Suave: “HELLO HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON!”
Suave: “WELCOME TO LOCK AND LOAD FOUR!”
Huge ovation follows.
Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE. SHE’S THE FORMER PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION, ‘THE EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ TESSA MARTIN. AND SHE’S A LEGEND IN WOMEN’S WRESTLING, DAME JUDITH CARMONDY. LADIES, WELCOME TO HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON!”
Judith: “It is always so loud in here?”
Tessa: “Yes. It’s nice to be home.”
Crowd: “TES-SA MAR-TIN (clap clap clap-clap-clap), TES-SA MAR-TIN (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”
Suave: “We’ve got an incredible nine match show for you tonight. Let’s run down the matches one last time.”
-PCW’s Latest Rookie Sensation Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (Independent) vs. Big Oil w/Texas Tex and bodyguard Rough Justice (American Patriots)
-Jill Berg vs. ‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya Hardy w/Trailer Park Barbi and the White Trash Posse
-MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann vs. ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin. If Olbermann wins, Palin must give PCW CEO Barack Obama a lap dance on the steps of the Capitol. If Palin wins, Olbermann gets put through a table by the Extreme Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
-Missouri Valley Wrestling TV Title Match: Champion Brooke “The Manchester Masterpiece” Evans vs. Carrieanne McDermott
-PCW TV Title Match: Champion ‘King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke (Old School Kings) vs. SNAFU w/Dawn McGill (Independent)
-MVW Tag Team Title Match: Champions Angels of Death aka Angel Scott and Angel Casey- #22 in the latest WWR Tag Team rankings vs. VIP Brin and Sky with Bethany
-PCW Tag Team Title Match: The #7 tag team in the WWR rankings, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance) vs. Midnite Rockin’ Xpress w/Dr. Bill (Old School Kings).
-Missouri Valley Wrestling Title Match: Champion Miss USA vs. former three-time PCW champion Katie Collins inside a steel cage
-PCW Title Match: Champion ’Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism (Progressive Alliance) vs. Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance)
Announcer Guy: “And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.”
*The opening notes of Whitney Houston’s version of ‘The Greatest Love of All’ starts to play*
“I believe the children are our are future – Teach them well and let them lead the way – Show them all the beauty they possess inside – Give them a sense of pride to make it easier…”
Jill Berg appears with two children flanking her.
JILL: Hi. I’m Jill Berg. I believe the children are our future. Communities statewide are recognizing that healthy childhood experiences are not just good for children, but good for their communities as well. It’s simple really. The actions we take, like parent-child interaction, reading and constructive play, can promote healthy child development.”
“Everybody searching for a hero – People need someone to look up to – I never found anyone to fulfill my needs – A lonely place to be – So I learned to depend on me…”
The scene shifts to Jill sitting on a couch with children playing in front of her. She leans forward with her chin resting on her hand.
JILL: “Unfortunately, children are sometimes exposed to intensive stress. Too much stress is bad for anyone but it can be devastating to child development.”
Behind Jill, one boy leaps across the couch and tackles another boy.
JILL: “At a time when we all care about the economy and its effect on the family, it just makes sense to spend more time learning how stable, nurturing relationships influence a child’s developing brain and provide a foundation for all future development.”
Another boy stands on the arm of the couch, preparing to jump.
Child: “TO THE EXTREME!”
He leaps and lands a flying elbow.
JILL: “So, promote healthy child development. Take time out to play with your child-YOW!”
The camera slides back to show a young girl with a mischevious grin on her face and her foot on Jill’s expensive heels.
JILL: “Take the time to play with your child. And you and your child will be the better for it. I, Jill Berg, will do my part as well because I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!”
Suave: “O-kay. Our first match features another young rookie sensation in Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych. Ridfych has been in PCW a short while but he’s totally captivated our fans with his unusual antics. Last Sunday on PCW on P-SPAN, it seems Big Oil took exception to Ridfych and…well…let’s see what took place.
Replay: 10/14-PCW on P-SPAN Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych vs. Newt Tron Bomb
[Ridfych measures N-Bomb up and drops a closed fist. Big Oil comes to the ring. Big Oil sets Ridfych up and DDTs him into the mat. Big Oil bounces Ridfych off the ropes and clotheslines him. Big Oil stomps Ridfych’s head and sets him up for the Oklahoma Driller…got it. N-Bomb goes for a pin. Ron Martin counts. …1 …2 …3 ]
MATCH #1- PCW Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych w/Dawn McGill (Independent) vs. Big Oil w/Texas Tex and Rough Justice (American Patriots)
Suave: “We’re ready to go. The always lovely Charlene Ann Beckworth is in the ring to announce our first match of the night.”
Charlene Ann has a microphone and is ready to go.
Charlene Ann: “LAY-DEES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME TO HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON FOR TONIGHT’S PAY PER VIEW- LOCK AND LOAD FOUR!”
She pauses as the crowd lets out a sonically overwhelming roar.
Charlene Ann: “Our match is a one fall with a thirty minute time limit. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 325 pounds, from Houston, Texas, managed by Texas Tex and accompanied by Rough Justice, he is a member of American Patriots, he is- Big Oil!!!
The crowd boos the big guy with great flair and excitement.
Charlene Ann: “And his opponent, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Rose City, MI, PCW’s Latest Rookie Sensation, accompanied to the ring by the always dangerous Dawn McGill, he is- Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych!!!
Crowd: “BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!…”
Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych walks to the ring.
Charlene Ann: “Davey Keels is the referee for this contest.”
Big Oil tests out the ropes. Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych walks around the ring. Ridfych takes a broom and sweeps out his corner before the match begins.
Suave: “WOW! WHAT AN OVATION FOR THE YOUNG RIDFYCH WHO’S TAKEN PCW BY STORM OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS!”
The bell rings.
Suave: “AND THERE’S THE BELL!”
Another huge, raucous cheer goes out from the audience as Big Oil and Ridfych leave their corners.
Suave: “Big Oil comes out with purpose. He sends Ridfych for the ride…clothesline sends the young rookie to the mat hard. Bird gets right back up…gouges the eyes of Big Oil. That doesn’t slow him down. Big Oil chops the hell out of Ridfych. Ridfych rakes the face.”
Big Oil grabs Ridfych from the back and lifts sending the rookie over the big guy and to the canvas, landing on his shoulder and neck area. T
essa: “Big power move by Big Oil. Ridfych doesn’t want too many of those belly to back suplexes.”
Big Oil pulls Ridfych up and tries to squeeze the life out of him.
Suave: “BEAR HUG! BEAR HUG!”
The referee checks the situation. … Big Oil squeezes even harder.
Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF RIDFYCH!…WAIT! McGILL’S IN THE RING!…*THWACK*…SINGAPORE CANE SHOT TO THE BACK!”
Big Oil breaks the hold. Texas Tex screams at the referee.
Suave: “TEXAS TEX IS PISSED AND HE’S LETTING THE REF HAVE IT!”
Tessa: “Yeah, didn’t think it’d take that long for Dawn to get involved.”
Judith: “She’d better watch out. She may bite off more than she can chew.”
Ridfych back to his feet. Ridfych delivers a short-arm clothesline that Big Oil barely acknowledges. Ridfych tries a jumping elbow thrust- again, no real effect on Big Oil.
Suave: “Ridfych better figure out quick, that’s not going to work.”
Ridfych tries bounces Big Oil off the ropes. Big Oil reverses and sends Ridfych into the ropes. He nails him with a stiff right on the return, spins him, and then face slams him onto the mat.
Suave: “He can’t try power moves with someone who’s at least a half a foot taller. That’s just not going to work.”
Tessa: “Texas Tex just slid a chair into the ring.”
Suave: “It’s the first chair of the night!”
Big Oil scoops Ridfych up and slams him right on the chair.
Rough Justice gets involved. D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice both grab a leg and pull Ridfych to the floor.
Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.”
Ruff chokes Ridfych with a microphone cable. Texas Tex sets up a chair. Big Oil grabs Ridfych and flips him over his head right onto the chair.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! GUT WRENCH SUPLEX RIGHT ON THE CHAIR! THAT’LL REALIGN YOUR VERTABRAE!”
Tessa: “And not in a good way either, Johnny.”
Suave: “McGILL ON THE TOP ROPE! INCOMING!”
McGill with a sweet Senton Dive that lands on Ruff and Justice.
Big Oil throws Ridfych into the steel barricade. He turns and drags McGill up by her hair. McGill goes for the stiletto to the balls. Big Oil grabs her leg. McGill takes one hop and whips the other leg around and leaves a gaping cut above Big Oil’s right eye. Ridfych climbs to his feet, looks around, and grabs a chair.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THE ROOKIE JUST WAFFLED BIG OIL WITH A CHAIR.”
Ridfych back into the ring. Texas Tex makes a threatening move towards McGill. McGill points to her stilettos and then to his groin. Texas Tex wisely backs off.
Big Oil climbs back in. Two clubbing right hands back Ridfych up. Side headlock by Big Oil right into a DDT. Ridfych is drug right back up by Big Oil who reaches around him with his big paws and starts squeezing the air and everything else out of him again.
Suave: “BEAR HUG! BEAR HUG!”
Judith: “Do you always repeat the move twice?”
Suave: “Well…yes! BEAR HUG! BEAR HUG!”
Ridfych rakes the cut above Big Oil’s eye and escapes.
Tessa: “Resourceful move by Ridfych!”
McGill is gesturing to the rookie from outside the ring.
Suave: “McGill is apparently trying to impart some strategy onto the young Ridfych.”
Tessa: “If he’s smart, he’d listen.”
Ridfych nods. Big Oil goes for a lock up. Ridfych takes a step back, cocks his right hand, and delivers a straight right to the jaw.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT?”
Tessa: “That got Big Oil’s attention.”
Ridfych goes for a gutbuster but he can’t lift Big Oil. Again, Ridfych winds up and nails Big Oil with another right hand.
Suave: “Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych just snapped Big Oil’s head back with that right hand…huh? Hang on…Dawn McGill is over here dropping off a note. Pick up eggs, milk, and bread on the way home…”
Suave: “OUCH! I’VE BEEN GIBBS’D.”
