Cedar Rapids, IA
Saturday January 31st, 2016
Announcers: Johnny Suave
SHOW OPEN: Montage
[Lani Harlot bends both of Amy Mason legs up and tucks her ankles against her armpits and sits down. She then reaches over and grabs Amy’s chin and pulls back…aka The White Trash Compactor.
Carrieanne McDermott grabs Terry Sargent by the head and head butts her in the nose.
Ninja Kitty hits a 450 splash off the top turnbuckle.
‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan hits the Canadian Destroyer on Chondra Wells and flips Chondra over landing in a seated position and driving Wells’s head down to the mat between her thighs.
Former host of ‘Shot at Scoring with a Skanky Video Channel Reality Star’ Mia Margarita is tied up in the tree of woe. Regina McGill goes to the opposite corner…takes off running and hits a flying drop kick. Mia’s feet come off the corner and she slides to the mat.
Harley Davisson has Wendi Bayless of the SEC in a front facelock. Carrieanne McDermott has Brandi Bayless in the Indian Deathlock. Kari Ferguson runs down to the ring with a make up kit and throws powder in McDermott’s eyes, blinding her.
Jill Berg Enterprises (Angels of Death, Mia Margarita, and Hallie Burton) file their way to the ring. ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris, seeing the JBE reinforcements, goes to the top turnbuckle and bowls into all four of them with a wild suicide dive.
‘Queen Cool Leah Iris slowly gets up. Jill Berg snaps off a spinning heel kick…bingo! Leah falls forward to her knees. Jill launches herself forward and buries her shoulder into Leah’s stomach. The crowd rises. Jill pulls Leah up and sets her up over her shoulder…and slams her to the mat.
Jill Berg glowers over her opponent Lady Halitosis and starts talking to her. Lady Halitosis pops her head up and breathes right in the champion’s face. Jill immediately keels backwards to a sitting position.
Penny backs into Kathryn Randall Collins. KRC takes her to the mat and holds her legs high against Penny’s upper back. She then slips one foot in front of Penny’s head under her chin, locks hands behind her head, and chokes her out.]
Johnny Suave (voiceover): WELCOME TO MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING!
[CLOSE UP camera shot of the cheering crowd]
Suave (v/o): Welcome to MVWA 69 on Heartland Television!
[CLOSE UP-Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]
Suave: I am Johnny Suave and welcome to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for tonight’s show on Heartland TV. Tonight on MVWA 69, we’ve got three big matches for you. First…
[An onscreen graphic appears to the right of Suave’s head: a photo of both Penny and Christa Carmondy.]
Suave: …we have a big grudge match with the former MVW Champion Penny taking on MVW Original Christa Carmondy. Penny and Christa got into it at last week’s house show in Kokomo, Indiana after losing a three way number one contender’s match to Sheline Carrigan. So, acting MVW Director Dawn McGill went ahead booked the match between the two for tonight.
[The onscreen graphic changes to photos of former MVW Tag Team Champions ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless.]
Suave: Next, former MVW Tag Team Champions ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas try to regain the title from the new champions Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless of the Sports Entertainment Consortium. Last month at MVWA 68, the SEC paved the way for the Bayless twins to win the tag titles. Tonight, can Tessa and Haley do what they do best- grind out results? Will the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann once again use the SEC’s Bo Stevens and Timothy Allen Tebow to swing the match in favor of the Bayless twins? We’ll find out tonight.
[The final onscreen graphic are photos of the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Kathryn Randall Collins and her opponent ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan.]
Suave: And last but not least, MVW Champion Kathryn Randall Collins faces off against the ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan for the title. Is this the night Sheline Carrigan finally breaks through and wins the top title? Or will the experience and guile of KRC rule the day. But first, let’s go to the ring where Dawn McGill is ready to announce the results of the MVW Supporters Trust election.
MVW SUPPORTERS TRUST ELECTION RESULTS
[Heartland TV cuts to Dawn McGill in the ring. She’s well into the eighth month of pregnancy which is covered up by an oversized maternity shirt and a corresponding pair of maternity issue pants. Dawn has a microphone.]
Dawn McGill: Thanks Johnny. I am very happy to report back to everyone that of the eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty-five members of the Missouri Valley Wrestling Supporters Trust, sixty-three percent of them voted in the election of the board.
[The camera pans over and brings The Wrestling Guys’ Fred ‘Thunderbolt’ Smith into the shot.]
Dawn McGill: Thunderbolt, are you ready?
[Thunderbolt holds up a large envelope with the results of the election inside.]
Thunderbolt Smith: I’m ready.
Dawn McGill: All right…let’s do it.
[Thunderbolt pulls out a sheet of paper from the envelope.]
Thunderbolt Smith: Okay folks. Your five new board members who will represent you on the Missouri Valley Wrestling Supporters Trust are…Jason Carmondy…
Suave (v/o): Jason Carmondy is the former owner of Missouri Valley Wrestling and has played a prominent role in the background, helping Dawn McGill out these past few months.
Thunderbolt Smith: …Andrea Blanton…
Suave (v/o): Andrea Blanton is a big time businesswoman from Topeka, Kansas who happens to be a HUGE Missouri Valley Wrestling fan.
Thunderbolt Smith: …Dawn McGill.
Suave (v/o): Former wrestler, backstage trainer. She has worked very hard with many of the young talent who are being featured more and more. Dawn has also run MVW in the interim.
Thunderbolt Smith: …Mr. McMann.
[Audible groans from the crowd.]
Suave (v/o): ‘The self-proclaimed Sports Entertainment Genius.’
Thunderbolt Smith: …Jill Berg
Suave (v/o): Another former wrestler now retired. Jill Berg is a perfect choice to be on the board.
Thunderbolt Smith: And now, the ‘fans representative’ on the board…Terry from Ada, Oklahoma.
Suave (v/o): Who?
[All five new MVW Supporters Trust board members are in the ring now.]
Thunderbolt Smith: This is your Missouri Valley Wrestling Supporters Trust board!
[The crowd applauds.]
Suave (v/o): Well, there they are. The new board. And they will go right to work. The next and possibly the biggest piece of business this group will do is choose a new Director. Dawn McGill? Will Mr. McMann try to find a way to talk two other board members into giving him the reins? At the end of tonight’s show, we will find out who is going to lead MVW forward. We will hopefully have an opportunity to chat briefly with Dawn McGill about this sometime tonight. Back after these messages.
PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE COMMERCIAL
[Shot in black and white, the commercial starts out in an old fashioned kitchen right out of the 1950’s. Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Dawn McGill, over four months pregnant, sits at the kitchen table with an antique adding machine to her right. She looks the part of the stereotypical happy suburban housewife as she’s dressed in all white, complete with big, pearly smile, as she sifts through the monthly bills.]
Announcer (voiceover): The secret to a happy home in these modern times is a housewife who’s in control of the finances.
[McGill glances up and looks straight at the camera.]
Dawn McGill: Actually, any wife, husband, or human person could use Progressive’s ‘Name Your Price’ tool (Dawn holds up the gun-like prop aka the ‘Name Your Price’ tool) to take control of their budget.
[Dawn slightly tilts her face and smiles.]
Announcer (v/o): And while the men do the hard work of making money…
[Close up on McGill as her facial expression changes. She looks slightly annoyed now.]
Announcer (v/o):…she can get all the car insurance options her little heart desires.
[No check that. She looks a little pissed off.]
Dawn McGill: Men do the hard work of making money? Really?
[Cut to the announcer guy- a walking, talking relic from the 1950’s.]
Announcer (smiling and scoffing): Women don’t have jobs making money.
[Cut back to Dawn. She looks at the ‘Name Your Price’ tool. Then she looks at the announcer guy like a tiger eyeing its prey.
Cut to the announcer guy.]
Announcer: Modernizing car insurance the-*WHACK*
[McGill cracks the announcer guy with the ‘Name Your Price’ tool.]
Announcer: Owww. You hit me.
