back at Mr. McMann.

[McGill walks out onto the stage and much to the surprise of TV audience, she seemed to be ‘dolled up’ more than usual. Her hair is now platinum blonde. She has a ton of makeup on her face with bright red lipstick. She also sports a gold strapless dress that only went down to her mid thighs with a pair of killer gold heels.]

[Close up- Mr. McMann seems surprised at McGill’s clothing choices. Very surprised. As in, jaw dropping surprised.]

[McGill starts down to the ring. She stops about midway down. Sees a cute guy in the front row. She goes over and plants a kiss on his lips and then the side of his face leaving clear lipstick marks on his cheek.   McGill giggles and continues to the ring. She climbs up onto the ring apron, raises her arms in the air, and poses for the crowd. Then she slides through the ropes.]

Dawn McGill (in a high, squeaky voice): Sports entertainment blonde bombshell Dawn McGill reporting for duty.

[She then giggles in an obnoxious high-pitched tone.]

Mr. McMann: What the hell is going on here!

[McMann shakes the thick script at her.]

Mr. McMann: You’ve gone completely off the script!

Rick Hall: Yeah, obviously this isn’t what Mr. McMann had in mind.

Mr. McMann: This isn’t what I had in mind.

Dawn McGill: Why, what do you mean?

Mr. McMann: This isn’t what MVW signed you for and what we’re paying you for. What happened to the six foot demolition machine in a short skirt?

Dawn McGill: Why Mr. McMann, I’m a new convert to sports entertainment! In fact, not only do I love sports entertainment…

[She kneels down in front of him.]

Dawn McGill: …I worship sports entertainment.

[She makes a sour face.]

Dawn McGill: Oooh. Boy does it stink down here.

[McGill waves her hand in front of her nose.]

Dawn McGill: Peee-ewwwww!

[Then she throws her head back and giggles.]

[McMann stares down at her. He can’t tell if this is a joke or what.]

Dawn McGill: I decided if I can’t beat you…I should join you.

[Then she points to the video screen.]

Dawn McGill: In true sports entertainment form.

[The video screen comes to life. Backstage. Dawn is standing there dressed in ‘normal’ clothes and her ‘normal’ hair color. The camera zooms out to bring the Couch Potato into the shot and he’s got a remote control in his hand. Apparently, it’s some sort of ‘magic’ remote control because Couch Potato points it at McGill and magically transforms her from the six foot tall demolition machine in a short skirt into Sports Entertainment Barbie.]

[Perplexed, McMann is like ‘what?’]

Dawn McGill: Here are my brand new best friends.

[Rah, Halitosis, and the Couch Potato walk down and climb into the ring. They line up behind McGill.]

Dawn McGill: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers!

{McMann acts as if he wants to pull his hair out. He looks down once again at what he thought would be his crown jewel. He’s embarrassed because McGill’s crossed him up yet again.]

[McGill teases and twirls her hair for no reason whatsoever.]

[McMann quakes in his shoes and finally let’s out his frustration.]

Mr. McMann: GAH!!!

[He shakes his head and just leaves the ring.]

Thunderbolt: So Dawn McGill does in fact rejoin Missouri Valley Wrestling…just not in the capacity that Mr. McMann envisioned.

Mr. McMann (off screen): GAH!!!

Rick Hall: Passive Aggressiveness- one. Sports Entertainment- zero.



The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Tiny and Hank w/April O’Neale def. The French Connection: Jobber (pronounced Joe-bare) D’Hut and Dan LeBasterd in 4:45


Thunderbolt Smith: So, the first salvo fired in the quest to crown a new Missouri Valley Wrestling tag team champion saw the always entertaining Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja take on the dangerous French tag team of Jabber Le Hut and the obnoxious French sports talk show host Dan LeBasterd.

Rick Hall: Jobber came out in typical fashion and tried to win the match in the first thirty seconds. Hank survived. LeBasterd tagged in and Hank went to work on him with his mini-baseball bat shaped nunchucks. Then Tiny came in and used his brute power to tear LeBasterd apart. LeBasterd finally tagged Jobber D’Hut back in. Tiny powerbombed D’Hut and then went top rope to splash him for the pinfall.

Thunderbolt Smith: So, the BBSPN advance on in the tag team tournament. Next up. Charlie Blackwell drops a promo on some inside information about the end of PCW and charts a new course for his future.



[Charlie’s backstage. He’s wearing a new robe that’s all sparkly and stuff. Charlie is also clean shaven and his hair has been styled to a more conservative haircut.]

Charlie Blackwell: There’s a lot of misinformation flying around about the end of PCW. Most of them not true. I want to clear up a couple things. First off, *I* was the one who told Dawn McGill to shut it down. As her cousin and her financial advisor, I had to convince her that she could not drain her bank account again when it was clear that PCW was going to fail. I had to tell her that as much as I knew that she desperately wanted PCW to work, the reality of the situation was once Mr. McMann took the best wrestlers with him and left PCW with a bunch of lower rung independent wrestlers, the game was over.

[Charlie pauses as scatters boos erupt.]

Charlie Blackwell: Look, I know you fans don’t understand. I know that the wrestlers in the back didn’t understand. I know Dawn’s ex-husband ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay didn’t understand.   But let’s face facts. Dawn has a family. She has to put food on the table. She has to pay for a roof over her children’s heads. She didn’t have a choice. Ray McAvay owns a driving range and co-owns a strip club in Texas. He has income coming in without wrestling. Dawn did not. For her well-being, for her financial well-being, she had to close down PCW while she still had money in her bank account. And McAvay. Listen and listen close. Charlie Blackwell is going into business for himself and my first client is Dawn McGill. Now, I know that you’ve worked out some sort of arrangement. I know you get along pretty well considering. But the fact remains, Dawn is family and you’re not. So what does this mean for me, Charlie Blackwell, going forward? It means Charlie Blackwell is done with the Les Miserables. It means…

[Charlie spins around. The back of the robe says: ‘CHARLIE WRESTLING.’

Charlie Blackwell: The era of Charlie Wrestling!



Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb def. Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their ‘extreme’ brand of justice in 5:15.

Thunderbolt Smith: The big bruisers in A-Bomb and H-Bomb taking on the nasty, rule breaking Rough Justice.

Rick Hall: The WMD lived up to their name. A-Bomb nearly drove D.B. Ruff right through the ring with his Atomic Power Bomb. But then Justice tagged in and got obliterated by H-Bomb’s Hydrogen Power Bomb to give the Weapons of Mass Destruction their win. They too will move on in the tag team tournament.