Tessa: “No Johnny, what she’s trying to say is that’s his ‘fastball.’ Oh…and nice NCIS reference.”
Suave: “Nice baseball reference, Tess. I suppose he has a hook, too.”
Ridfych throws a looping right hand that catches Big Oil on the button.
Suave: “Got it…BIG OIL IS BACK ON HIS HEELS.”
Ridfych does a cartwheel and kicks Big Oil in the face. The crowd roars again.
Tessa: “Beautiful cartwheel kick by Ridfych.”
Connor Justice and D.B. Ruff slide into the ring. Justice chops Ridfych from behind. Ruff with a forearm shiver to the neck.
Suave: “YOU KNEW THEY WOULDN’T STAY ON THE SIDELINES FOR TOO LONG.”
Justice whips Ridfych into the corner. Texas Tex on the ring apron. He nails Ridfych with his golden money belt. Ruff puts his head down and spears Ridfych into the corner turnbuckle. Dawn McGill runs to the ring. Big Oil is waiting for her. She drops and slides between his legs. Spin. Stiletto kick to the balls.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HOLY, HOLY, HOLY CRAP!”
Big Oil, eyes watering, mouth agape, hands on his privates, drops to his knees. McGill lands a spinning heel kick and Big Oil topples over. Ruff and Justice work Ridfych over in the corner. Dawn McGill drops down and delivers simultaneous low blows to Ruff and Justice. Both men slowly turn around. Double side headlock. Double DDT. She turns around to look at her handiwork. Texas Tex goes top turnbuckle.
Suave: “Oh, Tex. Don’t do it.”
He does. Texas Tex leaps and lands on McGill’s back. He tries to choke her out. McGill bends forward and flips Texas Tex right over. She takes his golden money belt…pockets a few dollars for drinks after the pay per view…and then whips Tex with it. Tex scoots as fast as possible to the outside.
Suave: “McGILL CLEANS HOUSE.”
Ridfych slowly walks over to Big Oil. He helps the big man up and then sends him to the corner of the ring. Ridfych winds and throws another nasty right hand.
Suave: “FASTBALL! FASTBALL!…SLIDER!”
Big Oil is dazed in the corner. Ridfych hits a thrust kicks to the head. Big Oil staggers out from the corner. Ridfych turns around, grabs the back of Big Oil’s neck, and drops to his seat.
Suave: “I GOT IT! BASEBALL DIAMOND CUTTER! BASEBALL DIAMOND CUTTER!”
Ridfych covers Big Oil.
Crowd: “ONE! TWO! THREE!”
Suave: “HE DID IT! HE DID IT! BIRD ‘THE MARK’ RIDFYCH DEFEATS THE BIG GUY, THE BEHEMOTH, BIG OIL!”
Crowd: “BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!”
Ridfych thanks the referee. He thanks the timekeeper. He thanks Charlene Ann Beckworth.
Charlene Ann: “At twenty minutes and four seconds. The winner of this match, PCW’S LATEST ROOKIE SENSATION- BIRD ‘THE MARK’ RIDFYCH!”
Suave: “A HUGE WIN FOR THE YOUNG RIDFYCH HERE AT LOCK AND LOAD FOUR!”
Tessa: “A great starting match, Johnny. The crowd was jacked up to begin with. They are having a great time now.”
Judith: “I was impressed with how Ridfych adjusted his strategy during the match. And having an experienced hand like McGill’s in his corner doesn’t hurt. Good show.”
Announcer Guy: “And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.”
Jill Berg stands in front of an animal shelter.
JILL: “Hi. I’m Jill Berg for the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ Foundation. One of the goals of ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ to facilitate positive interactions between neighbors by creating a safe neighborhood for everyone. ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor goes to local pet shelters and find dogs to train into guard dogs.”
Scene shifts to inside a dog training facility.
JILL: “Thousands of “child-friendly” dogs are trained every month to be matched up with a poor family and help provide a safe, comforting presence. The dogs go through specialized training before they are released to the family…”
A handler works with a dog.
JILL: “Here, the dog is trained to immediately identify an intruder inside the house and the appropriate way to respond.”
A life-size cardboard cut-out of Michael Vick is wheeled into view. The dog growls and immediately takes off. He leaps and bites the cardboard cut-out in the balls and tears it in half.
JILL: “Now, the dog is taught how to appropriately interact with children.”
Scene changes to a split second of a dog humping the handler’s leg, followed by a quick scene shift to the same dog, obviously sedated, laying in a child’s lap being petted.
Scene changes to Jill walking down the hallway of a house.
JILL: “There are some important rules to follow if you take in one of these animals. The big one is to take responsibility for your pet and never paw it off…ha…ha…on someone else. These dogs will literally give their lives to protect yours. Treat them with the respect they-”
The hostile growl of a dog interrupts her.
Jill looks into a room. One of the guard dogs has spotted her and seems to have unpleasant intentions.
Scene changes to Jill and several children. Jill has a large bandage on her right arm.
JILL: So, support the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ foundation. I’m Jill Berg, reminding you that…I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!”
Tessa: “Jill Berg first appeared on the scene at the MVW $50,000 Battle Royale. She came out of nowhere to eliminate Dawn McGill and win the whole thing. Since then, she’s been tearing through the competition at Dream Wrestling Federation and the MVW. Tonight, we’re about to get a look at the phenomenom known as Jill-Berg!”
MATCH #2- MVW Jill Berg vs. ’Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya Hardy w/Trailer Park Barbi and the White Trash Posse
Suave: “We are ready for match number two. Jack Zenk is in the ring for the introductions.”
*’Queen of My Doublewide Trailer’ by Sammy Kershaw plays*
“Well I met her out at Murphy’s restaurant – She said she was fresh from the farm – And I remember thinkin’ for a country girl – That she went pretty well armed – We sat there talkin’ by the lobster tank – I ordered her a slow gin fizz – And when them chicken fried steaks arrived – She said I like living like this…”
Zenk stands in the middle of the ring.
Zenk: “Our next match is a Missouri Valley Wrestling match with a one fall, thirty-minute time limit. Already in the ring at this time, from Sullivan, Oregon, accompanied by Trailer Park Barbi and Shane and Jeff- the White Trash Posse, ‘TRAILER PARK SKATER GIRL’ TANYA HARDY!”
“So I made her the queen of my double wide trailer -With the polyester curtains and the redwood deck – Times she’s run off and I’ve got to trail her – Dang her black heart and her pretty red neck…”
Everyone points at Trailer Park Barbi.
Crowd: “She’s a crack whore (clap clap clap-clap-clap) She’s a crack whore (clap clap clap-clap-clap) “
Barbi turns around and starts flipping everyone off.
Judith: “That’s a horrible thing to say. Is this the way the crowd always acts?”
Judith: “Terrible. Terrible indeed.”
Zenk: “And her opponent tonight…”
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”
Zenk: “She is unbeaten, winning all thirty-six of her matches to date. From the financial district of New York City- JILL BERG!”
Suave: “This ought to be interesting.”
Tessa: “I have no idea who this woman is. But she showed up on Dream a couple weeks ago and attacked Dawn and me.”
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp.
The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.
The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.
The four bodyguards assist Ms. Berg into the ring. She and her assistant immediately go to a corner.
Berg continues to talk on her cell phone while protected by two of the bodybuilders.
The second Berg gets into the ring, her four bodyguards immediately attack Hardy. Berg stays in her corner and talks on her cell phone.
Suave: “Here we go. Berg’s bodyguards jump Hardy.”
Tessa: ”That’s their M.O.”
The White Trash Posse immediately wade in and get their clocks cleaned by the bodyguards. Trailer Park Barbi wanders over to where Berg and her assistant are. She pushes Berg back into the corner turnbuckle.
Berg: “Hold on.”
She hands the phone to her assistant. Berg chops Barbi with a knife edge chop to the back of her head.
Berg: “Don’t ever lay a hand on me again.”
Barbi’s unconscious on the mat. Berg takes the phone back and continues her conversation.
Judith: “Did you see that?”
Tessa: “Um…yeah? She must have a lot of karate experience.”
Two bodyguards hold Trailer Park Skater Girl Tanya Hardy up. Jill sees it and nods. She hands the phone to her assistant and immediately launches herself towards her. Jill ducks her head and spears Hardy, sending her back into the corner turnbuckle.
Hardy tips forward. Berg lets her fall over her shoulder and then she walks out a couple steps. In one fluid motion, Berg steps forward and jackhammer slams her to the mat. She covers. The referee counts…1…2…3.
Zenk: “The winner in thirty-five seconds and now…37 and 0- JILL BERG!”
The bodyguards again surround Berg and her assistant and escorts her to the back.
Suave: “Whoa. Thirty-five seconds?”
Tessa: “Yeah, no kidding. Tell me about it. Jill Berg racks up another win here over ‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya Hardy.”
Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up crew run down to the ring to attend to Trailer Park Barbi.
Judith: “I hope she’s all right.”
Replay: 10/1-PCW Extreme Political TV
You’re the worst person in the world!*
And with that, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann walks out to a chorus of boos with some cheers mixed in. He solemnly heads to the ring in a manner that only he can project. KO grabs the ropes and pulls himself up and into the ring.
Olbermann: “Okay, I’m sure everyone has heard that Sarah Palin is putting out…”
Suddenly, the crowd rises and cheers very loudly.
Olbermann: “It’s a book, you dolts! She’s putting out a book! She’s…(snickers) Going Rogue. First off, I’m thrilled about this. Ever since Obama became the PCW CEO, it’s harder for me to well up some righteous indignation because we have one of the good guys in office now. But now that Ms. Palin is back in PCW and promoting her new book, it’ll be just like old times again-”
Olbermann is interrupted by a huge ovation as The Alaskan Pitbull herself comes out to confront him.
Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN!”
Palin: “You know, Keith. I swear you must have a schoolboy crush on me because you can’t stop talking about me.”
Olbermann: “Well, Sarah. If the material is there…”
Palin: “HA…HA…I think it’s time that you and I gave the people what they want to see- you versus me in the ring.”
Again, the crowd cheers. Olbermann’s eyes light up.