[Then Dawn takes a headlock and gauges the announcer’s forehead with the ‘Name Your Price’ tool. Blood begins to flow from over his right eye.]
Announcer: Where’s your husband?”
Dawn McGill: Where’s my husband? I’ll show you where my husband is.
[Dawn takes announcer guy by the arm and flings him into the kitchen table. Then she goes to the cupboard and pulls out a skillet. No, not the cheaply constructed, newfangled skillets but the old fashioned iron skillet. Despite being four plus months pregnant, she easily lifts the skillet and…]
[…brains the hell out of announcer guy with it.
The director of the commercial runs out.]
Director: Hey! You can’t-
[Dawn doesn’t hesitate and gives the director an iron skillet facial. The director recoils back and screws himself into the floor.]
Ray McAvay’s voice: What the hell is-
[Fade to black.]
McGill’s voice: Um…*BLEEP*. Sorry Ray.
[Heartland TV returns with a shot of the front door of Dawn McGill’s office. MVW Tag Team champions Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless edge into the shot. Then Bo Stevens and Timothy Allen Tebow arrive.]
Suave (v/o): All right. What’s going on?
[Brandi and Wendi open up the door to Dawn’s office and barge in. McGill looks up and is surprised to see the Lingerie Girls, Bo Stevens, and Timothy Allen Tebow in her office.]
Dawn McGill: What the hell are you doing in here?
[Dawn’s eyes flash in anger and she stands up.]
Dawn McGill: YOU!
[She points at ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann who’s entered her office.]
Mr. McMann: Bo. Timothy. Guard the door and don’t let anyone in.
[Stevens and Tebow exit and shut the door behind them.]
Dawn McGill: What the hell is this all about?
Mr. McMann: Dawn, there comes a time where a man has to take matters into his own hands. Now that the new board has been elected and is in place, this is the perfect moment to show the new board…to show the wrestling world…that I am ready to lead Missouri Valley Wrestling into a new and exciting direction. I know you mean well. I know you work hard. I know you’ve done a lot of good things with MVW’s younger wrestlers. But, when it comes to running the company and putting together a show…you don’t have it. You’re not a sports entertainment genius. I am.
Dawn McGill: I really don’t care what you think…I…
[Dawn pauses as four armed prison guards walk into Dawn’s office with an orange-clad prison garb issued, six foot three woman who’s shackled and handcuffed. The number “034291” is stenciled on her orange top.]
Dawn McGill: …am?… Who in the world is that?
Mr. McMann: Dawn, tonight I, Mr. McMann, the Sports Entertainment Genius, will give the good folks of Cedar Rapids, Iowa a true blue, sports entertainment, wrestling show that they’ll never forget. Now. We can do this the hard way,
[He motions to the guards. They lead the large female prisoner over to Dawn’s desk and settle in right behind Dawn.]
Mr. McMann: Or we can do it the easy way. And given your condition at the moment…I would prefer that you would do it the easy way.
[McMann points at McGill’s ever expanding belly- a fair representation of the fact that she is seven and a half months pregnant.]
Dawn McGill: Like hell I will.
Mr. McMann: The hard way it is.
[The other guards unlock the handcuffs on Prisoner # 034291. She then swings her muscle bound left arm and connects with McGill’s back- causing her to pitch forward. Dawn falls to her knees and she supports herself with her hands. The Prisoner than pulls her up and latches on to Dawn’s arms, pulling them behind her.]
Dawn McGill: Hey!
[Prisoner #034291 then forcibly move Dawn away from the desk.]
Mr. McMann: Now, now, now. There’s no need for violence.
[Dawn sees a woman enter her office. She’s dressed in a black overcoat with a large brimmed hat, black hair tied up in a bun, wearing dark rimmed glasses. She closes the door behind her as she walks over to her. McGill grits her teeth.]
Woman: Emma Vandenburg at your service, Miss McGill. Mr. McMann hired me to help Missouri Valley Wrestling get the maximum entertainment quotient from your wrestlers through internal and external measure.
Vandenburg studies Dawn’s face and tries to touch her cheek but McGill turns away.
Dawn McGill: What the hell do you do?
Vandenburg: Usually, I work in the field of entertainment…normally at bars, clubs, and state fairs. The usual term for me is ‘showroom hypnotist.’ I call myself ‘The Puppeteer.’
Dawn tries to force her way out of Prisoner #034291’s grip.
Vandenburg: So tense. Miss McGill, you really need to relax.
Dawn McGill: Like hell I…
[Vandenburg holds up his hand.]
Vandenburg (commanding tone): Relax!
[At once, Dawn’s feistiness tones down dramatically.]
Dawn McGill: …will…
Vandenburg (more soothing): Relax…
[McGill seems to be mesmorized.]
Dawn McGill: …relax.
[Dr. Vandenburg runs her hand through Dawn’s hair.]
Vandenburg: …just relax.
Dawn McGill (softly): Relax.
Vandenburg: That’s it.
[McMann slides into Dawn’s chair.]
Mr. McMann: Okay. Now that we have the situation under control.
[McMann glances over and see Dawn staring blankly ahead.]
Dawn McGill: Relax.
Mr. McMann: Let’s show everyone just how good this show can be if someone who knows what they’re doing is in charge. All credit to McGill. She did the best she could under the circumstances but now it’s time to let the real professionals step in and finish the job. Let’s show them just what sports entertainment is all about!
Bo Stevens: What about McGill?
[Mr. McMann ponders the question. Then he fixates on the Prisoner’s orange uniform.]
Mr. McMann: I have a plan.
[Cut back to Suave and he’s not happy.]
Johnny Suave: Sports Entertainment Genius, my ass! The Sports Entertainment Consortium just assaulted acting director Dawn McGill in her office and they’re taking over the show. Even worse, he is bringing sports entertainment into Missouri Valley Wrestling! What does it mean? I guess we’ll find out as the evening goes on. If you haven’t seen Christa Carmondy in the ring before, she’s got talent. This was probably her biggest moment in the original incarnation of MVW.
Replay- MVWA 39: MVW Champion Valora Salinas vs. Christa Carmondy
[…Valora charges Christa in the corner but Carmondy is able to get both boots up and knock her back. Valora hits a springboard seated senton and a rana off the ropes. Christa rakes her eyes and grabs her around the throat. Valora breaks out and tries a rana. Carmondy blocks that and gets her into the powerbomb position. Valora throws several punches and Carmondy throws her off. Christa clips Valora’s knee from behind. She grabs the chair and goes after the knee. Then Christa hits a big shot to the back. She goes for the sleeper but Valora slips away and slaps on the Tazzmission. Valora rocks back and gets Christa off her feet but the young Carmondy won’t give up. Finally, she taps out and the match is Valora’s.]
Johnny Suave: Christa’s grown up a lot since those days. We’ll see what she can do against the former MVW Champion Penny who lost the belt last month at MVWA 68.
Replay- MVWA 68: MVW Champion Penny vs. Kathryn Randall Collins
[…as Penny slowly gets up, KRC IS ALREADY ON HER FEET! PENNY BACKS INTO KRC! GOGOPLATA! SHE’S GOT IT LOCKED ON! PENNY TRIES FLIPPING OUT OF IT WITH THE CORNER BUT KRC HOLDS ON! PENNY SWINGS HER LEG BACK TO LOW BLOW KRC- BUT KRC NO-SELLS IT AND LOCKS THE HOLD RIGHT BACK ON! THEY GO DOWN! AND PENNY PASSES OUT! KRC WINS! KRC WINS! KRC WINS!]
[Back on the air with Johnny Suave at the broadcast table.]
Johnny Suave: Okay. So here’s the situation. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann has essentially highjacked tonight’s show. He and the Sports Entertainment Consortium…aka…the SEC, invaded Acting Director Dawn McGill’s office just a few minutes ago and we have no idea where she is and what’s happened to her. We do know this. Mr. McMann has promised to put his stamp on all three matches tonight- whatever the hell that means. Actually, I think we’re going find out right now. Paige McGillicutty is backstage with Christa Carmondy. Paige?
