Missouri Valley Wrestling Presents MVWA 70 on Heartland TV

Valleysmall
MVWA 70

McLeod Arena
Cedar Rapids, IA
Saturday February 27th, 2016
Announcers: Johnny Suave

SHOW OPEN: Montage

[Lani Harlot bends both of Amy Mason legs up and tucks her ankles against her armpits and sits down. She then reaches over and grabs Amy’s chin and pulls back…aka The White Trash Compactor.

Carrieanne McDermott grabs Terry Sargent by the head and head butts her in the nose.

Ninja Kitty hits a 450 splash off the top turnbuckle.

‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan hits the Canadian Destroyer on Chondra Wells and flips Chondra over landing in a seated position and driving Wells’s head down to the mat between her thighs.

Former host of ‘Shot at Scoring with a Skanky Video Channel Reality Star’ Mia Margarita is tied up in the tree of woe. Regina McGill goes to the opposite corner…takes off running and hits a flying drop kick. Mia’s feet come off the corner and she slides to the mat.

Harley Davisson has Wendi Bayless of the SEC in a front facelock. Carrieanne McDermott has Brandi Bayless in the Indian Deathlock. Kari Ferguson runs down to the ring with a make up kit and throws powder in McDermott’s eyes, blinding her.

Jill Berg Enterprises (Angels of Death, Mia Margarita, and Hallie Burton) file their way to the ring. ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris, seeing the JBE reinforcements, goes to the top turnbuckle and bowls into all four of them with a wild suicide dive.

‘Queen Cool Leah Iris slowly gets up. Jill Berg snaps off a spinning heel kick…bingo! Leah falls forward to her knees. Jill launches herself forward and buries her shoulder into Leah’s stomach. The crowd rises. Jill pulls Leah up and sets her up over her shoulder…and slams her to the mat.

Penny backs into Kathryn Randall Collins. KRC takes her to the mat and holds her legs high against Penny’s upper back. She then slips one foot in front of Penny’s head under her chin, locks hands behind her head, and chokes her out.

Penny props herself up with the ropes in the corner. Christa races across and goes for a splash. Penny slides right at the last possible second. Christa collides with the turnbuckle and bounces back, standing woozily straight up. Penny slams her back into the turnbuckle and…kisses her?

The crowd stands and roars.

She’s not just kissing her, drops of green escape from both sides of Penny and Christa’s locked lips before the GWO member finally steps back. Christa’s face is covered in green liquid and she coughs out some green stuff as well.]

Johnny Suave (voiceover): WELCOME TO MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING!

Suave and Shania

Johnny Suave and his lifesize cardboard Shania Twain cut-out.

[CLOSE UP camera shot of the cheering crowd]

Suave (v/o): Welcome to MVWA 70 on Heartland Television!

[CLOSE UP-Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]

Suave: I am Johnny Suave and tonight, MVW Champion Kathryn Randall Collins will face ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan in a rematch from last months’ MVWA 69 where they had an epic battle going on until sports entertainment decided to mess everything up.

(Replay- MVWA 69 Main Event MVW Title Match: Kathryn Randall Collins © vs. ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan)
[Carrigan uses every ounce of strength she has to pull her arms forward and push up from the mat.]

Suave (v/o): BUT CARRIGAN’S POWERING UP…

[The Canadian Cyborg back kicks Collins in the groin and that releases the hold. But she’s exhausted and drops down to all fours. Collins slides in and wraps her right leg around Carrigan’s neck. She puts her arms around her neck and pulls Carrigan’s throat down across her left leg.]

Suave (v/o): GOGOPLATA! GOGOPLATA!

[Carrigan desperately rocks back and forth.]

Suave (v/o): COLLINS HAS IT LOCKED IN. THIS COULD BE IT!

[Collins fights Carrigan’s attempt to escape. Carrigan tries to wriggle out.]

Suave (v/o): THIS COULD BE IT AND-

[The Artist known as Prisoner # 034291 runs in and smashes KRC in the back.]

Suave (v/o): SON OF A BITCH! IT’S THAT NUT JOB PRISONER ZERO THREE- WHATEVER!

[Keels calls for the bell immediately. Carrigan lays face down on the mat and Collins is wondering what truck just ran into her. As ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, Bo Stevens, Timothy Allen Tebow, and the Lingerie Girls hit the ring, Prisoner # 034291 mounts KRC and drops some heavy artillery on her.]

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO!

Suave (v/o): The crowd’s pissed and I don’t blame them. That was a great match until Mr. McMann’s creations decided to ruin it.

[Prisoner #034291 drags Collins up by the hair. She wraps both hands around her throat, lifts Collins into the air, and slams her to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: Carrigan tore through Missouri Valley Wrestling all month long and brought back Jill Berg as her manager. Tonight, Carrigan looks to take advantage of a second chance at MVW’s top title. KRC, who absorbed a lot of punishment from Carrigan last month in their match, must once again be willing to go to the wall to retain her MVW title. Let’s go backstage to Paige McGillicutty for a quick word with the champion.

BACKSTAGE

[Cut to backstage. Paige McGillicutty has MVW Champion Kathryn Randall Collins with her.]


Paige McGillicutty

Paige McGillicutty: Kathryn, last month you endured a tough challenge from Sheline Carrigan.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Well Paige, the key to last month was the fact that I was able to withstand Carrigan’s early barrage. I knew she’d unleash one on me. I knew if I could make it through the early minutes of the match without taking too much punishment from her, hopefully I would be able to turn the match back in my direction as the minutes wore on. And that’s what happened.

Paige McGillicutty: What are your thoughts about tonight’s rematch?

Kathryn Randall Collins: Well Paige, I’m probably going to take the same tack tonight that I did last month. Sheline is so strong and, let’s be honest, she’s getting stronger. She didn’t have her head in the game for a while. But now, she does and she’s added Jill Berg as her manager as well. That’s a scary proposition.

Paige McGillicutty: You had Carrigan in the Gogoplata late before the Sports Entertainment Consortium attacked.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Yes. Um…I think it was Prisoner #034291 who bashed me in the back from behind. I knew Sheline was very unhappy about the interference in our match and so was I. Hopefully this time, there won’t be any interference so Sheline and I can find out for ourselves who is the top wrestler in Missouri Valley Wrestling.

Paige McGillicutty: Thanks Kathryn and good luck.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Thanks Paige.

[Cut back to Johnny Suave at the broadcast table.]

Johnny Suave: Also on tonight’s card, we have two members of an imploding tag team facing each other. Last month at part of Mr. McMann’s ‘Sports Entertainment initiative, some quack doctor…

[Suave does the air quotes thing with his hands.]

Johnny Suave: …’hypnotized’ Haley Dallas before the match and this is what happened after.

(Replay- MVWA 69 – Wet T-Shirt Match MVW Tag Title Match: Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless © vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin/’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas)
Suave (v/o):
Tessa Martin will start for the challengers. Brandi Bayless for the champions.

[Tess turns to high five Haley…except she’s not there.]

Suave (v/o): Where’d she go?

[Tess leans over the top rope looking for Dallas. Wendi hands Brandi a bucket of water.]

Suave (v/o): BEHIND YOU!

[Tess turns around and is drenched by a bucket of water thrown by Brandi Bayless.]

Suave (v/o): WHAT IS SHE DOING?

[Ron Martin immediately tells Tess she’s been eliminated.]

Suave (v/o): NO! Tess has been eliminated already! She can’t believe it!

[Haley Dallas reappears. Tess looks down at her, spreads her arms wide, and with water dripping off her asks ‘why?’ No response from the Texas Cowgirl as she climbs into the ring.]

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO!

Suave (v/o): The crowd’s not happy. Tessa Martin is not happy. What the hell is going on?

[Dallas walks to the middle of the ring and just stands there. Brandi Bayless is handed a second bucket of water. She turns and drenches the Texas Cowgirl with the water and Ron Martin calls for the bell.]