Palin: “You betcha.”
She winks at Olbermann.
Olbermann: “Don’t do that.”
Palin: “What do you say Keith?”
Olbermann: “I say…yes. But…but, I have a stipulation for the match. If I win, YOU have to give Barack Obama a lap dance on the steps of the US Capitol!’
Suave: “Damn. I might actually have to root for Olbermann now.”
Palin: “Okay. But if *I* win….”
*The start of Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop plays*
Olbermann: “OH, ****!”
“Hold onto your hat, hold onto your heart – Ready, get set to tear this place apart – Don’t need a ticket, only place in town – That’ll take you up to heaven and never bring you down – Anything goes! Anything goes!”
Suave: “IT’S THE EXTREME ENFORCER! WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” But Olbermann is no where to be found. He’s quickly exited stage right.
MATCH #3- SPECIAL ADDED ATTRACTION MATCH MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann vs. ’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring to make the announcement.
Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first from MSNBC, Keith Olbermann!
*You’re the worst person in the world!*
Suave: “And here he comes. Keith Olbermann in this special added attraction match. If he wins, Sarah Palin has to give Barack Obama a lap dance on the Capitol steps. If he loses, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot gets to put Olbermann through a table.”
About thirty-five percent of the crowd cheers, the rest boo. Olbermann smugly comes to the ring and climbs in.
Charlene Ann: “And his opponent, hailing from Wasilla, Alaska, she is the Alaskan Pitbull, Sarah Palin!”
Palin, with her hockey stick, runs down to the ring and slides underneath the bottom rope. Olbermann doesn’t wait for the bell and pounces.
Suave: “HERE WE GO! THEY’RE NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR THE BELL!”
Olbermann with rights. Palin returns fire in kind. They lock up. Olbermann drives Palin into the corner and the referee calls for a break. We actually get a clean break in the corner. Palin goes behind Olbermann. Olbermann pulls a standing switch. Palin gets one of her own. She trips Olbermann and takes her down. Olbermann rolls to the ropes for another break. It too is clean.
Suave: “Two clean breaks? Who’ve thunk it?”
Tessa: “It’s still early, Johnny.”
Palin tries a takedown but Olbermann stuffs it cold. He puts Palin in a headlock and then takes her down. Palin kicks him off the headlock. She nails Olbermann with a dropkick. He goes to the floor to recover.
Suave: “Olbermann taking a timeout to think things over.”
Olbermann back in and climbs the turnbuckle. Palin gets hit with a diving elbow smash from the top rope. Olbermann follows with a knee and goes up top again. He jumps from the top and nails Palin with a flying axhandle smash. The Alaskan Pitbull staggers back into the ropes. Palin gets picked up and dropped with the fireman’s carry by Olbermann. He covers. One. Two. Palin kicks out.
Suave: “Olbermann’s timeout paid off. He’s really taken the match to Palin.
Olbermann pulls Palin up by the hair. He lifts her up…Gorilla Press Slam back down. Cover.
Suave: “He hooks the legs…but no! Palin again kicks out.”
Again, Olbermann goes to pull her up. Palin bites him in the arm. Olbermann steps back. Palin goes low with a front kick. Olbermann’s doubled over. She moves around him and applied a nerve hold.
Suave: “Interesting choice of moves.
Tessa: “Hey. Whatever works, Johnny.”
Olbermann uses his weight to drive Palin into the corner and breaks the hold. Palin with a leg sweep dumps Olbermann right back down. She measures him up and drops a closed fist. Palin quickly back up and drops a second closed fist. She grabs the leg and tries to slap on a figure four. Olbermann kicks her away with his free foot.
Olbermann locks up with Palin and tries a side slam. Palin sidesteps it. Olbermann into the ropes and puts Palin down with a bodyblock. Olbermann stomps away at the Alaskan Pitbull. Palin uses her feet to push Olbermann back from her. She jumps up and slaps him hard across the face. Olbermann pushes her down and goes top turnbuckle yet again. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps…somersault legdrop that connects. Olbermann hooks the legs. One. Two.
Suave: “NO! PALIN KICKED OUT! PALIN KICKED OUT!”
Rachel Maddow runs down and slides into the ring. She starts stomping away at Palin. Olbermann rests against the ropes.
Suave: “RACHEL MADDOW IS STOMPING A MUDHOLE…OR FOR YOU BLOGGERS IN ALASKA…A MUDFLATS HOLE INTO SARAH PALIN!”
Three more women run down and jump into the ring.
Suave: “IT’S ARIANNA HUFFINGTON, ALASKAN TALK SHOW HOST SHANNYN MOORE AND JANE HAMSHER FROM THE FIREDOG LAKE BLOG!’
Huffington and Moore join Maddow in the beatdown of Palin. Maddow drags Palin to the corner turnbuckle and sits her up against the turnbuckle. From outside, Hamsher reaches in and grabs Palin’s arms and pulls them behind her. Huffington slaps Palin across the face. Moore taunts her. Maddow gets a couple shots in.
No one notices Palin’s SarahPAC compadres, Hunter the Hunter and NRA, slip into the ring. Hunter sets up his bear trap. NRA blasts Olbermann with a stiff right hand. He tosses him across the ring into the corner.
Suave: “BEAR TRAP! BEAR TRAP!”
Olbermann screams out in pain. Huffington, Moore, and Maddow continue their assault on Palin. The three women block out Hamsher’s view of Olbermann who’s in the opposite corner.
Suave: “OLBERMANN’S TRAPPED! HUFFINGTON, MOORE, HAMSHER, AND MADDOW ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN DESTROYING SARAH PALIN, THEY DON’T REALIZE OLBERMANN’S FOOT IS STUCK IN THE BEAR TRAP!”
Olbermann can’t take the pain anymore and frantically taps out.
Suave: “THAT’S IT! OLBERMANN TAPS OUT!”
The referee shoves Huffington and Moore out of the way and raises Palin’s arm in victory. They turn around and are stunned to see Hunter the Hunter and NRA standing over a writhing Keith Olbermann who continues to tap out.
Charlene Ann Beckworth into the ring.
Charlene Ann: “The winner by submission in fourteen minutes and eleven seconds. The Alaskan Pitbull- SARAH PALIN!”
Suave: “WOW! THEY ALMOST WENT ALL THE WAY TO THE TIME LIMIT! WHAT A-”
*The opening riffs to Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blare*
The crowd erupts.
Suave: “AND NOW IT’S TIME FOR KEITH OLBERMANN TO PAY THE PIPER!”
“Hold onto your hat, hold onto your heart – Ready, get set to tear this place apart – Don’t need a ticket, only place in town – That’ll take you up to heaven and never bring you down – Anything goes! Anything goes!”
Suave: “IT’S TIME FOR THE EXTREME ENFORCER! WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!”
“Women to the left, Women to the right – There to entertain and take you thru the night – So grab a little heat and come along with me – ‘Cause your mama don’t mind what your mama don’t see – Anything goes! Anything goes! “
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, all 6 foot 11, 350 pounds of him, appears. He locks in on Olbermann and runs down.
“Rock! Rock! till you drop – Rock! Rock! never stop – Rock! Rock! till you drop – I say Rock! Rock! to the top”
Olbermann tries to get out of the bear trap. WTF grabs him by the neck. Hunter the Hunter releases the foot from the bear trap. NRA quickly sets up a table in the ring. WTF lifts Olbermann by the throat. Chokeslam through the table!
Ridin’ into danger, laughin’ all the way – Fast, free and easy, livin’ for today – Gotta lip service, get it while you can – Hot, sweat ‘n’ nervous love on demand – Anything goes! Anything goes!
Huffington, Moore, Maddow, and Hamsher look on in disbelief at Olbermann lying in a crumpled heap on the remnants of the table. WTF lets out a primal scream.
“Rock! Rock! till you drop – Rock! Rock! never stop – Rock! Rock! till you drop – I say Rock! Rock! to the top”
Suave: “THERE YOU HAVE IT. SARAH PALIN WINS THE MATCH AND KEITH OLBERMANN GETS SENT THROUGH A TABLE BY WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!”
Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA enters the back door of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon along with World eWrestling Rag editor A. Kuluha Bacardi.
Tessa: “Well, if you haven’t heard the story. Miss USA was shang-hied again by Generalissimo Tomas of the Island of Puerto De Macoris and it looked for a while that she wouldn’t make here tonight. However, thanks to the dogged efforts of Dawn McGill and Mr. Bacardi from the WWR, Miss USA arrived here tonight for her title match.”
Suave: “Interesting stuff. I’m glad she made it here.”
Replay: 9/6 MVWA 7 Brooke Evans vs. Carrieanne McDermott
[Headlock exchanges, McDermott runs off the ropes and tries a shoulder block. Nope, won’t work against the Manchester Masterpiece. McDermott tries kicking. Evans just takes her down. She whips McDermott off the ropes. Evans catches the leapfrog attempt and turns it into a fireman’s carry cutter. Follow up fist drop by Evans, a scoop slam and a second rope knee drop which misses. McDermott goes to work on the leg and grapevines it. Evans uses her strength to pull herself to the ropes. McDermott wraps the leg in the ropes then dropkicks it. Shinbreaker by McDermott and the figure four is applied!…
…Snap mare and a fist drop by Evans. She goes to the second rope and drops a knee on McDermott. Cover…1…2…no, McDermott gets the shoulder up. Evans wants a vertical suplex but McDermott slips out. She tries another dropkick but Evans sees it coming and moves. Vertical Suplex on the way…Evans connects! 1…2…no! Evans now with a German Suplex…she brings McDermott down with authority. Evans for the Dragon Suplex…McDermott desperately hits a palm strike to the face. Evans with a wicked chop sends McDermott reeling. She hangs McDermott in the tree of woe.]
Tessa: “Cannonball coming…whoa! High impact against that steel ringpost. Evans again looking for the Dragon Suplex…and this time, McDermott may need the 82nd Airborne to stop her.”
[Evans hits the Dragon Suplex. Cover…1…2…3.]