[Cut to Paige McGillicutty backstage with Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Original Prima Donna Christa Carmondy in the hallway. Christa, who should be dressed and ready for her match with the Green World Order’s Penny, for some reason is wearing her street clothes and tennis shoes.]
Paige McGillicutty: Christa, do you want to tell me what you were just told.
Christa Carmondy: Yes, Paige. One of Mr. McMann’s little flunkies stopped in my dressing room and told me that our match was changed to a bra and panties match.
Paige McGillicutty: Bra and panties match?
Christa Carmondy: Bra and panties. Really? This is what Missouri Valley Wrestling has come to.
[Christa turns to the camera and points.]
Christa Carmondy: I should be focused on defeating Penny. Instead, the so-called Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann changes everything before the match. This is just…(shakes her head)…ridiculous.
[And with that parting shot, Christa heads towards the ring. Cut back to Suave at the broadcast table.]
Johnny Suave: Let’s go to the ring and Kimber Marshall.
[Cut to the ring. Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall is ready to introduce the wrestlers for match number one.]
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Our first match tonight…(she hesitates and nearly trips over the words)…by order of the Sports Entertainment Genius himself, Mr. McMann, is a BRA and PANTIES match with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first in the ring, from St. Louis, Missouri. Accompanied to the ring by Jill Berg Enterprises, she is a Missouri Valley Wrestling Original…please welcome CHRIS-TAAAAAAH…CARMONDY!
[Carmondy, blond hair tied back in a pony-tail, wears a Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Prima Donna t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. With her in the ring is Regina McGill, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, and Kirsten Canfield. Christa stares at the back and waits for Penny to walk out.]
Kimber Marshall: And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by the GREEN…WORLD…ORDER! She is the former MVW Champion. From West Plains, Missouri, PENNY!
[The crowd boos as Penny makes her way down to the ring. She sports a green ‘Green World Order’ t-shirt, jeans, and wrestling boots. Walking down to the ring with her: Code Pink, Emily S. List, and PeaceNic. PeaceNic yells out peaceful ‘mantras’ to the crowd.]
Suave (v/o): There’s been a lot of discontent in the Green World Order’s locker room for the past couple weeks over Penny’s ‘commitment’ to the group.
[Close up on Code Pink, List, and PeaceNic. All three don’t look overly thrilled to be out there.]
Suave (v/o): Can Penny pull it together tonight?
[Once in the ring, Penny demands a microphone.]
Penny: Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. I am firmly, one hundred percent committed to the Green World Order.
[Penny looks specifically at Code Pink and List.]
Penny: I don’t know why you question my commitment. But I’m going to go out and win this match tonight.
[Code Pink takes the microphone from Penny.]
Code Pink: We also want to make it clear that we in no shape or form approve of this match being turned into a bra and panties match. Women are not objects. This is a sexist stipulation and we at the Green World Order do not appreciate having to wrestle under hostile conditions like this.
Suave (v/o): This is going to be an interesting night.
[Referee Davey Keels chases the GWO and JBE from the ring and looks at the bell keeper.]
Suave (v/o): And here we go. MVWA 69 is FINALLY starting.
[Penny and Christa circle clockwise. Christa feigns a right hand and both women stop and crouch. Christa steps forward and takes a headlock on Penny. She wrenches the neck several times and then turns and snaps Penny to the mat.]
Suave (v/o): Sidelock takeover by Carmondy and she keeps the headlock on.
[Penny’s shoulders are square on the mat. Christa immediately shouts at Keels to count but the referee shrugs.]
Suave (v/o): He can’t count if there’s no pinfall in the match.
[This makes Christa, always seemingly bordering on impetuousness, squeeze a little harder on the headlock. But Penny rakes her eyes and makes her break the hold.]
Suave (v/o): Christa temporarily blinded and that helps Penny escape that predicament.
[Keels tells Penny not to do that. Penny ignores him at first but when Keels persists she spins around and backs Keels up against the ropes. Christa chuckles to herself and circles again. Penny charges forward- Christa with an armdrag takedown. Penny right back up- Christa hits a second armdrag takedown. Again Penny bounces back up. Christa takes her arm and drives her to the mat- wrenching the arm behind her.]
Suave (v/o): Christa looking sharp at the moment. She has Penny on the mat with Hammerlock.
[Penny uses her legs to kick at Christa. The third kick knocks Christa’s hand loose. Penny rolls over the Missouri Valley Original and locks in a head scissors with her legs. Penny moves forward to increase the pressure- Christa tries to compensate by pushing up her body with her legs to bridge. Penny wallops her in the stomach and forces Christa back down. Christa tries to push up again- Penny strikes her in the torso again. Finally Christa spins around and gets to all fours. She flips her legs over- Penny shoves her to the side and grabs a front facelock.]
Suave (v/o): Penny is doing a great job of keeping Christa tied up in knots here. She’s dictating the pace of the match in her favor and that is frustrating Carmondy.
[Now back up to their feet, Penny pushes Christa into the ropes and goes to send her across the ring. Christa blocks, reverses, and whips Penny into the ropes. Over the shoulder arm drag takedown-no…Penny blocks and hits a knee lift sending Christa backwards. Hiptoss by Penny and then she drops the leg across Christa’s throat. Cover by Penny, hooking the legs…but again, there’s no three count administered by Davey Keels.]
Suave (v/o): Bra and panties ladies. That’s the only way you’re going to win this match.
[Indignant, Penny jumps right up and gets into Keels’s face. Christa slowly gets back to her feet and sees Penny arguing with the referee. She moves forward. Penny turns around at the last moment. Christa throws a right hand to the gut. She then scoops Penny up and slams her to the mat. Christa covers…Keels is like ‘how many times are we going to go through this’…so she yanks Penny’s feet up and crosses them. Then she bridges back over Penny.
Suave (v/o): MUTA LOCK!
[Christa locks her arms around Penny’s neck.]
Suave (v/o): NO, NO! STS! STS! WATCH OUT!
[Code Pink and Emily S. List slide into the ring and deliver simultaneous axe handle chops to Christa’s exposed stomach to break the submission hold. Keels immediately gets in front of them and orders them out of the ring. Penny pokes Christa in the eyes and rolls her into a Bow and Arrow hold. Christa is suspended over Penny’s knees and the GWO member pulls hard on her arms for maximum effect. But Keels is preoccupied with getting the GWO out of the ring, allowing Jill Berg Enterprises’s Daisy Cutter-Bomb (dressed in appropriate military garb) and Regina McGill (Dawn’s younger sister) to attack Penny and break the hold.]
Suave (v/o): Turnabout is fair play.
[Penny goes over to Keels and spins him around. She demands to know why he didn’t keep JBE from interfering. Keels tells her he didn’t see it. Penny also doesn’t see Christa sneaking in from behind. Carmondy reaches in between Penny’s legs and pulls her back over, rolling her up. She looks at Keels- Keels rolls his eyes and does not make the count. Penny then uses her feet to ring Christa’s ears and they break.]
Suave (v/o): Davey Keels is not going to make a three count ladies. As much as I hate to say it, the winner has to strip her opponent down to her bra and panties.
[Penny drops a knee to Christa. She goes for a second but Christa rolls out of danger. Christa gets up on her feet and pulls Penny towards her. Clubbing right hand to Penny’s back drives her to her knees. Christa reaches down and around Penny and suplexes her. She hesitates and that gives Penny a chance to kick her in the face. Stunned, Christa tries to catch her breath while on all fours. Penny stalks her…methodically positioning herself to strike- which she does with a basement dropkick that connects to the jaw. Christa holds her face and falls to the mat.]
Suave (v/o): Nasty kick there by Penny and Christa could be in trouble.
[Penny lifts her up. Christa fights back with her hands. They tussle…Christa suddenly drops to her knees and brings Penny’s jaw down on her shoulder.]