Johnny Suave: Tonight, former MVW tag team champions ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas face each other in a grudge match after a month that saw their team and friendship disintegrate as the month went on. Also tonight in a big time grudge match we’ll get into a little bit more in a bit, Christa Carmondy of Main Street USA takes on the former MVW champion Poison Penny. But first, we’re ready for our first match of the night. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the introductions.

MATCH #1 Ninja Kitty vs. “Intercontinental High Flying Flight Attendant” Airline Amie

Ninja Kitty
AGE: 23 / HT: 5′ 2″ WT: 95 / HOME: Rio Rancho, NM / FIN: The Pounce

Airline Amie “High Flying Intercontinental Flight Attendant”
AGE: 22/ HT: 5′ 8″ WT: 100 / HOME: Atlanta, GA / FIN: Kamikaze Dive

[Standing in the center of the ring and looking stunning as ever, Kimber Marshall raises the microphone to her mouth and the night begins.]

Kimber Marshall: Welcome to MVWA 70. Tonight’s first match is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first…


Kimber Marshall: …from Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Please welcome fan favorite…NEEEEEEN-JAH KITTY!

[The crowd lets out a roar as the black masked Ninja Kitty strolls out on stage.]

Johnny Suave (voiceover): There she is. The ultra-cat fast, ultra-cat quick, high flying Ninja Kitty.

[Ninja Kitty raises her arms and runs down to the ring. She launches herself under the bottom rope and rolls, pushing back up to a standing position. Then she does a series of martial arts exercises in the ring to warm up.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): She may only weigh ninety-five pounds but you can’t hurt what you can’t hit.

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent. Flying the friendly skies out of her home base of Atlanta, Georgia.

Kimber Marshall: She is the “Intercontinental High Flying Flight Attendant” AIRLINE…AAAAAAAAAAA-MEEEEEEE!

[Dressed in a flight attendant’s costume with a light blue hat, white button down shirt, a light blue skirt, her wrestling boots, and lugging a small tote bag with her, Airline Amie walks onto the stage.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): There she is. This will be the first time we’ve seen the High Flying Intercontinental Flight Attendant in action on Heartland TV.

[Amie also gets a good round of applause as she heads down to the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: The man in charge of this match is Ron Martin.

Johnny Suave (v/o): So…it’s Ninja Kitty versus Airline Amie to kick off tonight’s MVWA 70 on Heartland TV.

[After Airline Amie removes the flight attendant gear to reveal her wrestling attire, Martin checks her boots and then Ninja Kitty’s. He then signals the time keeper to ring the bell.]

*DING-DING*

Johnny Suave (v/o): And here we go.

[Ninja Kitty shoots forward and Amie reflexively sticks her book through the bottom rope. Martin waves his arms and motions Ninja to step back. Amie reenters the ring and walks right. Ninja cuts off her movement with her speed. Amie goes to lock up but Ninja ducks under and snaps off two quick kicks to back of her thighs.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): This will be the challenge for Amie. She’ll have to find a way to speed up her attack to keep up with her opponent.

[Amie charges forward, arm extended for a lariat. Ninja Kitty deftly slides to the left and lets Amie run the ropes. She catches her on the return with a Drop Toehold. Ninja Kitty then stomps on Amie’s back and jumps off. Then she repeats. Amie rolls over and trips up Ninja Kitty. She mounts her and unloads a few punches before Ron Martin intervenes. He calls for the break. Amie stands and steps back.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): That’s what Airline Amie will have to do. She’ll have to find a way to mix it up with Ninja Kitty and negate her speed.

[Amie starts to move forward- Ninja Kitty does a forward roll away from her. Amie continues to push forward and takes a side headlock. Ninja tries to kick free but Amie takes her around the center of the ring. Ron Martin checks to make sure Amie’s not choking her.   Amie wrenches down on Ninja Kitty’s neck and again Martin checks. Ninja tries to get free but Amie jerks her back and tightens the side headlock.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Pretty clear what Amie’s strategy is going to be. Which is unfortunate if you’re tuning in to see Ninja Kitty bounce all over the ring.

[Amie slips in a right hand. She slips her arm under Ninja’s and flips her down to the mat. Ninja pops back up. This time she runs at Amie and into an armdrag takedown. Ninja pops up again. Amie whips her into the ropes and goes for a side slam- Ninja Kitty blocks, spins, and hooks her head with her legs, turning Amie around not one, not two, but THREE times before slinging her under the bottom rope and out of the ring.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): EXTREME HURRICANRANA!

[But that’s not all. While Amie collects herself on the outside, Ninja Kitty jumps onto the top rope, crouches…]

Johnny Suave (v/o): SHE’S NOT DONE…NINJA KITTY ON THE TOP ROPE!

[…and propels herself into the air- landing on top of Airline Amie with her legs crossed around her neck. Ninja Kitty then nails a second hurricanrana and leaves Amie dazed and lying prone on the floor.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP!

Crowd: NINNN-JA KIT-TEEE (clap clap clap-clap-clap) NINNN-JA KIT-TEEE (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

[Referee Martin starts a ten count. Airline Amie stirs and tries to collect herself.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Airline Amie stuck in a fog right now as Ninja Kitty hit two big moves on her.

[Ninja Kitty runs back and slides under the bottom rope to break the count.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Ninja Kitty’s back in. Can Airline Amie make it in time?

[Amie pulls herself up and stumbles to the ring. She reaches the ring apron before Martin counts her out. She scoots in through the ropes and circles clockwise.   Ninja Kitty tries to dance a little around Amie but gets cut off. Amie with an open hand slap to Ninja Kitty’s chest. Then a second. Amie runs the ropes. Ninja Kitty ducks and Amie goes over. Amie off the other ropes and drives a drop kick to the chest to drive Ninja Kitty back into the ropes. Jumping right back to her feet, Amie delivers a second drop kick and again drives her opponent back. Again, right back up, Amie hits a third dropkick and sends Ninja Kitty through the ropes.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Now, that’s a response. Airline Amie coming back…WAIT! SHE’S GOING UP TOP!

[Airline Amie climbs to the top turnbuckle and spreads her arms.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): KAMIKAZE DIVE COMING!

[She jumps and swan dives down towards the floor- but no one’s there.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): NINJA KITTY MOVED!

[Ninja Kitty alertly rolls out of harm’s way and Amie hits the floor hard.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP!

[While Amie is lying on her back and stunned again, Ninja Kitty bounces right up and pulls the High Flying Intercontinental Flight Attendant off the floor. She rolls her back into the ring and jumps up on the apron…and then the top rope…and then hits a 450 Splash on Amie.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): AMIE’S IN BIG TROUBLE NOW!

[Ninja Kitty again grabs her by the arm and yanks her off the mat.   She whips Amie into the ropes and then races to the turnbuckle. As Amie comes off the ropes, Ninja Kitty flies and lands on Amie’s back. She again hooks the legs around her neck and flings Amie to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): POUNCE! THE POUNCE! SHE HOOKS THE LEGS!

[Martin slides in and pounds the mat…]

[One…]

[Two…]

[THREE! He immediately stands and calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave (v/o): THAT’S IT! NINJA KITTY WITH THE WIN!

[Kimber Marshall climbs into the ring to deliver the final verdict.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at five minutes and fifty-four seconds…NINJA KITTY!

[The fan favorite gets a hero’s applause and climbs all four turnbuckles to salute the fans.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Ninja Kitty gets the win in our opener and we’ll be back with more right after this.

==================

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Pitt
THE PITT

Missouri Valley Wrestling is now affiliated with the Pitt- a women’s federation out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

The Pitt Show #10- Friday February 26th
Ash and Aleks vs. Matilda ‘The Homeless Inbred’/’Nerd Rage’ Tammy Jay
Mercy and Sin vs. The Garden of Eden
HARDCORE HANDICAP MATCH: Melinda Rhodes vs. Cassidy Lee/Puma Rhyse
Erica Nobody vs. Hana Park
Valkyrie Lange vs. Michelle Taylor
HARDCORE MATCH: Hannah Kristian vs. Ursula Von Rossbach
MAIN EVENT/WILDKARD TITLE: Scarlett McCain © vs. Jessica Anderson vs. Mallory Adroit vs. Jinx vs. Muirne Butler vs. Molly O’Hatherine vs. Jessie Roberts

***

JACK LINK’S ORIGINAL BEEF JERKY COMMERCIAL

A package of Jack Link’s Original Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of a lake surrounded by trees in the background.

