10/21 – MVW Sunday Night Wrestling Preview

Last week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling:

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot defeated Cheryl Parkman

The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill © defeat Farmer John and Ultratron-Five

The Kardoucheian versus ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill situation finally explodes. Ken Kardoucheian challenges McGill to a ‘losers leave MVW match.’ Mr. McMann comes out and changes the match stipulation. If McGill wins, the Kardoucheians must quit their top rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’. If Ken wins, McGill must go out on a ‘dream date’ with him and it will be filmed for ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’ Then MVW CEO Jill Berg walks out and changes the match again, inserting Khris Kardoucheian into the match instead of Ken. But either side can choose to ‘x’ out the stipulations and just make it a grudge match.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann announces Canadian Bad Boy Justin Beaver as the new SEC wrestler. McMann also brings in Beaver’s valets ‘Young Hollywood’s’ Miley Vyrus and Country…er…Pop Songstress Taylor Switt. Former SEC member ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin then attacks and ends up getting a guitar shot from Switt.

Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson retains his title in a wild match with ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

This Week:

It’s the go home show to MVWA 78 and the card is finalized.

MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and challenger Charlie Blackwell sign the contract for their match at MVWA 78.

We’ll find out who will face the MVW Tag Team champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill for the title. Will it be the Sports Entertainment Corporation…P.M.C. Banks…the newcomer ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver with his valets ‘Young Hollywood’s’ Miley Vyrus and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt or Average Joe and Brad Company aka Perfectly Average Company with Tequila Sheila in their corner.

We’ll also find out who will meet MVW Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- also of the SEC. Will ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin…who was thrown out of the SEC by Mr. McMann…get a chance at not only revenge but redemption? Or will the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot…backed as always by her White Trash Posse Jaxson and Shayne…break through and punch her ticket to MVWA 78 and a title shot.

Speaking of the MVW Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, she will also be in action on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Bo Stevens delivers a statement of intent leading into his MVWA 78 match against ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.

And finally, Dawn McGill and Khris Kardoucheian will have their contract signing for a grudge match that’s been building up since July. Will they accept ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann’s stipulations- if McGill wins, the Kardoucheians must quit their top rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’ If Khris Kardoucheian wins, Dawn must go on a ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian to be filmed for their reality show. Or will Dawn or the Kardoucheians object and this will be just a grudge match.

MVW CEO Jill Berg will announce the full card.

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10/17 – MVW Weekend House Show Recap and News

**Recap of Last Week’s Missouri Valley Wrestling House Shows**

Wednesday Night 10/11 – Grinnell, Iowa House Show Results

The Hanson Sisters: Andrea and Melissa with Charissa defeat Blake and Gwen Varney and Teri Sargent- Melissa pinned Gwen after hitting the Slap Shot. -Hanson Sisters debut match in MVW

Jeff Johnson defeated Bobby Starr with a roll up. -Jeff Johnson’s debut match in MVW

Ninja Kitty defeated Tori Thomas with the Hurricanrana DDT

Jack Frasier with his Oootlander Blaire Rendell defeated Monongahelian Stomper with the Canadian Crusher

SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack defeated Jobber D’Hut with obnoxious French sports talk hose Dan LeBasterd- SNAFU won with the American Facebuster

Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson, Ken Worth-American Trucker, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defeat ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and the American Bikers: Big Paulie and Little Paulie- Worth hit the Jake Brake on Little Paulie after he and Big Paulie got into a mid-match argument over tactics…and the fact that they just can’t stand each other for more than five minutes.

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Regina McGill defeat C.J. Lewis and ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris- Tess hit the Pizza Cutter on Lewis

NON-TITLE MATCH:
Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay defeated Rick Beam with the Dragon Sleeper

MAIN EVENT / NON-TITLE MATCH:
Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with the SEC (Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks and SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum) defeated Yosemite Samantha with the Toxic Sting

==

Friday Night 10/13 – Fort Dodge, Iowa House Results

The Kardoucheian Empire (Ken and Koley with Khourtney and Khris Kardoucheian) defeat Willie Idol and Mr. Wrestling XXXIV- Ken pinned Idol after hitting the Hollywood Blockbuster.

-post-match, Khris Kardoucheian got on the microphone and again bitterly complained about how the Kardoucheians are being treated in MVW.   He especially zeroed in on ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill calling her a ‘washed up, has been’ of a wrestler who’s clinging to her wrestling life by being a manager.

-McGill ran out with a steel folding chair and potatoed Khris. The other Kardoucheians ran hastily to the back.

Yosemite Samantha defeated Blake Varney with the Cannonball.

Jeff Johnson defeated Rick Beam with a roll up.

Kathryn Randall Collins defeated Tori Thomas with the Gogoplata

Perfectly Average Company: Average Joe and Brad Company with Tequila Sheila defeated Farmer John and the new age cybertronic criminally insane sentient robot wrestling machine Ultratron-Five – Company pinned Ultratron-Five after hitting him with the Company Line

Bo Stevens defeated Willie Idol with the BO-Plex.

P.M.C. Banks and Charlie Blackwell with the Sports Entertainment Corporation (SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens) defeat the Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson with Penny and Amy- Banks pinned Leonard after hitting him with the Bank Statement.

-post-match, Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay comes out and there’s a brief staredown between him and Charlie Blackwell- McAvay’s opponent at MVWA 78.

Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb defeat Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their extreme brand of justice via DQ when the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank, Tiny, Stan, and April O’Neale) interfere.

-post-match, the WMD and BBSPN brawl as the Ninja are still torqued off over the tactics used against the week before in their match on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

MAIN EVENT / NON-TITLE MATCH:
Tag Team Champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis defeat The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny with Stan and April O’Neale- Rah pinned Hank after Halitosis used his lethal breath on him and Rah followed with the Eye of RAHHHH!

-the show ended with a staredown and then a verbal exchange between McGill and the Kardoucheian Empire who came to the ring after the match.

==

Saturday Night 10/14 – Omaha, Nebraska House Show Results

BUNKHOUSE STAMPEDE MATCH:
Melissa Hanson defeated Ninja Kitty, Gwen Varney, Andrea Hanson, C.J. Lewis, Svetlana Kovaleski, Blake Varney, Elaine Brazier, Kathryn Randall Collins, and Dr. Annabel ‘From Hannibal’ Lecker.

Jeff Johnson defeated Bobby Starr and Couch Potato

Average Joe defeated Fred Nugent with the Average Slam

Bo Stevens defeated Jack Frasier with his Oootlander Blaire Rendell with the BO-Plex

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot with the White Trash Posse defeated Yosemite Samantha with the White Trash Compactor

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin defeated ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris with the Pizza Cutter

NON-TITLE MATCH:
Tag Team Champions Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill defeated The Kardoucheian Empire: Ken and Koley Kardoucheian with Khourtney and Khris Kardoucheian via count-out- several minutes in, the four Kardoucheians abandoned the match and attacked McGill at ringside. Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables made the save.

MAIN EVENT / NON-TITLE MATCH:
Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with the SEC (Charlie Blackwell and P.M.C. Banks) defeated Daisy Cutter-Bomb with the Toxic Sting

==

Sunday Afternoon 10/15 – Kearney, Nebraska House Show Results

Ninja Kitty defeated Tori Thomas with the Hurricanrana DDT

Jeff Johnson defeated Rick Beam with the Sleeper Hold

The Hanson Sisters: Andrea and Melissa Hanson with Charissa Hanson defeated Gwen and Blake Varney- Andrea pinned Gwen after hitting the Slap Shot

Perfectly Average Company: Average Joe and Brad Company with Tequila Sheila defeated Mr. Wrestling XXXIV and the Monongahelian Stomper- Average Joe pinned Mr. Wrestling XXXIV with the Average Slam

Yosemite Samantha defeated Regina McGill with the Cannonball

Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defeated Bo Stevens and Fred Nugent- McAvay pinned Nugent after hitting the McGill Bomb

MAIN EVENT:
Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny with Stan and April O’Neale- double DQ

==

COMING OUT OF LAST WEEKEND:

Here is how MVWA 78 is shaping up.

EXTREME DEATHMATCH:
Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny with Stan and April O’Neale

Bo Stevens with Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother no one knew he ever had vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- rematch from MVWA 77

SPECIAL ATTRACTION MATCH:
‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill vs. Khris Kardoucheian with the Kardoucheian Empire (Ken, Koley, and Khourtney) -as of now- if McGill wins, the Kardoucheians must quit their top rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’ If Khris Kardoucheian wins, Dawn must go on a ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian to be filmed for their reality show.

MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill © vs. the winner of Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and Canadian Bad Boy Justin Beaver with Young Hollywood’s Miley Vyrus and Country…er…Pop Songstress Taylor Switt and Perfectly Average Company: Average Joe and Brad Company with Tequila Sheila

MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens of the SEC vs. the winner of ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot

MVW MEN’S TITLE MATCH:
‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables © vs. Charlie Blackwell with the SEC

Look for Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg to add a couple additional matches to the show this Sunday night.

The hockey-loving Hanson Sisters (Andrea, Melissa, and Charissa) and Jeff Johnson made their MVW debuts this weekend and worked the house shows.

Both Dawn McGill and the Kardoucheians will spend the week mulling over the special stipulation ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann thought up for their grudge match at MVWA 78 (if McGill wins, the Kardoucheians must quit their top rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’ If Khris Kardoucheian wins, Dawn must go on a ‘dream date’ with Ken Kardoucheian to be filmed for their reality show).  Per CEO Jill Berg’s ruling, either party can veto McMann’s stipulation.  We will see how this plays out when McGill and Kardoucheian sign off on the contract this Sunday night.

MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and Charlie Blackwell will also sign the contract for their MVWA 78 match this Sunday night.

The sudden explosion of ill-will between the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank, Tiny, Stan, April O’Neale) and Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb) precipitated this comment from A-Bomb after their Sunday afternoon house show match that ended in a double disqualification.

A-Bomb: We outsmarted them two weeks ago.   We saw the opportunity.  We executed the plan.  We won the match.  Period.  That’s all.  They need to get over themselves.

 

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MVW Sunday Night Wrestling – October 15th

Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson slams ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler to the mat during their TV title match.  Will Dickinson retain the belt?  Stay tuned.

Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg’s Office

[On the video screen in Jill’s office, it’s the latest edition of the reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’…]

(Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians- Courtesy of the Reality Show Network)

[The film crew pans the crowd and in turn the MVW fans exhibit an abject distaste for the Kardoucheians.]

Ken Kardoucheian (voiceover): We were in the ring having a serious discussion with CEO Jill Berg about the state of our career in Missouri Valley Wrestling. She was telling us this story how no one gets a free ride in MVW. Except, we’re not just any one. We’re the *BLEEP*-ing Kardoucheian Empire.

[Khris Kardoucheian gets in Berg’s face.]

Khris Kardoucheian: It’s not easy to become a Hollywood star. But our show…’Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’…is the number one reality show on cable. Why is that? Because they’re stars. The fact that MVW does not treat my sons as stars is a real problem. The fact that two inferior teams got over on my sons at MVWA 77…is a real problem. The fact that you chose the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to wrestle in the 4CW tag team tournament instead of the Kardoucheians…the fact that you allow Dawn McGill to continually harass my sons at every turn…is completely unacceptable.

Jill Berg: I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve been given opportunity after opportunity and-

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care how many opportunities you’ve ‘given’ my sons. It’s obviously not enough. I want to know what you are going to do to address my concerns and treat my sons like the big stars that they are with the upmost respect they deserve?

Ken Kardoucheian (v/o): And instead of doing something about it, she lets this happen…

[McGill screams past Berg with a Singapore cane in hand and before any of the Kardoucheians can react…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow! She just fileted Khris Kardoucheians forehead with a Singapore cane shot.

[Khris falls to the floor. McGill continues right down the line…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KEN KARDOUCHEIAN!

[Ken crumples to the floor. McGill goes on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KOLEY!

[Koley is felled. McGill moves on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KHOURTNEY!

[Khourtney goes down. McGill flips them all off.]

[The camera pulls back to show all four Kardoucheians lying on the floor as McGill stops in front of the camera.

Dawn McGill: Since these guys like to put everything on tape, did you get all that?  You did? Good!

[McGill then exits and the camera crew pans in closer to get a better shot of the fallen Kardoucheians.]

[The camera pulls back. Jill Berg is banging her head on the desk.]

[Khris Kardoucheian is in front of the desk looking indignant and pissed. The ‘Krampin Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew is filming Khris in Jill’s office looking indignant and pissed. Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian also appear to be indignant and pissed with the ‘disrespectful treatment’ of them by MVW…and especially Dawn McGill.]

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

Khris Kardoucheian: So. I’ll ask you again Jill…what are you going to do to address my concerns and ensure that my sons are treated with the respect and reverence that they are as the superstars that they are.

[Ken, Koley, and Khourtney all fold their arms behind Khris as they await Jill’s response. The camera focuses on Jill.]

Jill Berg: What exactly do you want me to do?

[Khris leans forward and tries to be intimidating.]

Khris Kardoucheian: We want to make clear to her that the Kardoucheian Empire will not tolerate the insolent way that she has treated us with contempt.

[Jill blinks her eyes and stares right back at Khris.]

Jill Berg: You do realize this is professional wrestling, right? And get that camera out of my face.

[Jill shoots a cross-eyed glare at the crew who take the hint and take a couple steps back.]

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care what this is. We’re *BLEEP*-ing tired of it, Jill. *BLEEP*-ing tired of my sons not being treated like the stars they are.  The Kardoucheians are superstars. The Kardoucheians are well known all over the world for their work. The Kardoucheians deserve a lot better treatment in this third rate, tinpot federation. We are not going to stand by and continue to take this blatant disrespect. The Kardoucheian Empire deserves star treatment and Missouri Valley Wrestling had better focus on this issue and fix it really quick.

Jill Berg: Which brings us back to…what exactly do you want me to do?

Khris Kardoucheian: I want Dawn McGill put in her place. I want her out of Missouri Valley Wrestling and out of our business. I want her to go back home so she can marry the white trash jerk of her dreams and be the barefoot and pregnant white trash queen housewife she’s preordained to be. I demand action…NOW!

[Jill goes back to work. She takes a pen and starts signing her name to a piece of paper in front of her. This sends Khris even more into a feverish state of rage.]

Khris Kardoucheian: WELL? I’M WAITING!

[Berg looks up and points to the door.]

Jill Berg: This is a booking issue.

Khris Kardoucheian (overly dramatic for cinematic effect): WHAT?

Jill Berg: I said, this is a booking issue. Go talk to Mr. McMann. He can take care of your problem.

[The Kardoucheians turn bright red.]

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday October 15th, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]

[Crowd applause]

[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!

[More applause.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall.

[Hall gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: MVWA 78 is less than two weeks away. We know the main event is going to be a rematch of the MVWA 77 between MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and Charlie Blackwell in match where no one else is allowed at ringside. We know that newcomer Bo Stevens is going to get a rematch of his own against ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido. The rest of the card will take shape in the next two weeks.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, there is so much going on. You saw the opening of the show. The Kardoucheians have ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill on their radar but they aren’t the only ones. We all know that ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann wants her for the SEC. But now she may have earned the enmity of CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter after this…

(Last Week…)

[Blair Moise is in the middle of doing a backstage report.]

Blair Moise: …a couple of minutes ago, CSPN Executive Mark Splitter walked in to offer McGill a big money move to the SEC. Seconds later, there was a huge crash inside the dressing room and then the sound of something hitting the dressing room door.

[The door whips open and Splitter, bloodied and half conscious, flops onto the floor. Then McGill, dressed in a black halter top, black mini-skirt, and black knee-high boots follows. She grabs Splitter by the lapel and yanks him back to his feet.]

Blair Moise: Well, it looks like McGill has turned down Mr. Splitter’s proposal.

[The camera follows McGill as she drags him all the way out to ringside.]

–cut—

[…the table is set up. McGill pulls Splitter back up and drags him to the ring apron. She puts his head between her legs.]

[There’s a commotion. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the SEC: Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens come out. McMann steps forward with his arms stretched to each side…]

[…McGill tilts her head down and smirks. She then lifts Splitter in the air…propels forward with her legs…and McGill Bombs Splitter through the table…]

Rick Hall: I believe her answer is no to joining the SEC.

[Enraged, McMann motions to the SEC to ‘get her.’ Blackwell, Banks, and Barbosa-Stevens rush forward. McGill runs and jumps the steel barricade into the crowd. She makes her way to the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mr. McMann announced earlier in the week that he would be revealing who the new member of the Sports Entertainment Corporation will be tonight. The SEC is being extremely tight-lipped over who’s coming in.

Rick Hall: What I have heard, Thunderbolt, is that CSPN CEO Mark Splitter is so angry over the way Dawn McGill turned down his offer for her to join the SEC that CSPN is bankrolling the SEC’s new recruit with an eye on taking her out of commission.

Thunderbolt Smith: And of course, an eye on winning the MVW Tag Team title.  Our big match tonight…the TV title showdown between Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, these two men have laid waste wherever they’ve met whether it’s here in the MVW television studio or on the road. Tonight, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler wants to regain the Television title. But you know damn well ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson is going to do everything in his power to hold on to that belt.

Thunderbolt Smith: And speaking of the MVW Tag Team champions, Rah and ‘the Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis aka the Island of Misfit Wrestlers will be wrestling tonight and we know the Kardoucheian Empire is in the building.

Rick Hall: Yeah, looking for some more fireworks tonight between the Kardoucheians and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll also have an update on the tag team and women’s contenders as the MVWA 78 card comes together. But first, it’s time for a little wrestling. Let’s go to the ring and the always lovely Kimber Marshall.