Suave (v/o): JAWBREAKER!
[Penny’s head snaps back and she falls backwards. Staggering up to a standing position, Penny gets clotheslined and sent back to the mat.]
Suave (v/o): And here comes Christa! She’s starting to get some steam.
[Penny manages to stand up- Christa again runs her forearm across her neck and sends her right back down. Penny pops back up but she’s disoriented and turns the wrong way. She finally faces Christa- Christa immediately hits a dropkick and Penny’s back on the mat. Christa goes to cover- remembers at the last second that she can’t cover her- and that allows Penny to kick her in the stomach in desperation. Penny comes off the ropes and runs at Christa. Christa pulls down the second rope with one hand and throws Penny through the ropes with the other. Penny goes flying out of the ring to the floor.]
Suave (v/o): Penny on the floor! Christa Carmondy thinks about following her but thinks better of it. Christa has the momentum now.
[Penny is comforted by Code Pink, Emily S. List, and PeaceNic. PeaceNic bellows anti-violence slogans at Christa in the ring.]
Suave (v/o): The question is- will either wrestler actually try to strip the other? Or will this go straight to a twenty minute time limit. We are in the twelfth minute of the match.
[Penny rolls herself back into the ring. Christa goes right over to her and grabs the hair. She pulls Penny up and whips her into the corner turnbuckle.]
Suave (v/o): Christa’s on top now. She’s closing in for the kill.
[Penny props herself up with the ropes in the corner. Christa races across and goes for a splash. Penny slides right at the last possible second. Christa collides with the turnbuckle and bounces back, standing woozily straight up. Penny slams her back into the turnbuckle and…kisses her?]
Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP! SHE’S KISSING HER.
[The crowd stands and roars.]
Suave (v/o): Of course they would…
[She’s not just kissing her, drops of green escape from both sides of Penny and Christa’s locked lips before the GWO member finally steps back. Christa’s face is covered in green liquid and she coughs out some green stuff as well.]
Suave (v/o): WHAT THE HELL?
[Christa drops to her knees and then flops to the mat. Penny wipes the green stuff off her mouth and just stares down at her opponent. Referee Davey Keels looks bewildered. Penny finally leans over the top rope and calls for a microphone. Kimber Marshall hands her one.]
Penny: Well ladies…
[She looks right at her GWO teammates.]
Penny: …is that enough proof for you?
[Code Pink, Emily S. List, and PeaceNic all nod approvingly. Penny then turns to the fans.]
Penny: This is what you all have done to me. Years of eating toxic food for your pleasure and amusement. Years of putting toxic chemicals on and in my body to live up to your standards. Breathing toxic air. Drinking toxic water. (points at the crowd) IT’S YOU! YOU’VE ALL DONE THIS TO ME! YOU’VE POISONED ME!
[Penny glares at Davey Keels. Keels, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with being in the same ring with her, decides to bail.]
Penny: From this day forward, you can call me…Poison Penny.
[Penny drops the microphone and rolls out of the ring. She high fives her GWO teammates and after one last look at her handiwork heads to the back. Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Regina McGill, and Kirsten Canfield immediately go to Christa’s aid. McGill motions to the back for medical help.]
Suave (v/o): Wait a minute! What’s Davey Keels doing?
[Outside the ring, Keels is making the obligatory ten count since Penny left the ring and went to the back.]
Davey Keels: …EIGHT…NINE…TEN!
[Keels waves his arms and calls for the bell.]
[Kimber Marshall reads the result from the floor]
Kimber Marshall: Your winner as a result of a count-out at fourteen minutes and thirty-four seconds. CHRIS-TAHHHH…CARMONDY!
Suave (v/o): So Christa will get the win. But I don’t think anyone’s really worried about that at the moment. While medical help comes to the ring, we’ll be back after these commercial breaks.
Missouri Valley Wrestling is now affiliated with the Pitt- a women’s federation out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Just coming off their dynamite pay per view show, Violent Resolutions, the Pitt returns to television this upcoming Wednesday night.
The Pitt Show #9- Wednesday February 3rd
Michelle Taylor vs Hana Park
Garden of Eden vs Ash & Aleks
Jessie Roberts vs Jessica Anderson
Eva Rodriguez vs Puma Rhyse
Mallory Adroit vs Jinee “Jinx” Nixon
Legs & Arse & Molly O’Hatherine vs Mercy & Sin & Ursula Von Rossbach
MAIN EVENT/HARDCORE MATCH: Scarlett McCain vs Cassidy Lee
JACK LINK’S ORIGINAL BEEF JERKY COMMERCIAL
[A package of Jack Link’s Original Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of a lake surrounded by trees in the background.]
Announcer: Jack Link’s Beef Jerky presents Messing with McGill.
[Scene: Four college students- two male, two female are enjoying a day at the lake. They’ve just come out of the water and are toweling off.]
Boy #1: The water’s great, bro.
Girl #1: It was so fun.”
Boy #2: It was awesome.
[They see a figure wander in and it gets everyone’s attention.
It’s Dawn McGill out for a morning run. Dressed in running shorts and a tank top, she stops at the lake’s edge to splash some water on her face.
The four college students watch. A girl with reddish hair snacks on some Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. She suddenly gets an idea and devilishly grins. She looks at the yellow towel on the tall boy standing next to her and gives him the ‘look.’
The boy gets the gist of it and puts his finger to his lips to shush the others. Then he sneaks down and rolls up the wet towel. The other three titter and snicker while waiting in great anticipation as he sneaks up behind Dawn. The boy pauses, sets himself, and snaps her in the ass with the wet towel.]
Dawn McGill (laconically): Seriously?
[The boy turns back to the others and they all get a big laugh out of it. Well, at least until McGill stands up and kicks him the groin from behind.]
Girl #1: Oh?
[Then McGill spins him around, puts his head between her legs, lifts, and McGill-Bombs him to the ground.
The other three students look on in shock and McGill stares right at them and simply says…]
Dawn McGill: Boo.
[*Mass screaming and hysteria*
The three students trip all over themselves trying to run away.
Final scene: a package of Jack Link’s Original Beef Jerky superimposed over the college student writhing in pain on the ground after being McGill-Bombed.]
Announcer: Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. Feed your wild side.
[CLOSE UP-Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]
Suave: Okay. Our cameras just picked this up a couple minutes ago.
(VIDEO- Backstage Area near Rear Door)
Dr. Emma Vandenburg and Bo Stevens walks a hooded ‘prisoner’ handcuffed and shackled towards the exit. The ‘prisoner’ looks suspiciously seven and a half months pregnant. Vandenburg and Stevens take her to the waiting Iowa Department of Corrections bus.
Vandenburg: Whatever you do, don’t remove the hood. She kinda freaked out on everyone in there.”
The guard nods and leads her onto the bus.
[In Dawn’s office, Mr. McMann watches the end of Poison Penny/Christa Carmondy match with the MVW Tag Team Champions, Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless. He’s not pleased and turns to the Bayless twins- both dressed in skimpy Victoria’s Secret lingerie for their upcoming title defense.]
Mr. McMann: No…no…NO!
[McMann holds up a script- presumably of tonight’s show.]
Mr. McMann: That is NOT how I scripted this.
Brandi Bayless: True. But you have to admit, the ending was just as titillating as someone being stripped to their bra and panties.
Mr. McMann: True. You’ve got a good point there. And just where have I seen this whole kissing/knocking someone out gimmick before?
(Highlights from August 15th, 2015 Missouri Valley Wrestling House Show- El Reno, OK)
Jill Berg Enterprises CEO and Corporate Predator Extraordinaire Jill Berg rolled into action and sent her ten bodyguards into the muck to extract Carrigan and get her to safety. Berg started unloading spinning heel kicks left and right. She took down New Age Sensitive Guy and GreenPete very swiftly. Angels of Death (Angel Scott/Angel Casey) waded into the fray and the former host of the reality show ‘So You Want to Score with a Skanky Reality Show Host’ Mia Margarita started kissing everything in sight. The drug laced ‘bandage’ over Mia’s lips did their job and knocked out GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA with her Long Kiss Goodnight.