Thunderbolt Smith: Following the match, MVW CEO Jill Berg made a special backstage announcement involving the MVW tag team division.



[CEO Jill Berg, all five foot four of her, stands behind a podium in a smart, conservative business suit with the requisite ‘smart’ pair of black rimmed glasses and black heels. Standing behind her is the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann.]

[Located in front of her are the various MVW tag teams. Weapons of Mass Destruction (A-Bomb and H-Bomb), The Dork Dynasty (Sheldon and Leonard Robertson), The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Tiny and Hank), The French Connection (Jobber D’Hut and Dan LeBasterd), and Cowboy Dan Butler and Rick Beem. They all wait with anticipation to find out just who will represent MVW.]

[The camera focuses in on one team in particular- The Kardoucheians. The patriarch of the Kardoucheian Empire, Khristopher Kardoucheian, makes sure all of his wrestling children: Ken, Koley and Khourtney are prominent in the shot as Berg speaks.]

Jill Berg: Good evening. My name is Jill Berg. I am the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling and I welcome all of you who are here tonight or watching us on Bro-Slam. When MVW reopened, an opportunity presented itself and I, as the leader of MVW, decided it was too good to pass up. Four Corners Wrestling is holding a tag team tournament that will cumulate at their upcoming Bad Company pay per view show.

[The Kardoucheian’s camera crew films the event for their world famous reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.]

Jill Berg: The tournament will feature tag teams from not just 4CW but all over the wrestling world. We have been invited to send one of our tag teams to wrestle for a chance not only to bring some attention to our little end of the wrestling world but a possible shot at the 4CW title.

[Khris Kardoucheian beams. He’s certain that Berg is going to choose his boys to represent Missouri Valley Wrestling.]

Jill Berg: I thought long and hard about it. Weighed the pros and cons. And in the end, I came up with a decision. So, without any further ado, the team that will be traveling to either Scotland or Australia to participate in 4CW’s Global Warfare event is…

[Zoom in on the Kardoucheians. Khristopher tenses up as he expects their name to be called.]

Jill Berg: …’The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis!…

[Mr. McMann’s jaw drops.]

Jill Berg: …and his partner…the Sunshine God…RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Khristopher’s jaw drops as those of the other Kardoucheians.]

Jill Berg: …managed by Dawn McGill! The ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS!

[Applause follows. The Kardoucheians are stunned. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney all break into tears which is filmed and documented for their reality show.]

Jill Berg: Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve chosen the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Well?

[Berg shrugs.]

Jill Berg: Despite Dawn’s recent revelations and change in attitude, the fact remains that she is the best manager currently in MVW. Her track record speaks for itself. She led ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay from lower reaches of the High Octane Wrestling card and turned him into a LSD, ICON, and HOW Champion.

[Again, more applause while the unhappy Kardoucheians stew.]

Jill Berg: Rah has big company experience with multiple runs in HOW. Halitosis has a…unique…gimmick that not that many pro wrestlers see. So-

[Khris Kardoucheian storms into the ring and confronts Berg.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: *BLEEP* this 4CW thing. You’ve got a bigger problem and that’s fixing our situation and fixing it quick. My boys are stars. They are superstars and they are known all over the world and they deserve a lot better treatment than they get in this tinpot, third rate wrestling company.

Jill Berg: I’m sorry you feel that way. But my decision is final.

[Which only sets Kardoucheian off even more.]

Jill Berg: But. How about this as a consolation prize? Your sons will main event tonight’s show against the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.

[Kardoucheian is intrigued. He strokes his chin.]

Jill Berg: You can take out your frustrations on them tonight.

[Khris looks down at Ken and Koley. They nod approvingly. He then answers Jill Berg.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: It’s a deal.



The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson w/Penny def. Cowboy Dan Butler and Rick Beem in 6:22


Sheldon Robertson: I am the greatest scientific wrestler of all time! I just want to point out once again that we are a scientific wrestling team.  We stand on the shoulders of great scientific wrestlers like Lou Thesz, Verne Gagne, Nick Bockwinkle…and I am head and shoulders better than any of them.

Thunderbolt Smith: And with that, the Dorks went out and proved that they were both great scientific wrestlers. Sheldon and Leonard, dressed in their usual camouflage outfits and long bushy, but neatly trimmed beards, used their scientific skill to counter the raw power of Cowboy Dan Butler and his crafty, devious partner Rick Beem.

Rick Hall: The end came when Butler had Leonard in the corner and was just wailing away on him. Suddenly, Penny called out to the big cowboy. The big cowboy turned around and Penny leaned over the top rope and distracted Butler. Leonard went low bridge and scrampered back to his corner and tagged Sheldon back in. Sheldon caught the bemused Butler with a simple schoolboy roll up and the Dorks advance on.



Thunderbolt Smith: So, as you may or may not, much of this program was taped over a month ago. Since then, Rah and Halitosis traveled down to Sydney, Australia to compete in the first round of the 4CW tournament. But first, Halitosis and Dawn McGill stopped off at a Costco store in Sydney.

Costco Wholesale Store
17-21 Parramatta Rd
Lidcombe, Australia

Pushing a cart in the fresh produce section of the Costco, Halitosis, still wearing the mask but dressed down for the occasion wearing a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt, stops to talk to the camera.

Halitosis: …so one morning after I’d just gotten out of bed, my then girlfriend took one whiff of my breath and said I had the worst bad breath ever. She ran out the front door and never returned. I was crushed of course but I also had an epiphany. Yes, I had bad breath. Why not use my natural gift, my complete inability to exercise good oral hygiene as an offensive weapon? No other wrestler used bad breath as an offensive weapon, right? So that morning, Halitosis was born.

He bends over and moves a couple onion bags out of the way.

Halitosis: Now, I’m here in Sydney, Australia with a shot at the big time. Four Corners Wrestling. One of the biggest promotions in the world. Global Warfare Tag Team Tournament with the Sunshine God, Rah. Our opponents are Rich Monopoly- Yazzmin Villa and Kenni Killswitch. Don’t know a damn thing about them. I’ve come to Sydney to show the world what Halitosis is all about and to do that, I’m going to have to up my game. My breath was bad before. I’m going to make it even worse. That’s right, I’m taking my bad breath to the next level and to do that, I need some groceries.

Halitosis take a bag of onions from the stall and slides it underneath the basket of the shopping cart.