Replay: 9/13-MVWA 8 Brooke Evans vs. Miss USA
[Evans responds with a gut-wrench suplex on Miss USA. ABDOMINAL STRETCH! EVANS HAS THE ABDOMINAL STRETCH ON MISS USA AND I DON’T KNOW IF SHE CAN GET OUT OF IT!”
[Referee Davey Keels is checking for a tap out. …Evans tightens the hold.]
Suave: “No wait! THAT’S CARRIEANNE McDERMOTT! SHE’S GOT A CHAIR! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP!”
[Evans releases the hold and slides to the canvas. McDermott begins to wail on her with the chair.]
Suave: “These two ladies do not like each other! But Carrieanne McDermott may have just cost Brooke Evans a win over the PCW Champion Miss USA!”
[Security runs out again and tries to separate the two.]
Replay: 9/20- MVWA 9 Corrina Romanov vs. Carrieanne McDermott
Tessa: “Romanov’s in trouble…and here comes Brooke Evans!”
[Evans blasts McDermott with a chair.]
Tessa: “McDermott never saw her coming! She’s down outside the ring.”
Judith: “Those girls really need to resolve their differences inside a steel cage or something.”
MATCH #4 MVW TV Title Match
‘The Manchester Masterpiece’ Brooke Evans © vs. ‘Scotland’s Favorite Daughter’ Carrieanne McDermott
Zenk: “Our next match is one fall, forty-five minutes and is for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Title. On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 155 pounds, from Manchester, England, she holds the MVWA TV Title title belt, she is the Manchester Masterpiece- BROOKE EVANS!” Evans walks to the ring.
Zenk: “And her opponent, weighing in at 120 pounds, from Glasgow, Scotland, Scotland’s Favorite Daughter- CARRIEANNE McDERMOTT!”
McDermott slides into the ring.
Zenk: “Ron Martin is the referee for this contest.”
The bell rings. McDermott rushes out. Evans kicks her in the groin.
Tessa: “Carrieanne McDermott and Brooke Evans hate each other with a passion. This is going to be a war.”
Judith: “But at some point, Tess. McDermott has to get a win. She’s oh for her MVW career against Evans.”
Evans hooks McDermott’s arms back in a reverse nelson, places her forearms in the crooks of her elbows. Evans’s hands are on top of McDermott’s back in a butcher’s grip. Evans lifts her into an upside-down vertical position and falls back, shifting McDermott to one side and flips over.
Tessa: “Double underhook Suplex by Evans. She covers right away. Two count!”
Evans pulls McDermott up and hooks McDermott’s right leg with her left arm. She places her right arm around her waist and hoists McDermott up into the air. Evans spins to the left in a 180 degree turn and slams her down landing on her knees.
Judith: “Brooke is pulling out the big moves tonight.”
Tessa: “She’s going for the quick kill. Evans wraps her legs around McDermott’s neck. Figure-four sleeper!”
Judith: “Very quick kill. Ron Martin checks the situation.”
Tessa: “Carrieanne McDermott is in big trouble. Brooke Evans has her stuck in a bad situation.”
McDermott starts squirming and trying to slip out. She tries to pry Evans’s legs apart with her arms.
Tessa: “She gets out. Somehow, McDermott escapes.”
Judith: “Too close for comfort if you’re the challenger. It’s been all Evans so far.”
Evans picks up McDermott and side slams her back to the mat. Again, Evans hooks McDermott’s right leg with her left arm, places her right arm around her waist, and hoists McDermott up into the air. She spins to the left in a 180 degree turn and slams McDermott down landing on her knees.
Tessa: “Another spinebuster by Brooke Evans and she’s bent on not only defeating Carrieanne McDermott but destroying her. Now she’s locked in a bear hug.”
Ron Martin asks Carrieanne if she quits. McDermott says no and fights the hold. Back kick to the groin by McDermott. Evans releases the hold. McDermott desperately throws Evans off the ropes, rolls on the ground, comes back up, and delivers a clothesline.
Tessa: “That has to be Carrieanne’s first real offensive move in the match”
McDermott dives head first into Evans just as she pulls herself up.
Tessa: “McDermott with a spear and suddenly the momentum has changed.
McDermott lines Evans up and nails a jumping sidekick. McDermott whips Evans into the corner. Evans trips over her feet and falls faces first into the middle turnbuckle.
Tessa: “Oooh. That did not look good.”
Judith: “Brooke’s grabbing her neck. She may have jammed it into the turnbuckle.”
School boy roll up by McDermott. Ron Martin to the mat. One. Two. Three.
Tessa: “She’s done it! Carrieanne McDermott is the new Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion!”
Jack Zenk in the ring.
Zenk: “At eleven minutes and twenty seconds, the winner of this match, and new Missouri Valley Wrestling Television champion, Carrieanne McDermott!”
Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up crew again out to check on Brooke Evans.
Tessa: “No doubt. That was an ugly fall for The Manchester Masterpiece Brooke Evans. But let’s not take anything away from the grit and determination shown by Carrieanne McDermott.”
Judith: “I have to agree. She’s tried over and over to defeat Evans and finally comes through on a big stage. It’s a shame that Evans’s injury will probably overshadow her big win.”
Replay: 9/30-PCW Extreme Political TV Midnite Rockin’ Xpress vs. The Extreme Weather Network
…Michaels avoids the press gutbuster. He hits the ropes. Bettis tries it again, but Michaels responds with a hurracanrana! He ducks a clothesline but Gibson-Lane is in, ALARM CLOCK! Gibson-Lane sets up for the superkick/German Suplex combo, but Bettis brings in Abrams.
Suave: “SUPERKICK/ ROARING ELBOW COMBO BY GERMAN SUPLEX! ABRAMS JUST WALKED RIGHT INTO IT.”
Frascantore on the top turnbuckle… SENTON! He squashes Gibson-Lane. Bettis in and he jackknife powerbombs Michaels. Cover, no. Michaels kicks out right away. ‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke runs in and hits Abrams and crotches Bettis! Gibson-Lane whips Abrams to the corner. He charges right in and runs into a boot. Michaels hits an enzugiri and goes up top. Abrams goes up top, but runs into a boot. He tries the quebrada but Michaels moves, Bettis lands on his feet and charges towards Michaels. Michaels moves and hits an enzugiri, SICK KICK! ONE…TWO…THR-NO! GIBSON DRIVER! ONE…TWO…THREE!
WINNER: THE MIDNITE ROCKIN’ XPRESS in 18:25
MATCH #5 PCW Tag Team Title
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes © (Progressive Alliance) vs. Midnite Rockin’ Xpress (Old School Kings)
Suave: “I am looking forward to this one. In case you’re wondering, they moved up the PCW Tag Team match and put the TV Title in its place because Starz N. Stripes wrestles for the PCW Title in tonight’s main event. Escondido and Starz are ranked #7 by the World eWrestling Rag in the tag team division. The Midnite Rockin’ Xpress are old school and knocking on the door of the top 25. Who will prevail tonight? Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring to get this match started.
Charlene Ann: “Our next match is one fall, sixty minute time limit, for the PCW Tag Team Title. On there way to the ring at this time, representing the Progressive Alliance, the PCW Tag Team Champions and ranked the #7 tag team in the world by the WWR- they are ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO AND STARZ N. STRIPES!”
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes come to the ring holding up the PCW Tag Team belts.
Charlene Ann: “Their challengers tonight, part of the Old School Kings, managed by the Dr. Phil wannabe, self-help guru, Dr. Bill, BOBBY RICKY MICHAELS, MARTY GIBSON-LANE- THE TEAM OF MIDNITE ROCKIN’ XPRESS!”
Michaels and Gibson-Lane walk to the ring accompanied by Dr. Bill and the PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke. Ron Martin in the ring to referee the match. Escondido and Michaels will start. Martin calls for the bell.
Escondido and Michaels lockup. Escondido wins the battle and whips Michaels to the corner of the ring. Michaels makes the tag to Marty Gibson-Lane. Gibson-Lane grabs onto Escondido and sends him over with a Belly to Belly Suplex.
Suave: “Quick tag by Michaels and Gibson-Lane catches Escondido unawares with that belly to back. Lockup again. Gibson-Lane sends Escondido for the ride into the corner. Michaels gets a couple cheap shots early…Dr. Bill hands him a chair. *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! NOW HE HOLDS THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF ESCONDIDO. *CLANG* VAN DAMINATOR! Escondido plops down in the corner. Gibson-Lane lays in more kicks on Escondido.
Starz starts to step through the ropes but Referee Ron Martin puts a stop to that. Michaels then reaches around the turnbuckle for a blatant choke hold on Escondido.
Suave: “ESCONDIDO IS IN THE WRONG PART OF TOWN! HE’S GETTING MAULED IN THE CORNER BY MICHAELS AND GIBSON-LANE.
Tessa: “The classic wrestling strategy. Do your dirty work while the referee is distracted elsewhere.” Michaels tagged in by Gibson-Lane. Michaels hits a flying karate chop right to Escondido’s neck. Gibson-Lane opens up a chair… Michaels sends Escondido into the ropes…Drop Toe Hold right onto the open chair!
Suave: “COVER! ONE. TWO…NO! STARZ MAKES THE SAVE! STARZ WITH STIFF RIGHT HANDS DRIVES MICHAELS BACK!”
Starz back to his corner. Escondido crawls over and tags him back in. Starz takes the hot tag and decks Bobby Ricky Michaels. Gibson-Lane in. He charges right into a back body drop by Starz.
Suave: “STARZ IS ON FIRE!”
Michaels flies from the turnbuckle with an elbowdrop. Bobby Ricky Michaels stands up. Bobby Ricky Michaels covers Starz N. Stripes. The ref starts the count. …1 Starz kicks out right away.
Suave: “Speaking of trying to catch someone off guard. Bobby Ricky Michaels should have known better than to try for a pin at this point in the match.”
Starz catches Michaels’s leg on a wheel kick attempt. Michaels reverses it with an enzuigiri to Starz’s head. Michaels goes second turnbuckle and hits an elbow drop. Starz backs into the corner. He leads out with a snap mare that catches Michaels by surprise. Kick to the back by Starz. Michaels shoves Starz into the corner and nails him with a forearm. Gibson-Lane tagged in. He punts the chest of Starz. Gibson-Lane locks in a headlock. He blocks the escape by Starz. Michaels tags back in. Starz fights out of a double team attempt and hits the double spinning elbow. Michaels scrambles back to his feet and tags back in Gibson-Lane.
