PROFILE: EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN
‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin is one of the top contenders for the PCW Women’s title. She was the number one contender until a separated shoulder put her out of action for a few weeks. Tessa is scheduled to return shortly to resume her chase for the title.
Tessa first appeared in Political Championship Wrestling back when it was still BCEW at September 2006’s Loose Cannons Lock and Load. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann brought her in to be ‘eye-candy.’ But he found out real quick that Tessa had different ideas.
REPLAY: 9/17/06-LOOSE CANNONS LOCK AND LOAD PPV
Mr. McMann waves to the back. “Come on out Tessa.” BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin walks to the ring. Mr. McMann tells the audience that now they’ll get to see just what real sports entertainment is all about. The Hack’s audience doesn’t seem all that impressed. Tessa, dressed in her usual pizza delivery attire, climbs into the ring. Two ring techs wheel out what appears to be a stripper’s pole. “This is Tessa Martin,” Mr. McMann says, “and she will be the new face of what sports entertainment will be in BCEW! Soap opera for men. More skin. More chicks. More eye candy. Mud wrestling matches. Bras and panties matches…” Tessa doesn’t look too sure about this. Mr. McMann then announces that the first official act of the new ‘sports entertainment era in BCEW’ will be kissing “this red-blooded American girl.” “WHAT?” Suave exclaims, “WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WRESTLING?” Tessa felt the same way. Mr. McMann looked for a smooch and she wouldn’t have anything to do with it. “That’s okay,” Mr. McMann says, “instead, how about doing a striptease for all the fans. Tessa’s eyes widen. “Ah excuse me,” she says, “you never said anything about kissing…or stripping…or anything like that.” Mr. McMann tells Tessa he likes her look and would like it even better after she strips. “This is what Sports Entertainment is all about! Give the people what they want!” The crowd again voices their disagreement. Tessa flatly tells Mr. McMann no. Mr. McMann says she signed a contract and she has to. Tessa refuses. Mr. McMann says he owns her and she’ll do it. Tessa tells Mr. McMann to kiss her ass and starts to leave. Mr. McMann, very angry, grabs her by the arm. Tessa bats it away. “Let it go Mr. McMann,” Suave says, “she’s not going to…” AIIIEEEEEEEE! “HOLY CRAP! TESTICULAR CLAW! TESTICULAR CLAW!” Tessa locked in the claw on Mr. McMann’s nether regions and Mr. McMann turned four shades of red before turning blue and passing out. She let go and Mr. McMann flopped to the canvas.
This, of course, set off a feud that would go on for a period of time. Mr. McMann wanted her to be a central part of his vision of sports entertainment. But each attempt usually ended up with McMann suffering a major setback.
REPLAY: 10/15/06 BCEW POLITICS IS WAR CABLE SHOW
HOLD ON!” a voice says offscreen, “HOLD ON A SECOND!” “Oh no!” Suave says as a bruised and battered Seg McMann and Skip, the President of the Alpha Sigma Sigma house, lead the hypnotized BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin out to the ring. “It’s time for the moment you all have been waiting for!” McMann says and then adds, “and me too.” Skip has an evil grin. The match stops in its tracks. The crowd boos when McMann orders Tessa to go into the ring and do a strip tease. All three climb in the ring. “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” Suave shouts, agreeing with the objecting crowd, “HE’S STOPPING A GREAT MATCH FOR HIS OWN EGO GRATIFICATION! As the crowd loudly jeers, Seg sits down in chair. “OH COME ON!” Suave says as Tessa slowly removes her shoes, socks, jeans, and finally her shirt, “THIS IS NOT RIGHT ON SO MANY LEVELS!” Down to her undergarments, Seg gets a drooling, sick smile on his face when Tessa begins to lift up her sports bra. Skippy also literally has his tongue sticking out like a wolf. Then, Tessa motions for both Seg and Skip to come over. Suave is apoplectic at this point. Seg and Skip walk over and again Tessa begins to lift up her sports bra. Then she smiles and swiftly grabs both Seg and Skip and… AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! (in stereo) …gives them the testicular claw. The crowd explodes. “YES!” Suave says, “YES! YES! YES!” In intense pain, both Seg and Skip’s face turn red and then blue.