Mr. McMann: Ohhhhh. That’s right. Note to self. Tell Mia Margarita that her services won’t be needed after all. (to the Bayless twins) Girls. You’re going to need these.
[Mr. McMann holds up a pair of white t-shirts.]
Mr. McMann: Because your upcoming title defense against Tessa Martin and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas is going to be a wet t-shirt elimination match.
[McMann tosses each Bayless a t-shirt.]
Mr. McMann: That’s right. The winning team will douse their opponents white t-shirt with water to eliminate them.
Wendi Bayless: You are truly a genius, Mr. McMann.
Mr. McMann: I know. But don’t you worry about the match. I’ve got it under control. You just go out there and do what you do and I’ll take care of the rest.
[The door to McGill’s office opens and Bo Stevens pokes his head in.]
Mr. McMann: Yes Bo?
Bo Stevens: I just wanted to let you know that Bo handled that little task you asked me to take care of.
Mr. McMann: Dawn McGill is safe and secure and out of our hair for the rest of the evening?
Bo Stevens: Yes. Bo did exactly what you asked me to do.
Mr. McMann: Good.
[MVW backstage reporter Paige McGillicutty barges into the office.]
Mr. McMann: How did you get in here?
Paige McGillicutty: Easy. Timothy Allen Tebow was Tebowing outside the door and I simply walked on in. Now, where is Dawn McGill and what happened earlier tonight?
Mr. McMann: I’m busy trying to run a show here, Paige. Bo, would you show her out?
[Stevens takes Paige by the arm and leads her towards the door.
Paige McGillicutty: Let go of me! Stop!
[Paige is forced out of the office and the door slams behind her.]
[‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas walks down the hall towards her dressing room to meet up with her tag team partner ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Dallas has her trademark lariat and bullrope slung over her shoulder and a ten gallon hat that covers her long brown hair. She passes by a door that opens up. It’s Dr. Emma Vandenburg.]
Vandenburg: Haley! Haley Dallas!
Haley Dallas: Yes?
[Vandenburg extended her hand to shake Haley’s.]
Vandenburg: Hi, Dr. Emma Vandenburg. I’m the new…relaxation aide here at Missouri Valley Wrestling. Nice to meet you.
[Haley does shake Emma’s hand.]
Haley Dallas: Yes. Um, if you don’t mind, I’m on my way to the dressing room. I’ve got a match here in a second-
Vandenburg: Yes, I know. This will just take a minute.
[Vandenburg puts his hand on Dallas’s shoulder and guides her into the room. The door then closes.]
[Cut back to Johnny Suave at the broadcast desk.]
Johnny Suave (sarcastically): Wonderful. I just got the word that the tag team title match will be a wet t-shirt elimination match. Just wonderful. Sports entertainment strikes again. All right, Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless won the titles last month at MVWA 68 from Tessa Martin and Haley Dallas.
(Replay: MVWA 68- MVW Tag Team Title Match: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin/’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas © vs. Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless with the SEC’s Bo Stevens/Timothy Allen Tebow)
Tess hits Brandi, Bo Stevens and Timothy Allen Tebow with Pizza Cutters. Tess goes for another Pizza Cutter on Stevens, is blocked, and chucked across the ring. As soon as Tess can get back up, Wendi goes low; Brandi goes high, and the Lingerie Girls hit the Total Makeover to win the tag belts.
Johnny Suave: Let’s go to the ring.
[Cut to Kimber Marshall for the ring introductions.]
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is a wet t-shirt elimination match for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Title. First, the challengers.
[‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin walks out on the stage in a white t-shirt and shorts while holding her oversized pizza box of doom.]
Kimber Marshall: She is from Bowling Green, Ohio and one half of the former MVW Tag Team champions. She is the EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL…TESSSSSS-AAAA…MARTIN!
[Tess raises the pizza box in the air.]
Kimber Marshall: And her partner, from Denton, Texas. One half of the former MVW Tag Team champions. She is the TEXAS COWGIRL…HALE-LEEEEEEEE…DALLAS!
[The Texas Cowgirl joins Tess on stage. She, too, has a white t-shirt on with her lariat and bullrope over her shoulder. Tess turns to fist bump her but Haley doesn’t respond. She looks straight forward with very little expression and starts towards the ring. Tess, slightly confused, then follows.]
Kimber Marshall: And their opponents. They are the Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions.
[Lingerie Girls Brandi and Wendi Bayless stroll out to the stage.]
Kimber Marshall: And joined by the Sports Entertainment Consortium…Bo Stevens, Timothy Allen Tebow, Dr. Emma Vandenburg, and the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann.
[Stevens, Tebow, Vandenburg, and Mr. McMann join the Lingerie Girls on stage.]
Kimber Marshall: From Century City, California. Brandi and Wendi Bayless…they are the LINGERIE GIRLS!
[Mr. McMann raises his arms in the air, soaking in the negative reaction from the MVW fans. The Bayless twins start for the ring.]
Suave (v/o): The deck may be stacked against the former champions with the presence of the SEC at ringside.
[Stevens and Tebow hold the ropes open for Vandenburg and he climbs through. Vandenburg breezes past Haley Dallas and winks.]
Suave (v/o): I have a bad feeling about this.
[Referee Ron Martin in the ring and he checks out both Dallas and Martin first. Then the champions. He nods and calls for the bell.]
Suave (v/o): Tessa Martin will start for the challengers. Brandi Bayless for the champions.
[Tess turns to high five Haley…except she’s not there.]
Suave (v/o): Where’d she go?
[Tess leans over the top rope looking for Dallas. Wendi hands Brandi a bucket of water.]
Suave (v/o): BEHIND YOU!
[Tess turns around and is drenched by a bucket of water thrown by Brandi Bayless.]
Suave (v/o): WHAT IS SHE DOING?
[Ron Martin immediately tells Tess she’s been eliminated.]
Suave (v/o): NO! Tess has been eliminated already! She can’t believe it!
[Haley Dallas reappears. Tess looks down at her, spreads her arms wide, and with water dripping off her asks ‘why?’ No response from the Texas Cowgirl as she climbs into the ring.]
Suave (v/o): The crowd’s not happy. Tessa Martin is not happy. What the hell is going on?
[Dallas walks to the middle of the ring and just stands there. Brandi Bayless is handed a second bucket of water. She turns and drenches the Texas Cowgirl with the water and Ron Martin calls for the bell.]
Suave (v/o): And the travesty is complete.
[Kimber Marshall in the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: Your winners at two minutes and forty-one seconds and STILL Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions…LINGERIE GIRLS BRANDI AND WENDI BAYLESS!
[The Bayless twins raise their arms in victory. Tess climbs into the ring and confronts Dallas.]
Suave (v/o): Tessa Martin is pissed off and she wants to know why Haley Dallas did what she did.
[The Texas Cowgirl goes over to Vandenburg who hands her a cowbell. Tessa follows and Dallas whips around and blasts her with the cowbell.]
Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP!
[Tess falls face first to the mat, blood trickling out from her forehead. Dr. Vandenburg then hands her the bullrope and Dallas wraps it around Tessa’s neck. She pulls back and chokes her. Tessa’s hands grip the rope and try to loosen them.]
Suave (v/o): Aw come on!
[Smirking, Mr. McMann goes over to Tessa and he has a microphone in his hand.]
Mr. McMann: Ten years. Ten years Tessa. For ten years you’ve mocked me. Do you remember the days back at PCW (Political Championship Wrestling)? I do. You thwarted me at every step. You embarrassed me. And now, here we are. I am the Acting…Acting Director of Missouri Valley Wrestling. Right now, my associates are backstage implementing my sports entertainment vision. Dawn McGill will NOT be leading Missouri Valley Wrestling going forward and she can’t protect you anymore. You are about to pay for ten years of lack of faith in my genius. You are about to pay for your lack of foresight in accepting my vision of sports entertainment. (to Haley) Pull her up.