Suave: “Starz really needs to get a tag here. He’s been in there quite a while now.”
Starz tries to get to his corner. Gibson-Lane grabs him by the feet and pulls him all the way back to the opposite corner. Michaels with a chair. Starz grabs the chair. Starz wins the duel for the chair, turns, and slams the chair into Gibson-Lane’s face!
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! MARTY GIBSON-LANE IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!”
Gibson-Lane holds his face on the mat. The PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke in the ring. Von Munchke cuts Starz legs out from under him.
Suave: “VON MUNCHKE’S INVOLVED. HE MOUNTS STARZ AND THROWING HAYMAKERS AT HIM!”
Escondido in. He lariats Gibson-Lane. He lariats Von Munchke and sends him to the floor. They lockup. Starz sends Gibson-Lane to the corner of the ring.
Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT’S DR. BILL UP TO?”
Dr. Bill hands Bobby Ricky Michaels something. Gibson-Lane reverses and slams Starz into the corner. Michaels up on the apron. FIREBALL!
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FIRE! THEY JUST USED FIRE ON STARZ N. STRIPES.”
Starz drops right to the mat and covers his face up- rolling back and forth. Escondido back in again and charges in. He and Gibson-Lane get into a flat-out fist fight. Referee Ron Martin makes the ‘X’ signal and Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew once again gets called into action. Escondido goes side facelock and then DDT’s Gibson-Lane to the mat. Martin calls for the bell.
Suave: “MICHAELS HIT STARZ N. STRIPES WITH A FIREBALL RIGHT TO THE EYES!”
Tessa: “Fire is an old school maneuver.”
Suave: “RON MARTIN HAS CALLED THE MATCH. STARZ IS IN INCREDIBLE PAIN ON THE MAT! THIS NOT ONLY THROWS OUT THIS MATCH BUT PUTS THE PCW TITLE MATCH LATER TONIGHT IN DOUBT!”
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring.
Charlene Ann: “Due to injury, referee Ron Martin has called the match a draw.”
The Midnite Rockin’ Xpress is furious. They berate Ron Martin. Dr. Bill on the apron. He’s shouting at Martin. The crowd suddenly roars.
Suave: “IT’S RAHM EMANUEL…RAHM-BO IS HERE!”
Emanuel kicks Michaels in the balls. Emanuel grabs Michaels. He jumps level to Michael’s head while parallel to the ground, applies a three-quarter facelock, and slams Michael’s head to the mat.
Suave: “F-BOMB! F-BOMB!”
Emanuel grabs Gibson-Lane. He jumps level to his head while applying a three-quarter facelock, and slams Gibson-Lane’s head to the mat.
Suave: “F-BOMB! F-BOMB! RAHM EMANUEL IN THE RING AND DROPPING F-BOMBS LEFT AND RIGHT!”
Dr. Bill jumps off the apron and wisely retreats back to the locker room.
Suave: “So, Escondido and Starz retain the PCW Tag Team titles but how badly injured is Starz N. Stripes? We’ll find out soon enough.”
Replay: 9/27- MVWA 10 VIP vs. The Inconvenient Truth vs. Vatican Vice Squad- #1 contender’s match
[…NoCal Mal gets back to her feet. (…3) She tries for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift VIP Sky. VIP Sky knocks NoCal Mal into Davey Keels taking out the referee. She rakes her fingers across NoCal Mal’s back. VIP Sky slaps her. Sister Mary, Sister Sandy and Sister Susan come to ringside. Sister Mary throws the chair to NoCal Mal…she catches it….Standing Side Kick into the chair by Sister Mary! Sister Sandy sets up a table . Sister Mary drags NoCal Mal top rope… she puts her thru the table. Sister Sandy clotheslines Schultz. She piledrives her on the outside floor. Keels up. VIP Sky rolls NoCal Mal into the ring. She goes for a pin. The ref starts the count. …1 …2 …3 ]
Zenk: “The winners of the match in seventeen minutes and twenty-one seconds, VIP!!!”
MATCH #6 Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Title Angels of Death © vs. VIP Brin & Sky w/Bethany
Suave: “I am so looking forward to this match, too. Angels of Death is one of my favorite tag teams.”
Tessa: “I don’t think you’ll be disappointed, Johnny. VIP has proven themselves to be very capable in the ring though. This won’t be a walkover.”
Judith: “VIP has indeed shown great improvement over the past three months. I still don’t think it’s enough to overcome the AoD.”
Jack Zenk in the ring and we’re ready to go.
Zenk: “Our next match is a one fall, sixty minute time limit for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Title.”
*If You Want Blood (You Got It) by AC/DC starts to play*
“It’s criminal – there ought to be a law – criminal – there ought to be a whole lot more – you get a nothin’ for nothin’ – tell me who can you trust – we got what ya want and you got the lust”
Zenk: “From Washington, Pennsylvania, she is Ms. Lethal Weapon- Angel Casey! From Morgantown, Pennsylvania, she is the Terminatrix- Angel Scott. The Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions- ANGELS of DEATH!”
“If you want blood (YOU GOT IT) – If you want blood (YOU GOT IT) – BLOOD on the streets – BLOOD on the rocks – BLOOD in the gutter, EVERY LAST DROP, – YOU WANT BLOOD – you got it yes you have”
Scott and Casey bound into the ring.
Zenk: “And their opponents tonight, from Scarsdale, New York, Brin. And from Westport, Connecticut, Sky. Managed by VIP Bethany- the team of V-I-P!
Brin, Sky, and Bethany hit the ring with high energy and look ready to go.
Tessa: “This could be very interesting. VIP does not want to get into an out and out brawl with the AoD.”
Judith: “Angels of Death will maul them if VIP tries to match them punch for punch. VIP needs to use their quickness to keep Angel Scott at bay.”
Referee Ron Martin calls for the bell.
Tessa: “It’ll be Angel Scott and VIP Brin to start.”
Scott runs out and clotheslines VIP Brin. VIP Brin tags VIP Sky. Scott grabs VIP Sky and applies an arm wrench. Angel Casey goes top turnbuckle and delivers a diving elbow smash. Casey scurries back to her corner. Scott scoops Brin up and slams her back down. Back to her corner, Scott tags in Casey. Casey goes side headlock on VIP Sky. DDT into the mat. Lockup in the middle. Casey sends VIP Sky to the corner of the ring. Scott spins Sky around and clocks her with a nasty right hand shot. Sky stumbles back to Casey. Lift. Atomic drop. Casey grabs her by the hair and slams her face first to the mat.
Tessa: “Bulldog. Angels of Death on their game so far.”
Judith: “They’ve come out working at a high level and VIP can’t keep up.”
Casey top rope. She leaps and spins two and half times before landing on VIP Sky.
Tessa: “450 Splash! Casey hooks the leg. One…two…VIP Brin makes the save.”
Judith: “And a good thing too. I don’t think Sky would have kicked out.”
VIP Brin uses her arms to encircle the Casey’s neck.
Tessa: “Guillotine choke on Angel Casey.”
Casey tries to fight out of it. Angel Scott in with a forearm shot to the back to break the hold. Casey goes low on Brin. Casey tags in Angel Scott. VIP Sky pokes Scott in the eye with his thumb. Scott grabs Sky’s leg and takes her down. Scott covers. Martin gets to 1. Sky gets the shoulder up. Sky brings in VIP Brin. Brin superkicks Scott.
Tessa: “That staggered the big girl. Scott back to her corner.”
Scott brings in Angel Casey. Casey spins and hits VIP Brin with the back of her elbow. Casey kicks her in the stomach. Angel Scott tagged back in. Scott fist drops VIP Brin on the mat. Scott goes for the pin. Referee Ron Martin again makes the count. …1 VIP Brin kicks out. Brin brings in VIP Sky. Sky uses a running lariat to take Scott down. They both roll out to the floor.
Tessa: “I’m not sure this is a good idea for VIP Sky. The Angels can be very effective on the floor.”
Martin starts the count (.1) (..2) Lockup. Sky sends Scott to the steel barricade. (…3) Scott right back up and kicks VIP Sky in the groin. (….4) Scott bounces Sky off the barricades. Angel Casey arrives. She shoots off the ring apron and clotheslines VIP Sky. (…..5) Scott drags VIP Sky back into the ring. Scott hits a jawbreaker on VIP Sky. Scott tags in Casey. Angel Scott pulls VIP Sky to her and flips her over with the belly-to-belly suplex. Casey punches VIP Sky in the gut and leg lariats her sending him to the mat. Scott tackles VIP Sky and pummels his head
Scott fist drops VIP Sky on the mat. Sky gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Angel Casey. Sky makes the tag to VIP Brin. VIP Brin and Sky punches Casey repeatedly. Casey rakes both VIP Sky and Brin’s eyes. Casey tags Angel Scott. Scott jabs VIP Brin. Brin tags in VIP Sky. VIP Sky gets under and lifts Scott up. She spins her around, airplane spin, and throws her onto the mat. VIP Sky bounces Scott off the ropes and hits a backdrop. VIP Brin again gets under Scott and airplane spins Scott.
Tessa: “This is a bit of surprise. But VIP continues to hang in there.”
Scott bounces VIP Brin off the ropes, spins her around, and faceslams her onto the mat. Sky gets caught with another flying elbow smash to the face from Angel Casey. Scott slaps Sky’s face. Sky rakes the eyes. VIP Sky tags in Brin. Scott lifts VIP Brin up and drops her to the mat. Brin whips Scott and eats a flying forearm on the return. Scott nearly decapitates Brin with a clothesline. Brin back up and Scott does it again. Brin back up and Scott hits a third clothesline. Scott tags in Angel Casey. Casey goes to the top rope and hits a flying lariat. Casey hooks the legs. Martin counts. One…two…Brin kicks out. Brin avoids a German Suplex attempt and goes for a kick. Casey counters it into the STF. Brin’s close enough to the ropes to grab the bottom one.