Announcer: Jack Link’s Beef Jerky presents Messing with McGill.

Scene: Four college students- two male, two female are enjoying a day at the lake. They’ve just come out of the water and are toweling off.

Boy #1: The water’s great, bro.

Girl #1: It was so fun.”

Boy #2: It was awesome.

They see a figure wander in and it gets everyone’s attention.

It’s Dawn McGill out for a morning run. Dressed in running shorts and a tank top, she stops at the lake’s edge to splash some water on her face.

The four college students watch. A girl with reddish hair snacks on some Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. She suddenly gets an idea and devilishly grins. She looks at the yellow towel on the tall boy standing next to her and gives him the ‘look.’

The boy gets the gist of it and puts his finger to his lips to shush the others. Then he sneaks down and rolls up the wet towel. The other three titter and snicker while waiting in great anticipation as he sneaks up behind Dawn. The boy pauses, sets himself, and snaps her in the ass with the wet towel.

Dawn McGill (laconically): Seriously?

The boy turns back to the others and they all get a big laugh out of it. Well, at least until McGill stands up and kicks him the groin from behind.

Girl #1: Oh?

Then McGill spins him around, puts his head between her legs, lifts, and McGill-Bombs him to the ground.

The other three students look on in shock and McGill stares right at them and simply says…

Dawn McGill: Boo.

*Mass screaming and hysteria*

The three students trip all over themselves trying to run away.

Final scene: a package of Jack Link’s Original Beef Jerky superimposed over the college student writhing in pain on the ground after being McGill-Bombed.

Announcer: Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. Feed your wild side.

================

BACKSTAGE

[MVWA 70 returns to Paige McGillicutty backstage.]

Paige McGillicutty: Welcome back to MVWA 70 on Heartland TV. Right now, I have the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin with me.

[Tessa steps into the shot.]

Paige McGillicutty: Tess? What happened last week?

Tessa Martin: First off Paige, it’s not just last week. This all started at MVWA 69 when Haley Dallas failed to keep her end of the bargain. We were a team. We were champions. But when I needed her to back me up in our match against the Lingerie Girls, she was nowhere to be found.

Paige McGillicutty: To be fair Tess, Haley was hypnotized by Dr. Emma Vandenburg and not exactly in her right mind.

Tessa Martin: Don’t give me that crap. Haley could have talked to me after MVWA 69 and straightened everything out. She didn’t. Haley was ‘hypnotized’ by Dr. Quackenburg? No, she signed off on a deal to join the Sports Entertainment Consortium that night and used the whole hypnosis bull*BLEEP* to cover her tracks.

Paige McGillicutty: So, you’re saying it was all an act.

Tessa Martin: Totally. I’m not buying it.

Paige McGillicutty: Getting back to last week in Topeka, you cost Haley a shot at a MVW title shot when you interfered in her match against Christa Carmondy and Sheline Carrigan.

Tessa Martin: Well, to be fair, that match was pretty much FUBAR’d by that point after Poison Penny and the Green World Order jumped Christa Carmondy.

Paige McGillicutty: True.

Tessa Martin: I figured it was appropriate payback for when she cost me the Heartland Title in Scottsbluff a couple weeks ago when I had the match won.

Paige McGillicutty: Thanks a lot Tess and good luck tonight.

Tessa Martin: Thank you Paige.

[Tess departs.]

Paige McGillicutty: Johnny. Back to you.

[Cut back to Suave at the broadcast table.]

Johnny Suave: And here comes the Texas Cowgirl…

[Cut to the stage where ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas, resplendent in her ten gallon hat, black overcoat, and jeans, strolls out with her bullrope and cowbell. She’s followed by ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, hired help Bo Stevens and Timothy Allen Tebow, MVW Tag Team Champions Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless, Heartland Champion Daisy Cutter-Bomb, and Prisoner #034291.]

Haley Dallas: Okay, okay…cut the music.

[The song cuts off.]

Haley Dallas: Is poor Tess still whining about what happened at MVWA 69? Look, I get it. Tess has peaked. She may still call herself the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’, but we all know that she’s lost a step or two. She’s not the wrestler she thinks she used to be. Mr. McMann is smart and he has her pegged correctly. Tess is a never was- never will be- and she blames Mr. McMann for all of her career problems when the fact of the matter y’all is Tess was never quite good enough for snuff.

[The crowd boos in response. Haley shakes her head.]

Haley Dallas: Y’all don’t want to hear it but that’s the God’s honest truth. Tess is-

[Tessa flies into the shot with her oversized pizza box of doom (complete with road sign inside) and blasts Dallas in the face. Dallas staggers back giving Tess enough room to tackle the Texas Cowgirl to the ground.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): And here we go! Tessa’s heard enough and she’s wailing away on Dallas.

[The other members of Main Street USA- Christa Carmondy, Regina McGill, C.J. Lewis, and Kirsten Canfield, pour out onto the stage and engage the SEC.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THEY’RE BRAWLING ON THE STAGE!

[Haley tries to roll Tess over. She covers up though as Tess relentless throws lefts and rights at her face. Referee Davey Keels comes out and tries to separate the two.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Davey Keels is out there but he’s going to need more help than that.

[Haley pokes Tess in the eye and that finally stops on the onslaught. She rolls Tess off of her and grabs the cowbell. Haley goes to swing it but Keels grabs her hand and stops. He points to the ring and tells her to go there. But Tess isn’t done yet. She pulls Haley back down and again starts flailing away at her. Referee Ron Martin comes in to help Davey Keels restore order. Martin dives in to get in between the two but Tess pushes him to the side.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Two referees can’t separate the two.

[Mr. McMann wanders over and picks up Tess’s oversized pizza box from the stage. He turns and nails an unsuspecting Tess with the box. She lands on top of Dallas who quickly throws her off to the side.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): McMann with the cheap shot!

[Haley sits up and looks up at McMann. McMann shouts instructions to Stevens and Tebow. The two go over and each take one of Tess’s arms, lifting her back to her feet, and dragging her to the ring. The Texas Cowgirl stands up and follows. Keels trails behind.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Well, at least they’re headed toward the ring. We might actually get the match underway.

MATCH #2 ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. “Texas Cowgirl” Haley Dallas

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
AGE: 29 / HT: 5′ 8″ WT: 125 / HOME: Bowling Green, OH / FIN: Pizza Cutter
STABLE: Main Street USA

‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas
AGE: 30 / HT: 5’10 WT: 135 / HOME: Denton, Tx / FIN: Texas Lariat
STABLE: Sports Entertainment Consortium (SEC)

[Stevens and Tebow toss Tess into the ring. Dallas climbs up on the ring apron. McMann shouts at Keels to start the match. Reluctantly, he does.]

*DING-DING*

Johnny Suave (v/o): The match is under way but Tess is still clearing out the cobwebs from Mr. McMann’s pizza box shot to the back of her head.

[Dallas methodically walks over to Tess and calls on Stevens and Tebow to lift her up. Stevens and Tebow climb into the ring and pulls the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl up to her feet. Dallas lunges forward with her arm outstretched and catches Tess right below the chin.   She slams back into the corner turnbuckle and slides down to a seated position.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): The Texas Cowgirl taking advantage of the numbers game.

[Keels immediately tells Stevens and Tebow to get out. Mr. McMann walks over to where she is and starts taunting her. Dallas turns her back on her and starts removing her cowboy hat and then her long coat. Tess suddenly slaps McMann in the face and uses the ropes to pull herself up. Then she runs across the ring and hits a dropkick to Dallas in the back. Dallas falls to her knees. Tess gets up and takes Dallas by the head and slams it to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Impromptu bulldog by Tess and Mr. McMann is on the apron screaming at Davey Keels. Why? I’m not quite sure.