[Dallas pulls up on the bullrope and forces Tess to her feet. Wendi Bayless drops down to all fours in front of her. Brandi Bayless takes up a position behind her.]
Mr. McMann: Paybacks are a…well, you know.
[McMann ignores the debris being tossed into the ring and signals Brandi who whips around with a spinning kick that strikes Tess in the back, sending her forward over Wendi and face first to the mat.]
Suave (v/o): TOTAL MAKEOVER!
Suave (v/o): Mr. McMann exacting ten years of revenge on the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl here tonight.
[Mr. McMann, Brandi and Wendi taunt the crowd.]
Suave (v/o): He is so proud of himself that I just want to throw up in this wastebasket.
[Dr. Emma Vandenburg is addressing the wrestlers not on the television card in the locker room. With her are Bo Stevens and Timothy Allen Tebow.]
Vandenburg: So, Mr. McMann would like to know who wants to volunteer to participate in a ‘Miss Missouri Valley Wrestling’ Pageant tonight.
[The camera pans: Television Champion ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris, Heartland (House Show) Champion Carrieanne McDermott, Kari Ferguson, Adrienne Banks, C.J. Lewis, Ninja Kitty, Regina McGill and Kirsten Canfield of Jill Berg Enterprises, “Intercontinental High Flying Flight Attendant” Airline Amie, and Hannah Lancer. Each one of them look less than enthused at the offer.
Vandenburg: It would be great exposure for you. And Mr. McMann is confident that it will help pop the ratings and help Missouri Valley Wrestling attract a whole new audience.
[Again, the camera pans the room. Nothing. Dr. Vandenburg pulls out a clipboard.]
Vandenburg: Um, then I guess I’ll have to volunteer people. Well, everyone except Carrieanne McDermott. Sorry, dear. Mr. McMann feels that you’re too old.
[McDermott looks bemusedly back at her.]
Vandenburg: So…let’s see…Adrienne Banks…Kirsten Canfield…Airline Amie…and Hannah Lancer. You’re young. You’re just breaking into the business. You can’t afford to say no to the man who’ll be determining your future.
[The four young wrestlers all glance at each other. Banks nods her head. Canfield is the one who responds.]
Kirsten Canfield: No.
[Canfield and Banks share glances. Then Kirsten looks over at Amie and Hannah. No doubt of their intentions.]
Kirsten Canfield: No.
[From behind, Kari Ferguson shoves Vandenburg down and she lands at the feet of one Carrieanne McDermott. McDermott takes her boot and smashes her in the head. The red-haired Scot smiles at Vandenburg.]
Carrieanne McDermott: Old, you say?
[McDermott lifts Vandenburg up and hits her with a Glasgow Handshake (head butt) which knocks out the showroom hypnotist.]
[Ferguson produces a fresh roll of silver duct tape. She tosses it to McDermott.]
Carrieanne McDermott: That’ll do, lass.
[Ferguson motions to the others.]
Kari Ferguson: We need to find Dawn McGill.
TURBO EXTREME TAX 2016 COMMERCIAL
[SCENE: the back yard.
A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]
Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.
[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and Ray McAvay’s manager, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestler manager)]
Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.
[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]
Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?
[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]
Tim: It says…did you buy a home?
Escondido: Did you buy a home?
[Out of nowhere, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]
Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!
Escondido: Then I’d press there.
Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!
[Tim, in immense pain and anguish, presses the button. The display turns to a green check mark to indicate that he was successful and a message appears that reads: ‘Congrats, you get a big tax break…and a trip to the emergency room.]
[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]
Escondido: Okay then.
[He then turns and walks away.]
[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]
Announcer: Intuit Turbo Extreme Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.
Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!
Coming up this week on High Octane Wrestling’s Friday Night Chaos: the Rob Michaels Invitational heats up as we’re down to the final three weeks of action.
ICON TITLE MATCH: Austin Reeves © vs. Ray McAvay
-key battle in the Holyoke Mall Group. Iago holds the top spot but a McAvay win would not only bring him HOW’s ICON title but it would put him on top of the group. If Reeves wins, he would vault to the top of the group with Iago.
Hugo Scorpio vs. Tyler Boyd
-With a win, Boyd could put himself in prime position going into his final RMI match against Ryan McKenna. Scorpio must win to stay alive.
Chris Kostoff vs. Electra
-Electra still looking for her first win in the RMI.
Brian Hollywood vs. Trent
-Hollywood will clinch the Kaley Matheson Group with a win. A Trent victory would put him in the top spot with one match left.
David Black vs. Darin Zion
-Zion must win to stay alive and hope for help. Black has had two tough losses and looks to bounce back.
[Back to Johnny Suave at the broadcast table.]
Johnny Suave: All right, while we were gone…
[Cut to the ring. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin is placed on a stretcher by medical personnel and removed from the ring. She’s wheeled to the back.]
Suave (v/o): Also while we were at commercial break, youngsters Kari Ferguson, Adrienne Banks, Airline Amie, Kirsten Canfield, and Hannah Lancer went on a search for the whereabouts of Dawn McGill and this is what they found
OUTSIDE THE ARENA
[In the parking area, a State of Iowa Corrections bus idles. Ferguson and Banks are arguing with one of the guards.]
Kari Ferguson: I’m telling you, the person on this bus is NOT Prisoner # 034291.
Guard #1: And I’m telling you, the number on her orange jumpsuit says it is.
[Kari turns to the other guard.]
Kari Ferguson: Didn’t you tell me that the prisoner in that bus seemed a little shorter and a little heavier than you’re remember her being?
Guard #2: Well…it is dark out here. (to the other guard) Maybe we should take a quick look.
[Grumbling, Guard #1 boards the bus and walks over to where Prisoner # 034291 is sitting, handcuffed and shackled to the seat. She has a hood over her head and appears to be trying to talk.]
Guard #1: See?
[He points to the number on the jumpsuit.]
Guard #1: Prisoner # 034291.
Adrienne Banks: Was she wearing a hood over her head when you brought her here tonight?
[Guard #1 looks at the prisoner. He appears to be having trouble recollecting that little snippet of information.]
Guard #1: Well…
Guard #2: To be fair, it is dark out here.
Kari Ferguson: Oh for God’s sake, pull the damn hood off of her.
[Guard #2 glances at the other guard.]
Guard #2: To be fair, she does have a point.
[Guard #2 reaches down and pulls off the hood. It’s McGill. The guard rips off the duct tape covering her mouth.]
Dawn McGill: OW!
Kari Ferguson: Dawn! Are you okay?
Dawn McGill: I’m fine. McMann- he won’t be when I get my hands on him. Pregnant or not, I’m going to kill him.
Guard #1: Hold it. If you’re not Prisoner # 034291, where is she?
Guard #2: Oh, oh…
[Cut back to Suave at the broadcast table.]
Johnny Suave: So, just to clarify the situation. Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann took over tonight’s MVWA 69 to bring sports entertainment to Missouri Valley Wrestling. In doing so, he booked a bra and panties match that ended via a count out. He then booked a wet t-shirt elimination stipulation for a tag team title match and had his ‘doctor’ hypnotize one of the opposing team members into turning on her partner. And to top it all off, McMann then, in his infinite wisdom, switched out a prison from the Iowa State Corrections for Dawn McGill so he could hide her and keep her out of the way AND use the prisoner in tonight’s show.
[Suave pulls a bottle of Jack Daniels and a shot glass from under the table. He takes one look at the glass, tosses it aside, and drinks directly from the bottle.]
Johnny Suave: I hate to go all Benny Newell here but…what the fuck is going on here? And do you know what really pisses me off? We’re NOT talking about the main event, MVW title match between two really good pro wrestlers.
[Suave guzzles more Jack Daniels.]