Casey tags Scott back in. Scott latches on a bearhug on Brin. Referee Ron Martin is checking for a tap out…..Brin tries to escape. Brin is able to propel herself back into Scott and escape. Scott and VIP Brin go to the floor. Martin starts the count (.1) Scott grabs a chair and hits VIP Brin.
Tessa: “OW! That busted Brin open.”
(..2) Scott kicks VIP Brin in the groin. (…3) Scott spins her around and lifts her up for a faceslam onto the floor. Sky tries to make the save but Angel Casey missile dropkicks her from the ring apron. (….4) Scott grabs VIP Brin and shoves her face repeatedly into the floor. (…..5) (……6) VIP Sky and Casey brawl on the outside. Brin gets drug by the hair back into the ring by Scott. Brin pokes Scott in the eyes. She dives for her corner to make a tag but Sky isn’t home. Scott makes the tag to Casey. Scott shoots through the ropes and spears Sky on the outside. Casey goes off the top rope with a somersault legdrop onto Brin’s chest. Casey scampers back up and jumps again from the top rope, nailing VIP Brin on the top of her head. Casey clasps the neck and hit a jumping neck snap on Brin. Casey tags Scott back in. Casey goes off the top turnbuckle and double foot stomps Brin. Scott scoops VIP Brin up in a fireman’s carry and flapjacks her to the canvas. Scott grabs Brin’s leg and takes her down. Angel Scott measures VIP Brin up and drops a closed fist. Brin, blood dripping from her forehead, crawls and makes it to her corner. Sky tags in. VIP Sky gets underneath Scott and spins her in an airplane spin followed by a slam. VIP Sky leg drops Scott. Scott right back up. Sky sends Scott to the corner of the ring. Scott pops Sky in the kisser with a punch. She lifts her up and vertical facebuster’s Sky to the canvas. Brin goes to the floor.
Tessa: “I’m not sure VIP Brin is any safer at ringside.”
Martin starts the count. (.1)
Judith: “Probably not.”
Now VIP Brin standing. (..2) VIP Brin pins Scott against the edge of the ring and chokes her with her forearm. (…3) Scott replies with an elbow smash to the face. (….4) followed by a slap in the face. Brin and Scott move back into the ring. Brin executes the jumping sidekick on Scott. Brin hits her with a back fist. VIP Brin takes Scott down with a knee. Brin kicks Scott in the back of the leg. Sky up on top. Shooting star press. Hook of the legs. Martin counts. …1…Scott escapes and heads to her corner. Casey tagged in by Scott. Brin bites Casey’s arm out of desperation. Short lariat by Brin. Brin to the corner turnbuckle. Shooting star press from VIP Brin. She hooks the legs. One… Casey gets the shoulder up. Casey back to her feet. Brin tags in VIP Sky. Casey goes for a flying kick but Sky dodges the attack. Casey tags back in Angel Scott.
Casey to the second turnbuckle. Elbow drop from the second turnbuckle. Casey tags in Angel Scott. Scott scoops up Sky and slams her back down. She covers VIP Sky hooking the leg. Martin counts the pin. …1 …2 VIP Sky escapes.
VIP Sky slaps Scott and makes the tag to VIP Brin. VIP Brin bounces Scott off the ropes and clotheslines her. Sky tagged in by VIP Brin. VIP Brin puts Scott in an arm grapevine submission and drops the knee. Lockup. Scott sends VIP Brin to the corner of the ring. Casey tagged in by Angel Scott. Casey gets out there long enough to get speared by VIP Sky. VIP Sky grabs Casey’s arm, takes her down, and puts her in an armbar. Martin asks Casey if she quits. Casey says no. Casey rolls out to escape. Sky goes for a power move but Casey dodges. Casey hits Sky with a right hand punch. VIP Sky stumbles back to her corner and brings in VIP Brin. Casey hits a koppo kick on VIP Brin. Casey takes VIP Brin down with a leg sweep. Casey goes for a second move but Brin rolls back to her corner. Sky tagged in. Casey gets VIP Sky with a diving elbow smash. Casey and Scott now in the ring. They lift Sky up. Brin in to make the save.
Tessa: “They were going for the DSD- Death Spiral Drop.”
Judith: “And they would have hit it too if Brin wasn’t paying attention to what was going on out there. Casey to the second turnbuckle. Elbow drop from the second turnbuckle. Casey tags in Angel Scott. Scott scoops up Sky and slams her back down. She covers VIP Sky hooking the leg. Martin counts the pin. …1 …2 VIP Sky escapes.
VIP Sky up again. Casey tagged in by Scott. Casey with the crotch slam. Casey is up again. VIP Sky sends Casey to ringside. Ron Martin starts the count (.1) Sky throws a chair at Casey. They lockup. VIP Brin sends Casey to the corner of ringside. Casey with a headscissors takeover on Sky. VIP Sky bounces Angel Casey off the ropes and hits him with a backdrop. (..2) VIP Brin clotheslines Angel Casey. Sky punches Casey repeatedly. VIP Sky superkicks Casey. They head back into the ring. Casey kicks VIP Sky in the stomach. She jumps and executes the sit down face slam. Casey is back on his feet. Angel Casey jumps off of the turnbuckle nailing VIP Sky with an Asia Moonsault. Casey and Scott in now. They lift Sky off the ground. Death Spiral Drop! Casey goes for a pin. Ron Martin counts. …1 …2 …3
Jack Zenk in the ring.
Zenk: “The winners of this match in thirty-one minutes and twelve seconds, and still Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Title champions, Angel Scott, Angel Casey, Angels of Death!”
Tessa: “That’s one of the best matches I’ve seen yet. VIP took AoD to the limit but in the end, Angel Casey and Angel Scott prevailed.”
Replay: Last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV Obama announces who has signed on with High Octane Wrestling Obama: “Ha…ha…ha. Very funny, J.D. All right, the reason I’m here is to announce that one of our wrestlers is leaving us and moving on to High Octane Wrestling. So, if-”
Dr. Bill, PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke, Midnite Rockin’ Xpress members Bobby Ricky Michaels and Marty Gibson-Lane, the Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA), and the God Squad (The Right Reverend Randy Richardson, Reverend Robertson, Reverend Warren, and Reverend Falwell, Jr.
Dr. Bill: “Thank you…thank you…thank you.”
Dr. Bill climbs into the ring and goes over to Obama.
Obama: “Uh, Dr. Bill. I hate to break it to you. But, you’re not going to HOW.”
Dr. Bill turns white.
Dr. Bill: “W-what?”
Obama: “It’s not you guys. Apparently, Lee Best doesn’t take kindly to prospective employees vandalizing the Best Arena and attacking the EPU unit.”
Dr. Bill: “If not me…then…who?”
FBI Special Agent Charlize Starling wheels out Dr. Annabel (the Cannibal) Lecktor. Lecktor is strapped to a gurney and straitjacketed. She also wears a mask over her face.
Dr. Bill: “HER? They took HER instead of Baron Von Munchke? You can’t be serious.”
The crowd that’s there starts to jeer Dr. Bill. Obama leaves the ring to meet Agent Starling and Dr. Lecktor. Obama shakes Starling’s hand.
Obama: “Congratulations, Charlize. PCW wishes you the best of luck.”
Starling: “Thank you.”
Obama: “So, any big plans to celebrate tonight?”
Dr. Lecktor: “I’m having a friend for dinner.”
Obama: “There you go. Well, congratulations and good luck.” Obama and entourage leave for the back. Agent Starling wheels Dr. Lecktor back to the dressing room. And Dr. Bill stands stunned and in disbelief in the middle of the ring.
Replay: Last Thursday Night’s HOW Turmoil show courtesy of High Octane Wrestling)
The HOTv logo gives way to the brand new Thursday Night Aceldama banner and the World Champions music begins to play as the road to ICONIC is officially under way.
But instead of going live inside The Best Arena a video instead begins to play and the setting is obvious as it starts up…
The parking lot of The Best Arena.
Political Championship Wrestling’s Dr. Bill, Baron Von Munchke, Bobby Ricky Michaels and Marty Gibson-Lane aka The Midnite Rockin’ Xpress, plus The Green World Order’s GreenPete, Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA swarm all over a car in the parking lot. Von Munchke and Michaels work on loosening up the lug nuts. The GWO take turns spray painting graffiti all over the car. Dr. Bill and Gibson-Lane take turn busting out windows and lights with tire irons.
Upset over not being signed by HOW, Dr. Bill takes extreme pleasure in every swing of the tire iron that connects with the car. He is so focused on destroying the vehicle one swing at a time; he does not see FBI Special Agent Charlize Starling, Dawn McGill, and two uniformed officers wheeling Dr. Annabel Lecktor, strapped to a gurney, straitjacketed, and wearing a mask.
Starling: “WHAT…are you guys doing?”
Dr. Bill whips around.
Dr. Bill: “Starling! McGill? What are you doing here?”
McGill: “I’m meeting the Egg Bandits and signing a HOW managerial contract.”
Dr. Bill: “You too?”
Starling: “What are you guys doing?”
Dr. Bill: “What does it look like I’m doing. I’m enacting a pound of flesh from Lee Best for not signing us. Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration. We are merely reacting to the news that HOW, in its infinite wisdom, signed you and not us.”
Starling: “I hate to tell you, but that’s not Lee Best’s car.”
Dr. Bill: “What do you mean, that’s not Lee Best’s car.”
Starling: “That’s not Lee’s car.”
Dr. Bill: “Oh yeah? That license plate says otherwise.”
Close up on the license plate. ‘B-E’ is visible. The rest of the license plate is dirty and unreadable.
Starling: “That’s not his car.”
Starling reaches into her purse and pulls out a handkerchief. She wipes down the license plate that cleans up very nicely. The license plate reads ‘BENNY.’
Starling: “You guys vandalized Benny Newell’s car!”
Dr. Bill’s eyes widen. The license plate clearly reads ‘BENNY.’
Starling walks to the car and peeks in the back window.
Starling: “Besides, the empty bottles of Jack Daniels in the back seat should have been a dead giveaway.”