[Cut to Kimber Marshall in the ring.]


Kimber Marshall

Kimber Marshall: Our first match of the night is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, already in the ring…from St. Louis, Missouri…Cheryl Parkman!

[The five foot seven inch, one hundred and ten pound Parkman, brown haired with freckles with a standard women’s wrestling one piece outfit on, bounces up and down in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent.

*’Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer’- Sammy Kershaw*

Kimber Marshall: From Magnolia, Arkansas. Accompanied by Shayne and Jaxon aka…the White Trash Posse.

Well I met her out at Murphy’s restaurant
She said she was fresh from the farm
And I remember thinkin’ for a country girl
That she went pretty well armed
We sat there talkin’ by the lobster tank
I ordered her a sloe gin fizz
And when them chicken fried steaks arrived
She said I like living like this

Kimber Marshall: She is the Queen of the Trailer Park! LAAAAAA-NIEEE…HARRRRR-LOT!

[Harlot walks out with the White Trash Posse.]

So I made her the queen of my double wide trailer
With the polyester curtains and the redwood deck
NOW she’s run off and I’ve got to trail her
Dang her black heart and her pretty red neck

[Lani climbs into the ring and eyes her opponent while outside, the White Trash Posse clap their hands to get Harlot fired up for the match.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lani’s in the mix for a possible title shot in two weeks. She picked up a big win last night in Omaha, Nebraska over the always fun and combustible Yosemite Samantha.

(MVW House Show- Omaha, NE: Lani Harlot vs. Yosemite Samantha)

[As the four thousand people on hand at the Baxter Arena in Omaha cheer…Yosemite Samantha has Harlot tied up in the Tree of Woe in the corner. The red head goes to the opposite corner across the ring. She sprints across and hits a missile drop kick. Harlot falls off the ring post and lands in a semi-seated position in the corner.]

Thunderbolt Smith: It looked like Yosemite Samantha was about to pick up her biggest win in MVW.

[Samantha runs around the ring gathering speed and then charges at Harlot. She throws herself at Harlot…does a tuck and flip.]

Thunderbolt Smith: But then…

[Harlot’s White Trash Posse: Shayne and Jaxon pull Harlot out of the way at the last second and Samantha slams into the corner turnbuckle.]

Thunderbolt Smith: She hit the turnbuckle at full speed. Harlot would drag her to the middle of the ring and lock her in the White Trash Compactor for the win.   Next Saturday night at MVW’s house show at the Hulman Center in Terre Haute, Indiana, Lani will face the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin for a shot at the MVW Women’s Title at MVWA 78.

=========================

MATCH ONE:

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot
vs.
Cheryl Parkman

Referee: Davey Keels

=========================

[Keels gets the match started by calling for the bell.]

*DING-DING*

[Both women come out and circle. Collar and elbow tie up. Headlock by Parkman. She tries to cinch it in but Harlot lifts her off the ground and throws her into the corner.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Great show of strength by the Queen of the Trailer Park.

[Sitting back up, Parkman shakes off the throw and gets back to her feet. Again, both women circle in the ring. Lock up in the middle of the ring. Parkman tries for a wristlock. Harlot nearly laughs and tosses her back into the corner.]

Rick Hall: Lani’s showing great strength here.   She’s throwing Parkman around like a rag doll.

[More circling. Parkman slides behind Harlot for a waistlock. But Harlot separates Parkman’s hands and breaks away. Parkman runs the ropes and charges forward. Harlot braces herself and shoulder blocks her to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Parkman tries to use the ropes but she’s not having any effect on Harlot.

[Parkman to the ropes again. She races forward right into a second shoulder block by Harlot. Parkman feigns going to the corner. She again confronts Harlot who simply scoops Parkman up and slams her to the mat. Harlot then, for some unforeseen reason, decides to get in referee Davey Keels’s grill. That allows the White Trash Posse to slip in and do a little double team damage to poor Parkman.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lani Harlot’s in total control of this match.

[Harlot peels away from Keels and finds Parkman face down on the mat. She slips in and bends Parkman’s legs at the knees. Harlot then reaches around and grabs her chin with both hands. She leans back and pulls as hard as she can, wrenching Parkman’s back as if she’s pulling back on a bow…Parkman’s head nearly touches her feet.]

Thunderbolt Smith: WHITE TRASH COMPACTOR!

[Keels asks Parkman if she wants to give up.]

Rick Hall: I don’t think she can hold out much longer, Thunderbolt.

Thunderbolt Smith: Nope.

[Finally, Parkman taps out frantically.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Thunderbolt Smith: Quick and easy tonight.

[Harlot releases the hold and Keels raises her hand in victory.]

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…’The Queen of the Trailer Park’…LANI HARRRR-LOTTTT!

[Then Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Nice win for Lani Harlot and she has a few words for us.

[Harlot catches her breath and then begins.]

Lani Harlot: Tessa Martin. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl. It’s going to be you and me next Saturday night. Winner gets a title shot at MVWA 78. This is going to be battle between the present…and future of Missouri Valley Wrestling…me. Versus the past…you. As I drive up to the front of the trailer park in my 1979 Dodge Charger, my friends as me…what’s going on? You’ve been in MVW for years and you’ve never had a title shot. Well, next week after I get through with Tess, I sure as hell am gonna get my title shot. I know Tess is going to try to put my lights out and honey, that ain’t happening. Tessa Martin is gonna find out that Lani Harlot…the undisputed Queen of the Trailer Park…is going climb into that ring in Terre Haute next week all mean and evil and take care of business.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Rick Hall: She has some momentum but will it be enough to earn her a title shot against the new Women’s champion?

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ll find out next week in Terre Haute, Indiana as the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ takes on the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin…winner faces Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens for the title at MVWA 78. Now…three weeks ago, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler was the Television Champion and ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson the challenger.

(9/24- MVW Sunday Night Wrestling / TV Title Match: ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler © vs. ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson)

[Butler falls to a knee and tries to catch his breath. Dickinson goes for a walk around the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Who wants it more?

[Dickinson crawls up to the ring apron. Butler slides his head under his arm and grabs the tights. He lifts him up and back in the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler suplexes Dickinson back into the ring!

[Butler immediately covers.]

Thunderbolt Smith: For the win!

[One.]

[Two.]

[Dickinson rolls him over into a small package.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[THREE!]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Thunderbolt Smith: HE DID IT!

Thunderbolt Smith: Tonight, the roles are switched. Dickinson defends against Butler and Blair Moise has the challenger backstage. Blair?

‘COWBOY’ DAN BUTLER PROMO

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]


Blair Moise

Blair Moise: Blair Moise here with the challenger ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler…who’ll face Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson later on tonight.


‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler

[Butler joins Blair in the shot.]

Blair Moise: Dan, tonight it’s another round with Bill Dickinson.

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler: That’s right Blair, I’ve been Bill Dickinson before and I sure as hell can beat Bill Dickinson again. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler is going to be the next Missouri Valley Wrestling Television champion. I know that ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson came out on top the last time we met with the Television title on the line. Y’all just watched it on tape. But the only way to get back what’s rightfully mine is to fight Dickinson tooth and nail with everything I’ve got…just like Dickinson fights me. I ain’t going to back down from a fight and Bill Dickinson knows where to find me. Tonight, Bill Dickinson…it’s me and you for that Television title belt. And I guar-ran-damn-tee you it’s going to be the Cowboy…’Cowboy’ Dan Butler…who walks away with the title.

[Butler walks off.]

Blair Moise: An intense ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler with some thoughts about his match tonight. Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Thank you Blair. We’ll be back with more wrestling action right after these messages.

===

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow Commercial

Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.

[The spot starts as the valets of Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Ray McAvay, Dark and Stormy, wearing the official MVW/Ray McAvay ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ t-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, stand in his corner during a match.]

[High Octane Wrestling Hall of Fame announcers Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell sit at the broadcast table and are commentating on the match as both ladies pull out a Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger loaded with every condiment you could imagine and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]

Joe Hoffman: McAvay with the sidewalk slam.  What a move…right Benny?  Benny?

[Hoffman notices that Benny is otherwise occupied at the moment.]

Joe Hoffman: Benny?

[Why? Because Benny’s not watching the action inside the ring.  He’s watching the action outside the ring.  The house lights inside the Best Arena turn low and a spotlight shines on Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind- thanks to a huge off screen fan.  Stormy sees Benny staring at her and waves as she slowly, tantalizingly takes a huge bite from the Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger sandwich.]

Benny Newell: It’s only a matter of time, Hoffhole.

Joe Hoffman: What?

Benny Newell: It’s only a matter of time until one of them spills barbeque sauce on their shirt and then we’ll have a real strip show here.

[As if on cue, Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the artificially created breeze, takes a huge bite of her sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce slathered in between the buns slithers out and stains her pearly white t-shirt.]

Benny Newell: See?  I told you.

[Of course, Dark’s horrified at the development so she slips off her barbeque sauce stained t-shirt and reveals that she’s wearing a barbeque colored bikini top.]

Joe Hoffman: Well, the action seems to have shifted away from the ring.

[Ray McAvay and his unknown opponent have stopped wrestling and lean against the top rope to watch as Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Baconburger.  In a shocking development, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt.]

Benny Newell: YES!  Thank you God!  Thank you!

[So Stormy also pulls off her barbeque stained white t-shirt off and- surprise, she too has a barbeque colored bikini top on.]

Benny Newell: Could this get any better?

[Bert the Janitor walks into the scene.  He picks up the two soiled white t-shirts and tosses them into his mop bucket.  He hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce and then moves on. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then ‘accidently’ spills it all over herself.]

Joe Hoffman: I don’t know Benny.  It sure looks like she did that on purpose-

Benny Newell: Shut up Hoffhole!  Accidents happen.  Now, what just happened in my pants, that was not an accident.

[Joe slowly turns his gaze towards Benny and shakes his head.]

[Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the barbeque sauce off Dark’s chest- of which you can’t tell now if she’s wearing a bikini top or not.  In the process, the barbeque sauce ends up spilled all over her chest…and neck…and then her arms.]

Announcer Guy (v/o): Two for the price of one.

[Watching from the ring, McAvay’s eyes widen and he leans on the top rope to get a closer view.  Former HOW backstage announcer Blair Moise appears behind him.  She ‘Gibbs-slaps’ Ray in the back of the head.]

Ray McAvay (holding the back of his head): Ow!

Announcer Guy (v/o): Fred Sr’s half pound double decker Barbeque Bacon Burger …

[Dark begins to undo Stormy’s bikini top.]

Announcer Guy (v/o): Only at Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow

Benny Newell: WAIT!  DON’T END THE COMMERCIAL NOW!

[Fade to black.]

Benny Newell’s voice: AW, *BLEEP*-ING HELL!

===

JILL BERG PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Announcer Guy: And now, a public service announcement from Missouri Valley Wrestling CEO Jill Berg.

[Jill Berg stands in front of an animal shelter.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg for the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ Foundation. One of the goals of ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ to facilitate positive interactions between neighbors by creating a safe neighborhood for everyone. ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor goes to local pet shelters and find dogs to train into guard dogs.

[Scene shifts to inside a dog training facility.]

Jill Berg: Thousands of “child-friendly” dogs are trained every month to be matched up with a poor family and help provide a safe, comforting presence. The dogs go through specialized training before they are released to the family…

[A handler works with a dog.]

Jill Berg: Here, the dog is trained to immediately identify an intruder inside the house and the appropriate way to respond.

[A life-size cardboard cut-out of Michael Vick is wheeled into view. The dog growls and immediately takes off. He leaps and bites the cardboard cut-out in the balls and tears it in half.]

Jill Berg: Now, the dog is taught how to appropriately interact with children.

[Scene changes to a split second of a dog humping the handler’s leg, followed by a quick scene shift to the same dog, obviously sedated, laying in a child’s lap being petted.]

[Scene changes to Jill walking down the hallway of a house.]

Jill Berg: There are some important rules to follow if you take in one of these animals. The big one is to take responsibility for your pet and never paw it off…ha…ha…on someone else. These dogs will literally give their lives to protect yours. Treat them with the respect they-

[The hostile growl of a dog interrupts her.]

[Jill looks into a room. One of the guard dogs has spotted her and seems to have unpleasant intentions.]

Jill Berg: Oh…snap.

[Scene changes to Jill and several children. Jill has a large bloodied bandage on her right arm.]

Jill Berg: So, support the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ foundation. I’m Jill Berg, reminding you that…I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!

Children: JILLLLLL-BERG….JILLLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!

===

UPCOMING SHOWS

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Missouri Valley Wrestling hits the road once again this weekend…kicking off with a big Friday night show in Columbus, Indiana at the Hamilton Center. Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens will be on hand. Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson, Charlie Blackwell and P.M.C. Banks of the SEC will in Columbus, Indiana this Friday October 20th.

Rick Hall: This Saturday night, October 21st, MVW roars into the Indiana State College Arena in Terre Haute, Indiana. Two huge matches with major implications towards MVWA 78. First, Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb face off against the Sports Entertainment Corporation: P.M.C. Banks and the SEC’s new member for a title shot at MVWA 78 against the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Also on the card, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin faces the “Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot with the winner getting a shot at MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens at MVWA 78. Also on the card: Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables, Bo Stevens, and the Kardoucheians. Bell time is eight PM in Terre Haute, Indiana.

Thunderbolt Smith: Then, Missouri Valley Wrestling travels north to Lake Michigan for a Sunday matinee show in Michigan City, Indiana on October 22nd at the Michigan City High School Gymnasium. ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin will all be in Michigan City, Indiana this Sunday.

Rick Hall: Other upcoming Missouri Valley Wrestling shows…

October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO

===

[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Big matches coming up this weekend at the house shows.

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, we heard ‘Queen of the Trailer Court’ Lani Harlot earlier frame her match this Saturday night in Terre Haute, Indiana against ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin as the present and future versus the past. I’m not going to say that Tess needs to turn back the clock to defeat Lani…because I don’t think she does. But Lani’s made major strides in the past year and she’s got her eye set on the women’s belt.

Thunderbolt Smith: We will have Tess versus Lani for you next Sunday night on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.   Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for our next match.

[Cut to Kimber in the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: Our next match is a tag team match with a fifteen minute time limit. It is a non-title match. First…already in the ring. The team of Farmer John and the new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient robot wrestling machine…Ultratron-Five!

[Farmer John…wearing a flannel shirt under a pair of bib overalls with a pair of work boots…raises his arms in the air. Ultratron-Five…who’s dressed as if he’s a cheap b-movie knock off of a robot…tries to look menacing.]

Rick Hall: What…the hell…is that?

Thunderbolt Smith: The new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine…

[The sleeve of Ultratron-Five’s costume slides off. Ultratron-Five bends over…picks it up…and slides it back on.]

Thunderbolt Smith: …albeit it a pretty crappy one.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…they are the Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions. First…

“I’m sinfully delicious!”

[Dawn McGill’s high-pitched, squeaky tone (done in annoyingly brainless blonde bombshell sing-song tone to the tune of the tag from the Lucky Charm’s cereal commercial) heralds the arrival of the once Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt now turned sports entertainment eye candy.]

[Slinking out onto the stage in a gold one piece strapless dress that just barely covered her breasts and went down to mid-thigh, gold high heel shoes, copious makeup on her face, teased platinum hair right out of the 1980’s, and bright red lipstick on her lips, McGill rolls her eyes at the sound of her high pitched voice over the loudspeaker and then snaps back into her sports entertainment character.]

Kimber Marshall: …led to the ring by his valet- ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill…

[McGill struts her way down the ramp and stops intermittently to pose for selfies with the fans in the front row. Three quarters of the way down, someone tries to get a little grope in. McGill snaps out of sports entertainment eye candy mode…whirls around…]

[*SLAP*]

[…and slaps the offending man in the face. Rolling her eyes at the man, Dawn ‘resets’ back into sports entertainment mode, giggles in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, and makes her way down to the ring. She walks by the broadcast desk. Thunderbolt waves at her. Dawn smiles at him and then at Rick Hall.   She stops by Hall and stands him up…grabs the side of his face with both hands, and plants a full mouth, no holds barred kiss on the surprised broadcaster.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well!

[Once the kiss ends, McGill- lipstick slightly smeared on her face, giggles as she backs away from Hall- his face also smeared with red lipstick, and climbs into the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Okay. Where’s my kiss?

Rick Hall: Whoa.

Thunderbolt Smith: Try not to miss the-

[*The sound of Hall missing the chair and hitting the floor*]

Thunderbolt Smith: …chair.

[Next, a lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp.  He is dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt.  He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.]

Kimber Marshall: …hailing from the Island of Misfit Wrestlers and weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds.  He is the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene.’  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you- HALITOSIS!

[Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring.  He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.]

[Halitosis then moves on to the next one.  He says hello.  The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.]

[He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.]

[Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row.  Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter.  He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.]

[He goes to shake Kimber’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away.  Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.]

Kimber Marshall: And his partner, from-

[He’s interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring.  He elbows Powers out of the way and gestures for him to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.]

Announcer Guy: Hit it!

[Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.]

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

[He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off.  A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls are standing.]

[The bikini girls pose on the ramp.  Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.]

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…

[Rah’s friend and middle-aged folk singer Happy Mango follows strumming a guitar along with the omnipresent Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy.]

Announcer Guy: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[The procession stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and prepares to climb into the ring.]

[Kimber rips the microphone back from Rah’s announcer guy. She starts to head for the ropes but her right leg doesn’t move. Looking down, Kimber is dismayed to see Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy hanging on to her leg.]