[Keels tells Mr. McMann to shut up and get down. Tess shoves Dallas back first into the turnbuckle and then brings her forward so she can hiptoss her back to the mat. Dallas rolls and gets back to her feet- Tess hits another dropkick and the Texas Cowgirl lands flat on her back.]

[Mr. McMann yells at Stevens and Tebow to get Dallas out of the ring and that’s exactly what they do- much to the crowd’s delight as they cheer on Tess.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Mr. McMann calls time out to give Haley Dallas a break.

[The Texas Cowgirl slams her hand on the ring apron and shoots a glare back at Tess.   Tess rushes forward but Keels gets in between her and Dallas- pushing Tess back to the other side of the ring. Keels turns back to Dallas and starts counting.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Dallas back in the ring. She and Tess meet in the middle of the ring. Tess drops to a knee and reaches under Dallas, flipping her up and over on her back. Tess takes an arm and starts wringing it. She lifts the arm and wrings it further- Dallas puts her right hand on her left shoulder and winces in pain. Tess wrings it a third time and bends the arm back forcing Dallas to a knee. Dallas sneaks in a right hand to the stomach and that breaks the hold. Dallas reaches under Tess, lifts her up, and body slams her to the mat.]

[Mr. McMann bangs on the ring apron to celebrate.]

[Dallas has Tess by the hair and rolls her to her stomach and brings her up to her feet. She whips her into the corner and then follows up with a stiff right hand to the mid-section.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Closed fist, Davey! Watch it!

[Davey Keels tells Dallas to watch it. McMann tells Keels to watch Tess’s ‘cheating.’]

[Dallas swaggers about, winds up in an exaggerated motion, and pops Tess again with another punch to the midsection. Then a third. Keels starts counting to make the Texas Cowgirl stop. Dallas whips Tess across the ring- Tess jumps up to the middle turnbuckle and leaps back at Dallas hitting a high crossbody on her.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Beautiful reversal by Tessa Martin. Cover!

[Keels makes the count…]

[One.]

[Two- Dallas kicks out, lifting Tess up in the air landing a foot away. Dallas again pulls Tess up by the hair and whips her into the ropes. Dallas extends her arm and catches her on the way back.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): TEXAS LARIAT!

[Tess lands on her back and she’s not moving very much.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THAT COULD BE IT!

[Dallas smirks and makes the cover, hooking her leg. Keels slams his hands on the mat…]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Tess kicks out decisively. Dallas keeps the pressure on and sends her for the ride. She bends forward and flips Tess over her.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THE TEXAS COWGIRL HAS TAKEN COMPLETE CONTROL OF THIS MATCH!

[Again using the hair to lift Tess to her feet, Dallas flings her into the corner. Tess tries to catch her breath which is hard when Dallas lands a right hand to the midsection. And another one. Tess’s knees buckle but she grabs on to the top rope. A third right hand snaps her head back.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Again, Haley using a closed fist to deliver heavy damage.

[Dallas takes her hand and whips Tess across the ring. Tess jumps up on the second turnbuckle and catches the Texas Cowgirl with another high crossbody.   Legs hooked…Keels makes the count…]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Dallas kicks out. Tess now on the attack with a side headlock. She wrenches the neck a few times. Dallas pushes forward to slam Tess into the corner. Tess leaps to the second turnbuckle and flips backwards, landing behind Dallas. She reaches under Dallas and rolls her backwards.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): SHE MAY HAVE HER…

[Keels again with the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Dallas kicks out at the last second.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): …NO! THE TEXAS COWGIRL IS STILL ALIVE!

[Tess whips her into the corner and follows with a high elbow to the face- Dallas topples forward and lands face first on the mat. Tess rolls her over and makes the cover.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Thr-NO! The Texas Cowgirl barely escapes.]

Johnny Suave: That was very close. Mr. McMann is not happy.

[Close up of a very unhappy ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann.]

[Tess sends her for the ride…no…Dallas reverses and sends the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl into the ropes- she catches Tess on the way back and slams her to the mat. Cover.]

[One- Tess kicks out.]

[Now it’s Dallas in control. Front facelock. Dallas pulls up Tess’s right knee…and takes her over with a Fisherman’s Suplex. Cover.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Th- Tess somehow kicks out.]

[Both women on the mat now. Dallas, tired, gets up first and pulls Tessa, also extremely winded, up and whips her again into the corner. Right hand to the midsection. And another. Keels admonishes Dallas who then takes Tess by the hand and sends her across the ring into the opposite corner. Dallas barrels forward. Tess jumps up and lets the Texas Cowgirl go under her. Dallas hits the corner hard and stumbles back. Tess waits…grabs behind Dallas’s neck…and drops.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): PIZZA CUTTER!

[Dallas is sprawled out on the mat. Tess rolls over her. Keels makes the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[THREE.]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave (v/o): AND SHE’S DONE IT! THE EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL DEFEATS THE TEXAS COWGIRL AND—WATCH OUT!

[Stevens and Tebow run in with locked arms and clotheslines the hell out of Tess. A furious Mr. McMann jumps into the ring and directs the action.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THIS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS!

[Stevens places the pizza box in the center of the ring while Tebow pulls Tess back up. Stevens takes a side headlock and raises his hand.]

*DING-DING-DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave (v/o): COME ON!

[Cut to the stage- Main Street USA and the Sports Entertainment Consortium continue to fight on.]

[Stevens DDT’s Tess onto the pizza box. Tess bounces up and lands on her back. Now Dallas is back up and she’s pissed. She grabs the bullrope and wraps it around Tess’s neck, pulling to make Tess arch back uncomfortably. Tess grabs the rope around her neck and tries to loosen it as her face turns red.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): HOLD ON! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING IN THE BACK!

[The crowd roars when the ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan and Corporate Predator Extraordinaire Jill Berg races down the aisle.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): AND HERE COMES HELP!

[Berg hits the ring first and snaps off a spinning heel kick that decks Tebow. Carrigan tackles Stevens and pushes him out of the ring. Berg then sees Mr. McMann making for the ropes- she zips across the ring and assists him with a dropkick to McMann’s back that sends him over the top rope.]

[Carrigan pulls Dallas off Tess. Dallas uncorks a wild right hand that misses. Carrigan with a kick to the midsection. She places the Texas Cowgirl’s head between her legs and grabs around her midsection. Carrigan pushes off the mat with her legs and flips her over landing in a seated position while driving Dallas’s head to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): CANADIAN DESTROYER!

[Dallas lays unconscious on the mat. Berg checks on Tess who’s still trying to catch her breath.

Johnny Suave (v/o): SHELINE CARRIGAN AND JILL BERG MAKES THE SAVE AS THE EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL DEFEATS HALEY DALLAS IN THEIR GRUDGE MATCH HERE TONIGHT.

[Mr. McMann shouts at Carrigan and Berg from the safety of outside the ring while they attend to Tess.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Christa Carmondy versus Poison Penny right after this.

=============

COMMERCIAL BREAK

TURBO EXTREME TAX 2016 COMMERCIAL
[SCENE: the back yard.

A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]

Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.

[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and Ray McAvay’s manager, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestler manager)]

Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.

[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]

Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?

[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]

Tim: It says…did you buy a home?

Escondido: Did you buy a home?

Tim: Ummm…

[Out of nowhere, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]

Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Escondido: Then I’d press there.

Tim: There?

*WHACK*

Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!

[Tim, in immense pain and anguish, presses the button. The display turns to a green check mark to indicate that he was successful and a message appears that reads: ‘Congrats, you get a big tax break…and a trip to the emergency room.]

Tim: Huh?

*THWACK*

Tim: AAARGHHHHH!

[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]

Escondido: Okay then.

[He then turns and walks away.]

Tim: Thanks.

[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]

Announcer: Intuit Turbo Extreme Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.

*THWACK*

Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!