Johnny Suave: MVW Champion Kathryn Randall Collins has been at this in the lower level, independents for over ten years now. She is a three-time PCW Women’s champion. She’s had some success here at Missouri Valley Wrestling too but finally had her big break through last month at MVWA 68 when she defeated Penny to win the title.
[Suave takes another drink from the bottle.]
Johnny Suave: And then there’s her opponent, ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan. She is only twenty one years old. She’s strong as an ox- a byproduct of growing up in the Canadian prairies. She’s won the Heartland title. She’s won the Television title. And now, Sheline has a chance to win the top belt here in Missouri Valley Wrestling. These two have met twice in title bouts in the past year. KRC defeated Carrigan back in May at MVWA 61 to win the Television Title. Carrigan then took the TV belt from Collins three months later at a MVW House Show in DeKalb, IL.
[Suave again gulps down more Jack.]
Johnny Suave: THIS is what we should be talking about. Not kidnappings. Hypnotists with blinking light object mesmerizing thingys. Wet t-shirt contests. Beauty pageants. ARRRRGHHH!
[Suave takes a cleansing breath and gathers himself.]
Johnny Suave: Kimber Marshall is in the ring as we are ready for our main event.
[Cut to Kimber Marshall in the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This is our main event and it is for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Title! First…
Kimber Marshall: …from Vilbank, Sasketchewan in the Canadian prairies. She is the Canadian Cyborg and a former MVW Television Champion. Please welcome…SHEEEE-LEEENNNN…CARRIGAN!
[Sheline walks out on stage. No emotion. No demonstrative gestures. She’s all business. Carrigan doesn’t loiter about and starts forward to the ring.]
Kimber Marshall: And her opponent hales from Fort Myers, Florida. She is the MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION! KATHRYN…RANDALL…COLLINS!
[KRC slowly makes her way to the stage with the MVW title belt around her waist. Collins unfastens the belt and holds it up high in the air.]
Suave (v/o): The Missouri Valley Wrestling champion. Kathryn Randall Collins. This is her first title defense since winning the belt last month from Penny. She did wrestle in a non-title match last weekend in South Bend, Indiana against Harley Davisson and won so she’ll be ready for the challenge that Sheline Carrigan is going to bring her tonight.
[In the ring, referee Davey Keels goes through the pre-match checkdown of both wrestlers.]
Suave (v/o): It’s interesting that none of the Sports Entertainment Consortium are out here with Carrigan for this match even though she’s supposedly their top wrestler. They could be celebrating backstage the Lingerie Girls’ successful title defense- such as that was. But it appears Carrigan will face KRC by herself.
[Keels calls for the bell.]
Suave (v/o): Here we go. For the Missouri Valley Wrestling Title. KRC is an excellent technical wrestler and she’ll look to keep Carrigan grounded. Carrigan wants to exploit her power and stay away from mat wrestling.
[Both ladies slaps hands as the meet in the middle of the ring. Then Carrigan back kicks KRC and doubles her over. Carrigan then connects with a front kick that pitches the champion back in range for her to nail her with a Pele kick. KRC struggles to get back to her. Carrigan comes off the ropes and delivers a jumping two foot kick to the midsection that flattens the champion.]
Suave (v/o): What a start for Carrigan! She’s got the champion reeling.
[KRC struggles to pull herself up. She turns around and is hit by a forearm shot to the throat that lands her back on the mat.]
Suave (v/o): OH! WICKED CLOTHESLINE BY CARRIGAN! SHE HOOKS THE LEG!
[Carrigan covers. Keels counts…1…2…]
Suave (v/o): NO! COLLINS KICKS OUT!
[Carrigan takes KRC by the head and brings her back to her feet. She rears back and fires a hard open handed right that snaps Collins’s head back. And then another. KRC lands on her knees with her head and arms over the middle rope. Carrigan takes her by the hair and again lifts her back up and places the champion in the corner. *SMACK* Right hand chop to the chest. Carrigan again puts her back in position. *SMACK* Another right hand chop. KRC again on the deck and curled up in the corner. Carrigan continues to press. She puts her foot on the back of KRC’s neck and steps up, using her hands to balance herself.]
Suave (v/o): COME ON DAVEY! THAT’S A BLATANT CHOKE!
[And Keels knows it and immediately starts a five count. Carrigan steps off and towers over Collins…and steps on her again. Keels moves in and counts. Carrigan relents and steps away. KRC rolls on the mat to the center. Carrigan methodically stalks her and bring her up into a front facelock. Collins fires a right to the midsection that momentarily slows her. KRC with a second one that gets her attention. And a left hand shot backs Carrigan up. KRC with another right. Boot to the left shoulder and Carrigan retreats to the corner. Second boot to the shoulder by Collins and then a forearm smash to the face.
Suave (v/o): And finally, the champion turns the tables and is now taking it to Carrigan.
[Collins grabs the back of Carrigan’s head with her left hand and drives forearm shots to the face with the other. She takes her arm and whips her across- no – Carrigan holds on and sends KRC into the opposite corner. Right boot to the midsection again staggers the champion. Collins drops to a seating position in the corner. Carrigan again puts her boot on KRC’s throat and steps up. Keels again with the five count and the challenger relents.]
Suave (v/o): You’ve got to wonder just how long Davey Keels is going to put up with this. He could disqualify Carrigan.
[KRC crawls out of the corner. Carrigan takes her by the hair – cue another admonishment by Keels – and stands her up. Right hand uppercut by Carrigan sends her right back down.]
Suave (v/o): But I will say this. This is new. This is a more aggressive Sheline Carrigan than we’ve seen in the past.
[Carrigan covers. Keels down…1…2…KRC gets the shoulder up. Behind Collins, Carrigan takes both her arms and wraps them straitjacket style around KRC’s neck, placing her boot in the square of Collins’s back. Then she pulls down and stretches out the champion’s back even more.]
Suave (v/o): This is new too. If Carrigan’s adapting and adding more moves and holds to her arsenal, watch out.
[Collins moves back and forth, trying to reduce the pressure being brought to bear. Carrigan slowly stands up and then slams KRC back down on her knee. Cover…1…2…]
Suave (v/o): NO! But that was real close.
[Carrigan throws another open handed right…and another. Collins stumbles back into the corner. Carrigan bends down and drives her shoulder into the midsection. A second lifts KRC off the ground. A third one leaves the champion sitting half in, half out of the ring on the middle rope. Keels calls for the break. Collins steps forward but again, Carrigan chops her. This time, Collins reciprocates and chops her right back. Carrigan then with the right hand and again Collins is on the mat.]
Suave (v/o): This is all Carrigan. She is systematically dismantling the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion.
[Carrigan has Collins up and goes for a snapmare. But KRC somehow manages to keep her feet, albeit landing awkwardly. Carrigan goes for a clothesline- Collins rolls under. She jumps back up and leaps on Carrigan- legs crossing behind the Canadian’s head and flips her over her, landing on top. KRC rains down right hands on Carrigan before Keels steps in and tells her to watch the closed fist. Collins leans forward…Keels counts…1…easy kickout by Carrigan. Collins then charges forward. Carrigan lifts her up and plants her with a Spinebuster.]
Suave (v/o): She can’t do that! Collins finally gets a little offense in but she’s got to slow the match down and get Carrigan on the mat…COVER!
[Carrigan has the leg hooked this time. Keels counts…1…2…shoulder up.]
Suave (v/o): And somehow, the champion gets her left shoulder up in time.
[Carrigan holds Collins’s hands to the mat. Keel counts…1…KRC bridges up and gets the shoulder off the mat. Carrigan turns her over and takes a side headlock. She sets and lifts Collins up into a vertical suplex position but KRC slides out the back door and pushes her forward into the ropes. Collins for a roll up but Carrigan holds the top rope and KRC tumbles away. KRC again leaps at Collins, crosses her legs and hits another leg scissors takedown. Carrigan wanders back into her corner and catches her breath.]
Suave (v/o): And for the first time in the match, Carrigan looks a little winded.