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis, Rah, and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ve got the tag team champions in action tonight on MVW Sunday Night. Rick, are you all right?

Rick Hall: Never better, Thunderbolt. Never better.

====================

MATCH TWO / NON-TITLE MATCH:

The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill ©
vs.
Farmer John and Ultratron-Five

Referee: Ron Martin

====================

Rick Hall: I have no idea what to expect.

Thunderbolt Smith: Um…yeah.

*DING-DING*

Thunderbolt Smith: It will be Farmer John and Halitosis who’ll start off.

[Halitosis dances around. Farmer John stares at him from the middle of the ring. Collar and elbow tie up. Farmer John with a takedown. He tries to cinch in a hold but Halitosis won’t stay still long enough for him to do so. The two end up hung up in the ropes and Ron Martin calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, I suppose you’re part of the club now.

Rick Hall: The club.

Thunderbolt Smith: The ‘I kissed Dawn McGill club.’ You. Ron Martin. Davey Keels.

Rick Hall: Ray McAvay.

Thunderbolt Smith: Well he was married to her.

Rick Hall: Do I at least get a t-shirt?

[Halitosis has a side headlock. Farmer John uses his strength to throw Halitosis into the ropes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Farmer John fires him into the ropes.

Rick Hall: He’s got to watch out. Halitosis will use his foul breath at any time in the match.

[Farmer John decks Halitosis with a shoulder block. Now Farmer John runs the ropes. Halitosis drops to the mat and trips him up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Drop Toehold by Halitosis and down goes Farmer John.

[Halitosis tries to get close to use his breath. Farmer John rolls away. Halitosis tags Rah in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And we’ll get our first look at the Sunshine God himself…RAH!

[Rah locks up with Farmer John. He scoops up Farmer John and slams him to the mat. Farmer John back up and gets tangled up with Rah. Both end up in the ropes and Ron Martin again calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Dawn McGill tries to fire up her charges.

[Actually, Dawn’s not paying much attention to the match. Instead, she raises her cell phone and snaps a quick selfie with another fan at ringside.]

Rick Hall: Okay. I really hope this Ultratron-Five fellow gets into the match. I can’t wait to see this.

[Farmer John tries a headlock. Rah uses his raw power to push him off. Right hand by Rah. He drags Farmer John by the arm over to their corner and tags Halitosis back in.   Rah with a big boot to the gut. Halitosis takes the arm and whips Farmer John to the ropes. Farmer John comes off the ropes with the intention of throwing a heavy right hand. Halitosis ducks and Farmer John whizzes right by into the ropes. He comes back off. Halitosis is right there and he breathes on Farmer John…catching him flush.]

Thunderbolt Smith: BREATH OF DEATH! Halitosis and his lethal lack of proper oral hygiene have struck again.

Rick Hall: Farmer John got careless.

[Farmer John drops to his knees and holds his throat. Halitosis hits the ropes and comes back. He goes for a basement dropkick. Farmer John crawls aside just as Halitosis arrives.]

Thunderbolt Smith: HE MISSED?

Rick Hall: He’s got to tag him in now.

[On cue, Farmer John manages to stagger across the ring and tag Ultratron-Five in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right Rick, here we go. You’ve just got your wish…even though I think you got your wish earlier when Dawn laid that big kiss on you.

Rick Hall: Um…yeah.

[Ultratron-Five climbs into the ring. The robot costume he’s wearing proves to be bulky and cumbersome. But he lands a right hand on Halitosis. Halitosis leaps up and over and tries to Sunset Flip Ultratron-Five. That doesn’t work and Halitosis gets hung up on the pseudo robot’s back. Ultratron-Five steps backwards and slams Halitosis against the corner turnbuckle.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ouch.

Rick Hall: Nice counter move though.

[Ultratron-Five throws Halitosis across the ring. He clanks and clunks his way step by step over to him. Halitosis instinctively kicks him in the balls…except he kicks metal instead.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ouch.

[Knife edged chop by Ultratron-Five sends Halitosis to the mat. But it takes too long for the new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine to follow up. Halitosis rolls, leaps up and tags Rah back in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Rah back in and…wait…is there a problem with Ultratron-Five?

[Why yes there is. He’s stuck. The pieces of metal where the metal legs connect with the body part of the suit have somehow become stuck leaving Ultratron-Five a standing sitting duck in the middle of the ring.]

Rick Hall: That’s unfortunate.

[Rah simply walks up to Ultratron-Five…lifts him up in the air by the neck…and slams him hard to the mat causing a couple pieces of the b-movie robot suit to fly off.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Solstice Slam by the big guy and Ultratron-Five is falling apart.

Rick Hall: Literally.

[Rah looks over at his followers. The BronzeBeach Suntan Bikini Team all jump up and down in anticipation. Rah then gazes at Dawn McGill. She’s busy filing her fingernails. Finally, Rah looks out to all his faithful fans at ringside and signals it time to sacrifice the ‘new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine’ to the Temple of the Sunshine God.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Rah is ready to put an end to this.

[He places Ultratron-Five between his legs and looks towards the heavens with arms stretched out soaking in the praise and worship of the fans.]

Rick Hall: And this isn’t going to be pretty.

[Rah picks Ultratron-Five up…and power bombs him to the mat causing the metal pieces of the b-movie robot suit to explode off of him.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Not pretty at all…oh…EYE OF RAHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Rah sticks his big boot on Ultratron-Five. Martin makes the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…The ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS!

[Kimber looks down. Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy continues to hang on to her leg.]

Kimber Marshall: Seriously? Bob! Let go of my leg!

Thunderbolt Smith: So, the MVW Tag Team champions get back on the winning track with a win over the team of Farmer John and the ‘new age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine’ Ultratron-Five here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Rick Hall: You just like saying that.

Thunderbolt Smith: Saying what?

Rick Hall: New age cybertronic criminally insane rogue sentient wrestling machine.

Thunderbolt Smith: Wouldn’t you?

[Pause.]

Rick Hall: Good point.

===

THUNDERBOLT GETS HIS…

[Dawn McGill exits the ring. She starts to head towards the back but she stops. Then she turns around and strides towards the broadcast desk.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Don’t forget, we’ve got the Television Title match coming up shortly between the champion, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson, and former champion ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler…hello!


‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

[McGill bends over and lays a big kiss on Thunderbolt Smith.]

Rick Hall: We-lllll…it seems ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill is gracing us with her presence once again.

[As McGill continues her liplock with Thunderbolt, Hall’s eyes light up when he sees the Kardoucheians appear marching towards the ring.]

Rick Hall: Um…it looks like we’ve got company.

===

THE KARDOUCHEIAN GAMBIT

Khris Kardoucheian: Well…well…well.

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

[McGill looks up. All four Kardoucheians stand a few feet away from her along with their ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ film crew. Thankfully for her, Rah, Halitosis and Rah’s followers are close by.]

Khris Kardoucheian: You know, when the reality sets in a few years from now…when you’re sitting in your doublewide trailer…wearing your worn out pink fuzzy slippers and taking care of your fourteenth child…you’ll turn on the television and see my sons…Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian starring in whatever television ventures they may be starring in…and I hope you remember this moment…I hope EVERYONE remembers this moment.

[Khris points an angry finger at McGill for dramatic effect. McGill’s in sports entertainment bimbo mode and not particularly paying attention to anything he’s saying.]

Khris Kardoucheian: It’s become clear that Missouri Valley Wrestling isn’t big enough for both of us. So we’re going to put an end to this once and for all. You are going to find out that you do not mess with the Kardoucheian Empire. You are going to find out that you don’t *BLEEP* with a major star’s livelihood. Right, Ken?

[The film crew switches over to Ken for his comments.]

Ken Kardoucheian: That’s right Dad. It’s time we settle our differences in the ring. You, Dawn McGill…versus me…Ken Kardoucheian. MVWA 78. The loser leaves Missouri Valley Wrestling for good.

[That wakes Dawn up. She’s gets serious and calls for a microphone of her own.]

Dawn McGill: Okay. All right. You want reality? I’ll give you reality. You (points at Ken) have done absolutely nothing to prove that you can wrestle at any level. The only reason you’re here is because of crappy reality show and a sex tape that your father paid major bucks to a ring rat just to appear in the film with you. You haven’t put in the work. You haven’t put in the blood. You haven’t put in the sweat. And you sure as hell haven’t put in the tears. So for you to come out here week after week after week and bitch and moan about the respect you feel you’re entitled to is an *BLEEP*-ing insult to the men and women in this company and every company across the world who’ve paid their dues…learned their craft…and everything in their power to become the best wrestler he or she could be.

[McGill confronts Ken.]

Dawn McGill: You want me to wrestle you at MVWA 78? You want a loser leaves MVW match? You got it! I warned you guys about making this personal. Now, it’s time for you to pay. Bring your damn film crew with you because when I’m done, you and your family can go back to what you do best- being no-talent, reality show hacks.


‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann walks out.]

Mr. McMann: Okay…hold on a second. I suppose I should weigh on this seeing as I am the booker of Missouri Valley Wrestling.

[McMann stifles a snicker. McGill rolls her eyes. The Kardoucheians are curious to see what McMann has to say.]

Mr. McMann: Look, Khris. I understand your frustrations with Miss McGill. I share them too. One of the most fearsome female wrestlers ever to roam the minor leagues of professional wrestling portraying a ditzy blonde bimbo with a penchant for kissing just about anyone just to piss me off…and succeeding.

[McGill grins mischievously.]

Mr. McMann: So with that in mind…we will book Ken Kardoucheian versus Dawn McGill at MVWA 78.

[The audience cheers.]

Mr. McMann: However. Loser leaves MVW? Loser leaves town? That’s so…old-school. So the loser or losers have to ‘leave’ MVW for an unspecified amount of time until everyone forgets the stipulation and they return.

[McMann paces back and forth with his right hand ‘talking’ and gesturing as he speaks.]

Mr. McMann: No. Why don’t we do this right. Let’s make this really…really memorable. Let’s make the stipulation really mean something…something that’ll really hurt the loser of this match.

[McMann stops and points at Khris Kardoucheian.]

Mr. McMann: How about we make the stipulation if Dawn McGill defeats Ken Kardoucheian at MVWA 78, the Kardoucheians have to QUIT their world famous and highly rated reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’

[Khris’s eyes bug out. This was not what he was expecting.]

Mr. McMann: That’s right. You’ll have to quit the show and focus ONLY on pro wrestling.

[McMann then turns to McGill.]

Mr. McMann: As for you. Since you’ve been whacking the Kardoucheians, and especially Ken, over the head time and time again about Ken’s sex tape and the Kardoucheian’s reality show, why don’t we do this. If Ken Kardoucheian defeats you at MVWA 78…oh…I’m going to love it if this actually happens…

[It’s McMann’s turn to grin…and he does so with the most impish and naughty way.]

Mr. McMann: …if you lose the match, you have to go on a special dream date…with Ken Kardoucheian…

[McGill’s jaw drops.]

Mr. McMann: …that will be taped and aired on ‘Krampin Up with the Kardoucheians.’

Rick Hall: Well. I don’t think she was expecting that.

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t think anyone was expecting that.

[Dawn raises her hand to make a point.]

Dawn McGill: Okay…please define ‘dream date.’

Mr. McMann: Jesus, McGill. You’re thirty-seven years old. I’d like to think you know what constitutes a dream date by now…I mean, we are all grownups, right?

[McMann scans the crowd looking for a response.]

Mr. McMann: It’s really this simple. If Ken wins, it’s you and him on a date and whatever that might entail for one night from…let’s say…the time the match ends until…hell, let’s say…ten o’clock the next morning.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

Thunderbolt Smith: HOLD ON!

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Rick Hall: It looks like the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling is coming out to add her two cents.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The group continues towards the ring.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Jill Berg: What the hell? Are you really serious about this?

[Mr. McMann shrugs and nods yes.]

Jill Berg: While I generally agree with you about doing something different than the usual ‘loser leaves town’ type of blowoff match, isn’t this taking things too far? First off, Ken Kardoucheian is an active wrestler. Dawn McGill is not anymore. She hasn’t wrestled competitively in two years. She’s a manager. So, the first thing I’m going to do is change it from Ken Kardoucheian wrestling Dawn McGill to KHRIS Kardoucheian.

[Khris points to himself. His sons pump him up as he huffs and puffs towards McGill.]

Jill Berg: Yes. Since he’s been the most vocal about Dawn, it will be Khris Kardoucheian who will face Dawn McGill at MVWA 78. So. I will bring the contract to the show next week and it will contain the language Mr. McMann proposes. If you want the match but…Kardoucheians, you don’t want to risk your reality show…or Dawn, you don’t want to be forced into a dream date to be aired on their reality show if you lose…I will ‘X’ out Mr. McMann’s provisions and we can either redo the stipulations or just have the match without one. However, if both sides despise the other so much that they want the stipulation left in to try to cause the most possible hurt and embarrassment to the other, then I will go along with it.

[Both the Kardoucheians and McGill nod in agreement.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right. So to summarize, a definite yes to a grudge match between Khris Kardoucheian and Dawn McGill. A definite ‘maybe’ to the stipulation proposed by Mr. McMann. We will find out next week whether or not both sides agree.

Rick Hall: I think Jill hit it right on the head. If both parties hate the other so much…and I think they do…they may go along with the stip just for the chance to cause the most pain possible to the other.

Thunderbolt Smith: We’ve got more coming up…including the Television Title match…

Rick Hall: And Mr. McMann’s big SEC announcement!

Thunderbolt Smith: …right after this.

===

*BLEEP*-ing with McGill

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of the front door of Dawn McGill’s house in the background.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

A goofy, nerdy boy walks up to Dawn’s front door and rings the doorbell.

The door opens up and Dawn appears munching on a bag of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Her hair is in rollers and she’s wearing a robe with pink fuzzy slippers.

She walks out to the porch to greet the visitor.

Dawn McGill (in between chewing on the beef jerky): Can I help you?

Goofy, Nerdy Guy (speaks very fast): Ken Kardoucheian is the greatest wrestler ever in the whole wide world and he can kick your butt in less than five seconds. You’ll never, ever compare to him and I love the ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ show.

The boy takes a huge deep breath. Then he turns and races towards the street. The boy nearly trips over the sidewalk and slips in between two cars before reaching the street where he’s hit by a passing vehicle and thrown several feet into the air, landing on the top of a parked vehicle down the street.

Dawn shrugs and goes back inside.

Dawn McGill (muttering): Idiot.

Then the door shuts behind her.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the boy whimpering on the top of a parked vehicle.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side

===

UPCOMING SHOWS

October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO
November 3rd – Dixon, IL
November 4th – Normal, IL
November 5th – Bowling Green, MO
November 8th – Emporia, KS
November 10th – Jefferson City, MO
November 11th – Carbondale, IL
November 12th – Murray, KY
November 17th – Ottumwa, IA
November 18th – Cedar Rapids, IA
November 19th – Mason City, IA
November 25th – MVWA 79
– Municipal Auditorium / Kansas City, MO

===

SEC ANNOUNCEMENT

[Cut to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow. I am still stunned over what just took place a few minutes ago.

Rick Hall: Would that be Dawn McGill kissing you or the match that Mr. McMann, with an assist from MVW CEO Jill Berg, just booked for MVWA 78?

Thunderbolt Smith: Yes.

[Thunderbolt glances up at the ring.]

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

Thunderbolt Smith: The SEC is now in the ring with Mr. McMann and he is about to tell us who the new member of the Sports Entertainment Corporation is.

[Cut back to the ring where the SEC holds court. Mr. McMann has a microphone and gets ready to talk. Behind him are SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, P.M.C. Banks, Charlie Blackwell, and Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. Also in the ring, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter.]

Mr. McMann: Ladies and gentlemen. It’s now time to introduce the new member of the SEC and future one half of the MVW Tag Team champions. I have scoured the wrestling landscape all over the country and all over the world for the perfect fit to join the SEC. I am now pleased to introduce to you…the new member of the SEC…

[Drumroll.]

Mr. McMann: …the Canadian Bad Boy…JUSTIN BEAVER!

[Beaver strolls out for the first time to the MVW faithful. He has trademark boy-band good looks and a pair of ever present and protruding two front teeth.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Oh. No.

Rick Hall: Justin Beaver?

[Walking out with Beaver is his good friends Young Hollywood’s Miley Vyrus and Country…er…Pop Songstress Taylor Switt (and her guitar which seems to be leaking white powder).

Mr. McMann: Let’s just that Justin’s friends Miley Vyrus and Taylor Switt are a definite upgrade on the last two women who couldn’t cut it in the SEC.

[Miley steps to the middle of the ring and begins to ‘twerk.’]

Twerk- a style of dancing where an individual, usually female, dances to popular music by provocatively thrusting her hips in a low, squatting stance.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Ew!

[Taylor Switt strums her guitar which causes more white powder to come out. She also sings…but she’s not mic’d up so no one hears what she’s singing or playing.]

Rick Hall: Thank goodness for that. And she may need to cut back on the white powder for the guitar shot spot.

Mr. McMann: May I present, the future Missouri Valley Wrestling Tag Team Champions! The Sports Entertainment Corporation! P.M.C. Banks and Justin Beaver!

[Banks and Beaver shake hands. Then they face the audience and raise their arms simultaneously. The audience boos in return.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, this Saturday night in Terre Haute, Indiana, it’ll be the SEC taking on Perfectly Average Company with the winner getting the tag team champions the Island of Misfit Wrestlers at MVWA 78 for the title.

[There’s a commotion in the crowd.]