***

Pitt
HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING

Coming up this week on the March 4th edition of High Octane Wrestling’s Friday Night Chaos:
David Black vs. Electra
Scottywood vs. Cecilworth Farthington
Iago vs. Scott Stevens
RMI SEMI-FINAL/FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE/LSD TITLE MATCH: Ryan McKenna © vs. Brian Hollywood
MAIN EVENT/RMI SEMI-FINAL/ICON TITLE MATCH: Ray McAvay © vs. Darin Zion

============

[Cut to: Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]

Johnny Suave: We are back at MVWA 70. Christa Carmondy and Poison Penny met last month in the opening match of MVWA 69. Mr. McMann had just taken over control of the show and made the match a bra and panties match. Yes, there would be a titillating end to the match- but not quite what Mr. McMann had in mind.

(Replay- MVWA 69 Main Event Christa Carmondy vs. Penny)
[Penny props herself up with the ropes in the corner. Christa races across and goes for a splash. Penny slides right at the last possible second. Christa collides with the turnbuckle and bounces back, standing woozily straight up. Penny slams her back into the turnbuckle and…kisses her?]

Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP! SHE’S KISSING HER.

[The crowd stands and roars.]

Suave (v/o): Of course they would…

[She’s not just kissing her, drops of green escape from both sides of Penny and Christa’s locked lips before the GWO member finally steps back. Christa’s face is covered in green liquid and she coughs out some green stuff as well.]

Suave (v/o): WHAT THE HELL?

[Christa drops to her knees and then flops to the mat. Penny wipes the green stuff off her mouth and just stares down at her opponent. Referee Davey Keels looks bewildered.]

Johnny Suave: Here is what Poison Penny said about what happened at MVWA 69.

Video Vignette: Poison Penny
[Penny is in the GWO locker room with Code Pink, Emily S. List, Peace Nic, and Soccer Mom standing behind her with their arms folded.]

Poison Penny: That’s right. Last month at MVWA 69, I gave you a poison kiss and put you down Christa Carmondy. I had you beat but I wasn’t going to conform with the sexist match stipulation so I simply let you win the match. But I promise you this, when I poison kiss you tonight, there’s no giving the match away. One. Two. Three.

[Cut to Paige McGillicutty backstage with Christa Carmondy.]

Paige McGillicutty: Christa. Last month, Poison Penny caught you, me, all of us by surprise.

Christa Carmondy: Paige, let me stop you right there. Penny is a good wrestler. I think we’ve all seen that. We’ve battling each other for a month and a half now because she’s sold her soul to the Green World Order. She got me last month. I’ll own it. I technically won the match because Penny left and didn’t adhere to the Sports Entertainment Douchebags stipulation.

Paige McGillicutty: Well, there are no stipulations attached to tonight’s match.

Christa Carmondy: That’s right. And tonight, I’m not going to settle for the cheap win either. Penny and the rest of the Green World Order has the same wacked out entitlement issues that the Sports Entertainment Consortium does…

Paige McGillicutty: Like you once did?

[Christa smiles and steps back momentarily.]

Christa Carmondy: Ow. Yes. Me too. But here’s the rub, Paige. I’m not the same spoiled college brat who came to Missouri Valley Wrestling in 2009 and expected her mother and brother to gift wrap her the MVW title. The sad thing is…indirectly…that’s what Dawn McGill inadvertently did for Penny…oh…she was Lady Halitosis back when she defeated Jill Berg to win the belt.

Paige McGillicutty: How so? Dawn worked with her extensively but she’s done that with all of the younger wrestlers.

Christa Carmondy: McGill didn’t necessarily pave the way for Penny per se. But she certainly made her road to the top a lot easier. And once she became the MVW champion, Dawn spent a lot of hours working with her to get her up to speed. BUT…this is how Penny repays McGill for all the hard work she did by teaming up with the GWO- whom Dawn went to great lengths to try and help them become better wrestlers.

Paige McGillicutty: The GWO blew off the extra training sessions.

Christa Carmondy: They certainly did, didn’t they Paige. The GWO didn’t want to work to be successful. They didn’t want to take the time needed to become better wrestlers. The GWO expected McGill to hand everything to them on a silver platter. Just like I did six and a half years ago. Well, guess what Penny. Just like I had to go through the school of hard knocks and unrealized expectations…just like I had to be taught harsh lessons back in the day by the likes of Miss USA, Jackie Daniels, and Valora Salinas…tonight, school’s in session and you are about to become my pupil, bitch.

[Christa spins and walks off.]

Paige McGillicutty: There you have it. Back to you Johnny.

MATCH #3 Christa Carmondy with Main Street USA vs. Poison Penny with the Green World Order

Christa Carmondy
AGE: 25 /HT: 5′ 9″ WT: 190 /  HOME: St. Louis, MO /  FIN: Mean Girl Crush
STABLE: Main Street USA

Poison Penny
AGE: 23 / HT: 5-4 WT: 151 / HOME: West Plains, MO  / FIN: Poison Kiss
STABLE: Green World Order

[Cut to Kimber Marshall in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Our next match is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

Kimber Marshall: …she hales from West Plains, Missouri…representing the Green World Order and accompanied to the ring by Code Pink…Emily S. List…Soccer Mom…and PeaceNic…please welcome, POIIIIIIII-SIN PENNY!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!

[Poison Penny appears on stage with the rest of the GWO trailing behind her to a chorus of boos form the crowd.]

Johnny Suave (voiceover): And here comes the former Missouri Valley Wrestling champion.

[Penny and others disregard the harsh reception and start down to the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…

Kimber Marshall: …from St. Louis, Missouri. She is a Missouri Valley Wrestling original…representing Main Street U-S-A…please welcome CHRISSSSSSS-TAH…CARMONDY!

[Christa pops out onto the stage with her arms raised in the air. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, Regina McGill, C.J. Lewis, and Kirsten Canfield follow.]

Crowd: RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Johnny Suave (v/o): Interesting choice of music. Christa’s old theme music was the theme song from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

[Carmondy and the rest of Main Street USA slap people’s hands as they make their way to the ring.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Well, we’ll see if tonight settles things. Poison Penny wants another shot at the title but it seems Christa Carmondy is a huge obstacle in her way.   Likewise for Christa.

[Carmondy climbs into the ring and locks eyes with Penny who’s on the other side the ring. Referee Ron Martin does the prefunctionary check for illegal weapons and the sort on both wrestlers and calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING*

[Penny rushes forward and misses a clothesline. Christa ducks under and rolls her up from behind. Martin down for the quick count…]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Quick cover.

[One.]

[Two.]

[Penny kicks out. And then runs right over to Ron Martin and complains that Christa’s hooked her tights. Christa snickers in the ring.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Christa nearly caught Penny napping there. The Green World Order is complaining about pulling of the tights but that was a clean roll up.

[Penny whiffs with a kick. Christa reaches between her legs and grabs her right hand- then pulls on it sending Penny spinning like top to the mat. Penny leaps back to her feet and charges forward. Christa catches her with a drop toehold. Penny gets back up to all fours as Christa bounces off the ropes and delivers a front kick to the solar plexus that sends the GWO leader back to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Christa looks relaxed and in control. Penny is pushing the initiative and getting caught……and the GWO are on the ring apron giving Ron Martin an earful.

[Code Pink, List, and Soccer Mom scream at Martin that Christa is cheating. PeaceNic walks around the ring carrying a sign protesting the inherent violence in pro wrestling.]

[Christa lines Penny up against the ropes and hits a chop right to her chest. Penny hooks the ropes with her right hand to keep her from falling. Christa then with an open right hand to the chest that gives off a ‘smack.’]

Johnny Suave (v/o): She got plenty of skin on that one.

[Christa goes to whip Penny into the ropes- Penny reverses and sends Christa for the ride. Penny bends over but telegraphs the move and eats a boot from Christa that snaps her back to the mat. Becoming frustrated, Penny jumps up and runs right into a pumphandle takedown. Christa hooks the legs.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Penny claws at Christa’s eyes and breaks the count.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): This has been all Christa from the beginning. Penny keeps pressing and Christa keeps using it to her advantage.