And then this time at BCEW Extreme Election Night 2006. McMann had Tessa kidnapped and frozen by rival pizza delivery magnate Garth Bader…yeah, that’s what we thought, too… Bader would find out that it’s not nice to deal with an angry pizza delivery girl sometimes…
REPLAY: 11/7/06 BCEW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2006
MATCH #5- MIKE WALKER, MGR OF PIZZA GALAXY vs. GARTH BADER, OWNER OF EMPIRE PIZZA
“You know, the Star Wars references are just…weak,” opines Suave. The match begins as both men wield lethal pizza paddles like…well…lightsabers. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Suave says. While the two men duel, one of the Alpha Sigma Sigma members, apparently the only one with a conscience, sneaks over and starts the defreezing process on the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin. Mike and Bader swing their pizza paddles, parry and thrust, both looking to gain the advantage. Finally, Skip, president of the Alpha Sigma Sigma frat, tries to intervene. Mike whirls around and plasters Skip in the face with the pizza paddle. However, he leaves himself wide open to…(snicker)…Garth Bader. Bader begins to raise his pizza paddle when… “AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “HOLY CRAP! TESSA’S BACK AND SHE’S GOT THE TESTICULAR CLAW ON BADER!” Suave excitedly shouts. With one swift motion, Mike swings the paddle around and pastes Bader in the kisser. He’s out and Mike covers for the win.
Tessa would eventually get in the ring and start down the road to where she is today. Here’s her first match.
REPLAY: 3/25/07 BCEW vs. EECW WAR PPV
MATCH #1- WOMEN’S FIVE WAY FIGHT FOR THE BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE
Defense Specialist and newcomer to BCEW- Hallie Burton, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl- Tessa Martin, Opal Winfree- accompanied by her flock (New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom), Trailer Park Skating Princess Tanya Hardy- accompanied by the White Trash Posse, and Peta from PETA of the Green World Order.
The referee was about to ring the bell when the other three members of the Green World Order (Greenpete, Peacenik, and Vegan Brock Cole Lee) come to protest the BCEW- EECW war. Carrying picket signs and chanting anti-war slogans, the GWO hold up the beginning of the match. Peta from PETA sits down in the middle of the ring and refuses to move. Finally, Dick comes out and orders the match to begin. Hallie Burton, Tessa Martin, Opal Winfree, and Tanya Hardy each helps lift Peta up and toss her over the top rope- eliminating her. Peta from PETA eliminated.Suave: “And we’re off. The first wrestler out is Peta from PETA. And I’d to say that it’s nice to see BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin back. Apparently, she’s been working out and preparing herself for this moment.” Tessa takes a hot, steaming pizza box containing a loaded meat lovers pizza and smashes it in the face of Opal Winfree. Immediately, Opal’s flock fly into the ring and assault Tessa. New Age Sensitive Guy clotheslines her. Soccer Mom shouts out “It’s all for the children” and then suplexes the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl right out of the ring. Tessa Martin eliminated.
Tessa didn’t fare that well in her first match. She would go back into training and reemerge as the political heat turned up in early 2008. John Edwards wanted to become the next PCW CEO so he enlisted the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery girl to his cause. This time, Tessa looked strong in a match from Drama in Des Moines, the first show of the PCW Roadshow Across America Tour.