Rick Hall: Thunderbolt, something seems to be happening-


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

[While Vyrus twerks to her heart’s content, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin slides into the ring with her oversized Pizza Box of Doom.]

Thunderbolt Smith: IT’S TESS! IT’S TESS AND-

[*WHACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA JUST NAILED VYRUS IN THE BUTT WITH THE OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX WHILE SHE WAS TWERKING!

[Vyrus covers her ass and falls to the mat. McMann and the others scramble out of the ring save Switt who comes up on Tess from behind. Tess stares out McMann not realizing who’s behind her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess might want to turn around-

[*EL KABONG*}

Thunderbolt Smith: …eh…never mind.

[White powder showers the ring after Taylor Switt’s guitar explodes upon impact on Tessa’s head. The ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ is knocked out cold and tips down to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah Rick. You were right about the excess white powder. It looks like a freakin’ snowstorm in the ring.

[Switt throws the neck of what’s left of her guitar down on Tess’s back. She helps Vyrus back to her feet. Both women then exit the ring and join their new SEC brethren.]

Rick Hall: Tessa kinda walked right into that.

Thunderbolt Smith: The SEC looking strong headed into MVWA 78. Now, the reason Beaver and Banks are taking on Perfectly Average Company aka…Average Joe and Brad Company…this Saturday night is because the P.A.C. defeated Weapons of Mass Destruction last night in Omaha, Nebraska. If you remember this going down last week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

(Last Week: Weapons of Mass Destruction vs. the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja)

Hy Drogen Bomb, A. Tom Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Stan, Tiny, Hank, and April O’Neale

[Daisy races around the ring and tackles April O’Neale.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wait a minute! Daisy Cutter-Bomb is attacking April O’Neale. Daisy’s tackled April and here comes Tiny and Stan.

[Stan pulls Daisy off. Daisy lands a right hand to Stan and Tiny runs right through her.]

Rick Hall: A-Bomb and H-Bomb are doubleteaming Hank.

[While the scrum continues outside the ring, the WMD use the opportunity to gang up on Hank. A-Bomb and H-Bomb drag Hank over near the ring steps and throw him face first into the steel post.

Thunderbolt Smith: OH THEY JUST POSTED HANK!

Rick Hall: He’s busted open Thunderbolt.

[H-Bomb takes Hank by the hair and heaves him into the post a second time.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Into the steel ring post a second time!

[Meanwhile, Daisy is getting mugged by Tiny and Stan- who are unaware of what the WMD are doing to Hank.]

[Hank, bleeding profusely from the forehead, lies face down on the floor while A-Bomb and H-Bomb stomp away at him.]

Rick Hall: You talk about getting mugged. Hank is in real trouble over there and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja have no clue what’s going on.

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja got a little payback last night in Omaha.

(MVW’s Omaha, NE House Show: Weapons of Mass Destruction vs. Perfectly Average Company)

[…A-Bomb and H-Bomb are brawling with Average Joe and Brad Company. A redhead (April O’Neale) darts into the shot outside the ring and then disappears. The camera pans over. April stands over a downed Daisy Cutter-Bomb with one of Hank’s miniature baseball bat shaped nunchucks in her hand. Hank, Stan, and Tiny arrive and they pull Daisy up- April again uses the nunchucks on her sending Daisy back to the floor.]

[Both A-Bomb and H-Bomb see what’s going on and go to the ropes. H-Bomb actually climbs out of the ring and attacks the BBSPN.]

[Average Joe sneaks up behind A-Bomb. He slips his head under A-Bomb’s left arm and his hand around the left leg. Average Joe lifts and twists as he slams A-Bomb to the mat with an Average Slam. He then hooks the leg. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. One. Two. Three.]

Thunderbolt Smith: So, that’s how Average Joe and Brad Company advanced. The WMD were furious after the match and as a result, Mr. McMann…under Jill Berg’s direction…has booked Weapons of Mass Destruction versus the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja in an extreme death match at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: And speaking of death matches…let’s go backstage to Blair Moise who has the MVW Television champion with her.

‘REDNECK’ BILL DICKINSON PROMO IN BRIEF

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage with ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson right next to her. Dickinson is antsy to get to the ring.]


‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson

Blair Moise: Bill, this is the third time around for you two. Are you looking for anything different from ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler tonight?

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson: The only thing I’m looking for is to put his shoulders on the mat and have the referee count one, two, three. Thanks Blair.

[And with that, Dickinson exits.]

Blair Moise: Well, the TV champion isn’t in a talking mood tonight Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: We are about ready to go for our main event tonight for the MVW Television Title. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

[Cut to Kimber.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This is our main event. One fall…thirty minute time limit…for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television title!

[Crowd applause.]

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

*’Country Boy Can Survive’- Hank Williams Jr.*

Kimber Marshall: …the challenger from Beaumont, Texas, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler!

[Butler walks out. Cowboy hat. Wrestling tights with the Texas flag on the right thigh. Black vest.]

The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged If you go downtown

[Butler raises his arms in the air and starts his way down to the ring.]

I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

[He rolls into the ring and starts warming up.]

Because you can’t starve us out
And you can’t makes us run
Cuz we’re them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

Kimber Marshall: His opponent…

*’Buy Me a Boat’- Chris Janson*

[‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson comes out holding up the MVW Television title.]

I ain’t rich, but I damn sure wanna be
Working like a dog all day, ain’t working for me I
wish I had a rich uncle that’d kick the bucket
And that I was sitting on a pile like Warren Buffett
I know everybody says Money can’t buy happiness

Kimber Marshall: …is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion. He is the three hundred and thirty pound Southern Brawler from Gallatin, Tennessee…‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson!

[Dickinson stares down Butler in the ring as he starts forward.]

But it could buy me a boat,
It could buy me a truck to pull it
It could buy me a Yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets
Yeah, and I know what they say
Money can’t buy everything
Well, maybe so,
But it could buy me a boat

[Dickinson rolls into the ring and immediately eyes Butler.]

====================

MAIN EVENT / MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TELEVISION TITLE:

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson ©
vs.
‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler

REFEREE: Davey Keels

====================

Thunderbolt Smith: Well? Here we go again.

Rick Hall: The MVW TV title up for grabs and these two men will do anything and everything to walk out that ring in the next few minutes as the champion.

*DING-DING*

Thunderbolt Smith: And there’s your bell.

[Both Dickinson and Butler warily eye each other. They take a few steps to the side.]

Rick Hall: They’ve had two epic battles in the past few weeks. Now, it comes down to this.

[A few more seconds go by before both men finally lock up in the middle of the ring. Both jockey for position. Butler tries drive Dickinson back but the champion holds firm. Dickinson steps back and Butler lands face first to the mat. He jumps right back up and wags a finger in Dickinson’s face.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler didn’t like that.

[Butler lunges forward. Dickinson grabs the arm and drops to a knee, slinging the Cowboy down to the mat.]

Rick Hall: He didn’t like that either.

Thunderbolt Smith: Armdrag takedown by the champion.

[Butler starts forward again. Dickinson’s ready for him. The Cowboy decides to retreat to his corner and then rolls out of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler taking a moment to rethink things over.

Rick Hall: The match isn’t even a minute old. Why is he thinking things over?

[Butler climbs back in. Again, both men circle slowly around the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: A slower start than the last time these two men met.

[Lock up…no…Butler with a knee lift. Left to the gut. Right to the gut. Irish whip by Butler…Dickinson reverses…he sends Butler into the corner…Butler on the return, Dickinson slides his arm under Butler’s and tosses him to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hip toss by Dickinson and Butler lands hard.

[Butler holds his back with one hand. He goes to get back up and sees Dickinson just waiting. Wisely, Butler exits the ring again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler taking another time out…but this time Dickinson follows.

[Dickinson slides out after Butler. Butler steps back. Referee Davey Keels also follows them to the floor and orders the champion back in the ring.]

Rick Hall: I think Davey remembers how things spiraled out of control last time when both men left the ring and he’s trying to keep a closer hold on this match.

[Dickinson turns his back briefly and Butler tries to sneak up on him. The champion whirls around and Butler takes a couple steps back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I think you’re right. Dickinson back in the ring now. And here comes ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler. A slow, methodical start. We’ll see how this builds.

[Again, both men eye each other and take their time. Butler extends his right hand. Dickinson’s left hand meets it. A brief test of strength follows…Butler dives to the ground and tries to sweep Dickinson’s legs out. The champion avoids and drops an elbow. Right hand by Dickinson sends Butler to the deck. Butler up…right hand sends him right back down.   Butler back up…Dickinson rears back and flattens the challenger with a right hand. Butler rolls and scampers out of the ring.]

Rick Hall: A flurry there. Butler tried to trick the champion but Dickinson wasn’t having any of it delivering punishing right hands that caused the Cowboy to take refuge again outside the ring.

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler may be overthinking this. He’s trying to change up things but he may be getting away from what he does best.

[This time, Keels starts an immediate count on Butler. The Cowboy climbs right back in and charges at Dickinson. In the corner, Butler lands a couple rights to the midsection. Dickinson spins him around and pins him in the corner. Knife edged chop to the face. A second knife edged chop. Three knife edged chops. Butler staggers forward. Left hand by Dickinson sends Butler down. Butler up…Dickinson holds him with his left hand…loads up the right hand…and sends a whistling right hand that floors Butler again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All Dickinson in the early going.

[Butler gets back to his feet but Dickinson’s waiting. Again, the wind-up…the pitch…the right hand that sends Butler pinwheeling to the mat. Butler lands under the bottom rope and he pushes himself backwards to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Whatever ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler’s strategy was coming into tonight…he needs to rethink it and rethink it fast. It ain’t working.

Thunderbolt Smith: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson is in complete command of this match.

[Keels again with the count. Butler takes a walk around the corner and slides back in. He takes a knee in his corner and keeps an arm draped around the middle rope. Finally Butler stands up and circles Dickinson.]

Rick Hall: This has been a case where Butler keeps throwing stuff up to see what’s going to work and Dickinson keeps swatting it away.

[Butler stays on the outside and walks back and forth. Dickinson gradually edges closer to cut off the ring. Collar and elbow tie up. Dickinson pushes Butler into the corner. Keels slaps the champion on the shoulder twice and calls for the break. Dickinson hooks the rope with his arms and drives forward crushing Butler against the turnbuckle. Keels starts to count. Butler grabs Dickinson by the back of the neck and hits a kneelift. That slows Dickinson. Butler with a second knee lift.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That backs Dickinson up a little.

[And a third knee lift. Butler with a right hand of his own and now Dickinson goes down. Butler rolls Dickinson over and pulls him up. He sends the champion across the ring into the ropes. Butler goes hiptoss…but Dickinson reverses at the last moment and hits a hiptoss of his own on Butler.]

Thunderbolt Smith: But not for long.

[Butler up…Dickinson drills him with a right hand and the challenger goes flailing to the mat. Dickinson grabs a leg and twists it around as if he’s trying to rip a small branch off a tree. Finally, Dickinson drops an elbow to the groin area.]

Rick Hall: Every time Butler tries to get some offense going, Dickinson has the answer to put a stop to it.

[In intense pain, Butler rolls back and forth. Dickinson over. He pulls Butler up to his feet. The Cowboy sneaks in a right to the midsection. Knee lift. Forearm shot to the back of the neck. Side headlock with an eye for a vertical suplex…but Dickinson blocks and tries to scoop Butler up. Butler slips out the back and pushes Dickinson into the ropes. Butler runs the ropes. Dickinson misses a clothesline as Butler ducks under and hits the other ropes. Both try side body blocks and crash into each other in midair.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Now that was a collision.

Rick Hall: Two Mack trucks going sixty miles an hour hitting each other head on.

[Both wrestlers down. Keels starts to count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

[Four.]

[Five.]

[Six.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson back up.

[Dickinson waits for Butler to get back to his feet and greets him with a right hand.]

Rick Hall: And Butler right back down.

[Again, the challenger makes it back to his feet. And again, Dickinson decks him with a right hand. Butler pops back up and charges forward for a knee lift. Dickinson sidesteps and Butler gets tangled up in the corner eventually falling backwards to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: It’s getting to be gutcheck time. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler has struggled to mount any sort of effective offense against the Television champion.

[Dickinson swoops in with Butler’s legs in the air. He takes each leg and rocks backwards sending Butler slingshotting face first towards the corner turnbuckle. Butler hits and staggers backwards. Dickinson is right there and straddles one of Butler’s legs, then reaches over his near arm and locks it. Squats and twists to the side, flexing Butler’s back and stretches his abdomen.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Abdominal stretch!

Rick Hall: Now it’s Bill Dickinson’s turn to pull out a new trick!

[Butler goes last ditch desperation move and pokes Dickinson in the eye with his free hand. Dickinson releases the hold and covers the eye with his hand. Butler brushes off the earful he gets from the referee and shoves Dickinson into the corner. Right hand by Butler. He brings Dickinson to the center and tries to snap mare him over. But Dickinson blocks and slips his arms underneath Butler’s. He drops to his knees and takes Butler over. Keels slides in.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Butler kicks his legs and flips over.]

Audience: TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Thunderbolt Smith: That was close!

Rick Hall: Butler somehow was able to use his legs to power out at the last second.

[Butler up and misses with a wild right hand. Dickinson puts his head under Butler’s shoulder…lifts him up…and drops Butler tailbone-first on his knee.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Butler whiffs and Dickinson counters with an Atomic Drop. Butler is in trouble again.

[The challenger lies face down on the mat. Dickinson takes his sweet time walking over to Butler and pulling him up. He takes the arm…whips Butler into the ropes…and wraps his arms around his neck on the return.]

Rick Hall: He’s in BIG trouble, Thunderbolt. That’s a sleeper hold!

Thunderbolt Smith: SLEEPER!

Rick Hall: And Butler’s got a problem now. He’s way too far away from the ropes.

[Dickinson cinches the hold in. Butler tries to fight out of it but eventually drops to a knee. Then Dickinson takes him to the mat but that allows the challenger to maneuver closer to the ropes.]

Thunderbolt Smith: They were in the center of the ring. But now Butler is trying to reach the ropes…

Rick Hall: He may get it.

[Butler stretches his arm as far as he can while the champion tries to hold his position. Finally, Butler grabs the bottom rope and Keels calls for the break.]

Thunderbolt Smith: He does! Butler reaches the ropes.

Rick Hall: I thought he was a dead duck. Kudos to the Cowboy for sticking with it.

[Now on the ring apron, Butler back to his feet. Dickinson decides to help him back in. He grabs Butler’s tight with the right hand. Puts his left arm around Butler’s neck. Lifts Butler to an upside down vertical position…then falls back and slams Butler to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Dickinson brings Butler back in with a vertical suplex!

[Dickinson covers…Keels slides in.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Thr- no. Butler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Keels holds up two fingers.]

Audience: TWOOOOOOOOOO!

Thunderbolt Smith: WHOA!

Rick Hall: Dan Butler couldn’t have waited a millisecond more to put his foot on the rope. Wow!

[Dickinson slams his hand on the mat in frustration. He yanks Butler back up again…Dickinson rifles a couple right hands that bend Butler over. Thumb to the throat sends Butler right on his back and Dickinson covers.

[One.]

[Two.]

[But again, they’re too close to the ring apron and Butler puts his boot on the bottom rope.]

Audience: TWOOOOOOOO!

[Dickinson drags Butler to the middle of the ring. He puts the challengers head between his legs. Lift up to where Butler’s literally sitting on his shoulders and then slammed back-first down to the mat. Dickinson rolls on top and hooks the leg.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Thr- Butler shoots the shoulder up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: NOOOOOOO!

Audience: TWOOOOOOOOO!

Rick Hall: How the hell did Butler escape that? Wow! I don’t believe it!

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t believe it.

[Dickinson can’t believe it either. He drags Butler to a corner and climbs the corner turnbuckle while pulling his opponent up with him.]

Thunderbolt Smith: What is he going to do now?

[Setting up for a top rope powerbomb, that’s what. But Butler again reacts in desperation. He low bridges Dickinson and then throws him off the top rope to the mat.]

Rick Hall: That’s what. Butler with his final throw of the dice. He’s going up top now.

[Butler goes to the top of the turnbuckle. He leaps and goes for a top rope elbow drop. But Dickinson moves slightly…sticks his boot up…and connects flush with Butler’s face. The Cowboy is out and falls to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Oooh. That should do it.

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it! Dickinson rolls him over.

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…and STILL MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TELEVISION CHAMPION…’REDNECK.’ BILL. DICKINSON!

[The audience cheers the match.]

Thunderbolt Smith: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson holds on to the TV title. That’s going to do it for us. We will be back next week for the go-home show heading towards MVWA 78. I’m Thunderbolt Smith. He’s ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall. Good night everyone.

Posted in ewrestling | Tagged | 1 Comment

10/14 – MVW Sunday Night Preview

Last week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling:

The Sports Entertainment Corporation’s Mr. McMann does a post mortem on MVWA 77 with CSPN CEO Mark Splitter to lament the lost opportunity to bring all three title belts to the SEC.   Splitter in particular is dismayed at Dawn McGill’s ability to distract the referee in her own special way to counter bringing in Scott Stevens for one night to help win the tag team title McGill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers. He’s further dismayed when West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy help ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay defeat the SEC’s Charlie Blackwell.

Splitter decided to make Dawn McGill an offer she can’t refuse. He ended up getting put through a table by McGill.

The tension between McAvay and former friend Blackwell went from bad to worse when McAvay accused Blackwell of cutting her off from her money and angered Blackwell even more when he revealed that he’d been helping McGill out financially as a result. Blackwell challenges McAvay to a rematch at MVWA 78; McAvay agrees and added a stipulation that no one else can be at ringside. No Deplorables. No one from the SEC.