Halitosis: Finding food conducive to bad breath isn’t hard to find. Start with onions. Then add in your basic garlic and spicy foods and add a little hot spice…

The clickity-clack of a pair of heels on the floor signals the arrival of Halitosis’s valet.

Dawn McGill (high pitched, squeaky voice): Ooooh, I love hot and spicy.

Dawn throws into the cart a bag of garlic, jalapenos, green peppers, banana peppers, and curry powder.

Then Halitosis pushes the shopping cart towards the canned food section. But a few feet down the aisle, he realizes he’s left someone behind. Turning around, Halitosis sees Dawn examining a wooden crate filled with cucumbers.

Halitosis: What are you doing?

Dawn holds up a small cucumber, licks the side of it, and grins.

Dawn: Looks like this one needs a little Viagra.

Halitosis: Huh?

She emits a high pitched giggle that cuts through the air like nails on a chalkboard.

Halitosis: Why is that?

Dawn: It’s a small cucumber. Get It?

Halitosis doesn’t quite get it and extends his arms out as if to say what? The group of people assembling around Dawn- they get it. And they applaud. Especially when she licks the cucumber a second time.

Dawn: Viagra? Viagra will make it bigger?

Staring back at her with an expression that implies really?, Halitosis finally turns and proceeds to the next stop- the canned food section.

Halitosis: Next, tuna and fish. Not only are tuna and fish high in protein, they also make your breath reek.

He scoops up several tins of tuna and adds them with the other items inside the cart.   The cans of tinned salmon on the shelf catches Dawn’s inquisitive eyes. She investigates the can and giggles again.

Dawn: Tinned salmon? That must be a Austria thing.

Halitosis: Huh?

Dawn: A Austria thing. You know. We’re in Austria. The land down under…oooooh. I love the way that sounds.

Halitosis’s eyebrow raise as he tries to figure out what she’s talking about.

Dawn: You know, Austria. Like the the musical.

Swirling music wells up the background. Halitosis looks up, down, and all around to find out where it’s coming from.

Dawn spins slowly, arms outstretched like Julie Andrews at the beginning of ‘The Sound of Music,’ and inexplicably sings out loud…

Dawn (veering horribly off key often): “Ohhhh, what a beautiful morning.   Oh, what a beautiful day. I’ve got a beautiful feeling Everything’s going my wayyyy…WHOOPS!”

She whirls around too fast, tangles up her legs, loses her balance, and tumbles to the floor landing in a seated position with her legs spread out. The small crowd following her inside the store- mostly men- give her an enthusiastic round of applause, whistle, whoop, and shout.

Halitosis? Not as impressed.

Halitosis: Okay first, we’re in Australia. Aus-TRALIA. Two. The song you just sang was from the musical Oklahoma…which has nothing to do with Australia or Austria…and three, the Sound of Music takes place in Austria but we’re not in Austria because why? We’re in AUSTRALIA!

Letting out a massive exhale, Halitosis stands in place and tries to catch his breath.

Dawn: Oh.

She bites her bottom lip and tips her head back and forth.

Dawn: Oopsie.

She lets loose with another irritating high-pitched giggle. Halitosis looks at her as if he wants to rip his ear drums out.

Halitosis (mutters under his breath): I don’t like the new Dawn.

Dawn’s head snaps around. For a brief moment, the sports entertainment eye candy façade disappears.

Dawn (sharply): What was that?

Halitosis (quickly backtracking): Nothing! Never mind………….let’s go.

Next stop, the deli counter.

Halitosis steers the shopping cart towards the expansive deli area. Arriving at the counter, he looks in the open glass showcase for the especially stenchy cheese products.

Halitosis: Now we get to the really good stuff. As they say, if you want to go French, expect a stench. In France, stink is considered a sign of a delicious aged cheese.

He bends down and surveys the myriad of different cheese choices behind the glass.

Halitosis: First, we’ll get some Brie, Roquefort, and Epoisses cheese. Oh, and some bleu cheese and Stilton too. Did you know cheeses that are marbled or have blue or green veins shot through tend to smell pungent? Of course, then there’s cheese that straight out spell out that they give your breath a nasty air to it.

He points down to another type of cheese inside the glass case.

Halitosis: That’s Stinking Bishop cheese- an English delicacy. The odor comes from the rind and can be charitably described as smelling like a pile of sweaty gym clothes. And then there’s the granddaddy of stinky cheese. Limburger. The smelliest cheese from Germany. Did you know that limburger is made using Brevibacterium linens? It’s the same bacterium that gives your feet and armpits their natural air.

Dawn lifts her arm and smells her armpits. Then she shrugs and moves along.

A few minutes later, Halitosis pushes the cart with all his groceries through the exit door and walks down the sidewalk leading to the parking lot.

Halitosis: …so what I’ll do is mix this all together into a blender and turn this into a radioactive nuclear concoction that’ll give me all the extra paint peeling, eye-watering, mind blowing fragrance of rotting reekiness I’ll need when Rah and I face Rich Monopoly at Adrenaline 71. Rich Monopoly. We don’t know anything about you. You probably don’t know a damn thing about us. All I can say is this. I’m looking forward to getting real close to Yazzmin Villa and Kenni Killswitch on August 9th. Why?

He points down to the lead lined metal container full of cheese, the onions, and all the spicy foods bagged up in the shopping cart.

Halitosis: Because victory is just a breath away.

Halitosis starts to break out another smile but the camera shot moves away from him to a bit of a commotion a few feet ahead. There’s a group of people surrounding someone on the sidewalk.

Breaking character, Halitosis goes over to see what’s happening. He peeks over a couple people and sees Dawn passed out on the concrete next to a garden hose and a golf ball.

Puzzled, Halitosis turns to one of the bystanders.

Halitosis: What the hell happened?

One of the Onlookers: Apparently as far as we can tell, that girl tried to suck that golf ball through a garden hose, became light headed, and then passed out.

Rubbing his forehead, Halitosis shakes his head and sighs.

Another Onlooker: Maybe we should give her mouth to mouth!

Halitosis shakes his head.

Halitosis: No, that’s probably not a good idea.

Rick Hall: Rah and Halitosis then came away with the win over Kenni Killswitch and Yazzmin Villa at 4CW’s Adrenaline 71 to advance on to the big sixteen team tournament at Bad Company on August 30th.

(courtesy of Four Corners Wrestling / Adrenaline 71)
[As Dawn McGill has the referee preoccupied with her rack, Halitosis pushes Killswitch out of the ring and slips out of the ring. McGill turns uninterested towards the ref and walks off.]