Dr. Bill: “Oh.”
Starling: “Well? Have a good night. Oh…and I wouldn’t want to be here when Benny finds out you’ve trashed his car.”
The video fades out and we go LIVE inside The Best Arena and we are greeted by none other than Joe Hoffman and one pissed off Big Buff Benny Newell!!
MATCH #7 PCW Television Title Baron Von Munchke w/Dr. Bill and the Midnite Rockin’ Express (Old School Kings) vs. SNAFU w/Dawn McGill (Independent)
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring.
Charlene Ann: “This match is a one fall, thirty minute time limit for the PCW Television Title. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Norway, Maine a member of Independent accompanied by Dawn McGill, SNAFU!!!
SNAFU comes to the ring.
Charlene Ann: “And his opponent, weighing in at 233 pounds, from Berlin, Germany a member of Island of Misfit Wrestlers accompanied by Dr. Bill and the Midnite Rockin’ Xpress-” She gets cut off by a sustained wall of boos directed at Bobby Ricky Michaels for the fireball incident earlier in the night.
Suave: “I don’t think they’ve forgotten that.’
Charlene Ann: “He is the PCW Television champion, BARON VON MUNCHKE!”
Baron Von Munchke climbs into the ring.
Suave: “Davey Keels is the referee for this contest.”
Keels calls for the bell. Von Munchke ducks a chair throw by SNAFU who then goes forward and clotheslines the Television champion. Von Munchke back up and behind SNAFU. He grabs him around the waist, and lifts. SNAFU flips over and sweeps the legs. Von Munchke drags SNAFU to the floor.
Suave: “LET THE FUN BEGIN!”
Dr. Bill grabs SNAFU’s arm and whips him into the ring table. Von Munchke over and rakes his fingers across SNAFU’s back. Bobby Ricky Michaels throws a chair at SNAFU. Von Munchke hits SNAFU with a baba chop. Dawn McGill comes around the bend. Baron Von Munchke delivers a spinning backbreak to SNAFU. *CLANG* McGill slams the chair into Von Munchke’s back. Scoop by McGill Powerslam on the chair! SNAFU gets whipped into the corner by Bobby Ricky Michaels. Marty Gibson-Lane follows him in with an avalanche. Dr. Bill kicks SNAFU in the groin. McGill whips Michaels into Gibson-Lane and both go down. She throws the chair to Von Munchke and kicks the chair into his face.
Suave: “THAT’S TWO VAN DAMINATORS WE’VE SEEN TONIGHT!”
Michaels grabs McGill from behind. He flips her over and suplexes McGill on the floor. Michaels follows with a leg drop.
The crowd suddenly goes nuts.
Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!”
An extremely pissed older man wielding an empty Jack Daniels bottle marches down the aisle to the ring.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT’S BENNY NEWELL FROM HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING. THAT WAS HIS CAR THAT GOT TRASHED BY THE OLD SCHOOL KINGS AND THE GREEN WORLD ORDER!”
McGill back up and punches Von Munchke repeatedly. Dr. Bill sees Benny and tries to flee. He tries to duck out the other way but is blocked by a man and a woman- who both look equally pissed off.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT’S HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING’S LEE BEST AND KIRSTA LEWIS!”
The crowd again goes wild when they realize who the duo are.
Suave: “DR. BILL IS TRYING TO BEG OFF. BUT I’M GUESSING GIVEN THE MOOD THOSE THREE ARE IN, THAT AIN’T HAPPENING.”
Dr. Bill backs right up into Newell. Newell wastes no time and smashing the Jack Daniels bottle over his head.
Crowd: “F*** em up Benny, f*** em up (clap clap)
Benny starts laying the boots to Dr. Bill. Marty Gibson-Lane comes over. Lewis immediately thrusts her right foot out and Hell’s Bitch Kicks him to dreamland. Best sets up a chair. Newell pulls up Dr. Bill Best lifts him up and over, Fall Away Slam on the chair! Michaels from behind delivers a forearm shot to Lewis. *CLANG* Chairshot by Dawn McGill. *THWACK* Hell’s Bitch kick by Lewis. SNAFU in the ring. He’s set a chair up.
Suave: “WATCH OUT! TRIPLE JUMP MOONSAULT ON THE WAY!”
SNAFU gets a running start, jumps to a chair and then onto the top rope and moonsaults from there onto Von Munchke.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Best and Lewis throw Baron Von Munchke into the ring. SNAFU’s got a chair. Arabian Facebuster! SNAFU climbs up top…he flips in the air with the chair! 450 Splash with the chair on Von Munchke! Keels counts the pin. …1 …2 …3.
Suave: “THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!”
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring to make the official announcement.
Charlene Ann: “The winner, and new PCW Television Title champion, SNAFU!”
Suave: “THANKS TO SOME HELP FROM HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING’S BENNY NEWELL, LEE BEST, AND KIRSTA LEWIS, WHO EVENED THE ODDS FOR SNAFU, WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION! AND DAWN McGILL IS NOW MANAGING TWO CHAMPIONS IN TWO DIFFERENT FEDERATIONS. SHE’S GOING AFTER THREE TUESDAY NIGHT ON DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION’S INSOMNIA SHOW…what? THERE SEEMS TO BE A COMMOTION OFF TO THE SIDE.”
Former PCW wrestler who just signed with HOW, Dr. Annabel Lecktor, is trying to drag Dr. Bill to the back.
Crowd: “FRIEND FOR DINNER! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) FRIEND FOR DINNER! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”
Suave: “Oh, oh.”
FBI Special Agent Charlize Starling tries to get Dr. Lecktor to let go of Dr. Bill. Lecktor pushes her down. She picks up Dr. Bill like a sack of potatoes and takes off. Starling, Best, and Lewis chase after her.
Crowd: “FRIEND FOR DINNER! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) FRIEND FOR DINNER! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”
Suave: “We’ll keep an eye on this development. But Dr. Annabel Lecktor has taken Dr. Bill and left the building.”
The World eWrestling Rag’s A. Kuluha Bacardi is in the ring to make an announcement.
AKB: Ladies and gentlemen. It is my pleasure to announce tonight here at Lock and Load 4, that the next WWR Supershow will take place in the Island of Puerto De Macoris, December twentieth.”
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! I guess that was the price to get Miss USA back up here for tonight’s show.”
Tessa: “I thought we didn’t negotiate with terrorists.”
Judith: “Repugnant. Simply repugnant. If I have anything to say about the matter, Missouri Valley Wrestling will not be a part of the-”
AKB: “We’ve already secured firm commitments from PCW CEO Barack Obama and MVW CEO Jason Carmondy that they will be a part of this huge event.”
Judith: “Dammit, Jason.”
AKB: “The event will be called ‘Christmas in the Caribbean.’ We hope to see some of you down there.”
MATCH #8 MVW Title- Cage Match Miss USA © vs. Katie Collins
Tessa: “The cage is down. The stage is set for should be a classic. Miss USA versus Katie Collins- the third time around. Jack Zenk is in the ring.
Zenk: “This next match is one fall, sixty minute time limit, for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Title. On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 117 pounds, from Haines City, FL, accompanied by Dawn McGill, she is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion, Miss USA!”
Miss USA comes to the ring.
Tessa: “Here she comes. The MVW Champion Miss USA.” McGill and Miss USA climb into the cage.
Zenk: “The challenger tonight, weighing in at 155 pounds, from Binghamton, New York, she’s a three time PCW Women’s champion, Katie Collins!”
Katie turns and waves to the crowd.
Judith: “Well, despite my earlier misgivings, Miss USA has done a good job of establishing herself as the MVW champion. Tonight, she may be facing her stiffest challenge yet.”
Tessa: “Katie wants the title badly.”
Davey Keels sends McGill out of the cage and the door is closed and locked.
Tessa: “We’re about ready. (ring, ring, ring) And here we go.”
Miss USA and Collins circle each other warily. Each woman feints towards the other and then backs away. Lock up. Collins hits Miss USA with a baba chop. She whirls back around with a back fist. Collins uppercuts Miss USA and sends her staggering into the ropes.
Tessa: “Katie Collins coming out with the heavy artillery early on!”
Judith: “It’s her best mode of attack, Tess.”
Collins shoulder tackles Miss USA. Collins back up. She sends Miss USA for the ride into the ropes…shoulder block #2. Collins turns her over and pulls her arm behind her.
Tessa: “Hammerlock by Katie Collins.”
Judith: “This stretches the pectorals and shoulder joint, and immobilizes the arm.”
Tessa: “Referee Davey Keels is checking for a tap out. Miss USA escapes. Collins scoops up Miss USA and starts spinning.
Tessa: “Airplane spin. Collins dumps Miss USA onto the mat and goes for the cage.”
Collins climbs the cage. Miss USA gets her bearings back. She pulls Collins off the cage.
Kick attempt by Miss USA, Collins catches his leg. Miss USA flips around and kicks Collins. Elbow to the stomach by Miss USA. Flying shoulder block sends Collins sprawling to the mat. Collins slams her hand on the canvas and gets back up. She goes for a running lariat, Miss USA ducks under. Collins keeps on going and begins climbing the cage. Miss USA over and shakes the cage. Collins falls off. Miss USA jumps onto the top rope…hits a rope flip moonsault on Collins. Now she tries to climb the cage.
Tessa: “She’s halfway up…”
Judith: “She might make it.”
Collins pulls herself up and shakes the cage.
Tessa: “Miss USA tries to hang on! NO!”
Miss USA loses her grip and goes down.
Judith: “A long way to fall.”
Collins delivers a nasty elbow smash to the face. Collins rakes her fingers across her back. Gouge to Miss USA’s eyes. Collins gets caught when Miss USA hits her with her own elbow smash. Quickly up the turnbuckle. Miss USA goes off the top turnbuckle…double foot stomp on Collins. She goes back up to the second turnbuckle. Elbow drop from the second turnbuckle. Diving elbow smash from Miss USA follows. Elbow drop. Collins back up. Flying side kick by Miss USA misses. Collins charges, wraps her arm around Miss USA’s upper chest and neck swings her legs forward, using the momentum to pull her down to the mat.