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin won her first match since being thrown out of the SEC when she defeated Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV. Tess then told Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall that Mr. McMann’s ‘obsession’ about bringing her into the SEC was actually ruse to get Dawn McGill into the SEC instead. Tess pledged to rededicate herself to the sport of pro wrestling and set her sight on Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- Tess’s replacement in the SEC.

MVW CEO Jill Berg announced that Television champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson would face ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler again for the TV belt next week. She then had to contend with an angry group of Kardoucheians who joined her in the ring to complain about the way that they’ve been treated.

Minutes later, the Kardoucheians had to contend with Dawn McGill who ran out and Singapore caned all of four of them.

Bo Stevens told MVW Backstage Interviewer Blair Moise credits ‘BO-lief’ for giving him the confidence in the ring…and for causing his manager Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost Black Sheep brother no one ever knew he had- to ‘Tebow.’

Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb used Daisy Cutter-Bomb as a diversion to pull off a well-executed plan to take out one of the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja…in this case- Hank…and make the match a virtual two on one handicap match. The WMD get the win and now have a chance at a potential tag team title shot at MVWA 78.

This week:

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

The Kardoucheians are in MVW CEO Jill Berg’s office and angry as hell after Dawn McGill attacked them with a Singapore cane last week.

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot takes on Cheryl Parkman in single’s action.

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis, Rah, and ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

MVW Tag Team Champion Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis take on newcomers Farmer John and Ultratron-Five.

More matches are signed for MVWA 78 two weeks from today.


‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler and ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson

Television Title match: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson will meet ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler again for the TV belt.

Posted in ewrestling | Tagged

10/9 – MVW Weekend House Show Recap and News

**Recap of Last Week’s Missouri Valley Wrestling House Shows**

Friday Night 10/6 – Jacksonville, Illinois House Show Results

Ken Kardoucheian defeated the Monongahelian Stomper with the Hollywood Blockbuster

-post-match, the Kardoucheians complained bitterly about having to appear in ‘substandard’ venues unbefitting their ‘superstar’ status. After a couple of minutes of this, ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill ran out and laid all four Kardoucheians out with a steel folding chair- receiving a standing ovation.

Yosemite Samantha defeated Tori Thomas with the Cannonball

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Ken Worth-American Trucker defeat the French Connection: Jobber D’Hut and obnoxious sports talk host Dan LeBasterd- Worth pinned LeBasterd after hitting the Jake Brake

Kathryn Randall Collins defeated Blake Varney with the Gogoplata

Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice defeat Rich Beem and Willie Idol- Ruff pinned Idol after Justice tasered him.

C.J. Lewis defeated Elaine Brazier with the Last Call.

Perfectly Average Company: Average Joe and Brad Company and TV Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson defeat ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler, Fred Nugent, and SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack- Average Joe pinned SNAFU with the Average Slam.

NON-TITLE MATCH:
Tag Team Champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis with Dawn McGill defeat The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Stan with Tiny and April O’Neale via DQ -The Kardoucheians came out ten minutes into the match and attacked McGill, Rah and Halitosis.

MAIN EVENT:
MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay defeated Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation via DQ -P.M.C. Banks of the SEC ran out and interfered in the match

=

Saturday Night 10/7 – Peoria, Illinois House Show Results

The American Bikers: Little Paulie and Big Paulie defeat the French Connection: Jobber D’Hut and obnoxious French sports talk host Dan LeBasterd- Little Paulie pinned LeBasterd after Big Paulie clobbered him with a steel chain.

-post-match, the American Bikers do what the American Bikers do- squabble. All the way to the back.

Ninja Kitty defeated Britt with the hurricanrana DDT

Jack Frasier with Oootlander Blaire Rendell defeated Bobby Starr with the Canadian Crusher

‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris defeated Blake Varney

The Kardoucheian Empire: Koley and Khourtney Kardoucheian with Khris and Ken Kardoucheian defeat Willie Idol and Rich Beam via DQ -Again, ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill runs down and attacks the Kardoucheians.

The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Charlie Blackwell and P.M.C. Banks defeat MVW Men’s Champion Ray McAvay and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- Blackwell submits Escondido with the Katahajame.

-post-match, again McGill runs down and chases the SEC to the back.

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin defeated C.J. Lewis with the Pizza Cutter

NON-TITLE MATCH:
Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson vs. ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler vs. Bo Stevens went to a twenty minute time limit draw

MAIN EVENT/NON-TITLE MATCH:
MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens defeated Regina McGill with the Toxic Sting

=

Sunday Afternoon 10/8 – Keokuk, Iowa House Show Results

SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack defeated Couch Potato with the American Facebuster

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot defeated Terry Sargent

Rah- The Sunshine God defeated Bobby Starr with the Eye of Rahhhh!

Bo Stevens with Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost Black Sheep brother no one ever knew he had defeated Ken Worth- American Trucker

Yosemite Samantha defeated Ninja Kitty with the Cannonball

‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler defeated Rich Beam with the Texas Lariat

The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank, Tiny, and Stan with April O’Neale defeat Average Joe, Brad Company, and Fred Nugent

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson defeated ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis with the Power Bomb

MAIN EVENT/NON-TITLE:
MVW Women’s champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens defeated Daisy Cutter-Bomb with the Toxic Sting

=

COMING OUT OF LAST WEEKEND:

The Kardoucheians and their film crew documenting their escapades for ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians’ marched into MVW CEO Jill Berg’s office again to complain about Dawn McGill. There were numerous incidents during the house shows over the past weekend to go along with what went down last night on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Berg basically blew them off and referred the Kardoucheians on to ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann if they wanted a ‘specific booking’ for MVWA 78.

And speaking of McGill, seems as if she’s acquired another new adversary in one CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) CEO Mark Splitter- an ally of Mr. McMann’s Sports Entertainment Corporation. Splitter reportedly was splitting mad after McGill put him through a table on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling to reject his offer to join the SEC.

And speaking of McGill, yet again, the conflict between Charlie Blackwell (McGill’s cousin) and MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay (McGill’s ex-husband) ratcheted up several notches when McAvay accused Blackwell of cutting her off from her money. McAvay angered Blackwell even more when he revealed that he’d been helping McGill out financially and added more spice to his upcoming title defense against his former friend at MVWA 78.

And speaking of Mr. McMann, he released a statement on behalf of the SEC this morning announcing that he would reveal the new member of the SEC and P.M.C. Banks new tag team partner this Sunday night on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

The usually laid back, fun loving façade of the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank, Tiny, Stan and April O’Neale cracked a little following the summary beatdown delivered to them by Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb. The BBSPN vowed to get even following the WMD’s win last night.

MVW CEO Jill Berg confirmed two matches for MVWA 78- both are rematches from MVWA 77: McAvay vs. Blackwell for the Men’s title and Bo Stevens vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido. Expect more matches to be announced next week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

=

UPCOMING SHOWS

October 11th – Grinnell, IA
October 13th – Fort Dodge, IA
October 14th – Omaha, NE
October 15th – Kearney, NE
October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO

Posted in ewrestling | Tagged

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling – October 8th

April O’Neale watches A-Bomb maul Hank on the floor during tonight’s main event tag team match between Weapons of Mass Destruction and The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja

==

Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann’s Office

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[McMann- impeccably dressed in an expensive black suit, SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum- bald…prominent ears…moustache…and glasses, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and new MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- her new title belt sitting on the table in front of her, all sit while the CEO of CSPN (Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation) Mark Splitter speaks.  Splitter also looks resplendent in his suit with a CSPN blazer.  McMann glances down occasionally at a binder containing his notes and talking points.]

[Splitter is not happy.]

Mark Splitter (full indignation): What the hell happened? CSPN spent a fortune…a FORTUNE…to bring Scott Stevens in for MVWA 77 and bring the tag team belts to the Sports Entertainment Corporation. I brought in someone who’s wrestles for and just won his first match at a company perched at the very top of pro wrestling food chain. Someone who should mopped up the floor with the level of competition here at MVW.   Why aren’t the SEC the tag team champions? How did this happen?

[A replay of the match comes on the video screen behind them.]

(MVWA 77 – Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis © vs. The Sports Entertainment Corporation: ‘The Scorpion’ Scott Stevens and P.M.C. Banks – MVW Tag Team Title Match)

(Announcers: Johnny Suave and ‘Not Just Unbearable…Not Just Intolerable…He is’ Justin Sufferable)

[…Stevens spins Halitosis around. Boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING! STEVENS COVERS!

[Stevens hooks the legs and waits for the count…]

Justin Sufferable: No referee, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill’s kissing the referee…again!

[McGill has referee Ron Martin in a full-fledged lip lock.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL MAKES THE SAVE!

[Stevens sees what’s going on and breaks the pin. He goes over to Martin and spins him around.]

Johnny Suave: STEVENS IS PISSED AND HE’S LETTING THE REFEREE KNOW IT!

Mark Splitter: I’ll ask again. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

[P.M.C. Banks raises his hand.]

P.M.C. Banks: Um…Dawn McGill kissed the referee-

Mark Splitter: I know she’s kissing the *BLEEP*-ing referee.   Why isn’t the *BLEEP* damn referee making the count on Scott’s pin?

P.M.C. Banks: Dawn kisses the referee as a distraction.

Mark Splitter: You mean to tell me that the referee goes along with it?

[Everyone looks at each other, agrees, and nod ‘Yes.’]

Mark Splitter: Hold on. She’s really that good of a kisser that in the middle of a match the referee would kiss her than make the count?

[Everyone looks at each other…discusses the subject among themselves…]

All: Yeah…pretty much…probably…

Mark Splitter: Really? You’re telling me that Dawn McGill somehow has this strange hypnotic power to divert the referee from his job at the most critical part of a match just by kissing them?

[Everyone looks at each other…again, they all agree…again, and nod ‘Yes’…again.]

Mark Splitter: Unbelievable.

[Splitter throws up his hands.]

[…Stevens boots Halitosis in the gut again…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: STEVENS GOT IT AGAIN! HALITOSIS IS DOWN! STEVENS FOR THE TITLE!

[Stevens hooks the leg. Referee Ron Martin makes the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

*WHAP*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Justin Sufferable: McGill again!

[McGill made the save by running in and nailing Stevens with a steel folding chair. Martin immediately calls for the bell.]

Johnny Suave: Oh, she just got the Island of Misfit Wrestles disqualified.

Justin Sufferable: But they’re going to hold on to the tag belts, Johnny.

*DING-DING-DING*

[Mr. McMann goes berserk. He climbs into the ring and berates Martin. Stevens can’t believe what happened. Banks can’t believe what happened.]

[Splitter can’t believe what happened either.]

Mark Splitter: Again, this McGill. She uses her gift of enthralling weak minded referees to influence him to disqualify her team?

Charlie Blackwell: She interfered in the match by hitting Stevens with a chair. That’s a disqualification.

Mark Splitter: But yet, you…(points at Banks)…you interfered during the match too.

P.M.C. Banks: I did it more discreetly. Dawn just came out and whapped Stevens with the referee in full view of everyone.

Mark Splitter: GAH!

[Again, Splitter throws up his hands in disgust.]

[…Stevens grabs Martin and heaves him out of the ring. Then he goes for Halitosis. He pulls him off the mat. Boot to the gut…turn…]

[*WHAP*]

Johnny Suave: McGILL JUST HIT STEVENS WITH A CHAIR!

[Stunned but not slowed, Stevens zeroes in on McGill. He takes a step forward. McGill raises the chair again…Stevens kicks the chair right into her face.]

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

[Dazed, McGill drops the chair and staggers back. Stevens boots her in the gut…spins…grabs the back of the neck…drops to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL GETS A TOXIC STING FOR GOOD MEASURE!

[Behind Stevens, Rah slips in and drags Halitosis to safety.]

[Splitter points to the screen.]

Mark Splitter: Why couldn’t we do that before?

[Splitter waits for a response…there’s none coming.]

Mark Splitter: If she’s that damn good, why isn’t she in the SEC?

[That gets Mr. McMann’s attention. Following an uncomfortable period of silence, McMann stands up from his chair.]

Mr. McMann: We are working on that, Mark. One of our prime corporate objectives is to bring Dawn McGill into the SEC family.

Mark Splitter: What is it going to take? Money? How much?

[Splitter pulls out his checkbook.]

Mark Splitter: I’ll go make this happen right now.

[Splitter turns and heads towards the exit.]

Mr. McMann (calls out to Mark): Why don’t we look at the other matches first.

[The CSPN CEO stops as the next match comes on the video screen.]

(MVWA 77 – Main Event: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell – MVW Men’s Title Match)

[…McAvay runs the ropes but P.M.C. Banks grabs his leg.]

Johnny Suave: Banks grabs the leg!

Justin Sufferable: That’s the second time Banks and the SEC has interjected themselves into the match, Johnny.

[McAvay manages to shake his leg loose from Banks’s grasp. He boots Banks in the face and sends him to the floor. Then he turns around and…]

[*SMACK*]

Johnny Suave: BIG BOOT BY CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

[Blackwell connects on the button and McAvay crumples to the mat.]

Justin Sufferable: Johnny, he walked right into that one.

Johnny Suave: McAvay decked P.M.C. Banks after Banks grabbed on to his leg. But then he turned and ran right to Charlie’s size fourteen boot.

Justin Sufferable: KATAHAJIME!

[Blackwell encircles McAvay’s neck…grabs his own biceps on the other arm…places one of his legs across the stomach and the other leg over his own shin, creating a figure-four with his legs.]

Johnny Suave: He’s got him!

Justin Sufferable: We could have a new champion!

[Blackwell squeezes as hard as he can. McAvay desperately tries to get loose.]

Johnny Suave: We may, Justin. I don’t think Ray can get out of…HE’S TAPPING!

[McAvay taps. But there’s no referee. Why?]

Johnny Suave: IT’S DARK AND STORMY!

Justin Sufferable: Oh boy.

[West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy have climbed up to the ring apron and begun to unbutton their official MVW/Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys. They have referee Davey Keels undivided attention.]

Johnny Suave: Mr. McMann is livid!

[McMann slams his hands on the ring apron over and over.]

[Splitter exhales loudly.]

Mark Splitter: Okay. For the love of God, can someone explain this?

[He scans the room. No one offers an explanation.]

Mark Splitter: Are all the referees in MVW this totally incompetent?

Charlie Blackwell: No. But it’s the only way Ray McAvay can win matches.

Mark Splitter: Go on.

Charlie Blackwell: McAvay does this every time. He falls behind. He’s getting his ass kicked. And then the strippers do their thing. Bert the Janitor throws in the Big Bertha driver. He cracks someone over the head with it and wins.

Mark Splitter: And it works?

[The attention is directed back to the match.]

[Mr. McMann jumps up on the ring apron and shouts at Keels.]

Johnny Suave: He’s trying to get Davey Keel’s attention but he’s not succeeding.

[Now, after Dark finishes unbuttoning her shirt and opening it up to reveal a black bikini top underneath, Stormy pours official Ol’ Hoss BBQ sauce all over her chest. Then Stormy starts licking it off.

[Everyone looks at each other…shrugs…and collectively nod yes again.]

P.M.C. Banks: Yeah, pretty much.

Mark Splitter: GAH!

[Mark again throws his hands in the air.]

Justin Sufferable: Yeah, forget about that Johnny.

Johnny Suave: McMann is beside himself.

[Blackwell finally releases the hold and rolls over. He sees Dark and Stormy doing their routine and his face turns red. Blackwell doesn’t see Bert the Janitor slipping McAvay the Big Bertha Driver behind him.]

Johnny Suave: McAVAY’S GOT THE BIG BERTHA!

[Blackwell goes to stand up. McAvay takes the driver and whaps him in the back with it.]

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

[Blackwell’s knees buckle. McAvay jumps up…puts Blackwell’s head between his legs…lifts…falls back…and slams Charlie to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL BOMB!

[Dark covers back up. She and Stormy point Keels back to the action. Keels sees the pinfall.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

–cut—

[…McAvay holds up the MVW Men’s title belt.]

Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay somehow holds on to the MVW Men’s title and Mr. McMann is just beside himself.

[An angry Mr. McMann waves to the back.]

Johnny Suave: I wonder who he’s calling for?

Justin Sufferable: Is Scott Stevens still in the house?

[Then Stevens, dressed in his street clothes, runs down to the ring.]

Johnny Suave: THAT WOULD BE YES! HERE COMES STEVENS!

[Stevens rolls into the ring…shoves Bert the Janitor aside and pushes Dark and Stormy out of the way…spins McAvay around…boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING!

[Splitter shakes his head.]

Mark Splitter: Well. At least the money we spent on Stevens didn’t totally go to waste.

[He turns to Stevens’s wife…and the new MVW Women’s champion.]

Mark Splitter: Well done on your win, Mrs. Barbosa-Stevens.

[Lisa beams as the replay of her match comes on.]

(MVWA 77 – Christa Carmondy © vs. Lisa Barbosa-Stevens – MVW Women’s Title Match)

[…Carmondy has Lisa in a side headlock.]

Johnny Suave: Christa with a side headlock on Barbosa-Stevens. She’s setting her up for the finisher.

Justin Sufferable: Mean Girl Crush on the way!

[Carmondy drops stomach first to the mat. Lisa tucks and rolls out.]

Johnny Suave: SHE ROLLED THROUGH!

[Lisa whips around. Boot to the gut…spin…grab the back of the neck…drop to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING! TOXIC STING!