[The ref, feeling depressed, actually, turns back around to see Rah lifting Vila in the air and powering her straight to the mat with a jackknife powerbomb aka The Eye of RAHHHHHHHHHHH!]

[Rah goes for the cover as the referee drops down and counts to three.]



Christa Carmondy def. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, Kathryn Randall Collins, Mystery Girl (Sheline Carrigan), Regina McGill, C.J. Lewis, Yosemite Samantha, ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot, ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris, and Ninja Kitty

Thunderbolt Smith: Once it gets down to Carmondy, KRC, and the Mystery Girl, the Mystery Girl removes her mask and lo and behold, it’s the last MVW champion Sheline Carrigan.   Carrigan gets a well deserved ovation from the crowd and then KRC jumps her from behind and locks in the Gogoplata. Carrigan quickly taps and it’s down to Carmondy and KRC. No sooner than KRC standing up, Carmondy spears her and drives Collins into the corner. One Mean Girl Crush later, Christa Carmondy finally…FINALLY…wins the MVW Women’s title.

Rick Hall: After all this time, Christa Carmondy wins gold in MVW.



Thunderbolt Smith: This took place at a MVW House show on August 12th.

Missouri Valley Wrestling House Show Fulton, Missouri Saturday August 12th, 2017
(Joined in process: Rah the Sunshine God and the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis w/’Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill vs. Cowboy Dan Butler and Rich Beam)
It’s Halitosis and Rah’s first match back at MVW since they returned from Sydney, Australia extremely jetlagged but, more importantly, victorious in their Bad Company qualifier match at the Sydney Superdome against Kenni Killswitch and Yazzmin Vila.

[…Halitosis plays face in peril and stuck in the wrong corner. Butler wraps his arms around him from behind and Beam drives left and right hands into Halitosis’s gut in quick succession.

On the other side of the ring, Rah claps his hands and tries to get the crowd behind them. The five hundred or so people filling up the Fulton High School gymnasium rise to their feet and urge the Insane Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene on. This irritates Beam who stops pounding away on Halitosis and goes to the ropes to berate the fans.

Halitosis elbows Butler in the gut, whips around, and breathes on the Texas cowboy. Butler coughs and falls through the ropes, careens off the ring apron to the floor. By the time Beam realizes what’s happening, Halitosis races across the ring and dives, making the hot tag to Rah.

Before Beam can react, the Deity of the Sun spins him around and wraps his massive hands around his neck. Rah lifts him into the air and throws him back down with a ring shaking choke slam aka…SOLSTICE SLAM!

Rah raises his hand in the air and signals it time to sacrifice Beam to the Temple of the Sunshine God.

He checks with his faithful worshipers- ten former Arizona State sorority sisters turned followers of Rah. Unfortunately, they’re too busy making obnoxious faces, duck face expressions, and taking selfies of themselves to notice what’s going on in the ring.

Next, he glances over at Dawn McGill. Dressed in an all red strapless mini-skirt tonight, she rests comfortably in a black Barcalounger Coss II Wall Proximity Hugger Lay Flat Recliner Chair with a wash cloth covering her eyes, her right foot propped up on the foot rest and adorned with cotton balls in between each toe and the left foot soaking in a foot bath, as Melissa, a stylist from the local beauty salon, gives her a ringside pedicure.

Sighing, Rah finally turns to the fans for encouragement. Once again, the people rise from their ringside chairs and wooden bleacher seats to cheer. Once he’s received the response he’s looking for, Rah places Beam between his legs and looks towards the heavens with arms outstretched soaking in the praise and worship of the Fulton, Missouri fans.

Once he’s ready, Rah lifts Beam into the air and flips him over to where his back is parallel to the mat. Then the Sunshine God unleashes his wrath and tries to throw Beam through the canvas with a jackknife powerbomb aka…EYE OF RAHHHHHHHHHH! Beam bounces a foot up into the air after impacting with the ring before landing in a crumpled heap.

The cover is academic. Rah sticks his foot on Beam’s chest. The referee makes the count and calls for the bell. But before Rah’s announcer guy can climb into the ring to make the formal pronouncement…]

Mr. McMann: Okay..okay.  Hold on there one second.

[The crowd’s cheers turn to boos. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann climbs into the ring accompanied by Rah and Halitosis’s arch enemies in MVW, the Kardoucheian Empire (Ken, Koley, Khourtney, and family matriarch Khris Kardoucheian)- stars of the world famous television reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’)]

[McMann points at Halitosis.]

Mr. McMann: You stay put.  Don’t even think of coming near me.

[The Kardoucheians flank McMann in the ring to back up his demand.]

Mr. McMann: So, this is the return of the mighty Rah and Halitosis, MVW’s prodigal sons.  The little engines of the little trains who lucked out a victory at the mighty 4CW show Wednesday night.  If Sports Entertainment Barbie Dawn McGill hadn’t made out with the referee, you probably would have lost the match.  But you won.

[McMann mock claps.]

Mr. McMann: Congratulations.  And here you are, back wrestling in front of small crowds in rinky-dink, small towns.  Do you want to know a secret?  No one cares about small towns.  Why did they build expressways?  To bypass small towns and take everyone to where the action is- big cities.

[The crowd boos McMann again.]

Mr. McMann: Yeah, yeah.  Go ahead.  Boo me.  You know I’m right.  Rah and Halitosis are small town heroes but the Kardoucheians…the tag team that rightfully should be wrestling in this 4CW tournament…

[More boos ring out throughout the gymnasium.]

Mr. McMann: …are big city stars.  Is there a mom and pop pharmacy in this town?  No.  Oh, I know why.  It’s because a large corporate chain bought out the mom and pop store and took it over.  Is there a mom and pop grocery store in this town?  A mom and pop department store?  No.  Shocking.  They were replaced by corporations who consistently delivered a bigger and better experience for the consumer.  And Rah and Halitosis?  The Kardoucheians will soon put you two out of business because they deliver a bigger and better wrestling experience for you pathetic fans.

[McMann shakes his head dismissively.]

Mr. McMann: Here’s another secret for you.  Life is full of haves and have-nots.  The haves are successful, wealthy, powerful.  The have-nots?   They exist to serve the haves.  The Kardoucheians are the haves.  YOU are the have-nots, and the fact that you have stolen the spotlight that they are entitled to and prevented the Kardoucheians from taking their rightful place in the 4CW-

Dawn McGill: All right…

[McMann suddenly realizes that Dawn McGill, still with cotton between her freshly painted toes on her right foot and water dripping off her left foot, has broken out of her Sports Entertainment Barbie character and is now in the ring pointing a Singapore cane at him.]