Tessa: “Beautiful running neckbreaker by Katie Collins.” Collins starts to climb the cage. Miss USA pulls her right off.
Snap mare takeover by Collins. She misses with a lariat. Miss USA uses the ropes for momentum and hits a flying body press. She hooks the legs. One…two…kick out by Collins. Collins pokes Miss USA in the eyes. Miss USA returns with a jumping elbow thrust. Collins uses a closed fist on Miss USA. Back elbow smash follows. Collins places her head under Miss USA’s jaw and falls to a sitting position, driving her jaw the top of his/her head.
Tessa: “Jawbreaker by Collins and that’ll take a lot of the starch out of you.”
Collins goes second turnbuckle. Elbow drop by Collins misses.
Judith: “Alert move by Miss USA. She rolled out of harm’s way before Collins could hit the elbow.”
Front headlock by Miss USA. She drops backwards and drives Collins down to the mat head first.
Tessa: “Springboard DDT by Miss USA. And now, she’s climbing up the cage again.”
Miss USA is pulled off the cage by Katie Collins. Collins hits Miss USA with a headbutt to the mid-section. Miss USA hits a flying karate chop right to Collins’s neck. Collins jabs Miss USA. Miss USA hiptosses Collins to the mat. Diving elbow smash by Miss USA. Then an elbow drop.
Tessa: “Back and forth, back and forth. Just when you think one gets the momentum, it turns on a dime. Miss USA has it right now.”
Bulldog by Miss USA. She goes top turnbuckle. Five Star Shooting Star Press. Miss USA scrambles over to cover. Keels counts the pin. …1 Collins escapes. Katie Collins moves back to his feet. Miss USA dropkicks Collins to the face. Collins takes another Five Star Shooting Star Press from Miss USA. Keels counts…1 …2 Collins kicks out!
Tessa: “Unbelieveable! Collins kicks out of two shooting star presses in a row!”
Judith: “She’s tough, But right now, she’s in big trouble.”
Miss USA begins climbing the cage. She reaches the top of the cage. Collins up. She shakes the cage…Miss USA goes down.
Female voice: “Hi Mom.”
Judith: “Christa, how nice to see you.”
Tessa: “Christa Carmondy? I thought she was in college.”
Christa: “I’m just visiting. Mom, can I have the keys?”
She hands Christa a key ring.
Tessa: “What the hell was that all about.”
Judith: “Oh…you’ll see.”
Collins whips Miss USA into the referee and knocks him out. Christa walks over to the cage door. She’s then joined by Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen. Christa unlocks the door and she and Jones goes in.
Tessa: “What the hell? The referee’s out and your daughter just unlocked the cage to let Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen in?”
Miss USA sees trouble and climbs top turnbuckle. She jumps from the top turnbuckle and Jones clotheslines her in mid-air. Miss USA lands hard on the mat with the wind knocked out of her. Collins stomps away. Jones picks her up and spins her around. She sits down and slams Miss USA face first to the mat.
Tessa: “The Eskimo Queen just Eskimo Piefaced Miss USA! She’s not moving at all.”
Katie Collins and Dawn McGill duel by the cage door. McGill’s trying to get in. Collins is trying to close the door. ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas, Miss USA’s tag partner last week, runs down.
Tessa: “Finally. Some help.”
Dallas makes as if she’s going to help McGill bust through the door. But she grabs her cowbell at the last possible second and nails McGill in the back of the head with it. McGill tips backwards and falls to the floor. Dallas inside the cage. The door is closed and relocked.
Christa Carmondy sets up several tables. She then walks over to the broadcast table and flips off Tessa. Tessa stands up.
Judith: “You are not getting involved.”
Tessa: “Don’t tell me what to do.”
Judith: “The last thing you need to do is hurt yourself two nights before your title shot in DWF.” The crowd starts to buzz.
Tessa: “Now what?”
She looks up.
Tessa: “There’s…a cable?”
The spotlight illuminates someone on the second tier of the bar.
Tessa: “Oh my God…that’s Jackie Daniels. She’s back?”
Daniels, in considerably better shape than the last time MVW fans saw her, grabs on to a handle attacked to an apparatus that slides along the cable and propels herself forward.
Tessa: “Here she comes!”
Daniels glides through the air until she reaches the cage. She lets go and lands twenty-feet later, taking out Kalee Jones. Carmondy charges her. Daniels evades, takes her by the hair, and bulldogs her through one of the tables.
Tessa: “Now, who’s getting involved?”
Daniels takes the key ring from Christa and runs across the ring. She unlocks the door and opens it up.
Tessa: “Oh, I’m just going to sit back and watch this one.”
McGill, still a bit woozy from the cowbell shot to the head, immediately goes after Haley Dallas. Dallas tries to lasso the 6 foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt. McGill grabs the rope in mid-air and yanks Dallas towards her. Short lariat by McGill.
Tessa: “Wait a second. Is that who I think it is?”
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy jumps into the cage and whips Katie Collins to the corner of the ring. McGill gets a chair and hits a chairshot directly to Collins’s knee. McGill grabs ahold of Christa Carmondy’s waist….Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex through another table.
Judith: “NOOOOOOOOO! STOP!”
Daniels hammers Collins repeatedly. Jackie Daniels grabs Collins and drags her up to another table. Side headlock. DDT through the table.
Tessa: “Jackie Daniels is back and man, does she look good or what?”
McGill grabs Dallas’s rope. She ties Dallas, Collins, Jones, and Christa Carmondy’s hands around the top rope. McGill then takes off each women’s shoes and socks and points them out to Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy. Keels awakes. He sees Miss USA unconscious. Haley Dallas, Katie Collins, Kalee Jones, and Christa Carmondy tied up in the ropes and Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy scoping out their feet. Keels calls for the bell and tosses the match out.
Jack Zenk in the ring.
Zenk: “At twenty-three minutes and seventeen seconds, Referee Davey Keels has disqualified both contestants.”
Tessa: “Well, that’s about the only thing he could do.
LAST WEEK’S BILL CLINTON’S HOT TUB
Clinton and PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism relax inside the hot tub. Chism’s challenger this Sunday night at PCW-MVW Lock and Load 4, Starz N. Stripes, stands outside the hot tub, fully clothed.
Clinton: “Aw, come on. Why won’t you get into the hot tub?”
Starz: “No. I’m not playing the little game here tonight. I’m not getting in the tub with two grown naked men. I’m not going to lay down for you, Stone Chism, Sunday night. I’m not playing the game.”
Chism: “I’m disappointed, Starz. I thought you were a team player.”
Starz: “I am a team player, Stone. But I have more respect for the PCW title than you do. I will not dishonor the title belt by deliberately throwing a match just to satisfy your overly inflated ego.”
Clinton: “Now boys, let’s not let this get out of hand.”
Chism: “Overly inflated ego? You’re just jealous that you couldn’t get Tom Cruise or Demi Moore to do a video for you.”
Starz: “Right. Forget it. I’m not doing this.”
Starz walks away.
Chism: “He’s going to be a problem.”
Clinton: “Well, you need to touch base with Rahm Emanuel. He’ll make sure everything goes the way it’s supposed to Sunday night.”
Clinton leans back and closes his eyes.
Clinton: “Well. So much for having a show tonight.” F
emale voice: “Why don’t you let me guest on your show.”
An older red-headed woman in a white terry cloth robe walks over to the hot tub.
Clinton: “Maureen Dowd? What the hell are you doing here?”
Dowd: “I thought I’d join your little show. I mean, you did have Sarah Palin on last week.”
Clinton: “Yeah, but…”
Dowd whips off her robe. Clinton covers his eyes.
SPECIAL BILL CLINTON’S HOT TUB
It’s just Bill inside his hot tub tonight and he doesn’t appear to be in a particularly good mood.
Bill: “I saw what took place earlier tonight and I am profoundly horrified by what took place…”
Suave: “That would be the apparent blinding of Starz N. Stripes by the Midnite Rockin’ Xpress thanks to a fireball. Starz has been taken to a local hospital and is reportedly on his way now to Toledo.”
Clinton starts wagging his finger to the camera.
Bill: “I just want to make this perfectly clear, I…did…not have anything to do with that…fireball to Mr. Stripes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have two ladies who’ll be joining me in just a few-”
Older woman’s voice: “Hi Bill.”
Another woman’s voice: “Long time no see.”
Clinton’s eyes bug out.
Bill: “Madelene Albright? Janet Reno?”
Close up shot of Bill covering his eyes as two sets of terry cloth robes drop to the ground.
MATCH #9 ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism vs. Starz N. Stripes
Chism in the ring.
Chism: “Well? I guess the referee can come out and make this academic since Starz N. Stripes didn’t have the decency to wait around and lay down for me like he should have.”
Chism: “Oh. I know you guys really love me. And why not? I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. *I* am a star. The rest of them are just wrestlers. I am…I…I?”
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad leads Khalid-El and the rest of the Axis of Evil (Kim Song-Il, Byung Hyung Kang, Fatima, Soon Ye, Hugo Chavez and Fernando Venezuela to the ring.
Suave: “IT’S THE AXIS OF EVIL!”
Chism looks to the back for help.
*flute and clarinet flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Two aides wheel out a portable wooden closet that’s been repaired containing his Aide de Camp Joe Biden inside. Obama climbs into the ring and confronts Ahmadinejad.
Obama: “You want do this tonight?”
Obama: “Fine.” The crowd roars until they realize there’s someone missing in the ring- ‘The Hollywood A-Lister.
Suave: “He snuck out of here? The PCW champion?”
Obama orders the bell rang. The referee starts to count.
Suave: “Khalid-El is going to get his first Par Per View win ever, but he’s still not going to win the PCW Title.”
The referee reaches ten and calls for the bell.
Suave: “That’s it! Khalid-El wins the match but not the PCW title.”
Ahmadinejad is incensed. Khalid-El rages around the ring. Obama is apologetic…but not that apologetic.
Suave: “And that’ll do it for tonight. No PCW Extreme Political TV this week. It’s be a replay of tonight’s show. I’m Johnny Suave for Tessa Martin and Dame Judith Carmondy. Thanks for tuning in.”