[Both women take a couple extra seconds to catch their breath.   Penny gets up first and goes for a kick- Christa grabs her foot and Penny swings the other one around. Christa ducks and all Penny hits is air.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Misses on the Enzuigiri. Now Christa with a superkick and PENNY BLOCKS!

[Penny steps in and hooks the right leg and then sweeps Christa back to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Side Russian Legsweep and Christa hits hard on the back of her head. WATCH OUT!

[Penny bends down and goes for the Poison Kiss but Christa tries to roll away from her. Unfortunately, she rolls into the vicinity of Penny’s Green World Order teammates. Both Soccer Mom…]

Soccer Mom: IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!

[…and Code Pink stomp at Christa. Martin right over to start a count and the GWO retreat. Penny pulls Christa up and slams her head first into the corner turnbuckle. Then she turns and starts reading the referee the riot act- allowing Code Pink to latch on to Christa’s arms and pull them against the ring post and Emily S. List to blatantly choke her.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Christa doesn’t want be there for very long! The GWO getting a few cheap shots in.

[Martin finally realizes what’s going on and immediately calls for a break. Code Pink and List release Christa who immediately turns and pops both of them in the mouth with a right hand. Penny comes in from behind with a forearm to the back of her head and drives Christa into the turnbuckle. She spins Christa around and kicks her in the midsection. Then Penny unloads repeated forearm shots to the chest. Martin calls for a break and starts to count…at two, Penny raises her hands and steps back.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Martin finally gets the break but- Penny whips Christa into the turnbuckle!

[Christa strikes the turnbuckle with the square of her back. Penny charges towards her- Christa grabs the ropes with both hands and lifts her legs over her into an impromptu headscissors.   Then she maneuvers herself on the ropes and bends back, cinching her legs tighter around Penny’s neck. Martin calls for an immediate break. At four, Christa lets go and Penny slumps down, holding herself up by a hand on the top rope.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Interesting counter move there by Carmondy.

[Christa crawls back in the ring and rolls Penny up.   Martin counts but sees Christa with a handful of tights and calls for a break. Penny gets a cheap kick in as they separate that connects and staggers Christa. Penny steps forward and kicks Christa in the gut, sending her to the mat on her back. She then walks away and again tries to catch her breath.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Not sure why Penny isn’t pressing the advantage there. You don’t want to allow Christa time to recuperate.

[Christa sits on the edge of the ring gathering herself. Penny runs across and hits a basement dropkick to her back- sending Christa off the ring apron to the floor.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): That’s what she needs to do. Now she needs to follow up.

[But Penny doesn’t. She paces back and forth allowing Martin to start a count on Christa.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Now this is a tactical mistake. Penny was gaining momentum and should keep the pressure on. She’s letting Christa- who’s going to take as much time as she can before coming back into the ring- gain valuable time to shake out the cobwebs.

[Christa finally climbs back up on the ring apron. Penny doesn’t wait. She goes for a kick- Christa blocks. Christa grabs the sides of Penny’s neck and brings it down on the top rope- slingshotting her back to the mat.]

Johnny Sauve (v/o): And that’s why you don’t give Christa time. Rookie mistake by Penny.

[Penny up to a sitting position. Christa lays in a kick to her back. And then a second one. Christa slides her hands underneath Penny’s arms and brings her to a standing position. She grasps the beck of Penny’s neck and interlocks her fingers.

Johnny Suave (v/o): FULL NELSON!

[Code Pink in the ring and pushes Christa from behind. Christa lets go of the hold and spins around. She decks Code Pink with a right hand but Penny nails her with a superkick and down goes Christa. Penny covers…]

[One.]

[Two.]

[No. Christa gets the shoulder up.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Timely intervention by Code Pink and Penny nearly stole one.

[Penny with a forearm to the face. She takes Christa by the head for a variation of a neckbreaker- Christa rakes her eyes and blocks. She spins Penny around- kick to the midsection. Christa grabs her by the head and leaps, planting Penny’s face to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Facebuster by Christa.

[Penny just rolls into the corner and lies flat on her back. Christa crawls over for the cover.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Penny puts her foot on the bottom rope.   Christa glares at Martin and asks him why he didn’t count to three. Martin clearly tells her ‘foot on the ropes.’ Christa leans down and pulls Penny across the ring. Again, Penny rakes the eyes and throws herself into the ropes, coming off and hitting a second rope bulldog to Christa. Penny covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Christa pushes her off.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Just a two count but Penny thought she had her.

[Now Penny pulls Christa up and sets her up for a Fisherman’s Suplex. Christa blocks and lands a couple right hands. She takes Penny down and rolls her up]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Christa kicks her legs back and uses the ropes for extra leverage.]

[THREE!]

[Martin calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

[Code Pink, Emily S. List, and Soccer Mom invade the ring and attack Christa. Penny can’t believe the referee’s decision.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): And here we go! The GWO are pissed…and to be fair, they have a reason to be…as Christa went old school Christa Carmondy to get the win here tonight.

*DING-DING-DING-DING*

[Tessa Martin, Regina McGill, C.J. Lewis, and Kirsten Canfield all attack the GWO.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Christa Carmondy gets the win here tonight and the Green World Order are furious. Let’s listen to Kimber Marshall as she announces the winner.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…as a result of a disqualification for using the ropes to leverage the pin…

Johnny Suave (v/o): WHAT? HOLY CRAP!

[Both Main Street USA and the GWO cease their attacks and stare at the referee. Christa’s eyes open wide.]

Kimber Marshall: POIIIIIIIIII-SON PENNY!

[Penny’s jaw drops. Then she’s mobbed by her Green World Order teammates.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): I DON’T BELIEVE IT. I DON’T BELIEVE IT!

[Suave can’t believe it- Christa can’t believe it either. She sits on the mat and shakes her head.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): SOMEHOW, RON MARTIN SAW OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE THAT CHRISTA HAD USED THE ROPES TO HELP GAIN HER THE PINFALL ON POISON PENNY AND DISQUALIFIED HER.

[Christa wryly smiles as if she knows she got caught with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): And there’s no doubt about it. Christa had her feet on the ropes. Ron Martin made the right call. So, Christa Carmondy won last month when Poison Penny was counted out. Penny picks up the DQ win over Carmondy tonight.

[Facing her Main Street USA stable mates, Christa points to herself as if to say ‘my bad.’]

Johnny Suave (v/o): While both stables make their way to the back, let’s go to the Best Arena here in Chicago last night at High Octane Wrestling’s Friday Night Chaos show.

VIDEO-Last Night’s HOW Friday Night Chaos / courtesy of High Octane Wrestling
[Back live and suddenly, flashing light appears and everyone’s attention turns to Ray McAvay’s Les Miserables section of the Best Arena. Tonight, there appears to be a disco ball now hanging up next to the stripper pole at the top of the section. The disco ball spins around giving a strobe light effect illuminated the area around it.]

[McAvay’s stripper…er…adult entertainment friends Dark and Stormy are dancing underneath the disco ball with a few others in the section.]

Benny Newell: What in the name of all that’s holy is fucking going on up there?

Joe Hoffman: It looks like a strobe light Benny.

Benny Newell: WHAT?

Joe Hoffman: A strobe light. You know, a stroboscopic lamp, commonly called a strobe, used to produce regular flashes of light.

Benny Newell: Yeah, but-

Joe Hoffman: The word originated from the Greek strobos, meaning “act of whirling.” A typical commercial strobe light has a flash energy in the region of 10 to 150 joules, and discharge times as short as a few milliseconds, often resulting in a flash power of several kilowatts. Larger strobe lights can be used in “continuous” mode, producing extremely intense illumination.

Benny Newell: Yeah, but why? Why in the hell is there a disco ball thingy with flashy lights coming out of it in his section?

Joe Hoffman: Oh. It’s probably because of him.

[Joe points up into the stands to a man dressed up as a sheik dancing along with Dark and Stormy.]