Dawn McGill: …just shut up…shut up already.  You talk about how the Kardoucheians are ‘stars’ and have ‘Hollywood star power,’ I find it ironic that Rah and Halitosis have already progressed farther in this 4CW tournament than the ultimate Hollywood Boyz, Mr. Executive himself Brian Hollywood, and his pet maniacal lackey Darin Zion.  You see, Rah and Halitosis came into this thing flying in way under the radar.  With the exception of Scott Stevens, Scottywood, and possibly Hollywood and Zion, no one here knows who Rah and Halitosis are.  But Rah and Halitosis flew down to Sydney, Australia and they accepted the challenge.   Rah and Halitosis stepped out of their comfort zone in a strange and faraway location wrestling before the biggest crowd they’ve ever wrestled in front of.  And what did they do?  Rah and Halitosis defeated two experienced big time wrestlers in Kenni Killswitch and Yazzmin Vila before a worldwide audience.

[The folks of Fulton, Missouri applaud.  Rah’s followers?]

Sorority Sisters Selfies

Rick Hall: Well…no surprise there.

Dawn McGill: Now, it’s on to Tokyo, Japan for the biggest night of their careers- 4CW’s Bad Company, one million dollar prize, ONE NIGHT ONLY tag team tournament for the 4CW Tag Team title.  You have some of the best tag teams with some of the best wrestlers in the world.  Erron Wilder and Dakota Smith…’The Ripper’ Danny B and Amber Ryan…Scott Stevens and the Hardcore Artist Scottywood…Zoe Chaos and Mister Jay…Lyza Reyes and Brandon Banks…Mariano Fernandez and Vossler…Bryan Laughlin and Kaelan Price…Brody Lee Prince and Magnus Brutus…Ace Watson and Owen Gonsavles…Jason Cashe and Jair Hopkins…Darryl Walker and Redd Thunder…and so on and so on.  Rah and Halitosis have never been in the ring with talent of this caliber.  We all know that the road now becomes steeper and the ladder gets harder to climb when Rah and Halitosis step into the ring at Bad Company against Max Cavanaugh and Cosmo Cooper and…wha-

[Seemingly startled, Dawn glances down.  She notices Melissa the stylist sitting on the mat in front of her.]

Dawn McGill: Huh?

[Melissa is trying to center Dawn’s left foot into a bowl to continue the foot bath she was working on before McGill came to the ring.]

Dawn McGill: Oh.  Sorry.  Carry on.

[McGill makes the necessary adjustment and Melissa continues the pedicure.  She massages McGill’s right foot while the other one soaks.]

Dawn McGill: Hey yeah…a little bit further down…oh yeah…right there above the arch…that feels good…really, really good……perfect…okay.  Now where was I…oh…Max Cavanaugh and Cosmo Cooper.   Cavanaugh and Cooper defeated Gavin Grimes and Xavier LaRoux in the qualifier.  Now, they go to Tokyo with the same goal…the same passion…the same drive to climb that ladder as far as they can go.  Cavanaugh and Cooper will be tough opponents.  And if Rah and Halitosis are fortunate to advance on then that ladder gets even harder- the winner of the match between WWH Tag Team champions Detroit to New Jersey- Travis Black and Alessandro Quagliaterre, and Purple Haze- Lauryn Wolfe and Sativa Neveah.  And then, if Rah and Halitosis pass THAT test and reach the semi-finals, they will get a shot at the 4CW title against Johnny Evil and Andrew Karnage OR the team that defeated Evil and Karnage for the belt.  Not because it’s handed to them on a silver platter.  Not because they’re entitled to be there.  No, if Rah and Halitosis succeed at Bad Company, it’ll be because two ordinary professional wrestlers raised their game up, put everything on the line, and performed at an extraordinary level…

[Leaning on the Singapore cane, McGill shifts her balance and listens to something Melissa says to her.  Dawn looks down.]

Dawn McGill: …what?

[The stylist is now using a pumice stone and shaving off the calluses and dead skin from the bottom of her foot.]

Dawn McGill: Oh yes, yes.  That’s good.

[She returns to her promo.]

Dawn McGill: As God and each and every one of you in this building tonight as my witness…I promise you this.  No matter what happens in the tournament.  No matter what the result is.  If Rah and Halitosis are eliminated in the first round, second round, or whatever, I promise you all this.  Rah and Halitosis will go to Tokyo not only representing Missouri Valley Wrestling but representing small independent wrestling promotions all over the world.  Small companies running in small gyms just like this.  Small companies with big dreams of being one of the biggest and best wrestling companies in the world as 4CW is.  Rah and Halitosis will go to Tokyo to wrestle not just for their own personal glory.  They will go to Japan to wrestle at Bad Company for each and every independent wrestler who works in a small wrestling company, who perform in small town venues all over this country and all the world, and who dream of having an opportunity like this fall in their laps.  Ladies and gentlemen of Fulton, Missouri, I can assure you that Rah and Halitosis both understand the gravity of the event at hand and what a wonderful opportunity this is for them.

[The gym erupts with a thunderous ovation which causes McMann and all four Kardoucheians try to plug their ears with their hands.]

[McMann steps forward to respond and is met by the tip of Dawn McGill’s Singapore cane pressed firmly against his stomach.  He quickly comprehends from the look in McGill’s eyes that implicitly told him ‘if he took one more step forward she would systematically, and with great pleasure, annihilate him piece by piece until he was left as a puddle of quivering Jell-O’, she was dead serious.]

[Wisely, McMann raises his hands and steps back.  He takes the hint and gestures to the Kardoucheians that it’s time to make their exit.  McGill finishes her promo as they climb through the ropes and take their leave to the back.]

Dawn McGill: McMann.  Kardoucheians.  You can’t even begin to grasp this concept so let me spell it out to you.  Rah and Halitosis may not have the sheer talent and wrestling skill of many of the teams who will be competing at Bad Company.  But they understand this.   Bad Company isn’t about bigger.  Bad Company isn’t about better.  Bad Company isn’t about entitlement.  It’s about honor.  It’s about heart.  And it’s about rising above themselves, rising up to the occasion, and performing extraordinary things at an extraordinary level.  To the wonderful folks here in Fulton, Missouri tonight and the people watching or listening from other far flung locales, let me pledge to you this.  When Rah and Halitosis compete against Cosmo Cooper and Max Cavanaugh or ANY of the great teams they may step into the ring against in Tokyo, Japan over two weeks from now, they will fight for honor and they will fight with heart.  And if Rah and Halitosis defeat Cooper and Cavanaugh and move on, they will win with honor and with heart.  And yes, if and when they lose and are eliminated, they will do so with honor and with heart.  On August 30th at Bad Company, I believe Rah and Halitosis will rise to the occasion, lay everything on the line, and in the end, we’ll let the chips fall where they may.