REPLAY: 1/3/08 DRAMA IN DES MOINES (IOWA)
MATCH #7 BCEW Women’s Non-Title Match- BCEW Women’s champion “Media Empress” Opal Winfree w/her flock (Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy) and ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama, Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) with Hillary Clinton, and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin with John Edwards in a Progressive Alliance three-way dance
The second main event of the night. Collins and Winfree met last week at the Christmas Extravaganza. John Edwards enlists the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin to his cause and makes this a three-way dance. Winfree and Collins tear into each other again with Martin occasionally joining in. Opal’s flock (Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy) make their presence known by constantly taking cheap shots at both KRC and Martin. Winfree and the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl finally get on the same page and double-team Collins. Hillary turns and waves for help and out comes the Clinton Political Pitbulls (James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, and Sidney Blumenthal). Carville and McAuliffe pull the legs out from under Winfree and drag her out of the ring. Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy also get tossed out by the Political Pitbulls.Barack and Edwards jump in and battle with McAuliffe and Blumenthal. On the outside, Hillary grabs a chair and waffles Opal with it. Then Carville drags her over to a table and drapes the Media Empress across it. Barack and Edwards get the upper hand on the Pitbulls and then out of the blue, to everyone’s shock, Bill Clinton runs out. Clinton and McAuliffe double team Edwards near a corner turnbuckle. KRC, after beating down the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl, Tessa Martin, climbs up on the turnbuckle and prepares to jump and put Opal through a table outside the ring. Clinton throws himself against the ropes and slingshots himself across the ring to send Edwards out. Joe Biden, Christopher Dodd, and Bill Richardson race to the ring and pull Edwards out of the way. Clinton hits the turnbuckle and causes KRC to lose her balance and crotch herself on the ropes. She falls backwards with her legs draped over the top tying herself in the tree of woe. Biden, Dodd, and Richardson attack all three Political Pitbulls. Tessa Martin grabs a steel-folding chair and skateboards it into KRC’s face in the corner. KRC topples over and the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl eliminates her.Both Bill and Hillary are in shock. Biden, Dodd, and Richardson brawl with Political Pitbulls Carville, McAuliffe, and Blumenthal back up the ramp. Soccer Mom gets back in the ring and shouts ‘It’s for the children’ as she takes a chair and nails Tessa Martin with it. Opal revives and wins the match.
Barack Obama holds up Opal’s hand in victory.
Now perceived as a threat, the Clinton Political Pitbulls, already locked in mortal combat with Barack Obama and the PCW Women’s Champion “Queen of All Media” Opal Winfree, resorted to extreme measures to keep Tessa at bay.
REPLAY: 1/8/08 MAYHEM AT MANCHESTER (NEW HAMPSHIRE)
MATCH #7- BCEW Women’s Non-Title Match- BCEW Women’s champion “Media Empress” Opal Winfree w/her flock (Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy) and ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama, Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) with Hillary Clinton, and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin with John Edwards in a Progressive Alliance three-way dance
Winfree and Obama, Collins and Clinton are in the ring. John Edwards is in the ring. Tessa Martin, strangely enough, is not. To the back where Clinton Political Pitbull Terry McAuliffe, Dr. Erich Von Rickshaw, and a seemingly hypnotized Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin are. McAuliffe pays the doctor for his services and Dr. Von Rickshaw leads Tessa away.
Which led to this at Michigan Madness one week later…
REPLAY: 1/15/08 MICHIGAN MADNESS
Tessa: “That’s the last time that’s ever going to happen again. We’re going to settle this tonight. Von Rickshaw? Get your ass out here now!” The crowd cheers. Suave: “Tessa Martin is calling out Dr. Erich Von Rickshaw!” Dr. Von Rickshaw appears and slowly makes his way down to the ring. Tessa: “That’s right! I want you right now in the ring! We’re going to settle this once and for all. You and me. One on one.” Suave: “A match?” Tessa: “If you win…I’m yours. But if I win, you’ll never, ever, come within ten miles of me. Deal?”Dr. Von Rickshaw mulls the offer. Then he nods. Tessa: Let’s do it…
MATCH #2- BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN (Independent) VS. DR. ERICH VON RICKSHAW (Mad Doctor)
Dr. Von Rickshaw starts waving his hands in front of Tessa. Tessa puts on a pair of sunglasses. Dr. Von Rickshaw smiles. He knows he’s in trouble. Tessa pulls out a pizza bag (to carry hot pizzas in) from her corner and puts it over Dr. Von Rickshaw’s head. Then she starts flailing away at him, knocking him to the canvas. The doctor manages to get the pizza bag off him and pulls off Tessa’s glasses. Suave: “OH, OH!” Dr. Von Rickshaw looks deep into her eyes and waves his hands. Tessa stops. Suave: “This could be it! It looks like he’s got her entranced!” He motions her back and Tessa takes a step away from him. Dr. Von Rickshaw evilly smiles…and then…Suave: “HERE COMES CHUCK NORRIS!” The crowd again explodes when Norris races to the ring. Dr. Von Rickshaw seems taken aback at the sudden appearance of the action film hero and Mike Huckabee supporter. He waves his hands in front of Norris…nothing. He does it again…nothing. Von Rickshaw tries again……absolutely nothing. Von Rickshaw: “WHY WON’T YOU DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO?” Suave yells from his broadcast position: “BECAUSE HE’S CHUCK FREAKIN’ NORRIS, THAT’S WHY!” Von Rickshaw: “Oh.” Spinning heel kick. *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Dr. Von Rickshaw down and out. Tessa snaps out of it, covers, and wins the match.