[Lisa hooks her leg and rolls Christa up. Referee Ron Martin slides in for the count.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

Johnny Suave: NEW CHAMPION!

Justin Sufferable: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens has done it!

[Lisa rolls off of Christa and just lies on her back in the ring…arms outstretched.]

Johnny Suave: LISA BARBOSA-STEVENS IS THE NEW MVW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

[Outside the ring, Mr. McMann pumps his fist. He high fives the SEC’s Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum as Martin hands Lisa the MVW Women’s title belt. Lisa bends her knees towards her and rocks up to a sitting position.]

 [Mr. McMann walks to the front.]

Mr. McMann: All right. The bottom line is MVWA 77 was chock full of wasted opportunities. There’s no excuse…NO EXCUSE…that we didn’t walk out of MVWA 77 with all three belts. But at least the night wasn’t a total disaster.   We did achieve one of our corporate objectives. Congratulations again, Lisa.

[McMann smiles at Barbosa-Stevens. Everyone at the table claps. McMann then turns his gazes towards Charlie Blackwell.]

Mr. McMann: Charlie, where are we on the indirect personal pressure on Dawn McGill?

Charlie Blackwell: I told Dawn that she’s got major debts from the end of PCW that have to be paid and I’ve all but cut her money off, Mr. McMann.   She’s hasn’t come to me…actually she hasn’t said a word to me about the money.

Mr. McMann: Then how the hell is she surviving?

Charlie Blackwell: I think she’s getting help somewhere.

[McMann shakes his head.]

Mr. McMann: Okay Charlie, you got a tough break last week but the bottom line is that you did not succeed in carrying out our corporate objectives. The SEC expects results. If you do not win the MVW Men’s title at MVWA 78 or show me concrete progress in bringing Dawn McGill to the SEC, we will need to have a sit down talk and come up with a performance plan for you.

[Charlie shakes his head and mutters something under his breath.]

Mr. McMann: That goes for everyone else. We are the SEC. (he glances over at Phil Finebaum) Phil?

Phil Finebaum: OUR FACTION IS BETTER THAN YOUR FACTION!

Mr. McMann: That’s right. We are a results based enterprise. I want to see progress on our other two corporate objectives…or else.

[Splitter again heads for the door.]

Mr. McMann: Mark?

Mark Splitter (slight turn of head back towards McMann): I’m going to have a chat with this Dawn McGill about joining the SEC.

[McMann watches Splitter exit from the room.]

[Banks turns to Charlie.]

P.M.C. Banks: That’s not going to end well, is it?

[Charlie shakes his head.]

Charlie Blackwell: Probably not.

 

MVW Sunday Night Wrestling
Sunday October 8th, 2017
MVW Television Studio
St. Louis, MO
Hosts: Thunderbolt Smith and ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall

[Opening shot- Camera pans around the ring. There’s over a hundred people inside the MVW Television studio.]

[Crowd applause]

[Cut to Thunderbolt Smith and Rick Hall inside the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hello and welcome to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling…brought to you by Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky and Fred Sr.’s Burger Cash Cow!

[More applause.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I am Thunderbolt Smith. He is ‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall.

[Hall gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Thunderbolt Smith: MVWA 77 is in the books. You just saw some highlights from all three title matches and Rick…what are your thoughts?

‘Long Haul’ Rick Hall: As we saw earlier, the SEC must be bitterly disappointed that they did not come away with the Men’s, the Women’s, and the Tag Team belts. It was there for the taking. Ray McAvay did not have one of his better nights in the ring but his Deplorables came to the rescue and he retained the MVW Men’s title.

Thunderbolt Smith: I’m thinking Ol’ Hoss’s BBQ sauce sold a few units after what Dark and Stormy did with it.

Rick Hall: Dawn McGill is singularly the only reason the Island of Misfit Wrestlers still hold the Tag belts. She instigated the DQ by nailing Scott Stevens with a chair. Then she pretty much sacrificed herself in order to save Rah and Halitosis from Stevens’s rampage.

Thunderbolt Smith: And we did have the one title change.

Rick Hall: Yes. MVWA 76 saw Christa Carmondy…who’d been inches away from winning the MVW title since Missouri Valley Wrestling opened…finally break through and win a big title.   MVWA 77 saw Lisa Barbosa-Stevens…who’d been so close on several occasions in the past year…get her own breakthrough moment and leave Chicago as the MVW Women’s champion in what I thought was clearly the match of the night.

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah, there were no extracurricular stuff going on outside the ring.

Rick Hall: It was woman versus woman. No funny business. No outside interference. It looked like Christa was about to put Barbosa-Stevens away but then Lisa with that incredible escape right into a Toxic Sting gets the win and the title.

Thunderbolt Smith: And now that we’re putting MVWA 77 in the rear view mirror…just like that…we are less than three weeks away from MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: The road to MVWA 78 will be a sprint. I think you can make a strong case that Charlie Blackwell deserves a rematch with MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay after what happened during their MVWA 77 match.

Thunderbolt Smith: Blackwell had McAvay in the Katahajime and McAvay was tapping out.

Rick Hall: And if not for West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, Blackwell is the champion. And then there’s the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. I think you’ll see other tag teams try to get into the title mix but I believe Mr. McMann will splash the cash to bring in a partner for P.M.C. Banks and make a hard run for the title at MVWA 78.

===

*’Turn Around’- Aaron Watson*

[The crowd cheers.]

Dark, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Bert the Janitor, Stormy

Thunderbolt Smith: And that heralds the entrance of the Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s champion…’Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Young man on the side of the road.
Lost and beat up with nowhere to go.
Smells like a hangover from days ago,
but he does what he can to survive.

[McAvay, with the MVW Men’s title belt around his waist, rises from the Deplorables section along with his group which includes West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy along with General DeBauchery, resembling a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds. He’s sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II.]

Single mom with a dead end job.
90 hour week just to keep what she’s got.
But the bills add up and now she’s caught.
She does what she can to survive.

Well, let me say that love won’t take away the pain.
But don’t be afraid cause it will never walk away.

[Also in the section: Al Cahall- sporting his six pack abs…oh wait…that’s a six pack in front of his abs, Nic Koteen- who’s smoking which surely is violating some public ordinance somewhere, and finally, Bert the Janitor- who stares ‘funny’ at the camera holding up his mop in front of a black curtain drawn closed behind them.]

If you’re scared that you don’t matter.
If you’re lost and need to be found.
If you’re lookin’ for a savior.
All you gotta do is turn around.

{McAvay climbs into the ring to talk to the audience.]

No one listens to you anymore.
Any your heart has broken down.
You don’t need to move.
Love has come to you.
All you gotta do is turn around.

[The music fades down.]

Ray McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen. Once upon a time, Charlie Blackwell and I were brothers in arms. We were related by marriage…when I was married to his cousin Dawn McGill. Once upon a time, we went to war together against what Mr. McMann and others like him stood for. Once upon a time, we had each other’s back. We agreed on just about everything. Unfortunately, somewhere along the road…we went in separate directions. I stayed the course. I stayed true to my convictions. Charlie lost his way and sold his soul to the church of Sports Entertainment. Charlie…who’s forte was much like my own…hard work…no shortcuts…decided to take the money that ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann put in his face and go the easy route.

[McAvay pauses.]

Ray McAvay: But now…the only thing we’re going to agree on is the fact that Charlie wrestled a hell of a match last Saturday at MVWA 77 and I did not. And I’ll admit that I’m damn lucky to be still holding on to this belt. So congratulations on a good match Charlie.

[The crowd boos.]

Ray McAvay: No, no. Charlie fought like hell. That’s not the issue I have with him. The real issue I have with Charlie that in the SEC’s never ending quest to force my ex-wife…Dawn McGill…to join their group…

[McAvay pauses and then continues.]

Ray McAvay: I’m really shocked to announce that Charlie has stooped to a new low.   As you all know, Charlie is Dawn’s financial advisor. What you don’t know is that he’s cut off her money.

[More boos.]

Ray McAvay: Yep. Charlie cut off Dawn from the hard earned money that she’s earned. And since she is the mother of my twins R.K. and Gracie, is not acceptable proposition to me. So, let’s just say I’ve been kicking in a few dollars.

[The audience now cheers.]

Ray McAvay: That’s right. I’ve been helping Dawn out with paying her bills because she’s not getting the money that she’s earned. All I can say is…shame on you Charlie. Shame on you.


Charlie Blackwell

[Blackwell walks out with a major scowl on his face and is greeted with even more boos.]

Charlie Blackwell: McAVAY!

[The boos become deafening. Charlie covers his ears and then explodes on the crowd.]

Charlie Blackwell: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

[Blackwell faces McAvay and points at him.]

Charlie Blackwell: And YOU! You…have no right…NO RIGHT!…to do what you’ve done. You walked out on Dawn. You left her.   You have no-

Ray McAvay: Oh shut up! Everyone knows what you’re doing, Charlie. And it’s not going to work.

[The audience cheers.]

Charlie Blackwell: Well, I’m glad to see that at least you’re owning up to the fact that I beat you at MVWA 77.

[Blackwell pauses to let that sink in.]

Charlie Blackwell: That’s right. I beat you at MVWA 77. You tapped out, Ray. You tapped out and that belt belongs to me. The only reason that belt isn’t around my waist is because of your West Texas skanks.

Ray McAvay: Except that’s not what happened. Unluckily for you, Davey didn’t see me tap out so technically, it didn’t happen. Luckily for me, Davey did see me pin you…one…two…three…and that happened and I won.

Charlie Blackwell: You can’t hide behind your stripper friends forever. That belt belongs to the SEC and I aim to bring it to its rightful place at MVWA 78. Let’s just cut to the chase. There’s no one else in the title picture at the moment. You and I need to finish this.

[McAvay shrugs.]

Ray McAvay: Fine, Charlie. That we agree on. Let’s settle this. MVWA 78. MVW Men’s title on the line. Just you and me. The Deplorables won’t be at ringside with me.   And you can tell your SEC friends to stay away too.

Charlie Blackwell: You’re on. I don’t need parlor tricks and a three ring circus to beat you.

Ray McAvay: Oh, one more thing Charlie. Just make sure you okay all of that with your corporate master, Mr. McMann first.

[McAvay drops the mic and has a staredown with Blackwell. Blackwell points at the belt and then does the ‘belt around my waist’ gesture.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Hold on. I’m getting word from the back from MVW CEO Jill Berg…

[Rick Hall leans in to hear the official word.]

Thunderbolt Smith: …YES! It’s a done deal. McAvay versus Blackwell. One on one. No outside interference. MVWA 78. Mark it down.

Rick Hall: No surprise there, Thunderbolt. That was a no-brainer.

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s take our first commercial break and then we actually have some wrestling action after the break. We’ve got our first match of the night coming right up after our commercial break as the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin will be in action. Also later on tonight, we’ve got a big tag team match between the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja- making their MVW Sunday Night Wrestling debut- taking on Weapons of Mass Destruction with potential tag team title implications. We’ll be right back after this.

===

COMMERCIAL BREAK – Fred’s Sr. Commercial

Announcer Guy: It’s a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow commercial and you know what that means.

[The spot starts as Dark and Stormy, valets for Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion Ray McAvay and wearing McAvay’s official ‘Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work.’ T-shirts (in white) and Daisy Duke Shorts, exit a Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow restaurant.  The ladies walk in slow motion towards a pick-up truck hauling a trailer with a hot tub on it…each carrying a bag full of Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow food.]

[They climb up onto the trailer and sit on the edge. Feet dangling from the trailer, Dark and Stormy each pull out a Carl’s Jr’s half pound Western Bacon Thickburger and begin to eat in a most sensuous stimulating way.]

[Cut to inside the store, a mother and her two teenage sons are dining. One of the son’s turns and stares at Dark and Stormy. Stormy, her brown hair ruffling in the artificially produced wind thanks to a huge off screen fan, sees the boy and waves.]

[Dark, her black hair also fluttering in the breeze, takes a huge bite from the sandwich and a massive glob of barbeque sauce that’s slathered onto the sandwich falls and stains her pearly white t-shirt. Of course, she’s horrified at the development. She slips off her pumps and climbs into the hot tub. While keeping the Thickburger high and dry, Dark then dunks herself into the water and rises back up. Her hair now wet…and the t-shirt too but thanks to strategic camera placing and shots, we don’t see any more of her than we really need to for mainstream television purposes.]

[The patrons in the restaurant?]

[Cut to the store. A crowd of people flood to the window.]

[Stormy takes a sizable bite of her Thickburger and, shocking, a major glob of barbeque sauce spills onto her white t-shirt. So she kicks off her shoes too and climbs in.]

[More people crowd up against the window.]

[Stormy drops into the water and comes back up. Again, strategic camera position protects America’s prying eyes from seeing more than they should.]

[The mother inside the store with the two teenage boys notices that they are missing. Where did they go?]

[The boys have their faces pressed up against the window and watch.]

[Back to the trailer, a strange man wearing a janitor’s uniform climbs up onto the trailer and hands Dark a supersized bottle of barbeque sauce. She slowly opens up the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over the burger, all over Stormy’s burger, and then all over herself. Being the helpful person she is, Stormy tries to clean up the massive mess her friend just made by licking the sauce off Dark’s shirt…and then her neck…and then her arms.]

[At that point, the crowd that used to be inside the store suddenly stream outside.]

Announcer Guy: Two for the price of one.

[Stormy pours some of the barbeque sauce on herself and Dark begins to lick it off her.]

Announcer Guy: Fred’s Sr. Burger Cash Cow’s Half Pound Western Thickburger

[Dark then begins to raise up Stormy’s shirt as the commercial ends.]

===

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

*The opening notes of Whitney Houston’s version of ‘The Greatest Love of All’ starts to play*

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier…

[Jill Berg, CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling, appears with two children flanking her.]

Jill Berg: Hi. I’m Jill Berg and I believe the children are our future. Communities all over the country are recognizing that healthy childhood experiences are not just good for children, but good for their communities as well. It’s simple really. The actions we take, like parent-child interaction, reading and constructive play, go a long way to promote healthy child development.

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be So I learned to depend on me…

[The scene shifts to Jill sitting on a couch with children playing in front of her. She leans forward with her chin resting on her hand.]

Jill Berg: Unfortunately, children are sometimes exposed to intensive stress. Too much stress is bad for anyone but it can be devastating to child development.

Child: BANZAI!

[Behind Jill, one boy leaps across the couch and tackles another boy. Jill leans back and fake laughs.]

Jill Berg: At a time when we all care about the economy and its effect on the family, it just makes sense to spend more time learning how stable, nurturing relationships influence a child’s developing brain and provide a foundation for all future development.

[Another boy stands on the arm of the couch, preparing to jump.]

Child: “TO THE EXTREME!”

[He leaps and lands a flying elbow on Jill’s head.]

Jill Berg: OW! SON OF A BIT-

*AWKWARD QUICK CUT*

[Jill, now looking irritated, rubs the bump on the side of her face.]

Jill Berg: So, promote healthy child development. Take the time to play with your child. And your child will be the better for it. Missouri Valley Wrestling will do our part as well because we’re not just wrestling for me- we’re wrestling for the children!

[Fade to black.]

Jill Berg’s voice: Ow. That hurt.

===

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Missouri Valley Wrestling hits the road again with a big mid-week show at the Darby Arena in Grinnell, Iowa. MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Deplorables will be there along with Bo Stevens, the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Television Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.

Rick Hall: Friday night, we are in Fort Dodge, Iowa at the Fort Dodge High School Gymnasium. MVW Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler, Tag Team Champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers, and Charlie Blackwell with the SEC among others in Fort Dodge this Friday night.

Thunderbolt Smith: MVW is at the Baxter Arena in Omaha, Nebraska for a big Saturday night show. Ray McAvay and the Deplorables, Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell and the SEC, the Kardoucheian Empire, Bill Dickinson, Bo Stevens, and much, much more…this Saturday night in Omaha, Nebraska.

Rick Hall: And finally, our Sunday matinee show right down Interstate 80 in Kearney, Nebraska. Ray McAvay, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, and so much more.

UPCOMING MVW SHOWS:

October 11th – Grinnell, IA
October 13th – Fort Dodge, IA
October 14th – Omaha, NE
October 15th – Kearney, NE
October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO

===

[Cut right to MVW ring announcer Kimber Marshall in the ring.]


Kimber Marshall

Kimber Marshall: Our first match is a one fall, fifteen minute time limit.   Introducing first…already in the ring. MRS. WRESTLING THIRTY-FOUR!

[The audience politely claps for the masked female wrestler. She wears a standard gold-ish wrestling mask and a gold track-suit like get up.]

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…

[A driving drum beat plays over the loudspeaker.]

*’Dig In’- Lenny Kravitz*

Kimber Marshall: Hailing from Bowling Green, Ohio…

It’s time to face it come on in and join the party
Life has been waiting for you to care
Don’t try to fake it jump on in and get it started
There’s so much lovin for you to share

Kimber Marshall: She is the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl…TESSSSSS-A. MARRRRRR-TIN!

There is nowhere to run
There is no way to hide
Don’t let it beat you
Say “nice to meet you” and “bye


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

[Tess walks out with one hand raised high in the air and the other holding a sixteen inch pizza box.]

And once you dig in
You’ll find it coming out the other side
And once you dig in
You’ll find you’ll have yourself a good time

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s go back a couple weeks ago…

(9/24 – MVW Sunday Night Wrestling: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. Lisa Barbosa-Stevens- winner becomes the #1 contender for the Women’s title.)

[…Tess lets out a scream as Lisa has her arm trapped in the Fujiwara Armbar.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Lisa’s got it cinched in but Tess is clawing for every inch she can to get to the ropes.