[Rah and Halitosis join McGill in the center of the ring as the crowd cheers with Rah’s boot stopping inches from her newly pedicured feet.  McGill elbows Rah in the side.]

Dawn McGill: Hey, watch the feet…

Rick Hall: I don’t think Mr. McMann is done with trying to get Dawn McGill fully integrated into his vision of sports entertainment.

Thunderbolt Smith: And I don’t think for a second that Dawn is ever going to go along with Mr. McMann’s vision.   But it’ll make for good television.



‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay def. Charlie Blackwell, Redneck Bill Dickinson, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, Ken Worth- The American Trucker, Jack Fraiser, SNAFU, Bobby Starr, Willie Idol, and The Couch Potato

Thunderbolt Smith: It came down to former in-laws Ray McAvay and Charlie Blackwell. Blackwell slapped on the Katahajime to McAvay and he was stuck in the middle of the ring. But referee Davey Keels didn’t see McAvay tapping out. He was too busy watching McAvay’s West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy doing an impromptu striptease on the ring apron.

Rick Hall: Yep. Blackwell then made the mistake of releasing the hold and confronting Keels. This allowed McAvay’s associate Bert the Janitor to throw a Big Bertha driver to him and McAvay whapped Blackwell in the back of the head with the club. Once Blackwell was down, Dark and Stormy’s striptease routine ended, Davey Keels turned around and saw McAvay making the cover on Blackwell. One. Two. Three. McAvay is your new Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion.



Rick Hall: Earlier in the show, Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg announced who would be representing MVW in Four Corners Wrestling’s upcoming Global Warfare tag team tournament. And there were a few raised eyebrows when she named the team who will be going.

Earlier Tonight [CEO Jill Berg, all five foot four of her, stands behind a podium in a smart, conservative business suit with the requisite ‘smart’ pair of black rimmed glasses and black heels.]

[In front of her are the various MVW tag team. The camera focuses in on one team in particular- The Kardoucheians. The patriarch of the Kardoucheian Empire, Khristopher Kardoucheian, makes sure all of his wrestling children: Ken, Koley and Khourtney are prominent in the shot as Berg speaks.]

[The Kardoucheian’s camera crew films the event for their world famous reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.]

Jill Berg: …so without any further ado, the team that will be traveling to either Scotland or Australia to participate in 4CW’s Global Warfare event is…

[Zoom in on the Kardoucheians. Khristopher tenses up as he expects their name to be called.]

Jill Berg: …’The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis!…

[Khristopher’s jaw drops.]

Jill Berg: …and his partner…the Sunshine God…RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Applause follows.]

[The Kardoucheians are stunned at first. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney all break into tears which is filmed and documented for their reality show.]


MAIN EVENT: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis w/’Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill vs. The Kardoucheian Empire: Ken, Koley, and Khourtney w/Family Patriarch Khris Kardoucheian

Announcers: ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall and ‘Not Just Unbearable…Not Just Intolerable…He is’ Justin Sufferable


Justin Sufferable: Crying? They’re crying? Jesus Rick, there’s no crying in professional wrestling!

[Hall chuckles.]

Rick Hall: The voice you just heard is, of course, an PCW Original, a PCW Hall of Fame wrestler, and the former PCW champion from 2006 to 2008, not just unbearable…not just intolerable…he is…

Rick signals to the audience.


Rick Hall: Following Berg’s announcement, an angry Khristopher Kardoucheian came to the ring and issued a challenge to Rah and Halitosis and demanded a match with them tonight. So with that, we have our main event ready to go. The Kardoucheians versus Rah and Halitosis! Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

Kimber raises the microphone and begins…

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, our main event tonight is a one fall, thirty minute time limit. Introducing first…

“I’m sinfully delicious!”

[Dawn McGill’s high-pitched, squeaky tone (done in annoyingly brainless blonde bombshell sing-song tone to the tune of the tag from the Lucky Charm’s cereal commercial) heralds the arrival of the once Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt now turned sports entertainment eye candy.]

[Slinking out onto the stage in a gold one piece strapless dress that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh, gold high heel shoes, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips, McGill rolls her eyes at the sound of her high pitched voice over the loudspeaker and then snaps back into her sports entertainment character.]

Kimber Marshall: …led to the ring by his valet- ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill…

[McGill struts her way down the ramp and stops intermittently to pose for the fans. Three quarters of the way down, someone in the crowd holds up a bouquet of flowers that catches her attention. She points to the fan with the sign and motions him to come to the guardrail. The fan, who appears to be college stude7nt age, goes over to meet her. Dawn smiles at the kid, grabs the side of his face with both hands, and plants a full mouth, no holds barred kiss on the surprised student.]

[Once the kiss ends, McGill- lipstick slightly smeared on her face, giggles as she backs away from the college student- his face also smeared with red lipstick, and continues on towards the ring.   Another man reaches over the barrier and grabs a handful of ass as she passes by. Dawn shifts out of blond bombshell mode, whips around, and kicks the man in the forehead, scraping her spiked high heels across his skin and tearing it open.]

[Blood starts gushing from the man’s head.]

[Rolling her eyes at the man, Dawn ‘resets’ back into sports entertainment mode, giggles in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, and makes her way down to the ring.]

[A lucha wrestler saunters out on the ramp dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt. There’s also a greenish haze emitting from his mouth.]

Kimber Marshall: …hailing from the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds, he is the ‘LUCHADOR WITH INSANELY POOR ORAL HYGIENE’…ladies and gentlemen- HALITOSIS!

[Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring.  He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.]

[Halitosis then moves on to the next one.  He says hello.  The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.]

[He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.]

[Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row.  Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter.  He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.]

[He goes to shake Kimber’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away.  Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.]

Kimber Marshall: And his partner, from-

[She’s interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring. He elbows Kimber out of the way and gestures for her to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.]

Announcer Guy: Hit it.

[Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.]

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

[He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off.  A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where ten former Arizona State sorority sisters, turned followers of Rah, stand.]

[All ten pose on the ramp and are oblivious to anything else going on around them because they’re too busy taking selfies of themselves on their cell phones and then texting them onto their twitter accounts.]

[Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.  Rah is tanned, he’s rested, and as the girls continue to make obnoxious faces, duck face expression, while taking copious amounts of selfies, he’s slightly annoyed by his new followers.]

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason for the invention of sunglasses because your face would melt like in Raiders of the Lost Ark if you gaze upon him…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…

[McGill breaks character and rolls her eyes at Rah’s overly elaborate entrance.]


[The procession stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and is immediately barraged with flashing lights. The former sorority girls keep taking selfie after selfie all around him.]

[Blinking his eyes to clear his vision, Rah somehow finds his way into the ring.]

[Kimber rips the microphone back from Rah’s announcer guy.]

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

[Halitosis and Rah are immediately attacked by the Kardoucheian Family- family patriarch Khristopher Kardoucheian and his three sons Ken Kardoucheian, Koley Kardoucheian, and Khourtney Kardoucheian. Also climbing into the ring are the film crew of the Kardoucheian’s world famous reality show “Kramping Up with the Kardoucheians.”]

[Ken launches himself towards Halitosis and sends him through the ring ropes with a spear.]

Rick Hall: Yeah, they’re not going to wait for the bell! The Kardoucheians are pissed that Halitosis and Rah are getting a shot at the big time instead of them.

Justin Sufferable: Ever since the announcement was made, the Kardoucheians have wanted to get a piece of Rah and Halitosis and now they’ve got them!

[Koley and Khourtney doubleteam Rah but the big guy uses his sun fueled strength to easily fling Koley over the top rope to the floor.]

[Ken rains down punches on Halitosis and takes great care not to get too close to his face. Rah and Khourtney exchange punches. Rah’s strength is too much so Khourtney chooses to exit stage right and rolls under the ropes to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Referee Davey Keels still hasn’t called for the bell but both teams are throwing everything they’ve got at each other.

[Rah whips Koley into the ring post and the Kardoucheian bounces two steps back and then falls backwards to the floor. Khourtney then leaps on Rah’s back. The Sunshine God bends over and propels Khourtney up and over him. He lands with a splat on his back to the floor.]

[The referee gives up trying to get two men in the ring and finally calls for the bell.]

Rick Hall: Keels just called for the bell and the match is OFFICIALLY under way.

Justin Sufferable: Hold on! Khristopher Kardoucheian is headed our way.

[Khourtney feels his back. Rah walks over and grabs Khourtney by the neck and sends him back into the ring.]

Rick Hall: And now, we are joined by the Patriarch of the Kardoucheian Empire- Khristopher Kardoucheian.  Welcome to the-

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Just shut the *BLEEP* up. My boys got screwed by MVW. That’s right. My sons. My stars. Who should be wrestling at Global Warfare before a worldwide audience? That’s right my sons! Ken, Koley, and Khourtney were screwed over by MVW. This is a perfect example of how NOT to treat your stars…your money makers…the ones these plebes want to see inside the ring.

Justin Sufferable: So for the record, you’re not happy at the decision made by Jill Berg.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: What the *BLEEP* do you think?

Rick Hall: Obviously no. But why-

Khristopher Kardoucheian: This is a joke…it’s a *BLEEP*-ing joke. My sons, the Kardoucheian Empire, represents everything that people in the sports entertainment industry aspires to be. Rich. Famous. And be the stars of their own hit, world famous, reality television show. I am sick and tired of being disrespected, and having my sons disrespected, by an organization who refuse to treat them like the stars they are! This is pathetic. Simply *BLEEP*-ing pathetic.

[Back in the ring, Rah drops the leg on Koley. Kourtney tries to attack from behind but Rah flips him over his back and then drops the leg on him.]

[Outside the ring, Halitosis and Ken Kardoucheian continue to brawl.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Let’s look at who Jill Berg took. Rah. *BLEEP*-ing Rah! Rah has been coasting on his 2010-2011 run in High Octane Wrestling for years now. He’s done nothing since except officiate a wedding and get his clock cleaned by Scott Stevens two years ago at the PCW Reunion show. Yes, he’s big. He’s strong. And he manages to attract the bottom feeders scraping the low end of the primordial gene pool as followers.

Rick Hall: I think you’re being a little harsh there.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: No, I’m not. His alleged followers are nothing more than former college sorority sisters who got crushed on national TV because they were caught taking the most ridiculous selfies during an Arizona Diamondbacks baseball game. I mean, when there was action on the field were they watching? No. They were too busy making duck faces and posing for their own selfies. And that’s why they got mocked by the Arizona broadcasters- and rightly so.

Justin Sufferable: Rah’s got some talent. Dawn McGill whipped him into shape for a match involving John Pariah in HOW and he came through with the win.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Rah’s a stiff. And speaking of stiffs, then there’s Halitosis. If you out in TV land haven’t heard of Halitosis before, there’s a good reason why. He stinks. Literally. For Christ‘s sake, the man’s finisher is his own bad breath. Seriously? You can’t make this *BLEEP* up. Halitosis is a career PCW mid-carder and he is at best talent enhancement who gets by with parlor tricks because he sucks at lucha libre. He’s done nothing….NOTHING…of note in his career except breathe on people.

Rick Hall: Halitosis’s career hasn’t been stellar. But he’s proven to be a wrestler who shows up week in and week out and puts everything he’s got into his craft.

Justin Sufferable: Including eating the world’s most revolting and repulsive foods to really make his already reekingly bad breath even more toxic and dangerous.

[Ken snap mares Halitosis and mounts the luchador with bad breath. While Koley turns Halitosis’s head to make sure he unleash his lethal breath on his brother, Ken throws lefts and rights until the referee starts the five count.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: This is the team MVW sends to a big time event? My sons are killing them in the ring. No, MVW. They aren’t worthy. Send the Kardoucheians. We have a worldwide audience. We have a world famous reality TV show. We bring so much more to the table than…than…(he screeches out with a lot of frustration and anger) THEM!

Rick Hall: It certainly doesn’t help that Rah and Halitosis are outnumbered here three to two by the Kardoucheians.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Losers don’t make excuses Hall.

Justin Sufferable: Perhaps Dawn McGill needs to jump in and even the odds.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Dawn who?

[The camera cuts to McGill. She’s ignoring the action, sitting on a chair, and painting her toenails.]

Rick Hall: She doesn’t seem overly worried.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Again, Dawn who?