Tessa got her first big victory the next month at Super Tuesday Throwdown in Nashville, Tennessee. But as it always seemed to be, something…or someone…ruined the moment.
REPLAY: 2/5/08 SUPER TUESDAY THROWDOWN (Nashville, Tennessee)
MATCH #4- ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON (American Patriots) w/ Neal Conn- making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order vs. BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Hallie controls the match most of the way. Tessa suddenly hits a ‘pizza cutter’ and rallies back. Neal Conn grabs her foot though and pulls her out of the ring. Bobby Bare’s “Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila” plays and Tequila Sheila, who lost to Hallie Burton at BCEW’s Last Tango in Tallahassee when Conn clipped her knee, runs down and bashes Conn’s head in with a blender. Sheila hits the ring and clocks Hallie with the blender. Tessa covers and the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl picks up the big upset win.
Tequila Sheila celebrates with Tessa in the ring until the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter comes to the ring and attacks them. Coulter lays out Sheila with her blender and then takes a warm pizza out of the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’s pizza bag and dumps it all over Tessa.
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter would continue to be a thorn in Tessa’s side. Now teamed up with Tequila Sheila, Tessa would again face the wrath of Coulter on PCW Extreme Political TV from Virginia.
REPLAY: 2/12/08 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV FROM VIRGINIA
MATCH #2 ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
The match never really formally starts as Coulter, still extremely distressed over the fact that John McCain is going to be the American Patriots nominee for BCEW CEO in November, snaps and starts nailing Sheila and Martin with a steel folding chair. Burton also attacks the pair and drapes both Sheila and Tessa on a table. Coulter goes to the top rope with a chair in hand and leaps, driving both women through the table. The referee comes over to count and Coulter whaps him with the chair. Coulter tosses him on another table and puts the ref through it cleanly. Coulter throws down the chair and skulks back to the dressing room.
WINNER: No match
Then the next week in Milwaukee, Coulter again went ballistic on Tessa and Tequila Sheila.
REPLAY: 2/19/08 MILWAUKEE MELTDOWN (Wisconsin)
MATCH #3 ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Take two. Last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV in Virginia, the match never came off because Coulter, still pissed off over John McCain becoming the new leader of the American Patriots, threw a fit and attacked Sheila and Tessa before the bell. Would this week be different? Well…no. Coulter sprayed hairspray in Sheila’s face as she came out to her song ‘Tequila Sheila’ by Bobby Bare, and then she and Burton again assaulted their opponents pre-bell. This week, Burton and Coulter was joined by Right Wing Blogger Michelle Malkin who clubbed their opponents incessantly with an old computer keyboard. The 3 on 2 continued until Daisy Cutter-Bomb of Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army ran out to even the odds. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Burton. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Malkin. Coulter hightails it out before Daisy can get her hands on her.
WINNER: NO MATCH
Post-match, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin challenges Coulter and Burton to settle their differences once and for all in a six-woman tag team cage match. Sheila, Tessa, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. Burton, Coulter, and Malkin.