[With every ounce of strength she has, Tess maneuvers herself around to where she can reach out for the bottom rope.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess almost there.

[She grabs the rope and slips under. Tess rolls out of the ring and drags Lisa with her.]

–cut—

[Finally, Lisa pulls herself up from the floor. She staggers over to Tess. The SEC wanders close by. Blackwell, Banks, Mr. McMann, and Finebaum. Tess gets up to all fours. Lisa extends her hand to…help her up?]

Thunderbolt Smith: Is she doing what I think she’s doing?

Rick Hall: It looks like Lisa is offering Tess a hand.

[Tessa hesitates…then reluctantly accepts her assistance. Lisa pulls Tess back to her feet.]

Thunderbolt Smith: An odd time for sportsmanship.

[Tess and Lisa lock eyes. Mutual respect. Well, at least for a couple seconds. Lisa suddenly kicks Tess in the gut…turn…grabs the back of her neck…drops.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TOXIC STING ON THE FLOOR!

Rick Hall: She double-crossed her, Thunderbolt!

Thunderbolt Smith: And the SEC are right there.

[Indeed, Blackwell, Banks et…al… watch with interest. But they do not take any action towards Lisa. In fact, Lisa nods at them when she passes right through them to go back to the ring.]

[Tess puts the pizza box down in the corner and rolls into the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: This will be Tessa’s first match since she was double-crossed by Mr. McMann and the SEC. How will she react?

Rick Hall: She will probably react the way she always does. She’ll put her head down and get back to it.

======================

MATCH ONE:

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
vs.
Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV

Referee: Brent Payson

======================

[Payson calls for the bell.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Here we go.

[Tess meets Mrs. Wrestling in the middle of the ring and…offers her a handshake?]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well…this is different.

Rick Hall: It could be a trap. Or she’s trying to exhibit excellent sportsmanship.

[Mrs. Wrestling swats the hand away.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Either way, Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four isn’t buying it.

[Collar and elbow tie up.   Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pushes Tess off.   A second collar and elbow tie up. A second push off. The third collar and elbow lock up sees Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV driving Tess into the ropes. Brent Payson steps in to call for a break. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV delivers a kneelift before she takes a few steps back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: An aggressive start by Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four.

Rick Hall: Tess is a better technical wrestler but she’s not afraid to mix it up either.

[Tess is Irish whipped across the ring. Mrs. Wrestling bends down for a back body drop. Tess grabs her by the neck and twists.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Swinging neckbreaker by Tessa Martin.

Rick Hall: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four telegraphed that one…badly.

[Tess leaps in the air and drives her feet into her opponent’s chest.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Standing drop kick and Mrs. Wrestling is on the mat.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pops right back and walks into an armdrag takedown. She bounces right back up again…armdrag takedown. Undeterred, Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV is back up a third time. She rushes forward and…armdrag takedown. This time, she keeps rolling under the rope and out of the ring.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess making it look easy with those armdrag takedowns.

Rick Hall: Good move by Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four. Momentum was against her and it’s not a bad idea to call time out and take a walk outside the ring.

[Except Tess is impatient and doesn’t want to wait. She bounces off the far ropes and sprints across the ring…]

Thunderbolt Smith: There she goes…

[Tess leaps over the top rope and takes Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV down on the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA TAKES IT TO THE OUTSIDE!

[Both women take a few seconds to gather themselves. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV pulls herself up with the aid of the steel barricade. Tessa gets back up to a kneeling position and then back to her feet. Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV charges forward. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down.]

Thunderbolt Smith: SLINGBLADE ON THE FLOOR!

[Mrs. Wrestling back up. She charges. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down

Thunderbolt Smith: And another one!

[Mrs. Wrestling up again…red faced…huffing and puffing. She charges. Tess ducks…left arm around Mrs. Wrestling’s torso…right arm comes around and connects with the neck and takes Mrs. Wrestling down.]

Thunderbolt Smith: And another one.

Tessa Martin: WOO!

Audience: WOO!

[Tess pulls Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV back up and takes her back to the ring. She rolls her in and then follows.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess looks like she’s having fun again.

Rick Hall: I never thought she was a good fit in the Sports Entertainment Corporation. I’ve always thought of her as Ray McAvay before Ray McAvay became Ray McAvay. Limited talent-wise but willing to work hard and do what she has to do to make herself the best wrestler she can be.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV wanders over to Tess’s corner and sees the pizza box sitting there. She picks up the box and turns to Tess.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-four has Tess’s oversized pizza box of doom.

Rick Hall: Which is an oversized pizza box of doom because Tessa has a street sign inside the box.

[Referee Brent Payson goes over and starts the count on her.]

[One.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Payson’s started the count.

[Two.]

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV lowers the box to face level.]

[Three.]

[*SPLAT*]

[The audience roars.]

Thunderbolt Smith: TESSA JUST KICKED THE OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM INTO MRS. WRESTLING THIRTY-FOUR’S FACE.   Man, that’s a mouthful to say.

[Out of the blue, Tessa leaped and hit a perfect standing drop kick that sent the pizza box flush into Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV’s face. She dropped the box and staggered back into the corner.]

Rick Hall: Tess timed that perfectly, Thunderbolt.

[Tess runs in and grabs her by the back of the neck…turns…and drops to the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: PIZZA CUTTER!

Rick Hall: GOT HER!

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV bounces up off the mat and settles back down on her back. Tess swoops in and hooks her leg. Payson counts.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: You’re winner…’EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ TESSSSS-AAAAH…MARTINNNNNN!

Thunderbolt Smith: The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl delivers herself a win right here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.

Rick Hall: We’re not done yet!

[As Payson raises Tess’s hand in victory, Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV gets back to her feet. She slips in behind Tess and shoves her to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, that’s not called for.

Rick Hall: Mrs. Wrestling Thirty-Four is upset about something.

[Tess rolls back to seated position and gets berated by Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV.]

Thunderbolt Smith: I don’t know what her problem is but-

[Tess uses a two hand press to push Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV away from her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess shoves her back. This is starting to escalate.

[Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV marches forward again. Tess locates her oversized Pizza Box of Doom and crawls over…grabs the box…jumps back to her feet…and…]

[*WHAP*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tess just potatoed Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV in the face with the box!

[The pizza box shot sends Mrs. Wrestling XXXIV toppling backwards to the mat.]

Rick Hall: Great move by Tess to defuse the situation.

Thunderbolt Smith: Defuse the situation? She just knocked her silly with the pizza box.

Rick Hall: Hey. Whatever works.

[Tess climbs out of the ring and heads over to Thunderbolt and Hall.]

===

TESSA MARTIN PROMO

Thunderbolt Smith: And we are joined by the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Tess? Good match today.

Tessa Martin: Thanks Thunderbolt. I just want to say a couple things here.

Thunderbolt Smith: Go right ahead.

Tessa Martin: I’ve learned a lot of things in the past few months. That’s right, I’ve been in this business for over eleven years and I’m still learning. Earlier this year, I did something I never thought I’d ever do. I went into business with someone I’ve despised since 2006…’Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann. I did it for two reasons…I wanted one more big run at the top and at the time thought the only way to get there is to join up with McMann’s Sports Entertainment Corporation. And I wanted to separate myself from Dawn McGill and prove I could forge my own path professionally.

Rick Hall: The grass isn’t always greener though.

Tessa Martin: No, it’s not Rick. Not by a long stretch. Yes, I had a run with the Heartland title. But I was no closer to the top title than I was before. I’m not surprised the SEC and Mr. McMann turned on me. I’m not surprised that Mr. McMann…who has the attention span and patience of a gnat…got rid of me and went on to the ‘next best thing.’ I half expected it to happen a couple weeks back when I wrestled Regina McGill. That’s fine. Mr. McMann proved who is really is and it confirms what I thought all along. For all the drama he’s caused in my career since 2006, he really wasn’t interested in me. This was all a ruse to bring Dawn McGill into the SEC. Well, newsflash. I don’t need Mr. McMann to get back to the top. I don’t need Dawn McGill to get back to the top. I just need to rededicate myself to the sport of professional wrestling…let me say that again…the SPORT OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING…I need to work hard…I need to dedicate myself to my craft and then we’ll let the chips fall from there.

[Tess turns to the camera.]

Tessa Martin: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens. The footsteps you’re hearing behind you is me coming for your belt.

[Tess exits.]

Thunderbolt Smith: All right, Tessa Martin setting her sights on the MVW Women’s title.

Rick Hall: If Tess gets her mind back in the right frame of mind, Lisa had better be watching her back.

Thunderbolt Smith: Let’s go to the back and Blair Moise. Blair?

===

DAWN McGILL ANSWERS CSPN CEO MARK SPLITTER

[Cut to Blair Moise backstage.]


Blair Moise

Blair Moise: Thanks Thunderbolt. I am right in front of Dawn McGill and the Island of Misfit Wrestlers’ dressing room where a couple of minutes ago, CSPN Executive Mark Splitter walked in to offer McGill a big money move to the SEC. Seconds later, there was a huge crash inside the dressing room and then the sound of something hitting the dressing room door.


‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

[The door whips open and Splitter, bloodied and half conscious, flops onto the floor. Then McGill, dressed in a black halter top, black mini-skirt, and black knee-high boots follows. She grabs Splitter by the lapel and yanks him back to his feet.]

Blair Moise: Well, it looks like McGill has turned down Mr. Splitter’s proposal.

[The camera follows McGill as she drags him all the way out to ringside.]

Blair Moise: Hold on…I’m going to follow them…at a safe distance, of course.

[She passes by Thunderbolt and Hall’s vantage point and then flings Splitter into the steel ringpost.]

[*CLANG*]

[Splitter crumples to the floor. McGill pulls up the skirting around the ring and pulls out a table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well Blair, I suspect some of this is a little payback for what happened last weekend at MVWA 77.

Blair Moise: And don’t forget two weeks ago.

Rick Hall: That’s right. When Scott Stevens Scorpion Death Dropped her and then…at the behest of Mr. McMann…put McGill through a table.

[The table is set up. McGill pulls Splitter back up and drags him to the ring apron. She puts his head between her legs.]

Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens, Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

[There’s a commotion. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the SEC: Charlie Blackwell, P.M.C. Banks, and Women’s Champion Lisa Barbosa-Stevens come out. McMann steps forward with his arms stretched to each side.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Mr. McMann is pleading with McGill to stop.

[McGill tilts her head down and smirks. She then lifts Splitter in the air…propels forward with her legs…and McGill Bombs Splitter through the table.]

Rick Hall: Wow!

Thunderbolt Smith: DAWN McGILL JUST McGILL-BOMBED CSPN CEO MARK SPLITTER THROUGH A TABLE!

Rick Hall: I believe her answer is no to joining the SEC.

[Enraged, McMann motions to the SEC to ‘get her.’ Blackwell, Banks, and Barbosa-Stevens rush forward. McGill runs and jumps the steel barricade into the crowd. She makes her way to the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well?

Rick Hall: Mr. McMann hated the ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill character and wanted the Six Foot Demolition Machine. Well, the good news is that he’s managed to bring out the Six Foot Demolition Machine again. The bad news is…

[McMann attends to Splitter who’s interspersed in the ruins of the table.]

Rick Hall: …well…that pretty much speaks for itself.

[McMann looks to the back.]

Mr. McMann: THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!

[Medical personnel run out to check on Splitter.]

Thunderbolt Smith: While they clean up at ringside, we’ll be back with more MVW Sunday Night Wrestling after this.

===

COMMERCIAL BREAK – “*BLEEP*-ing with McGill”

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a campground. There’s a truck with a camper in the bed parked in a forest area with plenty of trees.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Three men sit around a campfire. The one on the left is crouched down on the ground munching on a piece of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. The other two are drinking coffee from a mug.  

There’s a rustling by an old barn where four trash cans are located. All four are overflowing over the top. All three look over and see Dawn McGill with an empty water bottle in her hand. She’s wearing shorts and a tank top as she’s out for a run.

Dawn McGill: Hey guys. Do you know if there’s any other trash receptacles nearby?

The crouching guy snacking on the beef jerky gets an idea. He reaches into his rucksack and pulls out one of those trick cans that sprays out plastic snakes when you open it up.

Guy #1: Hey guys.

He shows the can to the others.

Dawn McGill: Um. You do know that I can hear you, right?

The other two snicker at the idea. The man on the far right who’s wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket points to a rock in front of Dawn and the other guy ‘sneaks’ over there with the can.

Dawn McGill: Okay. You do know that I can see you sneaking up here.

The other two watch as the guy places the can on the rock, with Dawn observing him, and then ‘sneaks’ back to the campfire.

Dawn looks down at the can.

Dawn McGill: All right. I know what’s inside the can. I’m going to open it up. These plastic thingys are going to come flying out. And then I’m going to have to do something really bad to you guys.

The three campers simply stare at her.

Dawn sighs.

Dawn McGill: Okay…fine.

She opens the can. Two plastic snakes fly out and the campers begin to laugh. Dawn gives out a ‘look’ that said ‘seriously?’ She exhales, turns, and runs into the woods.

The three campers scurry towards their camper just as Dawn comes back out with a rather ominous looking weapon in hand.

Guy #2 (panicked shout): OH *BLEEP*, SHE’S GOT AN RPG!

Guy #3 (even more panicked): RUN!

As the campers veer off into the woods, Dawn smiles…aims…and fires the Rocket Propelled Grenade into the camper and blows it up.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the burning truck and the debris field around it.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

===

UPCOMING MVW SHOWS:

October 11th – Grinnell, IA
October 13th – Fort Dodge, IA
October 14th – Omaha, NE
October 15th – Kearney, NE
October 20st – Columbus, IN
October 21st – Terre Haute, IN
October 22nd – Michigan City, IN
October 25th – Hannibal, MO
October 28th – MVWA 78
– St.  Louis Convention Center / St. Louis, MO

===

JILL BERG TALKS

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast desk.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Welcome back to MVW Sunday Night Wrestling.   If you’re just joining us, you’ve missed a recap of the three title matches at MVWA 77, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter’s unsuccessful attempt to convince Dawn McGill to join the SEC, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin’s successful return to action, and Charlie Blackwell challenging and MVW Men’s Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay’s acceptance of Blackwell’s challenge for a match at MVWA 78.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

Thunderbolt Smith: HOLD ON!

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The door to Jill Berg’s office opens a few seconds later. Sixteen large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman smartly dressed in corporate attire and her male assistant, Jerry. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes.]

Rick Hall: It looks like the CEO of Missouri Valley Wrestling is coming out to address the fans.

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. Jerry has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

[The group continues towards the ring.]

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[THUMP. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.]

Kimber Marshall: From the financial district of New York City. She is the corporate predator, the CEO of MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING! She is the phenomenon known as JIIIIIIILLLL- BERRRRRRRG!

[Jill is helped into the ring by her escorts. Kimber hands her the microphone.]

Jill Berg: Thank you! Thank you very much!

[Berg waits out the audience’s applause.]

Jill Berg: First off, I want to thank all of you. I am pleased to report that we had a pretty good turnout for MVWA 77. Forty-one hundred people went to the show at the Gentile Arena in Chicago. I believe that downsizing our venues will save the company money in the short term…improve the arena atmosphere…and most importantly, allow us to rebuild the base. The addition of Scott Stevens…an extremely well-known…marketable personality who now wrestles for the top wrestling company in the world…not only helped us out at the gate but I believe brought our rating for MVWA 77 on Bro-Slam up as well. So, well done on everyone’s part. And now, we look towards MVWA 78 in less than three weeks.

[The audience claps.]

Jill Berg: Okay. We’ve already announced the main event for MVWA 78. It will be for the MVW Men’s title and a rematch from MVWA 77- Champion ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay versus Charlie Blackwell. I also want to announce that there will be another rematch on the MVWA 78 card…Bo Stevens- who you will hear from again later on tonight- will face ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido again.

[More applause.]

Jill Berg: Last…but not least…I want to announce our main event next week. These two have torn the house down repeatedly since MVW reopened our doors at our house shows and on TV. These two had an epic match two weeks ago and featured prominently in the three way tag match last week at MVWA 77. Next week, ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson puts his Television title on the line against ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler.

Man’s Voice (offscreen): Okay…okay…enough of that.

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

Thunderbolt Smith: I was wondering if we were going to hear from them tonight? It’s the Kardoucheian Empire.

[The family matriarch Khris Kardoucheian leads his sons Ken, Koley, and Khourtney out to ringside. They accompanied- of course – by the film crew of the Kardoucheian’s world famous reality show ‘Krampin’ Up with the Kardoucheians.’]

Khris Kardoucheian: Yeah. That’s right. It’s us. Your superstars. Your money makers. Ms. Berg, you’re no dummy. You’re business smart. How do you explain the blatant disrespect exhibited towards the Kardoucheians? Is it a smart business practice to continually treat your stars with abject contempt? Last week at MVWA 77 during the three way tag elimination match was a clear example. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja and Weapons of Mass Destruction deliberately teamed up against my sons to get them eliminated from the match as soon as possible. My sons didn’t have a chance. This company’s biggest and most visible talent…Hollywood reality show mega-stars…taken out of the match early. Why is this happening?

[Kardoucheian receives a healthy round of boos from the audience. The film crew pans the crowd and in turn the MVW fans exhibit an abject distaste for the Kardoucheians.]