Benny Newell: Who the fuck is that?

Joe Hoffman: That’s Sheik Yorbouti.

Benny Newell: Sheik Yor-what?

Joe Hoffman: Sheik Yorbouti. He works in McAvay’s wife’s wrestling company. They have a show tomorrow night in Chicago so he decided to bring him along to tonight’s show.

[Sheik Yorbouti starts busting out a few prime moves right out of the classic seventies movie Saturday Night Fever, doing the John Travolta pointing up and down with his finger move while getting down to the music.]

Benny Newell: I’m not sure what horrifies me the most. The fact that he’s up there dancing like that or the fact that you actually know who the hell this guy is.

Johnny Suave (v/o): That’s right. Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Sheik Yorbouti showed up on Friday Night Chaos last night doing…well…doing what he does the best.

VIDEO-Last Night’s HOW Friday Night Chaos / courtesy of High Octane Wrestling
Ray McAvay:
…to do that is going to take a lot of work and effort. That’s what my focus is on right now.

[Blair is about to ask another question but Sheik Yorbouti interrupts the interview and extends his hand to her.]

Blair Moise (surprised): Huh?

Ray McAvay: I think he’s cutting in.

[Sheik Yorbouti nods in the affirmative and takes her hand.]

Blair Moise: I guess the interviews over.

[The disco ball begins to spin again and the music starts up. Sheik Yorbouti reaches his hand out. Blair shrugs and hands McAvay the microphone. Then she takes Yorbouti’s hand and the sheik spins her around a la John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): All right, MVW Title Match- tonight’s main event coming up after these messages.

============

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Announcer Guy: And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.

[Jill Berg stands in front of an animal shelter.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg for the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ Foundation. One of the goals of ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ to facilitate positive interactions between neighbors by creating a safe neighborhood for everyone. ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor goes to local pet shelters and find dogs to train into guard dogs.

[Scene shifts to inside a dog training facility.]

Jill Berg: Thousands of “child-friendly” dogs are trained every month to be matched up with a poor family and help provide a safe, comforting presence. The dogs go through specialized training before they are released to the family…

[A handler works with a dog.]

Jill Berg: Here, the dog is trained to immediately identify an intruder inside the house and the appropriate way to respond.

[A life-size cardboard cut-out of Michael Vick is wheeled into view. The dog growls and immediately takes off. He leaps and bites the cardboard cut-out in the balls and tears it in half.]

Jill Berg: Now, the dog is taught how to appropriately interact with children.

[Scene changes to a split second of a dog humping the handler’s leg, followed by a quick scene shift to the same dog, obviously sedated, laying in a child’s lap being petted.]

[Scene changes to Jill walking down the hallway of a house.]

Jill Berg: There are some important rules to follow if you take in one of these animals. The big one is to take responsibility for your pet and never paw it off…ha…ha…on someone else. These dogs will literally give their lives to protect yours. Treat them with the respect they-

[The hostile growl of a dog interrupts her.]

[Jill looks into a room. One of the guard dogs has spotted her and seems to have unpleasant intentions.]

Jill Berg: Oh…snap.

[Scene changes to Jill and several children. Jill has a large bandage on her right arm.]

Jill Berg: So, support the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ foundation. I’m Jill Berg, reminding you that…I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!

Children: “JILLLLLL-BERG….JILLLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!”

===========

FOR E-WRESTLING NEWS GO TO:
460x68

The Zine

===========

Announcer Guy: And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.

*The opening notes of Whitney Houston’s version of ‘The Greatest Love of All’ starts to play*
“I believe the children are our are future – Teach them well and let them lead the way – Show them all the beauty they possess inside – Give them a sense of pride to make it easier…”

[Jill Berg appears with two children flanking her.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg. I believe the children are our future. Communities statewide are recognizing that healthy childhood experiences are not just good for children, but good for their communities as well. It’s simple really. The actions we take, like parent-child interaction, reading and constructive play, can promote healthy child development.

“Everybody searching for a hero – People need someone to look up to – I never found anyone to fulfill my needs – A lonely place to be – So I learned to depend on me…”

[The scene shifts to Jill sitting on a couch with children playing in front of her. She leans forward with her chin resting on her hand.]

Jill Berg: Unfortunately, children are sometimes exposed to intensive stress. Too much stress is bad for anyone but it can be devastating to child development.

Child: BANZAI!

[Behind Jill, one boy leaps across the couch and tackles another boy.]

Jill Berg: At a time when we all care about the economy and its effect on the family, it just makes sense to spend more time learning how stable, nurturing relationships influence a child’s developing brain and provide a foundation for all future development.

[Another boy stands on the arm of the couch, preparing to jump.]

Child: TO THE EXTREME!

[He leaps and lands a flying elbow.]

Jill Berg: So, promote healthy child development. Take time out to play with your child-YOW!

[The camera slides back to show a young girl with a mischievous grin on her face and her foot on Jill’s expensive heels.]

Jill Berg: Take the time to play with your child. And you and your child will be the better for it. I, Jill Berg, will do my part as well because I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!

Children: JILLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!

==========

[Cut back to Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]

Johnny Suave: All right. Last month, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann ruined what had been a hell of a match between ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan and Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Kathryn Randall Collins. Will-

Mr. McMann’s voice: Okay, that’s not true.

[Cut to the stage. An unhappy Mr. McMann is headed towards the ring and he does not seem all that happy. Conversely, the crowd isn’t too happy to see him either.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Well. It had been a good night up to this point.

[McMann climbs into the ring with a microphone in hand as the jeers fly in from the crowd.]

Mr. McMann: Oh shut up…all of you. You know in your heart of hearts that I was right and MVWA 69 was probably the best show this sad excuse for a sports entertainment company has put on in several months.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave (v/o): I concur with the crowd.

Mr. McMann: Everything was working fine until the woman with the raging, out of control hormones came out and tried to choke me to death with a chain.

VIDEO-MVWA 69 Replay
[While the guards handcuff and take the prisoner away, McMann smiles and realizes he may be in a bit of trouble. Stevens and Tebow glance at each other. The Lingerie Girls look…well…hot. McMann holds his hands up as to say ‘hold on a second.’]

Mr. McMann: Look, I can explain. Let’s not overreact-ACKKK

Suave (v/o): IT’S McGILL!

[The crowd explodes when McGill, still dressed in the prison orange jumpsuit, wraps a chain around McMann’s neck and chokes the living hell out of him. McDermott and the others make sure Stevens and Tebow and the Lingerie Girls stay clear. McMann’s face turns red and drops down to his knees.]

[The crowd lets out a big cheer.]

Mr. McMann: Shut up!

[That doesn’t dissuade the crowd who yell even louder.]

Mr. McMann: Shut up! You people should be thanking me. If it weren’t for me, MVWA 69 would have been another one in a long line of uninspired shows. Thanks to me and my sports entertainment philosophy, MVWA 69 was a great show.

[Yeah, the fans aren’t buying that. McMann gets a little frustrated.]

Mr. McMann: It’s not MY fault that the talent didn’t fully embrace what I was trying to do! It’s not my fault that MVW is totally devoid of talent that are star worthy. Look at the bra and panties match. No one got stripped. What the hell? And the wet t-shirt match? Tessa Martin did everything possible to sabotage the m-

[The lights go down inside the arena.]

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

[The crowd roars as a video screen shows the scene just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.]

Policeman: Ms. Berg. It’s time.

[The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.]

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

[The crowd rises to their feet when the procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Her assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…

[The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.]

JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…

[The bodyguards assist Ms. Berg into the ring. She, her assistant, and two bodyguards immediately go to a corner and ignore Mr. McMann.]

JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…

[Berg continues to talk on her cell phone.]

JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…

[Finally she puts her phone away and takes a microphone from her assistant. She wheels around and walks over to Mr. McMann.]