Finally at the Palace of Political Extreme, Tessa, Tequila Sheila, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb aka…the 3 Amigas, dish out a little long overdue payback on ‘The Queen of Political Extreme.’
REPLAY: 2/26/08 EXTREME POLITICAL TV
MATCH #1 ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON, ‘Right Wing Blogger’ MICHELLE MALKIN, and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA, “BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN, and DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Independent)
Suave: “Well? I guess this is take three. The last two weeks, Ann Coulter has proved why she is the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ by destroying both Tessa Martin and Tequila Sheila before their match was to have began. Tonight, it’s a cage match.” Tequila Sheila, serenaded by the BCEW Hall crowd to the Bobby Bare song, ‘Tequila Sheila,’ is the last one of the Independent team to enter the cage. Tessa wields an extra-large pizza box and Daisy Cutter-Bomb has her Singapore cane at the ready.Coulter, Hallie Burton, and Michelle Malkin arrive next. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ enters the cage and immediately starts chirping at all three of her opponents. There’s commotion on the floor and a creepy guy accosts both Hallie Burton and Michelle Malkin. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS GARY BUSEY DOING HERE?” Busey, fresh off his unnerving appearance on the red carpet at the Oscars, hugs both Burton and Malkin. Both women look horrified. Burton tries to spin away and in the process shuts the cage, trapping Coulter inside with all three of their opponents. Burton and Malkin run away with Busey in hot pursuit.
Coulter suddenly realizes she’s in big trouble. She suddenly tries to make nice with her opponents. Coulter: “Remember all those things I said and did the last couple weeks? Well, it was all just a misunderstanding…yeah, that’s it…it was all a mistake-” *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN JUST SMACKED COULTER IN THE KISSER WITH THE PIZZA BOX! WHAT THE HELL IS INSIDE…” Tessa tears opens the box. It’s a road sign. Suave: “Ahhh, makes sense now.” Tequila Sheila then pours a blender full of tequila onto the semi-conscious Coulter. Daisy then drags Coulter up by her long, blond mane and finishes her off with a ‘Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb.’ Daisy sticks her foot on Coulter’s chest. 1-2-3.
WINNER: TEQUILA SHEILA, ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN, and DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Independent)
Now established as a bonafide contender for the Women’s title and with Tequila Sheila and Daisy Cutter-Bomb watching her back, Tessa set out to become the number one contender. She would face an incredibly tough test on the road in Annabel the Cannibal- Dr. Annabel Lecktor.
REPLAY: 4/1/08 NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS
MATCH #1- BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and “Tequila Sheila” (Independent) vs. DR. ANNABEL ‘Annabel the Cannibal’ LECKTOR w/her handler, FBI Special Agent Charlize Starling (Not sure. Not sure you’d want to know)
Suave: “You know, it’s always disconcerting to see Dr. Lecktor come out with that mask on.” Suave then says it’s even more disconcerting when the referee explains that if Dr. Lecktor tries to remove the mask at any time during the match, she will be immediately disqualified. Sure enough, Dr. Lecktor does. FBI Special Agent Starling uses a cattle prod to try and control her- no luck. Tequila Sheila runs in and gets swatted away by Dr. Leckter. Daisy Cutter-Bomb hits the ring and distracts her enough to allow Tessa Martin to grab an oversized pizza box and pieface Dr. Lecktor with it. Lecktor is knocked out cold. Martin covers and gets the win.
WINNER: BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN
The 3 Amigas celebrate inside the ring. Suave: “A HUGE win for the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl over a difficult opponent. And what the hell is inside that box?” Tessa opens the box up- it’s another street sign.
Two weeks later, the 3 Amigas threw the gauntlet down by making a statement during a match between Randi Rhodes and Ann Coulter.