Jill Berg: Khris, I’ve told you over and over. No one gets a free ride here in MVW. You have to-

Khris Kardoucheian: Right, right, right. You have to earn your way. Yeah. Except my sons have already done that. It’s not easy to become a Hollywood star. But our show…’Krampin’ with the Kardoucheians’…is the number one reality show on cable. Why is that? Because they’re stars. The fact that MVW does not treat my sons as stars is a real problem. The fact that two inferior teams got over on my sons at MVWA 77…is a real problem. The fact that you chose the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to wrestle in the 4CW tag team tournament instead of the Kardoucheians…the fact that you allow Dawn McGill to continually harass my sons at every turn…is completely unacceptable.

Jill Berg: I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve been given opportunity after opportunity and-

Khris Kardoucheian: I don’t care how many opportunities you’ve ‘given’ my sons. It’s obviously not enough. I want to know what you are going to do to address my concerns and treat my sons like the big stars that they are with the upmost respect they deserve?

[Jill is about to respond but there’s noise coming from the back.]

Thunderbolt Smith: There’s something going on…

Rick Hall: Here comes Dawn McGill!

[McGill screams past Berg with a Singapore cane in hand and before any of the Kardoucheians can react…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wow! She just fileted Khris Kardoucheians forehead with a Singapore cane shot.

[Khris falls to the floor. McGill continues right down the line…]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KEN KARDOUCHEIAN!

[Ken crumples to the floor. McGill goes on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KOLEY!

[Koley is felled. McGill moves on.]

[*THWACK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: DOWN GOES KHOURTNEY!

[Khourtney goes down. McGill flips them all off.]

[The camera pulls back to show all four Kardoucheians lying on the floor as McGill stops in front of the cameraman of the ‘Krampin’ with the Kardoucheians’ film crew.

Dawn McGill: Since these guys like to put everything on tape, did you get all that?  You did? Good!

[McGill then exits and the camera crew pans in closer to get a better shot of the fallen Kardoucheians.]

Rick Hall: Well, I guess you can say that Dawn’s settled all accounts from last week’s show.

Thunderbolt Smith: Yeah, but you know it’s not going to end there. All right. Let’s go to the back where Blair Moise has Bo Stevens with her.

===

BO STEVENS PROMO

[Blair Moise brings Bo Stevens and Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Brother No One Ever Knew He had, into the frame.]

Blair Moise: Blair Moise here with Bo Stevens.


Bo Stevens

[She turns to Bo.]

Blair Moise: Congratulations on your match at MVWA 77. What did you get out the match with a wrestler with a treasure trove of experience in Chris Escondido?

Bo Stevens: BO-lief.

[Tebow drops to one knee and bows his head while placing his balled left fist against his forehead (aka…‘Tebows’) when Bo says BO-lief.]

Blair Moise: BO-mmmph.

[She covers her mouth before she finishes saying the word. But it’s too late. Tebow has already ‘Tebowed.’]

Blair Moise: You went to a twenty minute draw with Escondido. Does that give you confidence going into a rematch with him at MVWA 78 knowing that you more than held your own with him before?

Bo Stevens: No, it doesn’t give me confidence, Blair.

Blair Moise: It doesn’t?

Bo Stevens: No. Hanging with someone like Chris Escondido for twenty minutes…a wrestler who’s seen it all…done it all…with his years of experience doesn’t give me confidence. No, it gives me something even better than that.

Blair Moise: And what’s that?

Bo Stevens: BO-lief.

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again. And Blair kicks herself for walking into that one.]

Blair Moise: Okay, that aside. Besides…that word. Did you come away with anything else from the match?

Bo Stevens: What word?

Blair Moise (dancing her way around not saying BO-lief): You know…that word.

Bo Stevens: BO-lief?

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Blair Moise: Yeah. That one.

Bo Stevens: Seriously Blair. I’m just trying to take this one step at a time. As I told you before, Missouri Valley Wrestling has given me an opportunity to make my mark in pro wrestling. Being in the ring with Escondido for twenty minutes as the same as going to class to learn your vocation. I did learn a lot and when I meet Escondido again at MVWA 78, I hope to apply the lessons learned from the first match. But…again…one part of the equation is the physical part.   The other part…and in my opinion just as important…is BO-lief.

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Bo Stevens: Without BO-lief…

[Tebow ‘Tebows’ again.]

Bo Stevens: …there is no confidence to do the things inside that ring you have to do in order to win matches.

Blair Moise: Okay. Makes sense to me. Thanks Bo.

[Blair faces the camera.]

Bo Stevens showing some…

[She rolls her eyes and just says it.]

Blair Moise: BO-lief.

[…]

[…]

[Blair looks down at Tebow who seems to have drifted off into a daydream and forgotten to ‘Tebow.’ So she whaps him in the back.]

Ted Tebow: Oh.

[He ‘Tebows.’]

Blair Moise: Back to you Thunderbolt.

[Cut back to Thunderbolt and Hall at the broadcast table.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Earlier in the night, former MVW Women’s Champion and Missouri Valley Wrestling Original Christa Carmondy said goodbye to MVW and was greeted by a slew of former MVW wrestlers.


Christa Carmondy

(Christa Carmondy Farewell)

[Christa waves to the fans. She surrounded by a slew of current and former MVW stars including ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin, Dawn McGill, and MVW Originals Carrieanne McDermott, Corrina Romanov, Shanna Barrett, Angel Scott and Angel Casey.]

[Christa’s brother Jason Carmondy and mother Dame Judith Carmondy stand next to her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Christa is getting married next month and moving on in the next stage of her life.   Farewell and thank you for everything Christa. And now, it’s time for our main event. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

[Cut to Kimber.]

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s main event is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s main event is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

*’Hit Me Like a Bomb’ – Third Day*

Kimber Marshall: Weighing in a combined weight of six hundred and thirty-five pounds.

You hit me like a bomb
And everything I’m used to
Is suddenly gone
Sorry to accuse you
Do you know what you’ve done
When you hit me like a bomb

Kimber Marshall: From Alamogordo, New Mexico. They are accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Advocates of the American Military Complex. A. Tom Bomb. Hy Drogen Bomb. They are WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Hy Drogen Bomb, A. Tom Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Hear the sound of the sirens ringing
See the world of a life that’s changing
Well you hit me like a bomb
I was scared and I started running
Can’t say I never saw it coming
When you hit me like a bomb

[Daisy Cutter-Bomb leads A-Bomb and H-Bomb out. Daisy is dressed in all camouflage. A-Bomb and H-Bomb came out with matching bright wrestling tights.]

La la la la la la la la…

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

*Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja Theme (sung to the
tune of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song)*

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Kimber Marshall: Weighing in at two hundred and sixteen pounds. From Urbana, Ohio…HANK!

[Hank, wearing a number ninety-nine Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja shirt, walks out on stage with the BBSPN’s red headed valet April O’Neale.]

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Kimber Marshall: And weighing in at three hundred and forty-five pounds. From Middletown, Ohio…TINY!

[Tiny, with a number thirty-three BBSPN shirt on, walks out as well. The third member of the BBSPN…Stan- number twenty-four…joins the others.]

Kimber Marshall: They are…THE BEER BELLIED SOFTBALL PLAYING NINJA!

Stan, Tiny, Hank, and April O’Neale

Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Beer bellied softball playing ninja
Heroes with a six pack- of beer
SOFTBALL POWER!”

Thunderbolt Smith: A big match. The winner can put themselves into position to earn themselves a tag team title shot in three weeks at MVWA 78.

Rick Hall: These are a couple of power teams. The WMD can throw around with the best of them. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja add a little martial arts into the mix.

====================

MAIN EVENT:

Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb)
vs.
Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank and Tiny with April O’Neale and Stan)

Referee: Davey Keels

======================

Thunderbolt Smith: The WMD and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja and it starts now.

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING*

[Daisy races around the ring and tackles April O’Neale.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Wait a minute! Daisy Cutter-Bomb is attacking April O’Neale. Daisy’s tackled April and here comes Tiny and Stan.

[Stan pulls Daisy off. Daisy lands a right hand to Stan and Tiny runs right through her.]

Rick Hall: A-Bomb and H-Bomb are doubleteaming Hank.

[While the scrum continues outside the ring, the WMD use the opportunity to gang up on Hank. A-Bomb and H-Bomb drag Hank over near the ring steps and throw him face first into the steel post.

Thunderbolt Smith: OH THEY JUST POSTED HANK!

Rick Hall: He’s busted open Thunderbolt.

[H-Bomb takes Hank by the hair and heaves him into the post a second time.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Into the steel ring post a second time!

[Meanwhile, Daisy is getting mugged by Tiny and Stan- who are unaware of what the WMD are doing to Hank.]

[Hank, bleeding profusely from the forehead, lies face down on the floor while A-Bomb and H-Bomb stomp away at him.]

Rick Hall: You talk about getting mugged. Hank is in real trouble over there and the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja have no clue what’s going on.

[Hank staggers back to his feet. A-Bomb puts him right back down with a vicious right hand. More stomps by A-Bomb and then H-Bomb joins in.]

Thunderbolt Smith: April O’Neale finally sees what’s happening and help for Hank may be on the way.

[April frantically points over to where Hank is getting doubleteamed. Tiny lumbers over to assist. H-Bomb peels off the double team and intercepts him. Tiny sends H-Bomb reeling into the barricade with a right hand.]

Rick Hall: I thought this had all the makings of a pier-six brawl. But by sending Daisy Cutter-Bomb over on a kamikaze mission, the WMD may have neutralized one half of the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja before the match is really underway.

[Another overhand right hand bomb from Tiny. H-Bomb has to grab the top rope to keep from falling to the mat.]

Thunderbolt Smith: They need to get someone over there and help Hank. A. Tom Bomb is just destroying him on the outside.

[On the floor, A-Bomb just wails on Hank. April screams at Stan to get over there and help. Stan starts over but Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on his back and tries to choke him out.]

Rick Hall: Here comes help!

[Tiny slips through the ropes to the floor and squares up with A-Bomb. He throws a looping right hand that connects and sends A-Bomb tumbling backwards. Then Tiny crawls back into the ring and is met by a boot from H-Bomb.]

[Stan spins around but can’t get Daisy off of him. He finally lines up with the ring post and backs up hard, smashing Daisy against the steel post. That dislodges her.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Well, we’ll see how long Tiny can stay in there. The BBSPN usually rely on quick tags.

Rick Hall: Again, strategy.   The WMD knew their tendencies and they came out with a game plan to deal with it.

[A-Bomb goes over and pulls Hank back up. He puts his head between his legs and goes for an Atomic Power Bomb on the floor. Stan gets over and delivers a forearm shot to the back. A-Bomb lets Hank go and he falls hard back to the floor. Stan starts pelting A-Bomb with left and right hands.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Tiny has H-Bomb up!

[Tiny military presses H-Bomb high in the air. He drops him and H-Bomb hits the mat hard bouncing up in the air before settling back down. Tiny rolls him over and covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[H-Bomb gets the shoulder up. Keels holds up two fingers in signify a two count.]

Audience: TWOOOOOOOO!

[Tiny stands back up and drops the leg across H-Bomb’s throat. Again he covers.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[H-Bomb gets the shoulder up again.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Two close pinfalls.

Rick Hall: But Tiny’s running out of gas. He needs to tag out but there’s no one to tag out to.

[Outside, Daisy’s back on her feet and has a steel chair. She walks up behind Stan who’s still brawling with A-Bomb on the floor. April O’Neale has also come around and attends to Hank- who’s face is a bloody mess.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Stan’s keeping A-Bomb busy but he doesn’t see what’s sneaking up behind him.

[Nope, he doesn’t.]

[*CRRACCK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: STEEL CHAIRSHOT TO STAN!

[The chair to the back drops Stan to his knees. A-Bomb steps back and shoots out his boot and snaps Stan’s head back. He collapses to the floor.]

Rick Hall: Both Hank and Stan down. And now April’s in trouble now.

[Daisy advances towards April with the steel chair raised menacingly.]

Thunderbolt Smith: Not good.

[*CRRACKKK*]

Rick Hall: Not good at all.

[Daisy with a chair shot to April’s back and she drops to the floor.]

Thunderbolt Smith: The WMD have a clear number’s advantage now.

Rick Hall: But Tiny has H-Bomb in a sleeper, Thunderbolt!

[Tiny wraps his arm around H-Bomb’s neck and presses the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.]

Thunderbolt Smith: SLEEPER HOLD! But is it enough?

[A-Bomb rolls in and boots Tiny in the back. Tiny hangs on so A-Bomb rakes his eyes from behind and then clips the knee. Tiny let’s go and falls to a knee. Keels steps in and tells A-Bomb in no uncertain terms to go to his corner. While he’s doing that, Daisy slips in with the chair and…]

[*CRRACCKK*]

Thunderbolt Smith: Daisy Cutter-Bomb got Tiny with a chairshot while Davey Keels was trying to get A-Bomb out of the ring.

Rick Hall: I think Tiny’s out.

[Tiny lies face down on the mat. Daisy scoots under the ropes as Keels finally gets A-Bomb out of the ring. H-Bomb has enough awareness to realize Tiny is knocked out and crawls over to him. H-Bomb rolls Tiny over and drapes his arm over him. Keels is right there.]

[One.]

[Two.]

[Three.]

[Keels calls for the bell.]

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall: Your winner…WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Thunderbolt Smith: A-Bomb and H-Bomb took every shortcut and broke every rule but they get the win here tonight.

Rick Hall: Yes. But. They came out with a strategy and they executed it to perfection. The WMD took out Hank and he was never a factor in the match.

[A-Bomb and H-Bomb have their hands raised in victory by Davey Keels.]

Thunderbolt Smith: That’s going to do it for this week. Next Sunday night, we will have ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson defending his Television Title against ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler right here on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling. For Rick Hall, I’m Thunderbolt Smith. We’ll see you next week.

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10/6- MVW Sunday Night Wrestling Preview

MVWA 77 Results:


(l to r) Halitosis, Scott Stevens, Rah and P.M.C. Banks during the MVW Tag Team title match

Ninja Kitty defeated ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris
-Ninja Kitty frustrated ‘Queen Cool’ with her speed and hit her new finisher- the Hurricanrana DDT to pick up the win.

Bo Stevens vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- time limit draw
-Stevens went to school against the experience of Escondido. Stevens hit BO-plexes and a couple BO-dogs while his manager Ted Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost Black Sheep brother no one ever knew he had, ‘Tebowed’ a lot during the match. Escondido’s technical ability and savvy came into play as the match wore on and the result ended up in a stalemate.

The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank and Tiny) and ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler defeat Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb) and TV Champion ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson and The Kardoucheians (Ken, Koley, and Khourtney Kardoucheian
-the BBSPN and WMD joined forces long enough to eliminate the Kardoucheians. Then all hell broke loose. The action went all over the arena. There was the obligatory in-ring cat-fight between Daisy Cutter-Bomb (WMD) and April O’Neale (BBSPN). And in the end, ‘Cowboy’ Dan Butler pins ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson to get the win for him and the BBSPN and possibly a TV title shot against Dickinson.

Yosemite Samantha defeated ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot and Kathryn Randall Collins
-Harlot eliminated KRC with the White Trash Compactor and walked right into a Yosemite Samantha Cannonball to give the ‘roughest, toughest, rootinest, shootinest cowgirl’ the win.

MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Sports Entertainment Corporation (Scott Stevens and P.M.C. Banks) defeat The Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Rah and ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis) © via DQ -Rah and Halitosis remain the champions.
-the SEC spent big money to bring in Scott Stevens for the match but in the end it was Dawn McGill who made the ultimate difference. On a night where the Island of Misfit Wrestlers were not in their best form, McGill singlehandedly saved the tag team champions from losing the belt by instigating a disqualification and then saved the champions themselves from Stevens’s post-match rampage.

MVW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Lisa Barbosa-Stevens with the SEC defeated Christa Carmondy © to become the new Women’s champion
-the match of the night. The drama was in the ring and both women came out and delivered a pure wrestling performance without the out of ring shenanigans. Christa thought she had the match won when she went for the Mean Girl Crush but Lisa somehow tuck and rolled through it and then stunned Carmondy with a Toxic Sting to become the brand new Women’s champion.

MAIN EVENT/MVW MEN’S TITLE MATCH: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay © defeated Charlie Blackwell
-McAvay had an off night and Blackwell had him dead to rights in the Katahajime late in the match. But West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy, along with the ever present Bert the Janitor, saved McAvay’s day and the champion delivered a stiff Big Bertha driver shot to Blackwell and then followed with a McGill Bomb to retain the title.

This Week on MVW Sunday Night Wrestling:

It’s the fallout from MVWA 77 and the start of the sprint towards MVWA 78 in three weeks.

MVW CEO Jill Berg discusses the ‘State of MVW’ after MVWA 77.


‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill

Upset at the fact that he spent a boatload of money to bring Scott Stevens in but yet the Sports Entertainment Corporation only won one title belt at MVWA 77, Corporate SportsEntertainment Programming Nation (aka…CSPN) CEO Mark Splitter decides to make ‘Sinfully Delicious’ Dawn McGill an offer she can’t refuse to join the SEC.

Khourtney, Ken, Koley, and Khris Kardoucheian

We’ll hear from the Kardoucheians who are pissed off over the way they were eliminated in the three way tag match at MVWA 77, pissed off at Dawn McGill, and in general are…just pissed off.


Christa Carmondy

Former MVW Women’s champion and Missouri Valley Wrestling original Christa Carmondy bids her farewell.


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin returns to action for the first time since being dumped by the SEC.

Stan, Tiny, Hank, and April O’Neale

Hy Drogen Bomb, A. Tom Bomb, Daisy Cutter-Bomb

And the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja (Hank and Tiny with Stan and April O’Neale) face off against Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb) in a match with potential tag team title implications.

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