[Collins runs at Carrigan- Carrigan lifts her up and KRC lands on the outside apron. Collins rakes the eyes. She takes Carrigan by the head and bounces her throat off the top rope. Carrigan falls back but uses the momentum to come off the opposite ropes and runs towards KRC. KRC jumps. Carrigan slides under her out to the outside. Carrigan then grabs KRC’s right foot and takes it out causing Collins to drop to the floor, smacking her head on the apron.]
Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP!
[Collins crumples to the floor. Carrigan stomps away at her. She pulls KRC back up and whips her into the barricade leaving the champion draped over the steel. Carrigan lays in the boots to her back. Keels starts the count from the ring.]
Suave (v/o): This is not the shy, young pro wrestler of last year. Sheline’s developing a mean streak and she knows she could be on the verge of winning the title.
[Carrigan with another kick causing KRC to sag further down.]
Suave(v/o): But she can’t win the title where she’s at right now.
[As if she’s heard Suave’s comments, Carrigan pulls Collins by the hair and tries to drag her back to the ring. But Collins lashes out with a right hand. Right boot to the body. Left boot to the face. Another right boot to the body and Carrigan backs up. Keels is up to seven. Carrigan has the presence of mind to race back to the ring and break the count. KRC chases after her. KRC cocks her right hand and drives a forearm into Carrigan’s face…and another…and another. Collins behind her. She wraps her arm around Carrigan’s neck and pulls back.
Suave (v/o): SLEEPER HOLD! SLEEPER HOLD!
[Carrigan tries to flip Collins over. Then she tries to shake her off.]
Suave (v/o): After all the punishment she’s taken, Collins may have her here. Carrigan’s weakening.
[Carrigan’s movements slow. Finally, she stumbles backward and smashes Collins against the corner turnbuckle. But Collins holds on. Carrigan grabs the rope and Keels calls for an immediate break.]
Suave (v/o): Carrigan manages to escape but now has the match turned in favor of KRC?
[Collins climbs up to the top rope and waits for Carrigan to turn. She does and KRC hits a missile dropkick. Carrigan still doesn’t fall. Collins wraps her arms around her from behind and drops Carrigan with a belly to back suplex. KRC turns Carrigan over on her stomach, crosses her arms, and locks in a crossface.]
Suave (v/o): Straightjacket crossface by the champions. She’s trying to wear down Carrigan.
[KRC puts everything into the hold while Carrigan tries to fight out. Keels asks if Carrigan wants to tap out. Carrigan says no. Collins releases the hold and Carrigan flops to the mat. KRC now stands and she’s the one in control. She patiently waits for Carrigan to get back up. Again from behind, she grabs Carrigan’s arms and crosses them around her neck. Collins pulls back and jumps on her back and bends Carrigan back into a modified surfboard.]
Suave (v/o): You could hear Carrigan scream out on that move. That puts a tremendous amount of pressure on her back and her knees.
[Keels again asks Carrigan is she wants to quit. Again, Carrigan declines. Collins then takes Carrigan’s arms and pulls them straight back, placing her right boot in the square of her back and her left boot into the knee joint. KRC pulls back to increase the torque on the hold.]
Suave (v/o): CARRIGAN’S IN TROUBLE NOW! COLLINS IS GRINDING HER DOWN AND SETTING HER UP FOR THE END!
[Carrigan uses every ounce of strength she has to pull her arms forward and push up from the mat.]
Suave (v/o): BUT CARRIGAN’S POWERING UP…
[The Canadian Cyborg back kicks Collins in the groin and that releases the hold. But she’s exhausted and drops down to all fours. Collins slides in and wraps her right leg around Carrigan’s neck. She puts her arms around her neck and pulls Carrigan’s throat down across her left leg.]
Suave (v/o): GOGOPLATA! GOGOPLATA!
[Carrigan desperately rocks back and forth.]
Suave (v/o): COLLINS HAS IT LOCKED IN. THIS COULD BE IT!
[Collins fights Carrigan’s attempt to escape. Carrigan tries to wriggle out.]
Suave (v/o): THIS COULD BE IT AND-
[The Artist known as Prisoner # 034291 runs in and smashes KRC in the back.]
Suave (v/o): SON OF A BITCH! IT’S THAT NUT JOB PRISONER ZERO THREE- WHATEVER!
[Keels calls for the bell immediately. Carrigan lays face down on the mat and Collins is wondering what truck just ran into her. As ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, Bo Stevens, Timothy Allen Tebow, and the Lingerie Girls hit the ring, Prisoner # 034291 mounts KRC and drops some heavy artillery on her.]
Suave (v/o): The crowd’s pissed and I don’t blame them. That was a great match until Mr. McMann’s creations decided to ruin it.
[Prisoner #034291 drags Collins up by the hair. She wraps both hands around her throat, lifts Collins into the air, and slams her to the mat.]
Suave (v/o): HOLY CRAP!
[The two prison guards arrive at ringside and call out to the prisoner. She turns and thinks about fighting back for a second. But then Carrieanne McDermott leads an army (basically the rest of the MVW roster with the exception of the Green World Order) down to the ring. She raises her hands and surrenders to the guards. McDermott and the others climb into the ring and surround McMann and the Sports Enteratinment Consortium. ]
Suave (v/o): And now things are going to get interesting.
[While the guards handcuff and take the prisoner away, McMann smiles and realizes he may be in a bit of trouble. Stevens and Tebow glance at each other. The Lingerie Girls look…well…hot. McMann holds his hands up as to say ‘hold on a second.’]
Mr. McMann: Look, I can explain. Let’s not overreact-ACKKK
Suave (v/o): IT’S McGILL!
[The crowd explodes when McGill, still dressed in the prison orange jumpsuit, wraps a chain around McMann’s neck and chokes the living hell out of him. McDermott and the others make sure Stevens and Tebow and the Lingerie Girls stay clear. McMann’s face turns red and drops down to his knees.]
Female Voice: STOP!
[McGill looks up as a woman in a business suit steps into the ring.]
Female Voice: My name is Andrea Blanton. I am a board member. (to Dawn) Just…let him go.
[Reluctantly…VERY reluctantly, Dawn releases the chain around McMann’s neck. Behind the crowd, medical personnel are in the ring yet again to deal with an injured wrestler as they attend to the MVW Champion.]
Andrea Blanton: Now, we’re going to make this quick. Dawn. We want to thank you for everything you’ve done the past few months. As everyone knows, you will be taking time off for a few weeks to have your twins and rest and recuperate. And we can’t wait until you return and continue the great work you’ve done with the younger wrestlers.
[The crowd and the wrestlers in the ring clap.]
Andrea Blanton: Mr. McMann-
Andrea Blanton: (to the crowd) Yes…we know…we now. (to McMann) We’re not sure we understand what spurred you to do what you did here tonight. But if you think you’ve proven that you can run a wrestling company, then you’re wrong.
[The crowd loves that. Mr. McMann? Not so much.]
Andrea Blanton: Which leads me to this announcement. The new director of Missouri Valley Wrestling, taking effect immediately for the next three months until June 1st, will be Jason Carmondy.
Suave (v/o): THE FORMER OWNER OF MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING! Jason Carmondy will be running MVW at least for the next three months.
Andrea Blanton: The reason for the three month term is because Mr. Carmondy is willing to serve in the interim until Miss McGill returns from maternity leave.
Suave (v/o): YES!
[Ms. Blanton, Jason Carmondy, and Jill Berg go over and congratulate McGill. Terry from Ada, Oklahoma, the elected fans representative to the board, commiserates with Mr. McMann as he ‘really enjoyed’ the show.]
Suave (v/o): So, Kathryn Randall Collins retains via disqualification. Jason Carmondy will be the temporary leader of Missouri Valley Wrestling until Dawn McGill returns from maternity leave. And hopefully, we will never have a night like this ever again. I’m Johnny Suave. Thanks for watching. Next month, we will be in Chicago, Illinois for MVWA 70. See you then.