REPLAY: 4/14/08 EXTREME POLITICAL TV
MATCH #1 EXTREME CATFIGHT- ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. ‘The Air America Audio Assassin’ RANDI RHODES (Progressive Alliance)
Rhodes rushes across the ring. Coulter skips the ring and both women jaw at each other. Rhodes dares her to get back in the ring. Finally, Coulter does and she charges at Rhodes. Rhodes immediately ducks under the rope and it’s her turn to take a time out outside the ring. More trash-talking back and forth. The crowd begins to get antsy as the process repeats itself. Rhodes goes after Coulter- Coulter leaves the ring. Coulter goes after Rhodes- Rhodes ducks out. More harsh words exchanged. Crowd chants: “Bor-ing!”Rhodes tries to lock up with Coulter. Coulter slips free and again exits the ring. This time, Rhodes demands a microphone. Then she unleashes a blistering, profane verbal assault on the ‘Queen of Political Extreme.’ Coulter, watching Rhodes, gets clocked from behind out of nowhere. Suave: “Wait a minute! That’s the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin.” Martin swings an oversized pizza box and pastes Coulter with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OFF COULTER’S HEAD WITH A PIZZA BOX!” The BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl stands over Coulter with three fingers in the air. Suave wonders what’s going on.He finds out soon enough. While Rhodes is distracted, Daisy Cutter-Bomb slides in behind and cracks her in the back with a Singapore cane. She holds up three fingers as the third member of the triumvirate, waitress Tequila Sheila, joins Daisy and Tessa in the ring. Daisy takes the mic from Rhodes and proclaims that the 3 Amigas- a pizza delivery driver, a waitress, and a college student, are sick and tired of big mouths like Coulter and Rhodes speaking for them. Suave: “I didn’t know Daisy was going to college.” Tessa speaks up that the 3 Amigas are standing with those whose lagging wages that aren’t keeping up with the increasing cost of living. Tessa: “Tonight, not only am I challenging Kathryn Randall Collins to become the number one contender for the BCEW women’s title, I’m challenging the elites of both the Progressive Alliance and American Patriots.” However, Kathryn Randall Collins would be injured in a match and that meant Tessa would get her first crack at the Women’s title at Hoosier House Party. But she would end up getting caught up in the vortex of the ongoing battle royale between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama that night.
REPLAY 5/6/08 HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY M
ATCH #2 PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila of the 3 Amigas (Independent)
Suave: “No Barack Obama tonight. Tessa Martin has slowly climbed up the ladder and with the injury to Kathryn Randall Collins has earned a title shot. The question is, is Tessa ready to take the next step?” The answer is: we won’t find out tonight.Before the bell, Hillary Clinton sends in her Political Pitbulls (James Carville, Terry McAuliffe), Barbra Streisand, Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, and the CAC to disrupt the match. Opal’s Flock gets taken out; so does the 3 Amigas. Hillary gets on the mic and asks, “What part of ‘I’m going all the way’ does everyone not understand?” Hillary states tonight is a ‘game-changing’ night. Hillary: “And when Triple R defeats O’Beck Bahama, again, the Progressive Alliance will see that I’m in it to win it. They’ll see that only I am tough enough to stand up to the American Patriots and John McCain! I’m tested. I’m ready.” Hillary defiantly throws down the mic and leaves with her crew. That first opportunity by the wayside, two weeks later Tessa was able to finally extract revenge on ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann for everything he tried to do to her. McMann was returning from a long absence and tried to make up with the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl. Unfortunately for McMann, she wasn’t buying it.
REPLAY: 5/19/08 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
MATCH #2 “Sports Entertainment Genius” MR. McMANN vs. “PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila
Mr. McMann smiles at Tessa. Tessa’s glare could bore through steel. McMann: “Hey. You’re not still upset about the fact that I stalked you and later had you hypnotized on the old BCEW Cable show to make you do a striptease, are you?” She raises her eyebrows at him. McMann: “I’m just here to let bygones be bygones. Let’s just shake hands and start all over, okay?” Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. Suave: “Nope. Guess not.” She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.
WINNER: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN
Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”
At Loose Cannons Unleashed 4, Tessa finally got her chance against Kathryn Randall Collins for the number one contender spot. And she did not waste the opportunity.