Jill Berg: I just want to come out here and reintroduce myself. Jill Berg. Former Missouri Valley Wrestling champion. Corporate Predator Extraordinaire. The phenomenon. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my time here in MVW.   Using unscrupulous and underhanded tactics to bring Dawn McGill to Jill Berg Enterprises. I almost ruined Sheline’s family’s life when I had foreclosure proceedings initiated just so I could get her to work for me. (points at McMann) And then there was the time I hitched my wagon to yours in the name of sports entertainment.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO!

[McMann is not amused.]

Jill Berg: Yeah, that was a whopper, wasn’t it? I’ve admitted my mistakes. I’m trying to atone for them. I’m trying to make things right. That’s what I did with Dawn McGill. I made it right. That’s why I’m going to lead this woman (points at Sheline Carrigan) to the top of the MVW mountain when she wins the title tonight.

Mr. McMann: That’s all well and good Jill. But let’s face it. She couldn’t get the job done when she was with the SEC.

Jill Berg: Well, now she has someone who actually knows what she’s doing…

[Jill pauses as the crowd reacts to her jibe.]

Jill Berg: …helping her out.

Mr. McMann: Well Jill. If I have anything to say about it. Sheline Carrigan will NEVER become the MVW Champion.

[McMann turns his back on Berg and glares out at the crowd.]

Mr. McMann: Yes. Sheline may be skilled. Yes. Sheline may be strong as an ox. But the bottom line is Sheline doesn’t have the ‘look’ to be a sports entertainment star now doesn’t she? Not like…’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas. So, if the rest of the SEC will come down to the ring, we’re just going to watch this so-called ‘championship’ match and…we’ll just have to see what happens.

[The spotlight shines on the stage but there’s no sign of the SEC. Instead, acting MVW Director Jason Carmondy strides out much to Mr. McMann’s surprise.]

Jason Carmondy: Yeah…here’s the thing. Last month, there was a real good battle going on between KRC and Carrigan for the title and you, in your infinite wisdom, sent out Prisoner…um #8675309 or whoever the hell she was…to blow up the match.   That’s not going to happen tonight.

[Carmondy paces back and forth on the stage.]

Jason Carmondy: I’ve already informed your stable to stand down. I’m doing the same to you. After what you pulled last night in St. Charles following the Heartland Title match after one of your wrestlers lost, the SEC is BANNED from ringside for the upcoming match. In fact, that goes for Main Street USA and the Green World Order too. And McMann, if you try anything tonight, I’ll personally throw your ass out the door.

[Rising to their feet again, the crowd shows their appreciation while Mr. McMann stews.]

Jason Carmondy: So, let’s get this match underway.

[Scowling at Carmondy, McMann slowly climbs through the ropes and hops off the ring apron. He makes his way to the back- taking plenty of abuse from the fans along the aisle as he goes.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): All right. Let’s go back to the ring.

MAIN EVENT/MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TITLE MATCH
Kathryn Randall Collins © vs. Sheline Carrigan

Kathryn Randall Collins “KRC”
AGE: 33 / HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 145 / HOME: Ft. Myers, FL / FIN: Gogoplata

Sheline Carrigan ‘The Canadian Cyborg’
AGE: 20 / HT: 6’0″ WT: 145 / HOME:  Vilbank, SK / FIN: Canadian Destroyer

[Kimber Marshall in the center of the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This match is a one fall, no time limit, for the MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TITLE!

Crowd: RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kimber Marshall: Already in the ring. The pride of Vilbank, Saskatchewan. The Canadian Cyborg.   She is SHAAAAAAAAAA-LEEEEEEEEENNNN…CARRIGAN!

[Carrigan raises her arms as the crowd cheers. Jill Berg points to her while keeping her cell phone close to her ear.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent is the MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION! From Fort Myers, Florida. She is KATHRYN…RANDALL…COLLINS!

[KRC slowly makes her way to the stage with the MVW title belt around her waist. Collins unfastens the belt and holds it up high in the air.]

Kimber Marshall: And the referee in charge tonight, Davey Keels.

[Keels checks over Carrigan to make sure she’s not hiding any foreign objects on her.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): The SEC banned from ringside. It’s KRC, one on one with the Canadian Cyborg Sheline Carrigan for the MVW Title. Davey Keels is done with the pre-match stuff and he calls for the bell.

*DING-DING*

[Carrigan takes a couple steps to the right. KRC hesitantly eyes the challenger. Both walk clockwise around the ring. Collins unleashes a kick to the back of Carrigan’s leg. Carrigan glares back at Collins. Collins walks around again and kicks Carrigan a second time. Carrigan swipes at the champion. She ducks and the challenger misses. Carrigan then charges forward and shoulder blocks Collins. KRC quickly rolls right out of the ring.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Collins has come out with a different strategy. She’s being a lot more cautious.

[KRC puts her hands on her hips and stares at Carrigan.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): She might be being too cautious, if you ask me.

[Collins climbs back into the ring.   Jill Berg shouts a few encouraging things to Carrigan. As Carrigan listens, KRC runs across and levels a few forearms to her back.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): And now she’s throwing caution to the wind…

[KRC pounds away with more forearms to the back. She grabs Carrigan’s arm and bends it over the rope, and wrenches it down. Carrigan winces and spins into the corner. KRC with a front kick. Then a side kick to the back…and another one…a third…a four…a five…]

Johnny Suave (v/o): It’s like watching the Rockettes…

[Collins sticks her boot in Carrigan’s neck. Keels starts the count and KRC breaks off and steps away. Collins goes up to Carrigan and takes the arm, stretches it, and wrenches it down again.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Carrigan’s confused. She didn’t expect this from Collins. *I* didn’t expect Collins to do this.

[KRC again takes the arm. This time, she lays the boot to shoulder joint. Carrigan then lashes out with a right hand that connects flush to KRC’s jaw. Collins’s knees buckle. Carrigan then lays a right hand chop that spins KRC forty-five degrees. Collins stumbles into the ropes and comes back off. KRC is sent for the ride and runs right into a clothesline. She scrambles for the ropes as the Canadian Cyborg takes her time and watches. KRC pulls herself up and spins into the corner. Carrigan then takes off and squashes Collins in the corner. KRC staggers out of the corner and lands in the middle. Carrigan then comes off the ropes and splashes Collins. Hooks the legs.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Carrigan for the win…

[One.]

[Two.]

[Collins kicks out.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): NO! JUST KICKED OUT IN TIME.

[Sheline takes Collins by the hair and brings her back to her feet. She puts her head between her legs, lifts, and powerbombs Collins to the mat. Carrigan covers.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): Carrigan….

[One.]

[Two.]

[KRC gets the shoulder up.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): …NO!

[Collins rocks back and forth and tries to get up off the mat. Carrigan drags her up and underhooks the arms. She lifts KRC up and flips her upside down. Then she slams the champion face first to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): IMPLANT BUSTER! IS THIS THE NIGHT?

[Carrigan hooks the legs.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[KRC gets the shoulder up.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): …NO! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! COLLINS SOMEHOW GETS HER SHOULDER UP.

[Again, Carrigan places KRC’s head between her legs and grabs around her midsection. Carrigan pushes off the mat with her legs and flips her over landing in a seated position while driving Collins’s head to the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): CANADIAN DESTROYER!

[Collins lays unconscious on the mat.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THIS COULD BE IT! COVER.

[Carrigan rolls her up.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[THREE.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION!

[Carrigan throws herself on her back and covers her eyes.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): SHE’S DONE IT. SHELINE CARRIGAN HAS DEFEATED KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS AND SHE IS THE NEW MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION!

[Jill Berg climbs into the ring and kneels next to Carrigan who’s still flat on her back. Berg raises Carrigan’s right hand in the air.]

Johnny Suave (v/o): THAT’S GOING TO DO IT. SHELINE CARRIGAN PUTS ON A DOMINANT PERFORMANCE HERE TONIGHT.  SHE IS YOUR NEW MVW CHAMPION! THANKS FOR JOINING US. WE’LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI FOR ARCH WRESTLING MADNESS. I’M JOHNNY SUAVE. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!

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About Art Nouveaux

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