Rick Hall: Dawn McGill. She’s managing Halitosis. You know who she is, McGill has managed a few champions over the years-

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Dawn McGill? She’s sinfully delicious? How about she’s sinfully overrated and over the hill?   You want to talk about someone who’s living off their past glories, McGill lucked into winning a lesser title at High Octane Wrestling in 2009 after she’d lost ALL of her previous matches beforehand and managed to lose every match afterwards. She won the golden ticket with a fluke win and ran back to PCW as soon as her luck ran out. She’s back to being a manager again because she’s all washed up, she’s getting old, and she’s run two wrestling companies into the ground.

Rick Hall: Well as you say that, nice move by Halitosis off the top rope and Dawn has to be pleased with her wrestler.

[The camera cuts to Dawn again. Now, she has her compact open and she’s focused on trying to fix a few rogue eyelashes.]

Justin Sufferable: To be fair, she’s never been one to be overly demonstrative.

Rick Hall: I think this all goes back to her ongoing issues with the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann.

Justin Sufferable: Right you are Rick. This is Dawn’s passive aggressive protest against Mr. McMann and the way females are portrayed in sports entertainment.   She’s making fun of how sports entertainment puts a premium on women being little more than eye candy instead of legitimate pro wrestlers by taking it to an extreme.

Rick Hall: And Mr. McMann is not happy about it.

Khristopher Kardoucheian: Enough! Look, it’s a nice story, but no one really cares. Dawn McGill is the STD that keeps coming back no matter how you try to prevent it. What she needs to do is retire, go home, marry some white trash jerk and be the barefoot and pregnant housewife she’s always been destined to become. She’s a spent force and nothing more than a walking peep show for all the degenerates in the crowd. She’s needs to get her old and fat *BLEEP* out of the way of the real talent in this company.

Rick Hall: I think she’s in really good shape. What do you think, Justin?

Justin Sufferable: Oh, I agree. She’s taken a few pounds off and looks absolutely stunning-


Rick Hall: Um…like your sons?

Khristopher Kardoucheian: OF COURSE I’M TALKING ABOUT MY SONS! What the *BLEEP*?   Who else would I be talking about! I’m *BLEEP*-ing tired of it. I’m *BLEEP*-ing tired of my sons not being treated like the stars they are.  They are superstars, well known all over the world for their work, and deserve a lot better treatment in this third rate, tinpot federation. I am not going to sit here and take this blatant disrespect. The Kardoucheian Empire deserves star treatment and Missouri Valley Wrestling had better focus on this issue and fix it really quick. Once we take care of these nobodies, we’re going to steamroll through the MVW tag team division and claim what is rightfully ours- the MVW Tag Team title.

[Back to the action, Rah and Khourtney lock up in the middle of the ring.  Khourtney takes an armbar. Rah reverses out of it and slaps on his own armbar. Rah whips Khourtney into the ropes and connects with a back body drop. Khourtney lands hard on the mat back first.]

Rick Hall: Beautiful move by Rah!

Justin Sufferable: And look at his followers celebrate!

[The camera cuts to Rah’s followers. They are not paying attention to the action. They are busy taking selfies of themselves on their cell phones and then texting them onto their twitter accounts.]

Justin Sufferable: I’m beginning to think maybe the Arizona baseball announcers may have had a point there.

[Again, the camera pans over to the sorority sisters. They continue to make obnoxious faces, like the duck face expression among others, and take multiple selfies.]

Rick Hall: Yeah. I think so- WAIT A MINUTE!

[Koley whaps Halitosis from behind and the masked luchador staggers to the middle of the ring. Ken turns and drives him face first to the mat.]


Khristopher Kardoucheian: Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! COVER HIM! COVER HI-…WHERE’S THE *BLEEP*-ING REFEREE!

[As Ken hooks the leg and makes the pin, there’s one tiny little detail missing.]

[The camera zooms in on the other side of the ring. Dawn’s got referee Davey Keels in a full liplock and makes out with him on the ring apron.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: WHAT THE *BLEEP* IS THIS!

Rick Hall: McGill’s distracting Davey Keels?

Justin Sufferable: I see tongue! I see tongue!

[Khristopher beats his fists on the table in frustration.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

Rick Hall: Yes, yes…but more importantly, she’s giving Halitosis time to recover.

[Ken slams his head on the mat three times. Then he relaxes which allows Halitosis to sit up and let loose.]


[Ken falls to the mat and holds his throat as if he’s choking.]

Justin Sufferable: Oh, he got him good Rick.

[Halitosis rolls towards his corner and makes the tag to Rah.]

Rick Hall: Here we go! Rah’s on the attack!

[The Deity of the Sun spins Ken around and wraps his hands around Kardoucheian’s scrawny chicken neck before delivering a ring shaking choke slam.]


[Rah looks over at his faithful worshipers- they’re too busy taking selfies. Rah looks at the fans at ringside and signals it time to sacrifice Kardoucheian to the Temple of the Sunshine God. He places Ken between his legs and looks towards the heavens with arms stretched out soaking in the praise and worship of the fans.]

Khristopher Kardoucheian: STOP HIM!

[But before the other two Kardoucheians can react and after receiving the necessary strength from his faithful, Rah picks up Ken and drives him down onto the canvas.]


[Rah hooks the legs. McGill breaks away from kissing Davey Keels and points the referee towards the action.]

[Keels staggers over, falls to the mat, and slams his hand three times.]

Rick Hall: THAT’S IT!

[Khristopher tips over his chair and bolts to the ring.]

Justin Sufferable: Good win for Rah and Halitosis in their first match as a tag team-

Rick Hall: WATCH OUT!

[Khristopher Kardoucheian grabs referee Davey Keels and heaves him over the top rope. Koley and Khourtney again attack Halitosis on the outside. Rah sees this and charges. He leaps up and over the top rope and spears the unsuspecting Kardoucheians to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Wow!

Justin Sufferable: I did not know he could do that.

[Khristopher Kardoucheian then stalks Dawn McGill in the corner. He gets in her face, wags his finger, and unloads a torrid stream of profanity at her.   McGill rolls her eyes and smiles.]

Rick Hall: He’s a little upset.

[McGill turns to jump down from the apron. But Khristopher grabs her by the shoulder and spins her around. Without missing a beat, Dawn kicks him in the balls with her heels, turns, grabs him by the back of the neck, and drops to the floor, bouncing Kardoucheian’s neck off the top rope and slingshotting him through the air to the mat.]

Rick Hall: And we’ve run out of time for tonight.

[Dawn ‘resets’ back into sports entertainment mode and giggles in a high-pitched, squeaky voice as the show ends.]


About Art Nouveaux

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