REPLAY: 6/9/08 LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 4 END OF TESSA MARTIN/KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS MATCH
…KRC again looks for help from Hillary or the Progressive Alliance. It’s not coming. Tessa hits the ropes, and slams KRC’s knee off of the apron. She works the knee bar and then drops elbows to the knee. Slingshot into the ring ropes and KRC is in trouble. She manages to get to her feet but Tessa small packages her. Again, the ref gets to 2 before Opal herself pulls him out of the ring to break the count. Daisy Cutter-Bomb hits the ring. Opal bails. Tequila Sheila slides the pizza box in. KRC tries to take her down. Tessa hits her with the oversized pizza box with the road sign inside and nearly knocks KRC out. She then nails her finisher- the Pizza Cutter, for the final coupe de grace. Tessa covers. Opal tries to get back in the ring but Daisy holds her leg. 1…2…3.
WINNER AND THE NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Which led to her title shot against ‘Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree.
REPLAY: 6/9/08 LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 4 END OF TESSA MARTIN/OPAL WINFREE MATCH
Opal’s not paying attention on the floor so Tessa leaps through the ropes and hits a high cross body. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Soccer Mom again attacks Tessa. She escapes but eats a big boot from Opal. Splash by Opal against the edge of the ring. Back elbows by Tessa. Head butt by Opal and then the chokeslam connects. Tessa lies on the floor as Soccer Mom and Opal kick away. Daisy whips around the ring with an oversized pizza box. Daisy sets and plasters Soccer Mom with the pizza box. Opal superkicks the pizza box into Daisy’s face. Tree slam by Opal on Daisy through a table! Opal grabs Tessa by the hair- tree slam through another table. She covers for 2 but Tequila Sheila makes the save with her blender once again. Opal sets, charges and runs right into a tilt-a-whirl slam. Tessa locks in the STO- but Opal powers out of it. Finally back in the ring. Missile drop kicks to Opal. Clothesline puts her down. Tessa on the top rope. Suddenly, Barack Obama runs out. He distracts Tessa long enough to allow Opal to face plant her from the top rope. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS WICKED.” Tessa’s unconscious. Easy cover for Opal.
The fall would bring new challenges for the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl and the 3 Amigas with the return of ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann with his new corporation consisting of Kathryn Randall Collins and Quadruple R.
REPLAY: 8/24/08 PCW LOCK AND LOAD 3
McMann: “Once we get all of you trained to love my brand of pro wrestling, then, and only then, will you truly appreciate my genius.”
Female voice: “Bulls#$#!” The crowd rises and cheers. Suave: “It’s her! PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin- one third of the 3 Amigas! She nearly defeated the PCW Women’s champion Opal Winfree at Loose Cannons Unleashed 4!” Tessa tells McMann that he tried to buy her but she and her independent spirit can’t be bought. McMann reminds her that she lost at Loose Cannons Unleashed 4 and it was time for someone else to get a title shot- mainly Kathryn Randall Collins. McMann: “Prepare to feel the full wrath of my corporate power!” KRC clotheslines Tessa. Quadruple R then holds her so KRC can pummel her with shots. McMann: “That’s right! Who dares to defy me? Who thinks they can stand up to my corporate power!”Apparently, the other two members of the 3 Amigas do. Daisy Cutter-Bomb rushes out and starts caning the crap out of Quadruple R with a Singapore cane. Tequila Sheila belts KRC aside the head with her blender. Daisy hits a ‘Daisy Cutter Powerbomb on KRC and then chases McMann and his other corporate cronies away.
A month later, Tessa defeated ‘Defense Expert’ Hallie Burton to set up another title match against ‘The Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree. But Mr. McMann used his corporate influence to get Kathryn Randall Collins substituted on the card in her place and that led to this…
REPLAY: 10/7/08 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
McMann then announces his first act- changing the upcoming match between PCW Women’s champion ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin by substituting Kathryn Randall Collins for Martin. McMann notes that all it took was a sizable donation to PCW CEO George W’s retirement fund to make the switch. Suave: “This is total bull@#$#!”
MATCH #3 PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH- ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka…KRC (McMann Corporation)
Suave: “This is so not right!” The bell rings. Winfree and Collins meet in the middle. There’s a commotion. Suave: “There’s something going on…IT’S PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN!” Tessa slams her oversized pizza box, complete with metal road sign inside, into Big Oil’s knee. The knee buckles. Daisy whacks him in the face with a Singapore cane. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Quadruple R pushes Tessa down. Daisy turns and repeatedly whacks him with the Singapore cane, sending Quadruple R running for the locker room. Tequila Sheila knocks out Mr. McMann with her blender. Tessa kicks Kirk Walstreit in the balls. Daisy takes out Walstreit with a Daisy Cutter-Powerbomb. Tessa knocks out Guyko with the pizza box. KRC leans over the top rope and tries to grab at Daisy. Opal sneaks up from behind and rolls KRC up. 1…2…3.
Finally, Tessa with her 3 Amiga mates signed on to meet Kathryn Randall Collins of Mr. McMann’s Corporation the next week to settle the number one contendership once and for all. Tessa’s had a lot of setbacks in her career, but nothing as devastating as what would happen to her that night…
REPLAY: 10/14/08 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
MATCH #3- #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
Suave: “Last week, Mr. McMann’s Corporation screwed ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin out of her title shot. This week, Tessa wants revenge.” The bell rings and quick a stare down. Tessa immediately backs Collins into the corner and chops the hell out of her. Headlock, KRC gets whipped off the ropes and eats a shoulder block. Tessa grabs her a fistful of hair and snap mares Collins. Quick rollup but Collins kicks out. Forearms shots brings down Collins and Tessa locks in a leg lock. KRC reverses into an arm bar. Tessa reverses right back into another leg lock. KRC gets to her feet and shoves Tessa down. Tessa right back up and pushes KRC down. Tessa drops an elbow on her knee. Knee drop to KRC’s leg and then Tessa locks in a single leg crab. KRC somehow crawls to the ropes. Tessa tries to drag her back in but Big Oil grabs KRC’s hands. Finally, Tessa lets go.KRC backs into the corner. Tessa kicks her in the gut. Suplex and a two count. Suave: “The Corporation looks a bit concerned there. Tessa is going all out tonight.” Tessa single leg takedown on KRC and rolls into a grounded armbar. Tessa whips Collins off the ropes, and catches KRC charging and dumps her over the top rope. Big Oil goes over to check on KRC. Collins back in the ring and Tessa works on her arm again. Tessa grounds KRC and drives her knee into the shoulder. Collins powers to her feet. Tessa works the arm and backs KRC into a corner. She chops the hell out of her again before Collins ducks out of the corner and breaks away. Reverse Irish whip throws Tessa into the wrong corner. Quadruple R pulls Tessa’s legs out from under her and she face plants onto the canvas. Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila in the ring. Big Oil and Walstreit in the ring. KRC kicks away at Tessa. Collins drags her up and throws her right into a Quadruple R clothesline.Average Joe and the American Trucker run down. Average Joe pulls Quadruple R out of the ring and starts flailing on him. Daisy Cutter-Bomb pulls KRC off Tessa and whips her into the other corner. Big Oil corners Daisy. Daisy slides between his legs and makes it back to the other corner. American Trucker kicks Big Oil in the balls and then DDT’s Kirk Walstreit. Tessa stumbles back to the other side of the ring. Big Oil grabs American Trucker from behind and chokeslams him. * KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!” Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all.
WINNER AND #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS
Suave: “NO! NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!” Tequila Sheila confronts Daisy. Daisy gives her a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. She then drags an unconscious Tessa back up. Suave: “NO! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Daisy hits a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb with enough force that Tessa’s body bounces several inches up off the canvas. The crowd starts to throw debris in the ring. Mr. McMann shakes Daisy’s hand. Suave: “THIS IS WRONG! DAISY CUTTER-BOMB TURNS ON TESSA MARTIN. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS IS THE NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE. AND THE 3 AMIGAS ARE NO MORE!